She ignored the question. That usually annoyed him, but Alex did it so blatantly that the assertive twist of her mouth was enchanting.
‘I want to thank you. For standing up for me... I mean the charity. And our aims.’
‘That’s what a good host does.’
‘I know. But it doesn’t always happen, and... Thank you. You’re a very good host.’
People said that all the time, but on her lips the compliment warmed him. Despite that, he still hadn’t forgotten what he wanted to ask her...
‘What happened? On your way home.’
‘I had an accident. I lost my phone.’
‘What kind of accident?’ Something tingled at the back of Leo’s neck. That instinct, honed over years of listening to people, told him that whatever she was about to say next was important.
‘I got off the bus and crossed the road...’ She paused for a moment, as if the memory was a difficult one.
Leo was trying not to put two and two together and make four. Hoping that the almost inevitable conclusion wasn’t the right one, this time.
‘And...?’
‘I was knocked over by a car. Drunk driver. I woke up in hospital and my phone was... I don’t know where it was. It was gone.’
A great wave of horror seemed suspended above his head, just waiting to crash down on him. ‘This was...’ He couldn’t even say it. His finger twitched, gesturing towards her right leg.
‘Yes. My right foot and the lower part of my leg were completely crushed. The only way I’d ever be able to walk again, or be pain free, was for them to amputate below the knee.’
The full horror of it washed over him in a suffocating wall of guilt and remorse. ‘Alex... I’m so sorry. If I’d known...’
‘You couldn’t have known.’
All he could think about was the trail of small events which had ended in this one great one. If he’d only done just one thing differently...
‘I should have seen you home.’ He remembered that he’d offered and that she’d told him no. If only he’d insisted. If they’d even just argued about it, and she’d missed her bus and had to wait for the next one...
‘What would you have done? There were witnesses and they said that the car swerved right across the road and hit me. There was no getting out of the way.’
‘I might have helped...somehow.’ Anyhow. If all he could have done was just hold her hand, then he would have done it with every ounce of his strength. But he hadn’t been there for Alex, and then six months later he hadn’t been there for his brother either. The thought seemed to be literally eating at him, taking great chunks of his flesh and leaving him quivering with shock.
Her gaze searched his face. ‘You would have put me back together again? That was beyond anyone.’
He couldn’t answer. Didn’t have words to tell her how sorry he was—for all she’d been through, and for his part in it.
‘Do me a favour, eh?’ Her voice was soft and he felt her fingers brush his arm. Clawing him back from the memories that swirled in his head.
‘Yeah?’ Anything.
‘I’ve given up on the what if because the past can’t be changed. I prefer to concentrate on what is.’ She shot him an imploring look. ‘Please...’
It was an effort to smile, but if Alex could do it so could he. ‘You’ve got it.’
There was one thing he could do. The only thing that made him feel any better about having let his brother down were the people he could help now. Leo guarded that role jealously, never letting anyone else get in the way, and no one ever asked about the call-backs that he made after each show. But Alex had.
He slid the manila envelope across the seat towards her.
‘What’s this?’ She touched it lightly with her fingers, seeming to know that it was something important.
‘It’s the list of people who didn’t get through to the show. Names, numbers and I ask the call-handlers to find out whether they would like a return call if they don’t get through.’
‘And you were going to tell me about this?’ She narrowed her eyes.
‘I don’t usually volunteer the information. But you did ask.’ The envelope lay between them, Alex’s fingers at one end of it and his at the other. As if neither of them could quite bring themselves to let go.
‘So...when were you thinking of calling back?’
‘The call-handlers have told everyone that it’ll be tomorrow, late afternoon. I have a surgery in the morning but I’m usually finished by about three o’clock.’
She nodded. ‘If you want a hand... Actually, I think I’m going to insist on helping.’
He felt his lips curl into a smile. ‘You’re free tomorrow afternoon?’
‘Yes. I usually work Wednesday to Friday at the hospital, but I’m taking some time off over the next few weeks. I can be available any time.’
He was suddenly almost breathless. It was as if they were making a tryst. More than that, because this would require his full attention.
‘You’ll be at your office? I can come to you, and we’ll go through the list together.’
‘That sounds good. Although you might like to bring a scarf. The heating’s on the blink again.’
‘Sounds delightful. I’ll be there at about half past three.’ He pushed the envelope another inch towards her. There was a copy back at the radio station, but it still felt difficult to give it up. ‘You take this. But don’t call anyone until I get there...’
She grinned, stowing the envelope in her bag. ‘I imagine they’ve been told that they’ll be hearing from you, not me. Don’t worry, I’ll wait.’
Before he got the chance to change his mind, the car drew up outside a block of solidly built flats, set back from the road behind a curving drive. Leo made to get out and she laid her hand on his arm.
‘I think I can make it on my own.’
She knew just what he’d been thinking, and Leo jumped guiltily. He’d made the promise, but it still wasn’t easy to stop thinking about all the things that might happen to her in between here and her front door. ‘I dare say you can. But...’
Alex chuckled. ‘I know. A gentleman always sees a lady to her door.’ She got out of the car, bending down before closing the door. ‘I’m no lady. I’ll see you tomorrow.’
Leo begged to disagree. He watched her as she smiled at the driver, giving him a wave and a nod of thanks. She was every inch a lady.
‘Wait...’ The instruction was unnecessary, as their driver seemed as unwilling to go before Alex was safely inside as he was. She opened the main door and then turned, flapping her hand as if to shoo them away, and, without any reference to him at all, the car pulled out onto the road.
* * *
Leo kicked the door closed behind him. The car had retraced its route, driving back into town to the flat that he kept for weekdays, ten minutes’ walk from the radio station.
The flat was quiet and dark, shadows slanting across the floor. He fixed himself a drink and, without taking his coat off, slid back the large windows and walked out onto the roof terrace, set seventeen floors above the ground and commanding a view across practically the whole of London. Alex was out there somewhere. One of the lights shimmering in the distance was hers.
He moved closer to the glass barriers which stood at the perimeter of the terrace and a gust of chilly air hit him full in the face. Leo shivered. He had no right to wonder what she was doing, or to wish that he could be doing it with her.
Leo Cross. Never there when you needed him.
He hadn’t been there for Alex. To the extent that he hadn’t even known that she’d needed him. But he’d known that his brother needed him. He’d known that Joel was under stress, that his first job after university hadn’t turned out quite the way he’d wanted it, but Joel had seemed a lot b
etter, and promised Leo that he was handling it. Leo had returned from a weekend away to find that his brother hadn’t been handling it at all.
His father had been waiting for him, gently breaking the news that they’d lost Joel. An overdose of prescription drugs. Maybe it had been a mistake.
Leo had doubted that. Joel was his twin, and he knew him almost better than he knew himself. And when he’d finally been able to get a couple of moments alone he’d found the missed calls on his phone. Joel had called him on that Saturday evening.
The brothers used to joke about missed calls. Once meant: I’ll catch you later. Twice: Call me back. Three times: Call me back now. The five missed calls on Leo’s phone had spoken to him loud and clear. I’m in trouble. I need you, Leo...
He pulled his phone from his pocket, scanning it. There was a text from his mother, saying she’d heard the show tonight, and automatically he hit speed dial.
‘Hi, Mum...’ Leo smiled into the phone, knowing that even if it was forced, the smile would sound in his voice. ‘How are you doing?’
‘Oh, darling! Exhausted. I went shopping with Marjorie today...’
‘Yeah? Find anything nice?’
‘Of course we did. You know Marjorie. I heard the programme tonight.’
His mother could always be relied on to give him an honest assessment of his performance. ‘What did you think?’
‘Good. Very good. I was very impressed by that young woman...’
‘Alex?’
‘Yes. She sounds as if she’s a force to be reckoned with.’
‘She is. She’s very committed.’
‘That came over. And she sounds nice with it.’
‘Yeah. She’s nice too.’ Leo took a sip of his Scotch.
‘Pretty?’
‘No. More beautiful, I’d say.’ Leo chuckled. His mother’s wish to see him settled down with a nice girl, preferably one he hadn’t met at some glitzy party, was never all that far from the surface.
‘That’s nice. And she’ll be back next week, will she?’
‘You were listening, then...’ Leo laughed as his mother protested. He knew well enough that she always listened. ‘In which case you’ll know that we’re holding quite a few events over the next couple of weeks.’
‘Well, I hope you enjoy them. What’s that funny noise...?’
‘Wind, probably. I’m on the terrace.’
‘What on earth for? You’ll catch your death of cold...’
‘I just wanted to clear my head. I’m going inside now.’
Leo had accepted that, faced with the loss of one son, his mother could be a little over-protective about the remaining one. The least he could do was go along with it; there was little enough else he could do to ease his parents’ agony. Apart from keeping quiet about the five missed calls. If his parents wanted to believe that Joel’s death had been some kind of horrendous accident then he couldn’t rip that shred of comfort away from them.
He slid the balcony doors closed with a bump and threw himself down onto the sofa.
‘You sound tired, darling.’
‘Long day. I’m about ready to turn in now.’
‘Well, don’t let me stop you. Goodnight.’
‘Yeah. Speak soon, Mum.’
Leo ended the call, staring for a moment at the screen of his phone. Joel’s number was still on there, transferred from one phone to another, over the years. It was stupid, really, but it reminded him why he did what he did. Why the radio show was so important to him. He hadn’t been around to help Joel, and the only thing that made that agony a little easier to bear was the hope that maybe, as a result of something he’d done, there was another family out there who hadn’t had to grieve the way his had.
And now Alex. He’d let her down, as surely as he’d let Joel down. But there was one very big difference. There was no possibility of going back and helping Joel. But Alex... She had a future, and he could do something to change that.
Putting his glass down on the small table beside the sofa, he walked into the bedroom, picking up the key to the gym downstairs. Hard physical work would calm his mind and help him think straight. And he needed some ideas about how exactly he was going to make things up to Alex.
CHAPTER FOUR
DESPITE HAVING VOWED that Leo was going to have to take the office as he found it, Alex had been working hard since lunchtime, tidying and vacuuming the small space, cleaning the windows and putting the two most comfortable chairs on either side of her desk. Rhona was working at home today and she had the place to herself.
Her thick sweater and sheepskin boots were just about keeping the cold at bay, but she couldn’t expect Leo to freeze. When she left the office door open, some of the heat from downstairs percolated upwards and the electric heater in the corner was making some difference. By four o’clock it might be warm enough to think about taking her scarf off.
Finally, she put the envelope on her desk, still sealed. She’d wanted to look inside, but wanted even more to show Leo that she understood that he’d trusted her, and that she’d taken that seriously. Sitting down, she surveyed her handiwork. The place didn’t look too bad at all. Apart from Rhona’s mug... Alex got to her feet, grabbing the mug from the tray and hiding it in her desk drawer. Leo didn’t need to come face to face with a row of stick figures demonstrating the fourteen most popular positions from the Kama Sutra.
‘You call this accessible?’ He appeared suddenly in the doorway, tall and lean, dressed in jeans and a heavy sweater under his jacket.
‘No. We call it cheap.’ She returned his grin. He must have walked straight past the receptionist downstairs, found his way to the lift and then up the flight of narrow stairs on his own. Breezing in as if he owned the place seemed to come as second nature to Leo.
‘I brought provisions.’ He set a brown paper carrier bag down on the desk.
Alex peered into the bag and drew out a large polystyrene container, peeling back the lid. ‘Don’t tell me you made this yourself.’
He chuckled. ‘What do you think I am? Of course I didn’t; I stopped off at a place I know.’
‘Who just happen to do the best French onion soup in town?’ It smelled gorgeous.
‘Debatable. They’re in the running, but tell me what you think.’
She fetched paper napkins for the crusty, fresh baked bread and Leo tore open the manila envelope. They reviewed the list while they ate.
‘That’s a good question...’ She tapped the paper with her finger. ‘I should have said a bit more about how we weight our races so that everyone has a fair chance.’
‘He’s a regular caller. I’d be surprised if he doesn’t call again next Monday; I’ll let the call-handlers know we want to talk to him.’
‘Can you do that?’ Alex had supposed that everyone just waited in line.
‘We do it all the time. It’s a radio show; we balance the calls to provide the best broadcast we can...’ He caught sight of Alex’s frown of disappointment. ‘Don’t do that to me.’
‘What?’
‘That disapproving face. Look, I know what you’re thinking...’
‘No, you don’t.’
In the sudden silence, Alex could hear the chair creak as Leo leaned back in it. ‘You’re thinking that this is all about heightening awareness and reaching people who need the service you offer. Not about making good listening while people do the washing-up.’
That was exactly what she was thinking. Maybe not quite in those words; Leo had put it much more succinctly than she could have done. ‘And if I was thinking that?’
‘If you were, I’d tell you that my world’s different from yours. For me, it has to be all about ratings, and making sure that the show’s popular enough to survive. Being realistic is what makes me good at what I do.’
/> Why did he have to do this? Every time Leo did something nice, he devalued it, pretended that it was all self-serving. Or maybe he was just being honest. Maybe she was just looking for something in him that was no longer there.
‘So you’re really just a cynic?’ He wasn’t. She knew he wasn’t, or what would he be doing here, calling people back? Why had he guarded the list so jealously?
‘Yeah.’
‘I don’t believe you.’ Alex felt herself redden.
‘That’s because you’re an idealist.’ He reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out his phone and propping it on the desk between them. ‘Which is what makes you so good at what you do, and exactly why you’re the best person to help me with these calls.’
* * *
Perhaps he’d gone a little too far. Alex had seemed ready to shake him, until she heard what she wanted to hear. But that wasn’t what Leo was prepared to give.
It would be so easy, so very pleasurable, to indulge the connection between them. To reach out and touch her, knowing that their hearts weren’t so very different. He wanted that, and he had a good idea that Alex did too, but if he felt her softness he’d be unable to stop.
He’d been this way before, and recognised the signposts. Love affairs which bloomed briefly and then faded, as it became all too obvious that even when Leo was physically present, his mind was elsewhere. In the end, he had resigned himself to the fact that short-cutting the process, and keeping his relationships with women strictly on the level of a friendship, saved a lot of heartache all round.
A love affair with Alex might be very sweet, but it would inevitably be short. And Leo needed time. Time to help her dreams for the charity come to fruition. He was there to be used, and the sooner he convinced her that he owed her that, the better.
She didn’t press her point. Almost as soon as he’d dialled the first number, she was smiling again, ready to talk. He grinned at her, leaning over to speak into the phone.
‘Hello... This is Leo Cross. Is that Nina?’
There was a long pause. ‘Yes...’
The Doctor's Diamond Proposal Page 4