The Wanting Heart

by Rionna Morgan

Kate laughed. “Yeah, I get to teach summer school to seventh graders.”

  “God!”

  “It’ll be fun. I want to make it fun.”

  “Well, if anyone can make English fun for teenagers in the summertime, you can.”

  “Thanks. Speaking of teaching, how are things for you at school? Special Education and Counseling Director! That’s wonderful.”

  “Great.” Ranae still felt giddy at her title. “I’m just loving it. I technically don’t start for another three weeks. Even then it will only be paperwork until the school year starts, but I’ve met some of my kids. We have a new student who’s pretty messed up. He’s really smart, but his home life is wrecked.”

  “I can’t believe what parents can do to their children.” It was something Kate never understood. “If I ever get to have my own kids, I’ll do everything in my power to make sure they never wonder if I love them.”

  “This little boy sure wonders. He has a lot of love to give though. Seems to be always that way.” Ranae shook her head. She knew exactly what that little boy did when he went home each day because she had done the same thing when she was a kid. She’d hidden and prayed she would be grown up soon so she didn’t have to face the yelling and the fists in the living room.

  “You’re grown now and you create your own future.”

  “I know. I’m so excited. I love my little house. I’m going to plant flowers. Me, who never does anything with dirt, I am going to plant something.”

  Kate laughed imagining what Ranae would look like. “Make sure you get some of those cute garden gloves and a hat, a big floppy hat.”

  Ranae paused. She was stalling. She knew she had to tell Kate about the note she’d found, but didn’t really want to because she sounded so happy. “Kate?”

  “Yeah?” Kate laughed, but stopped when she heard the tone in Ranae’s voice. “What happened?”

  “I found a note.”

  “When?”

  “The morning after you left. He knows you’re gone. But I don’t think he knows where.

  “Why? What did it say?” Kate asked and berated herself for the pounding in her heart.

  The words were etched in Ranae’s mind. She didn’t think she’d ever forget them. “It said, ‘Where are you going, Kate? Don’t worry, I’ll find you!’”

  Kate swallowed hard. “I wonder what he’s planning to do.”

  “I don’t know. But we’re safe. Erin and I talk every couple of hours with each other and Nichole and with … Blake.”

  “Oh.” Kate wasn’t sure how she felt about that. The anger that had driven her across the country alone had dissipated somewhat. She was beginning to understand why Blake hadn’t said anything to her about the other messages. “I feel bad about how mad I got at him.”

  “I figured you would.”

  “Well, why didn’t you tell me or stop me from leaving?”

  “Because nobody can tell you anything. You’re stubborn,” Ranae said in a stern, but loved-filled voice.

  “Is that what you call it?” Kate smiled. “You know me.”

  “Yes, I do.”

  Kate paused. “How is he?”

  Ranae thought about eating lunch with him and Erin yesterday. “He’s pretty torn up. I’ve seen him a couple of times since the morning you left. He’s miserable.”

  “I wish I could tell him I’m sorry in person, but … I start work in two days.”

  “You’ll think of something.”

  “Summer school only lasts two weeks, I’ll get paid and by then I should know if the school wants to hire me for the fall. So maybe I can come for a visit in between.”

  “Sounds great.” Ranae wanted to tell Kate she’d see her in a few days, but knew Blake wanted it to be a surprise, a good one.

  “Two weeks isn’t so long,” Kate whispered to herself after she hung up the phone.

  • • •

  Later, when her meal of macaroni and cheese and peas was finished, Ranae added beef and chicken to her shopping list. The days for college food were over and she needed to eat better since she could afford it. But still it was a perfect end to a great day. Having her own home was a wonder. Sometimes she still couldn’t believe it. She danced around to the music from the stereo as she dusted and swept and put away her dishes from dinner. She even paused from time to time to look out the window and watch the clouds drift over the mountains. The wind was coming up and the sky getting dark. It would be a cold night.

  She could have gladly watched the sky change and the first rain drops turn to a powerful summer storm, but decided instead that she needed to get serious about the pile of papers she’d brought home or she’d be up forever. She took a quick shower, turned up the heat and climbed into bed with her papers. It wasn’t the wisest thing to do, turning the heat up for the night even though it was chilly because she’d probably be too hot by morning. But it was her house, her bill and her warmth. She didn’t care.

  Hours passed, but the thunderstorm didn’t come. And in the dark hours of night her house settled around her while her purple pen made notes on the papers in front of her. Now they were welcoming, homey sounds, but when she’d first moved in, she’d made Kate stay up all night checking every noise. Now she knew them all and her heart no longer raced. Nevertheless, for the sake of “just in case,” she kept her phone beside her bed. She knew that doing paperwork in bed was a bad habit and that she should be at the table in the kitchen, but she loved her bed. It was the first addition to her home. An old, tall wrought iron bed so heavy two people had to carry practically every piece. She could jump on it and it didn’t creak. She knew because she’d tried it.

  As she made her last note, Ranae yawned and stretched, getting ready to snuggle down into her comforter for the night. When she glanced over at her alarm to cringe at the time, she heard a loud pop. In an instant she was under her bed curled in a tight ball. She had no time to think it childish. No time to berate herself for not taking the phone with her. She had no time for her next breath.

  Her house exploded around her.

  • • •

  The loud boom that echoed through the river valley awakened Luke. He sat up with a curse.

  “How the hell did I fall asleep! Was the bitch even home?”

  Luke peered through the haze and saw that yes, her car or what was left of it, was in the driveway. He laughed at the rich, red flames eating their way through Ranae’s house as he walked away. The laugh stopped when he was almost a mile away. It turned to a scowl, when he heard the emergency vehicles’ wails calling through the night.

  “They’re fast, but they won’t find anything, except a pile of flesh and my nice little note for Kate,” Luke said to himself as he walked the next half mile, started his car and cursed at the rain as it began to fall.

  He had no idea that as he drove, firemen were already pulling the unconscious but alive Ranae from beneath her bed.

  CHAPTER 17

  “How are you liking your little house, Dolly?” Maggie’s happy voice called from the kitchen.

  “Fine — great, I can’t believe how fast everything is going. Are you sure you don’t need some help?”

  “No. That’s why I sent Sally out to mow the lawn. That girl needs to keep her hands busy.”

  Kate nodded in agreement as she wandered from picture to picture hanging on the wall. Everything was here: the horses, the ranch, her at various rodeos, even the girls. “I still don’t know how you hung up all of these,” Kate yelled. The pictures were scattered over every inch of wall space. The mantle was covered, the shelves that were to be used for books even had pictures displayed.

  “I had Sally help me.” Maggie finished placing the cookies on a plate that she and Sally baked special for Kate’s visit today. Kate knew Maggie was secretly pleased at being able to do little thing
s for herself. Her mother wouldn’t always be able to do them; a day would come when she’d have to depend on someone else for everything. But for now being able to count the steps to the refrigerator and get the milk and then count the steps to the cupboard and get the glasses and to be able to pour the milk was a blessing and she liked doing it by herself, for herself.

  Kate stood in the doorway of her mother’s tiny yellow kitchen and watched as Maggie poured the milk. Things were so different than they used to be. Years ago her mother could have filled two glasses in no time, but now she had to tip a finger over and inside the rim of the glass to feel when it was full. My mama is so strong. I’m so proud at how she just keeps going, Kate thought. When the glasses were full, Maggie felt for space as she placed the glasses on the serving tray next to the plate of cookies. Then she counted the steps back to the fridge, felt where to put the milk and set the pitcher in its place.

  “Kate, do you want to carry this into the living room?” Maggie called.

  Not wanting her mom to know that she had been standing in the doorway watching, Kate tiptoed to the outer edge of the living room and called, “Sure be right there.”

  Maggie smiled, hearing exactly what her daughter was doing.

  “These taste just the same as they used to.” Kate took a bite of her cookie as she settled into the overstuffed couch next to her mom.

  “Sally follows directions pretty well. She used to say, ‘Oh no, Maggie, we need a cookbook,’ but now she trusts me and has even started writing down some of the recipes I keep up here.” Maggie tapped her head.

  “I think I need to write this one down.” Kate grabbed another cookie. “I can’t ever make my chocolate chip cookies taste like these.” They were perfect cookies, chewy with just the right crisp, chocolate in every bite and a flavor that hers never had.

  “Brown sugar and butter are the secret. No use making cookies if it isn’t done right. Don’t use any substitute butter and use only brown sugar,” Maggie continued as she sipped her milk and nibbled her half cookie.

  “I’ll try that next time I bake them. How did I manage to grow up and not know how to make these?” Kate took a drink of the milk that her mom had delivered each day.

  “I think you were too busy learning about other things.”

  Kate looked at her mother’s face. Love shown through her eyes. The deep blue hadn’t faded as the doctors said it might. Her eyes didn’t wander independently either. When her mother faced Kate, it looked like Maggie could still see her.

  Of course she could, Kate thought. “I’m sorry I didn’t keep in touch as much as I should have,” she said.

  “What makes you think you should have?” Maggie questioned.

  “I should have called more because you might’ve needed me.”

  “You needed time to figure out some things for yourself.” Maggie leaned forward to search for Kate’s hand. Kate reached back. “And I needed time to let you and to let myself learn that just because I couldn’t ride horses and rope calves any more didn’t mean that my mind wasn’t strong. I needed to learn that I was still the same as before, but that my body wasn’t.”

  Kate gripped her mother’s hand. “How do you always seem to know what I am thinking? When I was a kid, I used to think you could see it, but I know that’s not true, now. It couldn’t be.”

  “Why isn’t it true? Maybe it’s a different sort of seeing.” Maggie laughed. “Maybe it’s that bit of Irish that was passed down from your grandpa.” Maggie paused and thought a moment about her tall, beautiful daddy who could sing and dance with the best of them. He was such a dreamer. She could still see him, his red hair going gray standing at the edge of the Missouri River as it cut its way through the Nebraska landscape. “Bonny girl — t’isn’t much like the Shannon, but it’s ours isn’t it? In that we have more magic than most any leprechaun.” Then he’d wink his Irish green eyes like he was knowing something nobody else did. “But, more like it’s the magic of being a mom. You’ll know when you have your own.” Maggie winked her deep blue eyes like she knew something no one else did.

  “I hope so,” Kate said.

  “Of course it is.” Maggie smiled wistfully. Then, as the timer dinged, she said briskly, “Well, you better go get Sally off that lawn mower and tell her lunch is ready. We’re having baked chicken and it isn’t good cold.”

  • • •

  Back at the hospital in Colorado, Blake took a single look at Erin’s tear-streaked face and swore. “Damn it. I have to call Kate.”

  “I called Nichole. She’s waiting for us to tell her whether she should come here or if she should still meet us in Oregon.”

  “I don’t know yet.” Blake shook his head. “We’ll see what the doctors say.”

  “I wish I’d been there when that son of a bitch was in her house. I would have — ”

  “Me, too.” Blake started walking away. “I have to call Kate right now.”

  Behind him, Erin nodded and slumped into a plastic coated hospital chair. “I’ll be right here.”

  Blake thought about calling from the lobby of the hospital, but decided privacy was more important than immediacy. Shutting the door on his truck he closed his eyes. This was the hardest phone call of his life. He punched the buttons of Maggie’s phone number in Oregon. Because he talked to Sally every day, he knew Kate was there having lunch.

  • • •

  “I’ll get it.” In Oregon, Kate ran to the phone. “Be sure to save some of that strawberry shortcake for me.” She laughed at Sally’s big eyes as she looked at the whipped cream.

  “No way,” Sally yelled.

  Kate picked up the receiver. “Hello, Maggie’s White’s residence.”

  “Kate.”

  “Blake?”

  “Yeah, darlin’, it’s me. How you doing?”

  “What’s wrong?” Kate asked.

  On his end, Blake shook his head. Of course Kate wasn’t going to let him string it out. “Something’s happened.”

  “What?”

  “There was an explosion at Ranae’s.”

  “Oh, God.” Shock sent tears down Kate’s cheeks.

  “I’m sorry, darlin’. I wish I could be there with you.”

  “Blake, just tell me.”

  “It happened last night. She’s alive, but hurt. I don’t know how bad.”

  Kate squeezed her eyes shut. “I just talked to her last night. Is Erin okay?” She felt her mother’s warm hand fold over hers.

  “Yeah. She’s swearing and crying, but she’s okay. She’s in the waiting room.”

  “Will you call me as soon as you know how bad she’s hurt? I start work Monday, but I can maybe fly home for a day or two. And,” she continued through Blake’s protests, “don’t tell me about Luke and what he might find out if I fly. If Ranae needs me I’m coming!”

  Blake gripped the steering wheel as if that would give him the courage he needed for the next thing he had to tell Kate. “Darlin’, listen. There’s more. There was a letter. Luke sent it in a fireproof box. I guess he wanted to be sure the firemen would find it right away.”

  “What did it say?”

  “It was to you.”

  Kate nodded even as her breath stuttered in her lungs.

  “The first part talked about how he had rigged the furnace to explode. And that he planned on watching the house burn with Ranae in it.” The letter had actually said, with that Ranae bitch screaming, but if Blake had any say in it, Kate would never see the letter. He didn’t care what she had to say about it.

  “Did he plan on Ranae dying? Never mind, of course he did. But he failed, didn’t he?” Stupid idiot. “What else, you said the first part.”

  “The box looked like it had come in the mail, so the investigators aren’t sure if Luke was even there or not.”

&nb
sp; “That’s just a ploy. He’s very smart. He was there, of course he was. But that’s not what the next part of the letter said. Tell me what it said.”

  “It warned that none of the people you loved were safe and that neither were you. Luke said he would kill all of us.”

  “Did he mention names?”

  “Yes.” Blake drew a harsh breath. “Even Maggie’s.”

  “Well, he won’t succeed.” The anger felt good, potent.

  “Darlin’, listen.” Blake was beginning to worry that Kate wasn’t taking Luke’s threat as seriously as she should. Chief Barrs had faxed him a copy of the letter that morning. He’d tucked it away in the bottom drawer of his dresser. The words had scared him. “Across from Ranae’s house the cops found a kitchen knife stuck in a stump. There were no fingerprints, but there was an apple core.”

  “That had to be him. He’s probably thinking that he killed Ranae, that I am panicked and will let him get to me, too. Let him. He will think he has all of this power, but he doesn’t. I’m not as stupid as he thinks I am.” Rage practically bubbled from her pores. “Neither are my friends. Call me about Ranae.” Kate hung up the phone and looked into her mother’s eyes.

  “Who’s Luke and what did he do?” Maggie asked.

  “Oh, Mama,” Kate cried and leaned into her arms.

  CHAPTER 18

  “Blake, the doctor said she’s going to be fine. They were concerned with all the bruising, but the x-rays and all the other shit they did came back with no internal injuries.” Erin smiled, relieved that her friend was going to be okay.

  “When can she travel?” Blake asked. He wanted to make sure they made it to Oregon before Kate decided to come check on Ranae herself.

  “I don’t know. Her arm is broken, but they put a cast on it already.”

  “Can you find out? I need to go out to the ranch and ask Grandma if we can borrow her car. A truck’s suspension would play hell on Ranae right now.”

  “Yes.” Erin said as she watched Blake walk away again. He sure is good at that, she thought. I’m glad he’s walking towards something now. Towards Kate is a good thing.