Teach Me (College Daze Book 2)

by Danielle Burton

  My focus was shifted to him and the side of his conversation I could hear.

  “I’m outside of Olga’s. You’ll never guess who’s here. Okay. Oh, here you are now.” He clicked off his blue tooth and smiled at someone behind me.

  I looked over my shoulder and nearly had an arrhythmia.

  She strutted over to us, briefly glancing at me before planting a kiss on his lips.

  You would’ve thought I was a Jack-in-the-box the way I jumped out of my seat. “Are you fucking kidding me, Mom?”

  She looked me up and down and smirked. “Nice to see you too, Cammie.”

  My hands wrapped themselves around her throat before I could stop myself. “You stupid bitch! I fucking hate you.”

  Dirk pried my fingers loose and pulled her to safety. He then turned and frowned at me. “Are you crazy? You don’t put your hands on your mother.”

  I was shaking so hard it was a wonder the earth didn’t split under my feet. “Screw you, too, you piece of shit bastard. I hope your dick falls off.”

  I grabbed up my purse and stormed away, mostly to prevent them from seeing the inevitable tears. The first one broke free and soon my face was soaked with them. I’d thought I was done crying over him years ago. And that stupid bitch. Ugh. I shouldn’t have even been surprised she’d done this to me, again.

  In my pissed off mood I’d completely forgotten about Gabi. I turned to hurry back to my abandoned friend. Luckily she was already headed in my direction.

  Her big eyes roamed over me with care. “You okay, sweetie?”

  I hugged my torso and shook my head.

  She closed the distance between us and pulled me into her arms, rubbing my back gently. “I don’t know what that was about, but I’m here if you need me.”

  I freed myself enough to wipe my face. “I need salt.”

  ~ ♥ ~

  Besides my occasional sniffles, the drive back to River Crest was quiet. After a quick stop we went home and headed straight up to Benji’s room, ignoring Jay and his dad when they gave us strange looks.

  Once secured inside, I lay in bed attempting to eat my weight in Salt and Vinegar chips. Unlike most girls, or people really, who used sweets to sooth their sadness, my go to snack was anything of the salty variety. Nuts, chips, pretzels. I wasn’t sure why, but they had a numbing effect.

  Gabi sat at the foot of the bed with her legs crossed while she sipped a large Slurpie. “Wanna talk about it?”

  I shrugged and stuffed another chip into my mouth. “No…yes…I don’t know.” I sat up and punched my pillow. “Ughhhh. She’s such a bitch.”

  Gabi sat quietly, waiting for me to continue.

  “That man she was with? He’s my ex.”

  Gabi coughed and some of the green liquid dripped from her mouth and onto her shirt. She wiped her lips and gaped at me. “She’s dating your ex?”

  “Oh, that’s not the worst of it.” I stood from the bed and started pacing. “Not only is she dating my ex, but she’s the reason he is my ex. We dated when I was sixteen. He’s three years older than me, so he was already in college, majoring in architecture. To add to that, his family is rich. Scratch that, they’re loaded. His father owns a friggin multi-billion-dollar company.” I stopped long enough to take a sip from my own Slurpie. “My mom saw ‘big things’ in his future,” I said, mimicking her voice. “She kept telling me he was a keeper and if I stayed with him we’d be set for life. In order to keep him, she said, I needed a guarantee that he couldn’t leave me.”

  Gabi raised a brow. “You don’t mean…”

  “Yup. She wanted me to get pregnant by him. That way even if we didn’t end up married, I could collect child support. I told her crazy ass hell no. I was sixteen. I wasn’t trying to have kids at that age. I don’t even know if I want kids.” I plopped down on the bed, out of breath from all my ranting. “I guess she was really desperate to get her claws into him because one day when I got home from school I found them in bed together.”

  Gabi gasped and clamped a hand over her mouth. A second later she dropped it and shook her head. “Oh my god, that’s awful…and disgusting.”

  I nodded, heat blooming in my chest as I revisited that awful time. “We didn’t speak for nearly a year after that. Well, I didn’t speak to her. I would’ve left if I’d had somewhere to go.” I wiped a stray tear and pulled my knees to my chest. “I can’t believe they’re together.” I turned my head toward Gabi and sniffled softly. “He was my first boyfriend. Out of all the guys I’ve ever been with, he was the one I actually thought I could love.”

  Gabi moved over to me and wrapped me in her arms.

  “How could she do that to me?” I cried into Gabi’s shirt for ten minutes before sitting up and wiping my eyes.

  She rubbed my back softly. “You, Benji, and I should start a club. Kids of Crappy Mother’s United. We could make buttons and have meetings and bake sales.”

  I chuckled and nudged her shoulder with mine. ‘You’re so goofy.” My smile faded and I stared down at me lap. “My father is dead.”

  Her eyes went wide. “What?”

  I sat and told her the story of what happened to my father then apologized for keeping it from her for so long. “I don’t have an aunt and uncle to care for me or an awesome brother/cousin to be there for me even when I screw up royally. I’m all alone.”

  She pulled me into her arms again. “You’re not. I’m your family. We all are, and we’ll always be here for you, Cam. You aren’t alone.”

  “Thank you, Gabi. You’re an awesome sister.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  ~ Benji ~

  Thirty days had crawled by, the first week being the longest. Detoxing was hell, especially with me refusing any type of relief. I needed this pain. Wanted to be reminded of what it felt like if I ever got the urge to take another sip of alcohol.

  Once every drop was out of my system I felt like a whole new person. It was a bit disconcerting at first with my head being so clear and nothing to block out the painful memories. Luckily Dr. Saroyan was there to help me find a better way to cope. It was troublesome opening up to her about certain things, one of which only one other person knew, Cammie.

  We’d begun our sessions with conversations of my mother, which had been my choice. Dr. Saroyan hadn’t rushed me, or even asked me any questions, just told me to talk about whatever I wanted whenever I was ready.

  “I’m not sure I can ever forgive her.”

  “Why’s that?”

  “She’s done too much. Let too much happen to me.”

  “Would you like to share any of those experiences?”

  I leaned forward and ran my hands over my face. “She was a prostitute. Brought men in and out of the house. Never cared if I was there or not. Sometimes she’d…service them right in front of me. That was the first time I witnessed sex. I was eight. Thought the guy was hurting her so I tried to stop him. He slapped me down and busted my lip. She didn’t even flinch.”

  Dr. Saroyan nodded and wrote something on her legal pad. “Did any of the men ever do anything besides hit you?”

  I shook my head. “I started leaving as soon as they’d show up. Sometimes I’d wander the streets for hours or go to the park and watch the older kids play basketball. She never came looking for me. When I got home she was either nodding already or on her way.” The back of my eyes burned as I relived those days. “I used to wonder if something was wrong with me, because I preferred the physical abuse over the mental or emotional. I didn’t mind so much her beating me and threatening my life than her telling me I was nothing. That I was a mistake, that shouldn’t have been born, or that the reason I never got anything for Christmas was because Santa hated me for being a filthy mutt.” I looked the doctor in the eyes with tears falling from my own. “How am I supposed to forgive any of that?”

  She handed me a box of tissues and sat back against her chair. “It won’t be easy, but forgiveness is needed for you to move forward. People often believe that f
orgiving is for the other person. It isn’t, it’s for you. As long as you hold this resentment toward her you will never be able to heal. Forgiving her doesn’t mean you have to forget the things she’s done or have a relationship with her. But what it will do is lift this weight that’s bearing down on you. The only person that suffers from holding on to all that pain and anger is you, Benjamin. The question you need to ask yourself is if hating her is worth your happiness.”

  Sessions with Dr. Saroyan helped cleanse me, as well as group therapy. Listening to other’s stories helped me to see that I didn’t have it nearly as bad as some. I felt foolish for all the opportunities I’d squandered simply by not trying hard enough. There were people who’d ruined their lives for the sake of the liquid devil. One man I’d met had once been the owner of a successful company before he’d become an alcoholic, driving away his wife and children before his company had gone under.

  Seeing the people behind the drug addiction and alcoholism got me to thinking about my mom. I recalled Pops mentioning something about growing up with a druggie for a mother. It made me wonder what demons my own was smothering every time she stuck that needle in her arm.

  While it didn’t excuse her behavior it helped me realize that she too was a victim of her circumstances. She’d simply repeated the deadly cycle that she was taught. A cycle I was determined to break away from. I didn’t want my future kids to suffer through what I had. I refused to become the same monster whose misdeeds had led me down a darkened path.

  It was the day before my last when I finally found the courage to bring up my sexual abuse. Dr. Saroyan’s eyes were warm and understanding as I went through the details of what Vivian had done to me.

  “Your history of sexual abuse shines a light on some of the struggles you seem to have with women.”

  “What struggles?”

  “Your disrespect of them for one. Also, your unhealthy appetite for sex.”

  “What’s wrong with liking sex?”

  “There’s nothing wrong with it. You should enjoy it. What you shouldn’t do is use it fill a hole.”

  “I don’t–”

  “How many women have you have sex with, Benjamin?”

  “Uh…” I scratched my beard and leaned back against the sofa.

  “You don’t need an exact number. Estimate. Since you lost your virginity how many different women have you had meaningless sex with?”

  “At least a hundred.” I shrugged. “Maybe more.”

  “And you find nothing at all wrong with that?”

  I dropped my gaze, fiddling with a button on my shirt. “I guess.”

  “It’s okay, Benjamin. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. You’ve had an unhealthy relationship with sex from the start. Your mother having it in front of you and the abuse from your babysitter. The latter seems to have had a bigger effect. Vivian cared for you. She was your first sexual experience. It makes sense for you to try to seek comfort in the act, because that’s what she gave you. She acted as a surrogate to you when your mother left you to fend for yourself. And because she was that to you, you believed that what she was doing was okay. So when you lost that you began seeking it elsewhere.

  “Alcohol isn’t the only thing you’ve been abusing. Sex can have a numbing effect. For you I believe it helps to fill that emptiness left by continuously being abandoned. Not just that, but you get to control the situation. If you don’t get attached, you can’t be abandoned. Am I right?”

  I met her eyes and gave a slight nod. It was weird the way she analyzed me so well, giving me a deeper understanding of my behaviors.

  “Here’s what I’d like you to do. Call it a homework assignment if you like.” She sat her legal pad down and crossed her legs. “The next woman you meet, under no circumstances are you to become sexual with her until you’ve formed a bond. Try a relationship on for size, you just might like it.”

  I nodded and laced my fingers together. “What if I already know someone?”

  “That’s even better. But still, no sex until a relationship is established. The longer the wait, the better. Have it mean something this time.”

  I smiled, nodding again.

  “So, tell me about this girl.”

  “She’s amazing. We’re just friends at the moment, but she’s the reason I’m here.”

  “Then she’s definitely a keeper, but make sure you’re making this step for yourself and not her. Some people come here wanting to get clean for someone else’s benefit. It never lasts. You have to do this for you and only you.”

  After thirty long days I walked outside floating on a high called life. I’d never felt lighter than I did at this moment. Taking a deep inhale, I enjoyed the fresh air that filled my lungs and the bright afternoon sun on my skin.

  “How long do you plan on standing there, day dreaming?”

  My gaze focused on where Jay stood a few yards away with his arms wide open, cheesing like an idiot.

  I chuckled while moving toward him and the rest of my family which surrounded him. My smile faltered when I noticed Cam wasn’t amongst them.

  Jay was the first to pull me into a hug before shoving me toward Pops who almost cut off my circulation.

  “It’s good to see you, son. How are you feeling?”

  “I’m good. Where’s–”

  “Ouch.”

  I turned toward the voice I’d been dying to hear for a month.

  She leaned against the open door of Pops’ truck, bent down fixing her sandal. She stood straight and slipped her tiny foot back in it before shutting the door.

  I bypassed Gabi, making my way over to the petite beauty. “Whatchu doing in there?”

  “Trying to avoid burning. It’s hot as hell out here.”

  “Girl, you betta greet me.”

  She rolled her eyes, but grinned.

  Sweeping her into my arms, I spun around until she started to scream.

  “Benji!”

  Laughing, I sat her down and hugged her tight.

  She laughed and slapped my back. “Still a pest, I see.”

  I held her at arm’s length and looked her over. Her skin had darkened a few shades, giving her a lovely tan. The yellow sundress she wore, which stopped mid-thigh, complimented her deepened tone. “Miss me?”

  She crinkled her nose. “No.” A second later she smirked. “Miss me?”

  “Hell yeah.”

  She laughed and pushed my chest. “I guess I missed having someone to boss around.”

  “I’ll take that.”

  A loud smack of the lips came from behind me. “Oi! What am I, chopped liver?”

  I turned to Gabi and pulled her into a tight hug. “What’s up, sis?”

  “Aww, you called me sis.” She let me go and beamed up at me.

  “That’s what you are, goofy.” I threw an arm over her shoulder and the other over Jay’s. “Little sis, big bro.”

  Pops smiled at us as he started toward the car. “Alright, kids. Come on before we miss our reservation.”

  We took the two-hour drive back to River Crest with Cam tucked between me and Gabi in the back seat and her head resting on my shoulder. My day had been made when I’d showed her my thirty-day sobriety chip and she’d told me she was proud of me.

  After a quick stop at home for all of us to get changed, Pops drove us to a Mediterranean restaurant with a name I couldn’t pronounce. Their food was bomb as hell though.

  My mood soared as I sat talking with people who loved me unconditionally, who remained in my corner at my darkest hour, and refused to give up on me even when I’d done shitty things. My family.

  I couldn’t get enough of this feeling. My head was clear of both alcohol and detrimental thoughts. Cam sat next to me, smiling and laughing at my jokes, and of course occasionally rolling her eyes playfully. Jay and Gabi had formally asked me to be the best man at their wedding, a role I graciously accepted. The best part of it was the look Pops kept giving me. It was one I’d spent my life being envious of whenever he�
�d given it to Jay. A look that said he was proud to call me son.

  For a long time there’d been no light at the end of my tunnel, but little by little it was revealing itself to me. Each day I got a bit closer. The darkness was right at my heels, trying to take hold of me and pull me back, but I wouldn’t let it. I’d seen the light. It was within my reach, and nothing would stop me from having it.

  Chapter Eighteen

  ~ Camryn ~

  Abs. For. Days.

  I sat at the table enjoying my cup of yogurt while sneaking a peek at Benji’s rippling six pack.

  He’d been home for a few days now and I’m pretty sure he hadn’t worn a shirt since. He turned to the fridge and my gaze roamed over his chiseled back down to that nice tight ass of his. Just because we were friends and I’d never allow his pervy hands touch me in a million years, didn’t mean I couldn’t admire–

  “Hey girl.”

  I jumped when Gabi sat next to me, which caused a spoonful freezing cold yogurt to drop into my cleavage. I squeaked and hopped out of my chair, racing over to the sink to grab some paper towel. I wiped at my breasts, separating them with one hand to reach all of the stickiness. Lifting my head, I found Benji staring at me, or my breasts rather and licking his lips.

  His gaze lifted to mine and he smiled. “Need some help?”

  Using a clean sheet of paper towel, I hid my chest from his view. “Well I see rehab didn’t help with the perviness.”

  His brow lifted. “Who’s being pervy? I’m simply offering a helping hand...or two.” He winked and licked his lips again.

  “No help with the flirting either, huh?”

  “Oh contraire,” he said stepping closer. “My flirting is now reserved only for you, Cammie.”

  I ducked away from him. “Um, no thanks. You can keep that.”

  When I made it back to the table Gabi was snickering while peeling a banana.

  “What?”

  “Oh, nothing.” She took a bite and chewed it while cutting her eyes at me.