Heart of a SEAL

by Dixie Lee Brown

  He caught Sally’s hand as she faced the front again. “Penny for your thoughts.”

  A genuine smile brightened her features for a couple of seconds before it faded. “Did you believe Emmett? You don’t think he’ll go back and tell Clive Brennan where we are, do you? Is that what you talked about?” Sally lowered her voice and leaned closer.

  Luke brought her hand to his lips for a lingering kiss. He could almost feel her tension. “I think Emmett will do whatever it takes to get payback from Brennan. It was big of him to warn you, because he had no way of knowing you already suspected Brennan. Don’t get me wrong—Emmett isn’t a man I’d trust to watch my back. But in this case, I can’t see him doing anything to help the man that beat the sh…crap out of him. And…let’s not forget, he’s a man with resources. Sometimes it makes sense to give the benefit of the doubt to a person like that…if you can stomach it.” He covered her hand with his. “That’s what we talked about.”

  Sally pulled away and unconsciously massaged the back of her head for a moment.

  “How’s your headache?”

  She dropped her hands into her lap. “Better. Thanks. You haven’t told me very much about this place we’re going.”

  Luke slipped his phone from his pocket. “Hold that thought. I need to give Daniel a call.” He found his friend’s number in his contacts and pushed to dial, then hit the button to put the conversation on speaker. Ian’s brother answered after three rings, but the connection was lousy. “Hey. It’s Luke.”

  “Well…our long lost…a week ago.” Daniel’s side of the conversation was breaking up badly, but it didn’t take a genius to figure out what he’d said. It was a totally legitimate gripe.

  “I’m sorry, Daniel. I know I said I’d be there last week.” Luke paused. “I got a little lost, I guess, but I found what I was looking for. In fact, I’m bringing a couple of friends with me, and we’ll be there in about twenty minutes…if that’s all right.” How much of the conversation was Daniel getting on his end?

  “No problem…ass up here. Couple things…tell you…cell phone…sucks. No surprise…don’t go all apeshit…some…” The call abruptly went dead. Luke tried calling him back twice but got no answer. This wasn’t the first time he’d phoned Daniel, so he was well aware the cell phone service was abysmal. But don’t go apeshit? What the hell did that mean? He scowled as he dropped the device in the cup holder.

  “Is he okay with Jen and me coming?” Concern wrinkled Sally’s forehead.

  “Oh yeah. No worries there.” Luke smiled and locked away his apprehension. He wasn’t concerned that Sally and Jen wouldn’t be welcome, but Daniel had something going on he seemed to think would rile Luke. What that could be, he had no idea, and there was no sense worrying until he did know.

  Sally, already agitated, would clearly be better off without him adding to her unease, so he shoved the issue to the back of his mind. “You asked about the place. I’ve never actually been there. Remember when I told you about Ian Mathias dying in Afghanistan, and his brother, Daniel, coming to see me in the hospital?” Luke flinched, first, because the memory of Ian’s death still horrified him as though it’d happened only yesterday, and second, because he wasn’t sure what effect the mention of visitors who’d been allowed in his room would have on Sally.

  “Of course. He invited you to his home…and you were supposed to be there a week ago? He’s probably been worried.” If the subject of visitation upset Sally, she didn’t let on.

  “I know. I should have called way before now.” Luke had avoided the entire topic of Sally when conversing with Daniel. Somehow, the matter of losing the woman he loved, though important to him, had seemed trite in comparison to a man who’d recently lost his little brother in the most gruesome way imaginable. “He’s married with a daughter—five years old, I think. They own some rustic hunting cabins on the Kootenai River near Bonners Ferry. And by rustic, I mean…I hope you don’t hate it there.”

  Sally arched an eyebrow. “You’ve seen my house, right? Before, that is. Now it’s just a pile of charcoal. My point is, I’m not used to fancy. I think I can deal with rustic for a few days.”

  The sparkle in her eyes mesmerized Luke. He would have leaned over for a kiss if the sign heralding the turnoff for Kootenai River Cabins hadn’t appeared up ahead with an arrow pointing left onto a narrow road.

  He slowed to make the turn. “Ten more miles.”

  The first fifty feet of roadway was chip sealed and fairly smooth. After they passed the mailbox, adorned with the name “Mathias,” all traces of smooth vanished. The track they followed was filled with rocks, potholes and mud. Luke crept along, conscious it was his brother’s Jeep he drove, and still the occupants were bounced and jostled at every turn.

  “I don’t think your friend wants very much company.” Sally held fast to the dash with one hand and the edge of her seat with the other.

  Luke glanced in the rearview mirror to make sure Jen was buckled in securely. “I don’t think that’s it. He’s one of the friendliest guys you’d ever want to meet. He and Ian bought this place together. Daniel ran the business while Ian went off to do his patriotic duty. Ian was the only family Daniel had, besides his wife and kid. He was a mess the first time I saw him—worse than me.” Luke smiled at the memory of the man, who looked so much like his friend, Ian, walking into his hospital room. Luke had been on a rampage, alienating all the nurses because he didn’t want anyone bathing him or helping him piss in a bottle. There were just some things a man couldn’t abide.

  “One day, Daniel walked in my room, pushed a chair close to the bed and sat down. He looked just like Ian, and I didn’t have to ask why he was there. He had this haunted expression, and his eyes were red and swollen. Kind of gave him a crazy look. I figured I didn’t look much better. He sat there for a while, just staring, and finally, he said, ‘Is Ian really dead?’” Daniel’s first words had hit Luke so hard he would have fled the room if he’d been able to move his legs.

  “Oh, Luke. That must have been so hard.” Sally’s gaze burned into the side of his face, but he didn’t turn.

  He’d lose it if he saw the sympathy he heard in her voice. “I didn’t want to tell him how his brother died at the hands of those animals, but he insisted. He wanted to know every detail. By the time I was done, we were both bawling our eyes out, but knowing what a hero Ian had been seemed to help him accept his death.” For his part, the mere act of relating the details to another human being had probably saved Luke’s sanity.

  “Daniel came back the next day when three of my buddies were there. SEALs I’d served with.”

  “Yeah, I saw them.” Sally’s voice sounded strained, but there was still concern in her expression when he glanced over.

  He reached for her hand anyway. “I’m so sorry, babe.”

  “You’ve already apologized. I’m just giving you a hard time. Too soon?” She clamped her teeth down on her bottom lip, obviously trying to keep the amusement sparkling in her eyes from traveling to her full, beautifully shaped mouth.

  “No. You can give me as much crap as you want…as long as you don’t change your mind about us.” Luke released her hand so he could put both of his back on the steering wheel.

  “That won’t happen, Luke. Tell me about your three friends.”

  Luke couldn’t help laughing. “They’re a rowdy bunch. I thought they were joking when they told me they weren’t signing on the line again. They were the best at what they did, and I couldn’t imagine them wanting to punch a clock somewhere. What Ian and I went through in that prison was brutal, but apparently watching from the sidelines was no cakewalk either.”

  “No, it wasn’t.” Sally’s eyes shimmered. “I imagine it was doubly hard for men used to taking matters into their own hands to stand idly by for months, knowing what you were going through, knowing the likely outcome and not being able to do a damn thing.”r />
  “Mom, language.” Jen’s admonishment came from behind them without her even looking up from her book.

  Sally dropped her head. “Sorry, sweetheart,” she said, her muffled laughter following.

  Luke didn’t laugh. He’d been selfishly blind all this time. Never dwelling on what his captivity meant to her, or his family or his friends and fellow SEALs. Even after his buddies had told him they’d had enough of the Navy…and why…he hadn’t made the connection. She’d been waiting at home with no news, no hope and no end in sight. Then, as the fucking cherry on top of the sundae, he’d surprised everyone by coming home alive…and refused to see her. It took a special kind of jackass to be so self-absorbed. Yet she’d forgiven him.

  He let the Jeep roll to a stop as he stared at her bowed head. She looked up and met his gaze questioningly as he put the vehicle in Park. Shame gripped his chest until he had to fight for his next breath, and he tore his gaze from hers. All those months—he’d had all the time in the world for introspection. Not once had he put himself in her place. Not one fucking thought about whether she cried herself to sleep at night, worrying about him—or maybe she’d been afraid to close her eyes in sleep…just like he’d been. Shit! Self-loathing rose and choked him.

  Somehow, he got the door open and stepped out onto the muddy roadbed. With no destination in mind, he started walking, grateful for the air that filled his lungs. A few more deep breaths and he could almost think straight. He recognized the panic attack for what it was, courtesy of the thousand or so that had come before. What he didn’t know was…why now?

  Luke turned and marched back toward the Jeep. Sally watched him from the passenger seat, her expression apprehensive and wary. He stopped. That was it. He’d lost her once because he didn’t consider her reactions…at all. Now, he was doing it again—shutting her out when he should be telling her what was going on in his head. He changed directions, skirting the front of the Jeep until he stood by her window. Damned if he would lose her again.

  Sally opened her door, her eyes still holding a certain caution.

  Luke closed the gap, lifting her off the seat and into his arms. Her heart was beating against his chest—in fear? Not acceptable.

  “Jen, read your book for a minute, okay?” He barely waited to hear her grunt before he closed the door. Taking a step away from the Jeep, he set Sally on her feet and held her at arm’s length.

  “Was it something I said?” Her voice was low, sensuous and went straight to his heart.

  “No, sunshine.” He smiled and smoothed the hair behind her ears. “I just realized how lucky I am to have you in my life—how close I came to never being able to do this again.” He leaned closer and found her mouth with his.

  A buzz of electricity vibrated between them wherever his lips or tongue touched her, and he couldn’t get enough. Sally fisted her hands in his T-shirt, her forearms braced against his chest, and gave back as good as she got. It was a couple of minutes before Luke remembered Jen. He broke the kiss, glanced over his shoulder, expecting to see her nose plastered against the glass, and breathed a sigh of relief when she was nowhere to be seen.

  When he turned back to Sally, she was already laughing, and he chuckled with her. “You’ll have to educate me on the nuances of living with a daughter.”

  Her mouth curved in the sexiest smile. “I’m pretty sure you already know as much as I do.”

  “Then we’ll learn together.”

  Her smile faded. “Luke, let’s not make promises—”

  “This is the perfect time for promises, sunshine. I can’t lose you again. I love you. Marry me. Let me spend the rest of my life cherishing you. That’s my promise to you, Sally.”

  The regret in her eyes told him he’d screwed up big-time. He’d known better than to allow his emotions free rein, but he’d gotten caught up in his epiphany and the force of his feelings for her. He hadn’t meant to push her. Now, his declaration was out there, and the I’d-rather-be-somewhere-else look on her face gave him her answer.

  Time for damage control. He pulled her against him, sliding his arms around her waist. “Shh. Don’t answer that.”

  Gently, he kissed first one corner of her mouth and then the other. Sadness stole over him, but he deliberately shook it off. Sally wasn’t ready. She had a shitload of crap going on in her life and more important things to worry about than him. He could be patient.

  He forced a grin as he ran his thumb over her lower lip. “Maybe I’ll ask you again someday.”

  She held his gaze for a long moment before she blinked, and her sliver of a smile resembled a smirk. “Jen and I are homeless. An angry man is trying to kill me. I might be on the run for the rest of my life. This isn’t the right time to make commitments. Hanging around me could get you killed. Even if Clive doesn’t find me this time, what about the next time he gets close? What if you’re sorry you got trapped in a relationship you never really wanted? I’m not going to let you do that.” Satisfaction flashed in her eyes.

  Luke frowned. Shit! He’d heard those words before. Hell, he’d spoken them…to her. Just as he’d made the decision that a disabled man wasn’t good enough for her, she was throwing his logic back in his face. Deciding it was too dangerous for him to be around her—suggesting he’d be sorry someday and want out. It was the exact thing he’d done to her…and, damn it, she’d made her point.

  She flashed him an impish grin.

  Luke rubbed a hand across the back of his neck and laughed sheepishly. “Okay. I deserved that, but if you think you’re getting rid of me, it’s not happening. You’re stuck with me, at least until this situation is resolved. I told you I wouldn’t let anyone hurt you or Jen, and I’m a man of my word. Can we agree on that much?” Even if she couldn’t, there was no way in hell he’d walk away.

  Sally’s playful laugh put him at ease again, loosening the knot in his belly. “I’m really glad you’re here, Luke.” She studied him, a flirtatious curve in her smile. Raising on her toes, she leaned into him until her breath warmed his ear. “After all, you’ve got all those condoms…” Her soft lips fluttered against his neck.

  All the blood left his head for parts south, and a groan rumbled from deep in his chest. “Holy hell, woman, that’s so not fair.” He snagged her hand and tugged her toward the Jeep. “Let’s go. Maybe Daniel has a two-bedroom cabin…with locks on the doors.”

  The look she flashed him was all innocence as he held the door for her.

  The next few miles, silence reined in the Jeep’s interior, interspersed with full-body perusals and sexy smiles from the brunette in the seat beside him. He’d always thought her fairly reserved sexually, but what she was doing to him now with only her eyes had to be intentional. The normal blue of her irises had darkened to sapphire, partially hooded by long lashes that softly brushed her skin with each flutter of her eyelids. Her sultry glances were driving him crazy. He shifted slightly, easing the denim fabric over his groin.

  Luke welcomed the intrusion of Jen into his heated thoughts when she dropped her book, reached forward and tapped his elbow. “Are we almost there?”

  “Just a couple more miles. Are you getting hungry?” Luke studied her in the mirror.

  “No. Just tired of this bumpy road.” She sighed.

  “I hear that. When we get there, we’ll have a look around, get settled in our cabin and meet our hosts. Then we can do whatever you’d like. How’s that sound?” Luke felt Sally’s curious gaze, but he only smiled.

  “We’ll be close to a river, sweetie. Maybe we can go fishing.” Sally glanced over her shoulder.

  Jen brightened. “From a boat?”

  “Just so happens Daniel rents boats. We’ll see what we can arrange,” Luke said.

  They crested a rise, and he braked. Below them, the road flattened out and became a well-groomed, two-lane gravel road. A green valley filled with wildflowers spread on both
sides of a meandering river, and snow-capped mountains stood sentinel on three sides. A small cluster of brown cabins hugged the foot of the mountain about twelve hundred yards north of their current position. Considering they were the only cabins he could see and the gravel road ended in their midst, that had to be their destination.

  Two minutes later, Luke parked beside an old white Suburban in front of the largest cabin and cut the engine. An equally old Ford pickup and a seventies’ model Chevy Super Sport waited there as well. Daniel appeared, banging through the screen door, and jumped off the top step, followed more sedately by a blond-haired woman and a towheaded little girl. Luke turned to Sally and nodded his head toward his friend, including Jen in his gaze. “Come on, ladies. I want Daniel to meet you.”

  Luke exited the vehicle and strode toward Daniel. All six feet of his rugged build exuded the friendly welcome Luke had expected. When they reached each other, Luke grasped the extended hand, but Daniel pulled him in for a bear hug anyway.

  “It’s about time you showed up, Luke. Did you have some trouble?” Daniel’s brow creased in concern.

  “Some, but we can talk about that later. I want you to meet some very important people.” Luke held his gaze for a moment.

  Daniel nodded and a lazy grin appeared. “So that’s how it is, huh?”

  “Now, Daniel, don’t you embarrass that girl.” The woman who had followed Daniel from the cabin hooked elbows with him and reached to shake Luke’s hand. “We’re so glad you’re here, Luke. I’m Ellen, Daniel’s better half.”

  “True, that.” Daniel nodded vigorously.

  Luke enjoyed her teasing banter. “Nice to meet you, Ellen. I hope it’s okay. I brought some friends.”

  Sally approached, her arm around Jen’s shoulders.

  “We love having company. The more the merrier, I always say. Right, Daniel?”

  “That’s the way of it around here.” He patted his wife’s arm.

  Jen quietly slipped her hand into Luke’s and her uncertainty came through loud and clear. “Daniel, Ellen, I’d like you to meet Sally Duncan and her daughter, Jen.”