by Dyanne Davis
“They knew if ever two souls belonged together, it was yours and Heaven’s. It would have been selfish of me to allow you to leave here with guilt when you were doing the right thing. I had the ability to take it from you, and I chose to do it with the blessing of your entire family. I meant it, Hamid. You married well. I do hope that this won’t mean that Heaven will never come back.”
“Nah, Abba, it doesn’t mean that. In fact she’s torn. She doesn’t want to leave you all, and she doesn’t want to leave the house that I rented. She loves it. She feels as I do, that it’s our first true home. Do you know, Abba, in the beginning Heaven hated the clock for the Azzan. It took a bit of explaining to her that the Azzan was so much more than a clock, that it was a call to prayer, that there was a voice praying the prayer with you, making you feel more connected to Allah.”
“What did she think it was?”
Hamid laughed. “She thought it was loud and annoying when she first heard it. She said if the person saying the prayer had a more pleasant voice maybe she could tolerate it.”
“What did you do?”
“I put it in a room where the chiming and the prayer wouldn’t bother her so much.”
“Compromise?”
“Compromise. Besides, I could use a regular clock to remind me of the time for prayer. As for listening to the prayer of the Azzan, when the clock Heaven approved of would sound, I would go to the room where I had placed the Azzan and I would pray along with it.”
“That seems like a lot of trouble.”
“It was a small compromise, Abba.”
“Humph.”
“Do you want to know what Heaven thought of the Azzan when I left her for the first time?”
“I’m not sure.”
“She told me that when I first left her, she listened for the sound of the prayer, that it made her think of me and that she knew I was here listening to the sound of the Azzan. Did you know the first purchase she bought here for our home was the Azzan?”
“You think this house you rented was the key to her understanding the importance of the Azzan?”
“Nah, Abba, that happened in America, but I think when we go back to America that we will have to buy a house that the two of us picked together. Thank you, Abba,” Hamid said, and hugged his father to him. “Of all the gifts you’ve given me, releasing me from my vow is the greatest.”
Chapter Nineteen
After being back in the States for three months, Heaven and Hamid found things were not going as they planned. Heaven was puzzled that Hamid had not been able to secure a permanent position at a hospital. He thought it was because he’d not become board certified, but Heaven wasn’t so sure. After all, Hamid was licensed in America.
While arranging certification, Hamid in the meantime was working whatever job Heaven could secure for him through her agency. But she knew he didn’t like it. He’d once said to Sassa that Heaven was taking care of him. So far he was smiling and doing the freelance jobs she’d gotten for him, even working as a phlebotomist.
Heaven had cringed the first time she’d assigned a job to Hamid. Assigning him a phlebotomist job was even worse. Though he’d worked as a phlebotomist before he got his license, it pained her that he was forced to do it now.
“Hamid, you don’t have to go out on jobs,” Heaven said over breakfast one morning. “You can just help me run the business.”
“Running a registry is your dream, Heaven, not mine.” Then he smiled again. “Don’t worry, Heaven, there is no shame in any honorable work. I don’t mind doing it.”
* * *
Heaven was putting dinner on the table when Hamid came in. He was angry. She wondered what had gone wrong. It couldn’t be his assignment; she made sure he received the best ones that came in. Still, his anger seemed directed at her. In fact, he was glaring at her.
“Hamid, what’s wrong?” Heaven asked, moving in for a kiss. He barely brushed her lips and didn’t pull her in close as he usually did. That told her before he spoke that his problem was with her.
“What’s wrong?” she asked again, moving away.
“How much do you pay your phlebotomists?”
“You know very well what I pay them.”
“No, Heaven, suppose you tell me.”
“Are you wanting a raise?” She attempted to laugh. “You’ve got it.”
His hand slammed down on the table. “That’s the problem, Heaven. I sent a friend to you for work as a phlebotomist. I make almost double what you paid him. Do you know how that made me feel, Heaven? Like a charity case, a man who can’t take care of his family. I no longer want to work for your agency.”
“Hamid, why are you angry with me? I wasn’t trying to hurt you. I just wanted—”
“I know what you wanted. You wanted to make sure I felt like a man, so you decided to help me with that, and you gave me charity. Nah, Heaven, you will not do that.”
Hamid went into the bathroom and Heaven could hear him muttering. Her accountant had warned her of possible legal ramifications for paying Hamid more than she paid anyone else, but she’d told him she thought, as a physician, Hamid deserved more. She wanted to explain this rationale to Hamid, but didn’t think he would be willing to hear it. They both needed time to cool off.
She stuck her head in the bathroom door. “Hamid, I’m going to go to the gym to work out. I need the practice.”
When he didn’t answer, she went anyway, knowing that he’d heard her, knowing that his anger still had a hold on him, knowing that he was feeling bad because he couldn’t get a job.
Heaven stepped into the dojo for the first time in months, feeling at first like a stranger. She did the customary bow and smiled as students rushed over to greet her. This felt good. She needed the contact of a normal life. It seemed that regardless of the country she and Hamid resided in, they were bound to have problems. They hadn’t totally been happy in Pakistan but more so than they were here. She knew Hamid didn’t blame her for his inability to get on staff somewhere. She’d asked him if he wanted to open his own office, but he didn’t have the funds without accepting help from her or his family. Heaven had insisted that she didn’t want him looking to his family and of course, he would not accept help from her. She should have known just returning to Chicago wouldn’t solve all of her marital woes.
“Heaven, how are you and Hamid doing?”
Heaven smiled at the sensei. “Better some days than others.”
“Has he found a permanent position?”
“No.” Heaven shook her head.
“I never thought a doctor would have any problem.”
“Neither did Hamid. In Pakistan he didn’t need to be board certified; here he does. He’ll get something soon because he’s an excellent doctor.” She smiled. “You should ask some of the patients at his clinic in Pakistan.”
“Why did he return here? Why didn’t he stay there?”
“We’re married, sensei.” Heaven knew the teacher wasn’t passing judgment on her, but for the past three months she’d asked herself the same question. Hamid had been happy working at his clinic in Pakistan. He returned to America because of her, and now he couldn’t even get a job. Of course, she wondered if he should have remained there.
“Heaven, I don’t mean to pry, but I thought the two of you had an arrangement, that you’d reached a compromise, that he would work in his clinic for three months at a time, then return here.”
“I didn’t ask him to move here.”
“Heaven, if you had, you would have had a right to do it. I just thought the two of you were okay with the way things were, the way you’d done them for a year.”
For a second Heaven stared at the teacher. “If things had been fine, I never would have gone to Pakistan for three months. I missed my husband. Should I feel guilty for that? I love him, sensei, and I want to be with him.”
The sensei’s eyes looked over her head and Heaven followed his line of vision, not surprised to find Hamid staring at her.
/> She walked away toward the bag and started kicking it. When she tired of that, she put on her gloves and punched the bag. Hamid held it for her.
“Are you done?” he asked when she bent over with her hands on her knees. Her breathing was ragged. “Yes, I’m done,” she said.
“Then will you hold the bag for me?”
Heaven exhaled a couple more times, and then held the bag while Hamid burned off his frustrations.
When Hamid, too, bent over with his hands on his knees, Heaven grinned. “Do you feel better?”
He looked sideways at her. “I never blamed you, Heaven, not for my decision to return here.” He took in a lungful of air. “And I never blamed you for my not finding a job. I was grateful that you had jobs for me to go out on.”
“Nah, Hamid.”
“I said grateful, Heaven, not joyful about it. I told myself that at least I was contributing, that it was honest labor, and I told myself that until I began to believe it. And then when I found that my wife was giving me charity, I no longer felt like a man.” He rubbed his top lip with his thumb. “For that I do blame you, Heaven.”
“Do you want to hit the bag a few more times?” she asked.
He smiled with just a tiny curling of his lips. “Yeah, I think so.” He hit the bag several more times, then looked at Heaven. “Tomorrow I will apply at other agencies. Understood?”
“But Hamid, I really do need you.”
“Do you need me more as your husband or as an employee?”
“My husband,” she answered without hesitation.
“In that case, let’s go home, Heaven.”
* * *
Heaven looked across the table at her husband. He was joking about his lack of work at the registry he’d signed up with. But she could tell from the look in his eyes that he wasn’t amused.
She dared to say, “Hamid, I have more work than I can handle, I can—”
“Heaven, if you continue this, we are going to have the worst fight we’ve had in our marriage.”
“I just want to help.”
“You can help by loving me, by believing in me.”
“I believe in you, Hamid, I always have.” She went to him and he pulled her into his lap.
“Then there is something that you can do for me.”
Heaven grinned. “Gladly,” she said as she gazed up at him. His eyes darkened with desire as he carried her to the bedroom. They made love and Heaven kept looking up for the stars. “Hamid, I miss Pakistan.”
Hamid chuckled. “I was wondering what was going on. I’m trying to recreate for you the things your prince did, and you’re thousands of miles away. Now I know why.”
“I miss the clinic.”
“Heaven, stop that please, I don’t want to discuss anything, I just want to make love to my wife. I just want to forget my worries in your arms.”
She ceased the conversation but it still was in her mind. As her husband’s hands caressed her, Heaven absentmindedly returned the caresses. As he thrust, an idea begin to develop. She wanted Hamid happy. She thought of giving up her dream to pursue Hamid’s. She lifted her hips to meet his thrust and stared into his still unhappy eyes. She was going to change that. “I love you, Hamid.”
“I know, Heaven,” he whispered, softly, “I love you too, with all my heart and soul.” Together they soared to the heavens.
* * *
Heaven had her plan in mind. She thought of discussing it with her husband. That would be the thing to do, she knew that. But she also was aware that Hamid was not about to allow anyone to bail him out, not even her.
Her dream had changed because of the love of her dark prince, the man who made her nights and her days pleasurable.
Heaven almost laughed. She’d pledged never to put anyone’s needs above her own, and for the first year of her marriage, she’d followed through on that, refusing to go for a visit with Hamid to Pakistan.
She thought it must have been their second wedding and the vows she’d taken that changed her. She still didn’t understand why she’d spoken the words she had, but she’d meant them. Hamid’s people had become her people.
Heaven found she was bonding more and more with her new family in Pakistan. Since she and Hamid had returned home, they talked to the family once a week.
Whenever the subject of where Hamid was working was mentioned, Hamid put on a brave face and told them how much work he was getting. And then he would avoid Heaven’s eyes, as if he thought he was failing her, and every night he would make love to her in the sweetest way possible.
It was in her arms that she knew Hamid found his peace, and it was in his arms that Heaven had found the answer. They would move to Pakistan. There they would work together. They would find another house as lovely as the one they’d left behind, and they would lie under the stars at night making love in their alcove. And in the morning, they would be awakened by the brightness of the sun.
Heaven asked her accountant whether he thought she could manage her business from out of the country. ‘Haven’t you ever heard of the Internet?’ he’d asked. After the talk with her accountant, Heaven trained four managers, nurses she could trust to take over the day-to-day operations.
Her accountant would oversee everything with one exception. As much as she trusted him, Heaven knew enough to make sure the money was strictly in her name. She would open an account from which the accountant could draw funds, but the clients’ checks would be deposited into Heaven’s account, and Heaven would issue the payroll from Pakistan.
She was free to leave her dream and help her husband find his own. Besides that, Heaven had taken a test and found she was pregnant. She couldn’t imagine anywhere she’d rather have their babies than surrounded by all the family that was ready to love them.
There were two things to do before they left. She wanted to see her father in San Francisco, and she wanted to have a party for her friends in Chicago. Before that, she would tell Hamid she wanted to return to Pakistan. They would fight, but in the end he would give in, because she had a trump card to play.
* * *
Hamid had the feeling that something was going on with Heaven. She was being secretive, and he didn’t like it. After all, they’d promised not to have secrets. But he was too tired to call her on it. He was tired of jumping one hurdle after the other, and also tired of the look of pity in his wife’s eyes.
The one thing Hamid had thought he could count on was their fighting. He’d tried it whenever she gave him that, I’m-so-sorry look, but then she’d kiss him and hug him, pressing her perfumed body against his, and his resolve would weaken. He would take her in his arms, make love to her, and would forget for a few hours how it felt to not be taking care of her.
It was only in the still of the night, when Heaven was asleep, that Hamid would remember the promise he’d made to take care of her. It was then that he felt he’d failed her.
Somehow Heaven always woke when he began to feel depressed. She would smile at him and whisper in his ear, telling him he was her prince, and immediately they would be back in their house in Pakistan.
The one thing they needed was to have a home of their own here, and he didn’t have that to give her yet. Some favorite son he was. Some doctor.
Hamid walked into the kitchen where Heaven had been busy for a couple of hours while he read. There was not much else for him to do other than answering the calls for Heaven for her registry. He felt like an errand boy doing that while she remained in the kitchen. The feeling grew in his chest that his wife was hiding something, and that she wanted him out of her hair. He stood looking at her.
“Heaven, what are you doing? You’re cooking a ton of food.” His eyes narrowed. “Are we having guests?”
“Yes.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t know I needed permission.”
“Heaven, what are you up to?”
“I don’t think I should tell you right now. I want tonight to be fun, and I think if I
tell you we’re going to fight.”
“Since when have you ever worried about a fight? That’s your middle name.” Hamid backed away and glared at Heaven. “Listen, I’m not an invalid, I’m just unemployed. Don’t treat me any differently than you normally would. I hate it, and I hate your pitying me.”
“And I hate your feeling sorry for yourself. Grow up, Hamid. You’re not the only one without a job.” She returned his glare. “By the way, you’re not even the only doctor without a job. And it’s your choice. I have more than enough work to keep you busy but your silly male testerone pride has gotten in the way. Knock it off, and I’m not kidding. I’m not taking any crap from you.” She pushed past him, then turned back and grinned. Hamid smiled.
“Thanks, Heaven, I needed that.”
“Yeah, I know, but seriously, we haven’t had anyone over for weeks. I invited Ongela, Peaches, Latanya, Sassa, and Isha.” She smiled again. “Okay, I invited all of our friends. I want to have a party, a going-away party.”
“Where are we going?”
“Back to where we can make love under the stars, where we can wake with the sun hitting us in the face.” Heaven smiled as she saw the look that came into her husband’s eyes.
“Nah.”
“Yes.”
“Nah, Heaven.”
“Yes, Hamid.”
“Why?”
“Because I love you and you’re not happy here. We tried, Hamid. I think it’s time we try something else.”
“You don’t have to do this.”
“I know I don’t, Hamid. That’s the reason I’m going to do it.”
“Don’t you think you should have asked my opinion before deciding this?”
“Don’t you think you should have asked me before breaking your vow to run the clinic?”
“Is that what this is about? I told you before we came home that this was my decision, and that whatever happened was on my shoulders. It won’t be like this forever, Heaven; I promise I’ll get a position.”