The Madam

by Jaime Raven

  She took care of Leo when I went inside but refused to bring him to see me. She just couldn’t let go of the grief and the shame. When I demanded to see him she threatened to have him put into care. But I couldn’t allow that because I knew she loved him and would care for him even though I was dead to her. I did ask the authorities if I could have him with me in the prison’s Mother and Baby Unit, but my application was rejected on the grounds that my crime was so serious and I was a known drug user.

  I vowed to emerge from the pit of despair a changed woman. I set myself objectives. Hold down a proper job. Make things right with Mum. Ensure my boy had a good life.

  But then he got a headache and all my plans and aspirations died with him.

  ‘So are you gonna tell me what happened or are you just gonna stand there and stare at me all frigging evening?’

  My mother’s voice wrenched me back to the present. The trip down memory lane had shaken me. I took a deep breath and told her everything.

  I was standing in Leo’s bedroom, which used to be mine. The last time I was here was that evening when I dropped him off before going to the hotel and my session with Rufus Benedict. I told my mother I was going to work in the club, and I told Leo I’d see him in the morning.

  I remembered how I tickled him and he got the giggles. And then how he waved at me as I walked out the door. My head was full of such memories and I cherished them even though they upset me from time to time.

  His room looked no different. My mother had decided to leave everything as it was. Bright pink walls and matching carpet. Paddington Bear curtains. A shrine to her dead grandson, something tangible to sustain the hatred she felt for me.

  The bed was made and I choked up at the sight of the Donald Duck duvet cover. My mother bought it in the Disney store in Southampton along with the bedside lamp and some of the cuddly toys lined up on the shelves.

  On one wall was a large framed photo of my son on that first Christmas. He was sitting in his high chair stuffing peas into his mouth. His round blue eyes stared out at me, full of love and trust and it was all I could do not to collapse in a heap on the floor.

  There were things in here I wanted to take with me to my new home when I eventually found somewhere permanent to live. But that would have to wait.

  I backed out of the room, too emotional to stay any longer. I could hear my mother in the kitchen, still crying. That was why I’d come upstairs. She’d lost her temper and had shouted at me. But I felt she had good reason to lay into me. This time I was to blame for what had happened to Mark. They – whoever they were – had used my brother to get at me. A crude and cowardly threat, but one that was nonetheless prompted by my determination to find out who had stitched me up.

  ‘I think you should move out for a while, Mum,’ I’d said. ‘You and Mark might not be safe here. Can you go to Aunt Glenda’s?’

  That was when she exploded. Said I was a worthless, troublesome daughter and God would punish me. She broke down in tears and I walked out, knowing she’d dig her heels in and expect me to change my mind. And that created a dilemma for me because I didn’t want to. Seeing that Christmas picture of Leo had only strengthened my resolve. I couldn’t stop thinking that if I hadn’t gone to prison he’d still be alive.

  I stood on the landing listening to my mother and wondering what was unfolding here. I must have put the fear of God into someone by coming back to Southampton and making my intentions known. Hence the note on the windscreen, and the attack on Mark. But why did they fear me? Was it because they thought I might actually find out who really killed Rufus Benedict?

  My mother was still crying when I left the house. She refused to talk to me except to say that she was staying put and that she would never forgive me if those men did further harm to Mark.

  I gave my brother my new mobile number and told him to be careful.

  ‘Stay indoors for a few days and call me if you see those men again,’ I said.

  ‘Will we be all right, sis?’

  ‘’Course you will, bruv. I won’t let them hurt you again.’

  I phoned Scar and told her I was walking home, but she insisted on picking me up. She already knew what Mark had told me because I’d phoned her from the hospital, and she’d listened without comment. But once I was in the car it was a different story.

  ‘So there you have it,’ she said. ‘This insane quest has to stop. You’re putting the lives of your family in danger.’

  ‘It was probably an empty threat,’ I said.

  ‘You can’t be certain of that.’

  ‘No, but surely if these people are prepared to go to such extremes then they’d come after me. Why bother with my brother?’

  ‘Isn’t that bloody obvious? They don’t want to draw attention to themselves. If you turned up dead or in hospital then the police might start asking some serious questions and maybe even reopen the original case. But that’s unlikely to happen if your brother is the victim – even if you insisted it was a warning to you. Think about the reaction you got from Ash. He’ll just say you’re making it up.’

  She had a point, and it wasn’t something I could just ignore. But neither could I ignore the fact that my ‘insane quest’ might actually produce results.

  ‘I can’t walk away from it even before I’ve got started,’ I said. ‘That would be crazy. I’ve planned it for too long.’

  ‘You haven’t planned it, Lizzie. You’ve obsessed over it. There’s a big difference.’

  ‘Not to me.’

  ‘But these men are seriously dangerous. The consequences of ignoring their warnings could be dire.’

  I let her words hang in the air as she brought the car to a halt outside the house. For a moment I saw myself in her eyes and understood why she was vexed. What I was doing was fraught with risks that in her mind were unnecessary.

  She switched off the engine. ‘Look, even if you get to the truth it’s not going to change the past. You served time in prison. Those are lost years. Put them behind you and get on with your life.’

  I turned to face her. ‘And what about Leo? Don’t I owe it to him to find out why he died?’

  ‘He died because he contracted meningitis. Not because you were behind bars.’

  I shook my head. ‘I know that if I’d been there he’d still be alive.’

  ‘You know nothing of the sort. It’s just part of this crushing guilt trip you’re on.’

  ‘So what if I feel guilty? Wouldn’t you?’

  ‘Of course, but that’s not the point.’

  ‘Then what is?’

  ‘Your future. That’s what you should be focused on now that you’re out. You have to accept that neither guilt nor revenge will bring back your son and those years spent in prison.’

  ‘Actually I do accept that. But what I can’t accept is that if I do nothing then whoever is responsible for the carnage will never be punished.’

  ‘Get real. What are the odds on you finding out who the real perps are? You’re not a copper. You don’t have the necessary skills. You’re stumbling blind into a world you’re not familiar with. A dangerous world at that.’

  ‘If I don’t at least try I’ll never forgive myself,’ I said. ‘If I walk away I really don’t think that my life will be worth living.’

  I was worked up now, verging on tears. Scar reached across the seat, brushed a tendril of hair away from my forehead.

  She sighed. ‘Okay, babe. I can see you’re as determined as ever. And I want you to know that I’ll stick by you and continue to help.’

  I managed a smile. ‘Thanks.’

  A beat.

  ‘There’s this guy I know,’ she said. ‘For a few quid a day I think he might be persuaded to keep an eye on your mum and brother. Would you be up for that?’

  ‘I suppose. If he can be trusted.’

  ‘He can. We go back a long way, and it so happens he lives down the road in Portsmouth. He’s also on the dole right now.’

  ‘What’s his name?’
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  ‘Craig Decker, but everyone calls him Tiny on account of the fact that he’s built like a brick shithouse.’

  ‘So how do you know him?’

  Scar blushed. ‘He happens to be my ex-husband.’

  In prison Scar had never mentioned that she’d ever been interested in men, let alone married to one. The revelation left me speechless.

  ‘I should have told you,’ she said. ‘The thing is it was a long time ago. I was young and I went with boys because I was in denial about my sexual orientation. At seventeen I met Tiny and the first time we did it I got pregnant. So we got married. But our baby died while I was giving birth. The marriage lasted another year, and then we went our separate ways.’

  ‘But you stayed in touch,’ I said.

  She nodded. ‘He was a family friend so yeah, we did. But that was okay because there was never any animosity. He even came to see me in prison once.’

  ‘And did you tell him about yourself?’

  ‘If you mean did I tell him that I wasn’t straight, I didn’t have to. He guessed it when I stopped going with guys. I came out when I was nineteen. By then I’d had enough of pretending I was someone I wasn’t.’

  It was hard for me to imagine Scar with a man and harder still to imagine how difficult it must have been for her before she came out of the closet.

  ‘I came close to telling you about Tiny a few times,’ she said. ‘But you know what it was like in prison. Nobody wants to open up completely. You all feel the need to hold something back about yourself. Usually it’s a part of your life you find difficult to share.’

  I knew exactly what she meant. There were things about my own life I hadn’t mentioned to Scar. Secrets. Things I were ashamed of. Some of the stuff I got up to while on drugs.

  ‘So what do you think?’ she asked me. ‘Shall I get Tiny over so that you can suss him out?’

  ‘Would he be able to cope with being a minder?’

  ‘Oh, sure. Last I heard he was a bouncer and he knows how to look after himself. Just so you know, he served a short prison sentence for causing grievous bodily harm to a bloke who picked a fight with him in a pub.’

  ‘He sounds like a charmer.’

  ‘He is, believe me.’

  ‘What makes you so sure he’ll be up for it?’

  The corners of her mouth slipped into a smile. ‘Because he’s skint and because he’s always said that if I ever need a favour I only have to ask.’

  On the way back to the flat I used my mobile to call DS Paul McGrath. I got his number from the card he gave me.

  ‘I was actually just about to give you a ring,’ he said. ‘The DCI has asked me to look into the attack on your brother. I’m going to see him in a bit and then I’d like to get a statement from you.’

  ‘And there was me thinking that Ash wouldn’t take it seriously.’

  ‘The boss might not have the best people skills on the force, Miss Wells, but he’s a good copper. He’ll do all he can to catch those responsible for assaulting your brother.’

  ‘It wasn’t just an assault,’ I said. ‘They kidnapped him. They dragged him out of his own home and then put him into a car before beating him up.’

  ‘I’ve been briefed by uniform,’ he said. ‘So I’m aware of the circumstances. Am I right in saying that your brother has learning difficulties?’

  ‘That’s right, but it doesn’t mean he’s brain dead. He’ll be able to tell you exactly what happened.’

  ‘Will you be there?’

  I wanted to, but I knew that if I did go straight back my mum would only kick off again.

  ‘No, I’ve just left,’ I said. ‘But our mother will be.’

  ‘Then I’d like to get a statement from you later.’

  ‘No problem. In the meantime you should know I’m really worried about Mark and my mum. The men said it was another warning to me and that if I went to the police they’d come back for him.’

  ‘It doesn’t mean they will, Miss Wells. It was probably just an idle threat.’

  ‘Like the note that was put on my windscreen, you mean?’

  He didn’t respond and I heard him draw a breath.

  ‘I want you to provide protection for them,’ I said. ‘Station an officer outside the house or something.’

  ‘I’m not sure that will be possible, Miss Wells, but I will talk to DCI Ash and see what he thinks.’

  ‘And what about you, detective? Do you think someone is desperate to stop me poking around in case I uncover the truth?’

  ‘What’s happened does make that a distinct possibility,’ he said. ‘All the more reason not to play at being a detective. You’re putting yourself in danger.’

  ‘But if I stop now nothing will happen and the truth will never come out.’

  ‘We’re involved, Miss Wells. You can rest assured that we’ll thoroughly investigate these threats.’

  ‘And what if you don’t get anywhere? Will you then reopen the case into Rufus Benedict’s death?’

  After a moment’s hesitation, he said, ‘We can talk about that later.’

  I snorted. ‘Yeah, right. Well, tell Ash that I’m sticking with this. There’s a good chance the men who killed Benedict attacked my brother last night. And that makes me even more determined to make them pay.’

  Before hanging up I agreed to drop by the central police station at about two o’clock so that McGrath could take a formal statement from me.

  I didn’t kid myself that the cops were suddenly sympathetic to my cause. It was just that they had no choice but to investigate the attack on my brother. But at least McGrath was not as dismissive of me as his boss was. And that was maybe something I could work on.

  Perhaps I could even woo him with my feminine charms. That was assuming I hadn’t lost my touch.

  5

  It was a relief to get back to the flat. I felt bone-numbingly tired, but too hyped up to go straight to sleep. I undressed and had a shower. The jets of hot water blasted the sludge from my brain and I felt much better.

  When I emerged from the bathroom wrapped in a towel, Scar handed me a mug of steaming tea.

  ‘Would you like me to make you breakfast?’ she asked.

  I shook my head. ‘I’m not hungry. You go ahead.’

  ‘I had something before I came to pick you up.’

  I sipped the tea as I walked over to the window and looked out. Dark clouds were scudding across the sky, and the streets were a sombre shade of grey.

  ‘I called Tiny while you were in the shower,’ Scar said. ‘He’s coming over later.’

  I turned and felt my eyebrows pull together.

  ‘So what did he say?’

  ‘He said he’d be happy to help out because he’s got nothing better to do. For fifty quid a day he’ll watch your mum’s house and keep an eye on her and your brother when they go out. And he understands that it’s not a done deal, and that you’ll want to see him first.’

  ‘I’m looking forward to it,’ I said. ‘I take it he knows about us.’

  ‘Of course. That’s another reason he’s keen to get involved. He wants to meet his ex-wife’s girlfriend.’

  I sat down on the sofa to finish my tea and think through the day ahead. Scar lowered herself onto the armchair opposite me and crossed her legs. She looked tired and drawn. And worried.

  ‘Are you all right?’ I said.

  She hunched her shoulders. ‘This is all a bit scary, Lizzie. I still can’t believe what those fuckers did to your brother. We shouldn’t need to be recruiting a minder for them.’

  I chewed my lower lip and looked her squarely in the eyes.

  ‘I won’t blame you if you decide to move out,’ I said. ‘It wasn’t fair of me to get you involved in the first place. If anything happens to you I’ll never forgive myself.’

  ‘Don’t be a bloody drama queen, Lizzie. I’ve told you, I’m in this with you all the way despite the fact that what you’re doing is crazy.’

  I felt warm tears well up in my ey
es. I’d never had someone in my life like Scar. Someone who was prepared to stick by me no matter what. It was a strange, but comforting feeling.

  ‘I don’t deserve you,’ I said.

  She clucked her tongue. ‘Don’t you think it’s time you stopped putting yourself down? Okay, so in the eyes of the law you’re a killer as well as a retired whore. You bite your nails and grind your teeth when you’re sleeping. And you’re so stubborn it’s infuriating. But believe it or not you do have a few redeeming features.’

  I tried not to grin. ‘And what are they?’

  She pretended to think about it. ‘You have nice eyes. Your cheeks dimple when you smile. You’ve got a kind heart and soft hands.’ A pause, then: ‘Oh, and you make me very happy.’

  I had to force myself not to cry. They were the kindest words anyone had ever said to me.

  I put the mug of tea on the carpet and stood up. Scar raised her brow as I shed the robe and let it drop to the floor.

  ‘You deserve a treat for being so kind,’ I said, holding out my hand.

  Another smile spread across her face and her eyes lit up. She got to her feet and took my hand. I gave her a gentle kiss on the lips and led her into the bedroom.

  We made love for almost an hour and then we lay on the bed reminiscing about what it had been like inside. Before we eventually dozed off we talked about our fellow inmates, the ones we liked and the ones we didn’t like. And we reminded each other of the many times we’d had sex on the floor of the cell and in the showers. And how on several occasions the screws had walked in when we were doing it.

  We had each occupied single cells before they put us together. Neither of us had wanted to share but from that first day we hit it off and it wasn’t long before we realised we were physically attracted to one another. I was the one who actually made the first move. Scar was upset over something and she was lying on her bed and sobbing. So I sat next to her and started massaging her shoulders and then her neck. When she turned on her back I felt an overwhelming urge to kiss her. And so I did, and she responded by pushing her tongue into my mouth. It was as though we’d both been waiting for it to happen.

  In the dream it’s Christmas Day and Mark is bouncing little Leo on his lap. We’re at my mother’s house and for once she’s in a good mood. The festive spirit has encouraged us all to make an effort for Leo’s sake. It’s his first Christmas and we all want to make it a special one.