“Are you giving me an order, Esteemed Bridge?” Balidor said, looking back at me.
“Would it make any difference?” I said, nearly incredulous as I watched his face.
Balidor hesitated.
In that pause, I heard the boat returning to the dock. Jorag, who was at the wheel of the thing, waved at me from a hundred yards out, his teeth flashing out of the dark in a grin once he saw us both standing there. I felt relief on him, even from this far away, and realized no one probably told him why I hadn’t gone back to the ship with Revik.
Exhaling, I looked back at Balidor, frowning.
Balidor and Revik were two of the most chain-of-command people I knew. If they were willing to cut me out of obviously important developments, to lie to me, to withhold information, to collude with people I didn’t know, maybe I really wasn’t in command.
“Alyson––no.”
The words were sharp enough to make me look at him.
When I turned, Balidor had flushed. Horror touched his light gray eyes.
“Of course you are in command.” His voice was hard, unambiguous. “There is no question about that. None. Nor will there be.”
I let out a humorless grunt. I didn’t answer, though.
“Allie.” Seeing something in my face, he shifted his tone, until I could hear what bordered on submission is his words. “Esteemed Bridge. Certain areas of security have always trumped chain of command in cases like this. We did the same for Vash, as head of the Council. It is true of human monarchs––even the President of your previous country. It has been true for nearly every leader since the beginning of time. It is true for you, as well.”
I gave him a harder look. “You’re seriously going to try and convince me this is a security call of some kind?”
“It is a security call,” Balidor said earnestly. “Absolutely.” When I shook my head, clicking at him, he touched my arm, his light still submissive. “Allie… Esteemed Bridge. Please. Don’t read more into this than it is. You do not have to worry about the people around you. I promise you that. We are loyal. All of us. More than you can possibly know.”
I nodded, but I’m sure he could feel the noncommittal sentiment behind it.
I didn’t want a promise of fealty.
Truthfully, that didn’t mean shit to me.
I didn’t need to be in charge, not in that way.
Being cut out was something else, however. I wasn’t about to go on some stint of faction-creation and assessment in our leadership team, to try and determine on my own where the decisions were coming from––or to try and find out what they weren’t telling me.
I admit, the fact that it even crossed my mind bothered me, though.
When I felt another pulse of worry leave Balidor’s light, I faced him directly.
“I thought we were done with this, ‘Dori,” I said.
“Done with what, Esteemed Bridge?” Balidor said, wary.
I just looked at him for a moment, then shrugged, speaking openly.
“With you, Revik, Wreg, Tarsi and whoever else deciding there were some facts I couldn’t handle for whatever reason. With my own leadership team lying to me, thinking it’s going to keep me and the rest of us any safer. With you thinking you can control me, or minimize my impact or whatever as the Bridge… or somehow keep me from acting like the Bridge, if I have less information.”
Balidor clicked under his breath, but that time, it didn’t feel aimed at me.
Well––not exactly.
“Allie.” He sounded frustrated. “Don’t read too much into this. Please.”
I gave him a harder look. “If one of your Ahdipan were lying to you, would you reassess the limits of your command, ‘Dori?”
He blinked at me. I saw at once that the idea had never occurred to him.
My anger worsened when a full understanding hit me about why that was.
Of course it hadn’t. Balidor would never tolerate that from his subordinates.
So why was I?
“Allie.” He sighed, clicking. “It is different. You are not only a military commander, Esteemed Bridge. You are forced to act in that capacity now, it is true, but that is not what you are, not truly. You’re a lot more than that––”
“And a lot less, apparently,” I muttered.
“You are irreplaceable, Alyson,” he said, hammering the words. “I am not.”
I gave him an incredulous look. “Bullshit, ‘Dori. You’re completely irreplaceable. You’re the best infiltrator we have. The best anyone has, most likely.”
He shook his head, once.
“I am absolutely replaceable, Alyson,” he said. “The Adhipan is structured so that all of us are replaceable. As a result, the chain of command means something entirely different in my case than it does in yours. With the Adhipan, there is a clear succession order, which functions precisely to ensure that I am replaceable. Moreover, if I go, I will be replaced. If you go…”
He held up a hand, making an expansive gesture towards the open water.
“You will not be replaced, Esteemed Bridge. Nor will your husband, the Sword. It is not the same. You cannot pretend it is the same. Moreover, we have been telling you that from day one. You still do not seem to understand the difference. That, or…” His voice grew a touch harder. “Or you simply do not want to.”
I nodded, again noncommittal. “Okay.”
“Allie––” he began, frustrated.
“We’ll talk about it later, ‘Dor.” I gripped his arm briefly. “Really. This isn’t the time. Or the place. I’ve heard your thoughts on it. We’ll talk more later.”
I didn’t look at him that time, just released his arm and walked to the end of the pier, where Jorag was pulling the small motorboat against the wooden dock with his hands. Seeing me approach, he grinned from the dark, looking over my legs in the short dress as I approached him across the platform.
I didn’t walk away from Balidor as a screw you or anything.
With seers, generally that was a less aggressive move. Most of the time, it just meant the person was done talking.
I’d heard him. I knew he’d heard me. I knew I’d talk to him about it more, after both of us collected our thoughts, and after we’d gotten some sleep.
I knew I’d probably let him think he’d convinced me that cutting me out was normal, even necessary for the security of our team––for now, anyway.
The thing is, he was wrong, though.
Balidor thought the problem was that I didn’t understand how they saw me. But I did understand. I understood just fine.
I just didn’t agree with them about what that meant.
I also hadn’t decided what I intended to do about it.
I WATCHED THE seer approach me through the dark, wind whipping my untied hair around my face and shoulders.
I already had a pretty good idea of why she was coming, even before I saw what she held in her hand. Smiling at me in the dark, she stretched that same hand out to me with a bow.
“Comm for you, Esteemed Sister,” she said, her voice just audible above the wind.
Nodding, I smiled back, taking the headset from her with a “thank you” in seer sign language. I fitted it into my ear even as she turned away, walking back across the deck.
Leaning my forearms on the railing, I activated the headset once it was in place.
He didn’t wait for me to speak.
“Where are you?” he said.
I heard the emotion in his voice and hesitated. Letting my eyes focus out over the dark water and the white curl of wake, I shrugged, leaning my chin on the cold metal.
“I’m out on the deck.”
Silence.
“You’re on the deck? In that dress?”
I smiled, clicking under my breath in spite of myself. Looking down at my legs, I kicked my feet out over the water, shrugging. “I have a jacket. I borrowed one of the Navy ones from a tower guard. You know, the down ones. It’s like wearing a sleeping bag.”
/> “That’s not what I meant,” he said, his voice a touch colder.
I’d known that, even without being able to feel his light, but my jaw hardened a little anyway. I couldn’t really think of what to say to him though.
“Are you avoiding me?” he said. “Seriously?”
Exhaling in some frustration, I shook my head, but not really in a no. “I thought I should chill out a little. Honestly, I figured you’d prefer that. I’m not avoiding you. I’m taking strategic distance. There’s a difference.”
“I’ve been waiting for you,” he said, his voice holding more heat. “I would have gone in to see Lily for the two hours, if I’d known you weren’t coming down. You could have fucking told me you weren’t coming, not made me look for you down here, where I’m blind.”
“I didn’t know. Honest. It was sort of a last-minute decision.”
I bit my lip, not sure what else to say.
He didn’t answer.
I couldn’t see him; he hadn’t switched on the avatar, much less the more-sophisticated VR program, probably because both ate up unnecessary bandwidth. I also couldn’t feel him. He was in the tank, so I was completely cut off from his light.
Despite all that, I could tell I’d hurt his feelings.
I sighed again.
I knew he was stuck in there now, and that I’d been taking advantage of that fact. Two hours, minimum, like he said––another security measure, and another way he had to live by the clock, just to keep Shadow from aiming a few satellite-guided missiles our way.
I checked the timepiece in the headset’s VR. It had only been about forty minutes since he’d gotten back, maybe fifty, depending on when he took off in the boat.
He couldn’t go anywhere for at least another hour.
“Sorry,” I said.
“Come down here!” he snapped. “Goddamn it, Allie!”
“Revik––”
“Please.” He subdued his voice marginally. “Please, come down here. If you want to yell at me, then yell at me. Christ, I’d prefer that to this.”
“I don’t want to yell at you.”
“Bullshit. You’re obviously pissed off.”
I thought about that for a minute, too. Was I pissed off? Somehow, that didn’t feel like a good description for the coil of emotions running through my light. Or it didn’t feel like very much of it, anyway, especially not anymore, since I’d come out here to sit. It took me a few more seconds to identify what it was, and then my frown deepened.
“I’m not pissed off,” I said.
“Then what, Allie?” When I didn’t answer right away, he exhaled, sounding overtly frustrated. For a long moment, I could almost feel him dialing back his own reactions. The next time he spoke, his voice was carefully neutral.
“I’m still wearing the suit,” he said.
It took a few seconds for his words to penetrate.
Then I laughed.
“You are?”
“Yes.”
“And why is that, husband?”
I felt a smile in his words, even as he clicked at me. “Gaos, wife. Why the hell do you think? I was hoping you would take it off me. I promised you a thorough, detail-oriented fuck… cookies, maybe some punishment thrown in. I’ve got a hard-on even thinking about you in that goddamned dress. Why do you think I’m sitting down here, pissed off you’re not here?”
I laughed again. “You are impossible.”
“You’re really not mad at me?”
I shook my head, clicking softer. “Not really, no.”
“Then what? Why are you avoiding me?”
Behind his words, I could almost hear him thinking. Or maybe I just knew him well enough to know he would be thinking, trying to decide what was going on with me.
“I'thir li’dare. Are you jealous?”
He sounded openly surprised.
So surprised, I couldn’t help laughing.
“This is news to you?” I said, gripping the guardrail tighter.
“Yes.” The surprise lingered in his voice, even as I could hear a thoughtfulness there. “I don’t think I’ve seen you jealous before.”
I burst out in a real laugh that time.
“Are you joking?” I said. “I was jealous two hours ago.” At his silence, I reminded him, “Those girls in the pool…?”
“That’s not what I mean.”
“Um… Kat?” I said, feeling my jaw harden. “Shall I go on?”
“No. Please don’t.” He clicked at me. “Those times were different,” he added, gruff. “I’d actually done something. Or said something stupid. You’ve never gotten jealous of someone from my past before.” He paused, then amended his words. “Well. Not like this.”
I fought to see the distinction he was seeing, then gave up, shrugging it off.
“So you admit it,” I said, my voice faintly accusing.
“Admit what? What wasn’t I admitting?”
“You were involved with that guy. Dalejem.”
“Yes!” Revik said, his voice holding surprise again. “Yes, I was involved with him. That didn’t strike me as a particular big secret at this point, wife. By the gods, if you hadn’t figured it out before you walked up on us, I knew you had once I saw you standing there. Why? Did he deny it?”
“He said I should ask you,” I said.
I was frowning again, fighting to think through this open admission from Revik. Granted, he was more open in general these days, providing I knew enough to ask, but it still threw me off balance, maybe because I’d expected more of that weird caginess from the dock.
“So… what?” I said. “You were going to talk to me about it? When I went downstairs?”
“Of course!” he said. “Why the fuck wouldn’t I? I said I would. I said I’d tell you anything you wanted to know when we got back here.” He sighed, and I could almost see him, combing his fingers through his black hair. “Christ… wife. It was over thirty years ago. He’s not even remotely a threat to you. The idea is fucking laughable.”
I bit my lip. “You say that like it’s so obvious. It wasn’t obvious to me, not the way you were being on that pier. You and ‘Dori were both acting really fucking weird out there. And you’ve never even mentioned him before, Revik.” Thinking about that, I added, “…You’ve never mentioned any guy before. Not one. Not even in passing.”
“Is that what’s bothering you?” he said. “That he’s male?”
“Not exactly. It’s just…” I bit my lip. “I don’t know. It surprised me.”
Silence fell over the line.
I looked out over the water, wishing suddenly I could feel his light.
The wind was getting colder, too. I found myself thinking maybe I should just go down there, talk to him face to face. Before, it seemed like the mature thing to do, to walk it off, spend some time thinking and pulling apart what was really bugging me, whether it was even real––preferably before I started yelling at Revik for no reason.
Now I found myself seeing it from his point of view, and it looked a lot less mature and a lot more like hiding from my own husband.
I was calmer though, from sitting out here.
The ocean calmed me; it always had, ever since I was a kid.
“Come down here!” Revik burst out, his German accent thicker. “Jesus Christ, Alyson. Do you want me to beg? Why are we talking about this like this? On a comm… where I can’t even feel your light? Are you trying to punish me, just because my ex- showed up here?”
I bit my lip. “He’s an ex? Dalejem?”
“Goddamn it, Alyson! Come down here!”
Clicking a little, I shook my head, smiling in spite of myself.
Revik exhaled in frustration. “What are you waiting for? What do you need me to say?”
“I don’t know.”
“Yes, you do!” he said. “What are you afraid of? Do you think I’m going to say something awful to you on purpose? Try to hurt your feelings? Come down here, goddamn it! Be jealous around me… I want to m
ake up afterwards.”
I grunted. “Make up, huh?”
“Don’t be a chicken.” His accent strengthened as his voice turned gruff. “I want to see my wife jealous. I want her to yell at me wearing that fucking dress so I can punish her afterwards… for being jealous, for being such a fucking tease in that casino I nearly forgot what we were doing in there. I might make up a few more reasons, too––”
“Revik,” I sighed. “You really are impossible. You know that?”
“I’m hanging up,” he said, his voice a warning. “Come down here. I mean it.”
I felt myself giving in, even before I nodded, shivering a little against the cold.
“Okay,” I began. “Just––”
But the line was already dead.
14
A PROBLEM OF LIGHT
“WE’VE BEEN RE-ROUTED,” Loki said.
Hefting his automatic rifle, an Israeli TAR-21, or Tavor, to his shoulder as he adjusted his headset, he glanced at Illeg, then at Jax, who stood on Illeg’s other side. Both crouched next to a brick wall, part of an alley littered with trash and plants growing through the broken cement.
Most of the trash had already been picked over. What remained consisted of broken glass, soggy plastic bags, twisted metal, piss-soaked chunks of foam, broken bits of metal and plastic that couldn’t be scavenged for other things––and the remains of what had probably been food, now too rotten for even the truly desperate to eat.
Much of that rotted organic manner stood in foul-smelling piles at the base of the taller of the two brick buildings, near a metal door.
Restaurant, Loki guessed.
He could smell denser, more cloying types of decay, and knew not all of that had been food. Whenever the wind changed, blowing north between the buildings, the smell of rotting flesh and plant matter grew exponentially worse.
Even most of the human remains got eaten by something, however.
Loki preferred to think most of those scavengers were dogs.
They were in what used to be the borough of Brooklyn in New York, not far from where it transformed into Queens.
Now, those lines and names were next to meaningless.
New lines snaked around these buildings, drawn by petty warlords, homegrown militias, and smaller gangs of the desperate just trying to survive.
Prophet: Bridge & Sword Page 12