Using You

by Ariel Arnold

  “I always knew he was your favorite,” he said in mock disappointment.

  The four of us grinned at the stupid joke, trying to put off talking about all the serious shit that had been weighing us down lately.

  “So, what happened with the Italians?” Nikolai asked, effectively signaling that the time for joking and comradery was over. Now it was time for business.

  “Rigotti insists that they had nothing to do with the hit on Vidor. He even suggested that he could help put some ears to the ground to see what he hears on the streets.”

  Nikolai scoffed, “As if I would need his fucking help. Like I’d just take his fucking word for it.”

  I could see that Nikolai was working himself up into a rage. His hands were tightly held together and he had that wild look in his eyes that he got when he didn’t think a plan through. I had to defuse the situation before he ended up deciding to do something that would get him killed.

  “I think he’s telling the truth. I don’t feel any deception from him,” I said, steadily keeping my gaze trained on Nikolai, willing my words to get through to him. I was good at observing people, noticing their little ticks even when they thought they didn’t have any. I could look at a person and my mind would go in a million different directions, cataloging every inch of them telling me a story that most people couldn’t see. This awareness I had led people to believe I was some type of psychic or something, that I had some type of sixth sense. A myth, of course, that I did nothing to dispel. It also helped with my reputation. But all it was was that I was more observant than most and more in tune with my own intuition. I rarely doubted myself, knowing that my first instinct was usually the correct one.

  Nikolai sighed and cooled down a fraction. “I need to know who it was. Someone has to pay,” he said, sounding devoid of emotion.

  “Gavril, Dimitri,” I said. All I had to do was utter their names and they knew what I wanted. Without another word, they exited the room silently.

  “I have to avenge him. I couldn’t protect him, so at least I have to avenge him,” Nikolai said, sounding as if he was in physical pain and I wished he’d go back to the emotionless version of himself. It was better than this, better than him wearing his pain and guilt for me to see. Especially when the guilt should be on my shoulders. I was the one who let Vidor be killed. I should have been beside him, taking that bullet for him.

  “Don’t worry, boss. I’ll find who it was, even if I must tear this city apart. They won’t get away with this. They’ll regret the day they ever decided to fuck with the Bratva,” I assured him. It was a promise I fully intended to keep, even if it cost me my life. I was born in blood, sworn in blood, and I’d die in blood. The Bratva was my blood and no one fucked with what was mine and got away with it.

  Chapter Seven: Nana

  Somehow, the next morning, as I left my apartment for work, I expected to see Ilya standing outside my door. When I didn’t spot him anywhere, a deep feeling of disappointment settled over me.

  “What the hell is wrong with you, Nana?” I reprimanded myself. Why are you acting like a starstruck fangirl over some guy you’ve met once? A guy you know good and damn well is bad news? I huffed in annoyance at myself as I locked the door, only to turn and get the shock of my life. The sight of Ilya standing in the spot that just moments before was empty almost had me tumbling down the few steps. Luckily, I was quick on my feet and had good reflexes. I grasped the banister, preventing myself from taking an embarrassing spill in front of him.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked in a sterner tone than I had anticipated. Especially since I’d just been disappointed when I thought he wouldn’t be here.

  “I come in peace, with coffee,” he said, holding up both hands that each clutched a cup of coffee.

  Wearily, I walked down the last few steps and stood before Ilya’s tall form. It seriously annoyed me that I had to look up at him. Why did he have to be so big? Why did I have to be so small? Ilya raised an eyebrow at me and held out the cup in his left hand to me. Without a word, I wrapped my hand around it, our fingers brushing, sending a tingle of awareness up my body. I pulled away nervously and brought the cup to my lips. It was sweet, a little too sweet, but it wasn’t undrinkable. I took another sip and began walking, feeling giddy when Ilya fell into step beside me. “It’s too sweet. I would have thought you’d know exactly how I take my coffee.”

  “Yeah, I’m sure that wouldn’t have freaked you out. Me knowing exactly how you take your coffee when we’ve never shared a cup of coffee together,” he said in that deeply accented voice that I was fast becoming addicted to.

  I shrugged as I taunted him, “That didn’t stop you from knowing my name, my address, and my occupation when last night was the first time I met you.”

  He grinned ruefully, not looking reprimanded one bit. “Exactly, the coffee knowledge would be too much.”

  Though I didn’t want to, I couldn’t contain the fit of laughter that erupted from my mouth. This guy was seriously outrageous, possibly unhinged, definitely extremely sexy, and I just might be a bit crazy myself because I couldn’t get enough of him. “So, practically stalking a girl is still in the realm of normal, but once you get to having coffee knowledge you shouldn’t, that’s just too far?” I asked, trying to get my laughter under control.

  He nodded solemnly. “There are just some lines that even I won’t cross.”

  “You are something else, Ilya, do you know that?”

  “So I have been told.” He took hold of my arm, gently halting me. “My car’s right here. I was thinking I could take you to work.”

  I raised an eyebrow. “Oh, really? How chivalrous of you.” I had already made up my mind that I was going to accept Ilya’s offered ride, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t going to give him a hard time. I allowed him to open the car door for me, waiting until my legs were safely inside before he closed it behind me. Once he was behind the steering wheel and pulling away from the curb, I turned and trained my eyes on him. “So, how did you know I was going to need a ride to work? How did you even know what time I would be leaving the house, or if I even had to work today?” Ilya didn’t so much as flinch at my questioning.

  He shrugged nonchalantly. “I had a feeling.”

  “A feeling? Really? So, what, you’re a psychic? Able to discern random women’s schedule with the snap of your fingers,” I taunted him.

  “Not random women, just extremely beautiful, small ones,” he said, glancing at me with a flash of a smile before training his eyes back on the road.

  I sucked in a breath. He’d just called me beautiful. I mean I’d been called beautiful before, and I wasn’t blind, I could see my reflection in a mirror. I knew I was attractive, but it was completely different hearing a man say that to me. This specific man.

  Too soon for my liking, we arrived outside my place of work and I bit my lip as I watched Ilya, reluctant to get out of his car. “So, this is it,” I said stupidly. “Where I work.” I wanted to smack myself in the head. Of course, he already knew that this was where I worked; he’d driven me here. Get your mind into working order, Nana. Instead of remarking on my stupid comment, Ilya just smiled.

  “What are you doing after work? You’ll probably be exhausted and want to sleep,” he questioned.

  There was something about Ilya’s eyes. Somehow, they made you want to never defy him, to give him anything and everything that he wanted. The gunmetal grey color was mesmerizing as they scanned me, searching my own eyes, waiting for what I would say.

  “Uhmm. I don’t have any plans after work,” I blurted out, but then I remembered that I had planned on going to see Yazmeen and Amanda. I felt bad that I kept making excuses not to hang out, and had been dodging their calls. Especially with Yaz’s wedding so close at hand. Ilya had grinned in apparent satisfaction before I held up my hand to prevent him from saying anything. “Scratch that, I do have plans after work. I forgot.”

  Ever laid back, I was starting to realize that nothin
g probably ever rattled Ilya or caught him off guard. Or if it did, he would never let it show. In such a short amount of time, I was sure of this characteristic about his personality, but I still didn’t even know the simplest things about him, like his last name, or what he did for a living. He nodded. “Okay then. I’ll just have to try this again another time.”

  “Try what again?” I asked, even though I was pretty sure he was going to ask me out.

  “You’ll just have to wait and see. Have a great day, Nana,” he told me, those eyes boring into me, promising me I don’t know what.

  At the most inopportune times throughout my day, my mind would settle on the mystery that was Ilya. The way he seemed to always appear around me now. The way he knew so much without giving me an explanation as to how. How he could make me feel so at ease around him and on edge at the same time. But the most perplexing thing of all was why I was so unreasonably attracted to him. Why I was willing to throw every precaution on dealing with strange men out the window just to be next to him. If it hadn’t been for my plans this evening, I would have gone anywhere with him once I finished work, no questions asked. Okay, maybe I would have asked questions and maybe I would have made a big show about not trusting him and wanting answers, but eventually, the end result would have still been the same: me going where he wanted to take me. I had a major crush on Ilya and I had nothing to compare it to. I’d never been infatuated with anyone like this.

  This feeling was new, heady, and dangerous.

  Freshly showered and changed out of my uniform, I sat on my living room couch, looking down at my cell. I was supposed to be dialing Yaz, but for once, I didn’t have the courage to go through with it. I’m not the type to hesitate to do something. I usually run headlong into trouble. My instructor at the academy said I was overcompensating because of my size. Whatever. The point is, nothing typically scares me all that much and there isn’t much I wouldn’t do. Yet, here I was, terrified of making a simple phone call. Sighing, I sucked it up and pressed Yaz’s number and held the phone up to my ear.

  “Nana!” Yaz answered happily after only two rings. “I was starting to think something happened to you and was going to risk having to see Officer Jackass when I showed up at the precinct to see if you were okay,” she said in a rush.

  I chuckled. “I’m fine, things have just been hectic lately,” I lied. “Anyway, I was calling to see if you were free. You know, if you and Amanda wanted to do something?”

  “This is perfect. Amanda is already here. You should drop by and then we could go and get something to eat.”

  I told Yaz that I would be right there and decided to change my clothes. I wasn’t much for dressing up, but I did feel a little self-conscious around Yaz and Amanda. They were both gorgeous women who dressed beautifully and I felt like the oddball, tomboy, less attractive younger sister whenever I was out with them. My wardrobe wasn’t much help, though. I didn’t own anything remotely nice, so in the end, I just put on a pair of fitted jeans and a purple Nirvana band tea. I stuffed my feet into boots and immediately left. I didn’t want to give myself time to change my mind, to convince myself this wasn’t a wise idea. Locking my front door, I half expected to turn around and see Ilya standing there waiting for me, but of course, he wasn’t. It would have been nice to get a ride, though. Yaz lived a good distance from me and I wasn’t too keen on having to take the subway today.

  I looked up at the building that housed some of the richest people in the city. I always felt out of place as I stepped into the lobby. I sent Yaz a quick text telling her that I was already here and prepared to wait. My eyes flitted over the lobby and the various people coming in and out when my eyes fell on a now very familiar form stepping out of the elevator. I focused harder, not believing my eyes. It couldn’t be. There was no way. But it was unmistakable that it really was Ilya. I go from not knowing the man existed to not being able to walk 5 feet without running into him. In a city this size, that’s remarkable. Wanting to startle him, I quickly stepped into his path. “Fancy meeting you here,” I said with a grin.

  Despite my thinking I had the upper hand by spotting him first, he didn’t seem surprised. “It sure is,” he said, eyes running over me. I blushed and began to shuffle my feet. I don’t know how he made me feel like an awkward and unsure teen all over again. I’d just gotten past that stage and I didn’t need to revisit it.

  “Do you live here?” I asked him. He didn’t seem the type. I mean, he drove a nice car—had to cost him a pretty penny—but I just couldn’t imagine him being super rich. He wasn’t enough of an ass and looked like he’d seen things in life. Hard things. He didn’t have the eyes of a trust fund kid.

  “No. I was just visiting a friend.” He glanced behind him as the elevator dinged and it was the first time I’d seen him look, not afraid, but wary. “I have to go,” he said, looking back at me. “I was in the middle of something before I stopped by here for a short minute.” He didn’t even wait for my reply before he was stepping around me, ready to stride away.

  “Uhm… yea. Okay,” I stuttered out, watching his back as he walked away. I was shocked and a little hurt. Ilya had never brushed me off this way. In fact, whenever we were together, it was like nothing else existed for him except me. I was starting to think that maybe he was stalking me, obsessed with me, and of course, that should worry me, but it didn’t. But obviously that theory was proven wrong; he could barely spare me a glance. He obviously didn’t have the time to have a short conversation with me. As I stood there wallowing, Yazmeen and Amanda stepped out of the elevator and noisily made their way over to me.

  “Nana!” Yazmeen screeched happily while Amanda grinned, shaking her head. As soon as she reached me, Yaz wrapped me into a tight hug. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in months,” she exclaimed.

  “Yeah, yeah, yeah. It hasn’t been that long,” I told her, rolling my eyes.

  “Okay, move, you’re hogging her,” Amanda said to Yazmeen, nudging her out of the way. She held me in a slightly less tight hug.

  I couldn’t help but laugh a little at the two of them fighting over the chance to hug me. “Will you two stop it. Let’s get going, I’m starving.”

  The three of us got into Yaz’s car that was chauffeured by one of Aleksandr’s people. Ever since the incident with that batshit crazy judge who was obsessed with her, Aleksandr doesn’t let her go anywhere without him. I could understand him being weary, worried, even though the man in question had just been sentenced about a month ago and had no chance of being released. “So, where are we going to eat?” I asked.

  “I don’t know. I kinda feel like just having a fattening burger, something that is honestly not even that good for you,” Amanda said as she tilted her head to the side, seeming to think about her options.

  “McDonald’s,” me and Yaz said at the same time.

  The three of us sat at a table in McDonald’s, chowing down on greasy burgers and salty fries while we talked. Well, Amanda and Yaz talked, I dwelled. My mind was still replaying what happened with Ilya in the lobby earlier. I didn’t know I had become so accustomed to how he acted around me. Now that I’d experienced this other side of him, one who could so easily brush me off, it was really bothering me.

  “I can’t believe that it’s a matter of two weeks before I am a married woman,” Yazmeen was saying with a wide smile on her face. Her eyes were glowing and she seemed to radiate happiness.

  “I know, I’m so excited. Niko keeps getting mad because it’s all I talk about,” Amanda replied, rolling her eyes. I tensed up at the mention of the infamous mob boss. I still just couldn’t understand how she could be with someone who sold drugs, people, and thought nothing about killing someone or having one of his henchmen do it for him. Just imagining how many lives he’d indirectly ruined made me sick.

  “Just ignore Nikolai. I know I do,” Yaz said, smiling. “He’s probably just worried that you are going to want a wedding next.”

  “More like he’s getting tired
of me praising Aleksandr on his proposal and how he’s sparring no expense for this wedding so you’ll be happy. Niko is the jealous type.”

  Both women laughed, bonding over the men in their life while I sat there, not having anything to contribute to the conversation. But as soon as I thought this, Ilya’s face crossed my mind. Already I was starting to think of him as mine.

  Deciding that enough was enough, I steered the conversation away from men and Yazmeen’s wedding.

  Chapter Eight: Ilya

  Aleksandr already waited for me in his car impatiently, revving the engine as I slid inside. The short moment I had taken to speak to Nana was too long in this situation. “Finally,” Aleksandr grumbled as he pulled out of the parking garage, swerving into traffic crazily. If I hadn’t walked here, feeling like the fresh air, I wouldn’t need Aleksandr to drive me to my destination now.

  “Did he say anything else besides ‘get here’?” he asked me for what felt like the thirtieth time in the last twenty minutes.

  “No, he didn’t,” I answered simply as I tried to think of all the possible outcomes of the unknown situation we were about to walk into. Nikolai had called and only had the time to give me a location and to be there before he was abruptly cut off. When I tried to call back, the phone was going straight to voice mail. Without telling Amanda and Yazmeen what was going on, me and Aleksandr rushed out. I mulled over what could be going on. Either Nikolai was captured by enemies and had enough time to make a quick call before being discovered, in which case he would be dead by now, or he’d been picked up by New York’s finest. I couldn’t imagine any other scenario for this situation. But if Nikolai was really dead, if he was gone, the streets of New York better be prepared for a bloody war. We’d already lost too much on my watch.