Long Way Home

by Vaughn, Ann

  She smiled then laid her head back on his chest, letting her fingers lightly explore his six-pack abs. “Why do you think that is? Are we too career minded? Or is it really that we are perfectly matched like Miss Nettie and her friends said?”

  “Probably both…talk to me about this assignment, Tess. I gotta be honest, it scares the living daylights outta me to think about sending you into that. Have you really done your research on them? I’ve had run-ins with them over the last few years. I know what they are capable of.”

  She got up and grabbed his shirt to cover herself while she paced. “I’ve read up on them. I spoke with Laura Burney, the one woman who did manage to get out.”

  “I know Laura well. She and I have talked extensively about her time there. We could arrest them on her testimony alone but she’s too terrified of the Heltons to press charges.”

  “I know. She’s willing to help as much as she can behind the scenes but her fear of them is too strong for much else.”

  He sat up, leaning back against the headboard, sheet draped over his midsection. “Then you know what she says they do to women. They aren’t just some religious cult, Tess. It’s all a front for their sexual perversions.”

  “I know that…but if there’s a way I can help those women then I’ve got to try.”

  “Why you? How did you go from the Army to the FBI anyway?”

  She raked her hands through her hair and reached for the room service menu.

  “I’m starving, you want anything?”

  “In a minute. Talk to me, Tess.”

  With a sigh she put the menu down and resumed pacing. “I’ve told you some of this before. Gibson was CO of the Ranger battalion I was assigned to. I’d been with him ever since leaving Basics. His secretary retired a few months after I was assigned to his office. She liked me, thought I had a good work ethic and would be suited to his personality. We clicked. He took me under his wing and led me safely through nearly 8 years of service. It was a little over a month after he left to join the FBI that my convoy was hit by an IED. He came to see me in the hospital and offered me the position once I recovered from my injuries. He said he always thought my talents were wasted just doing technical support. That was two years ago.”

  “Two years? Why didn’t you tell me? All this time I thought you were still in the Army.”

  She shrugged. “I honestly don’t know. I just…we never really talked about our careers. Whenever I talked to you I just wanted to hear your voice and hear about you…and it’s not like you ever really talked about your job.”

  “No, but you knew what my job was, where I was living. I wasn’t off being a fireman when you thought I was a cop.”

  She stopped pacing and leaned against the credenza across from him. “I just….I didn’t want to get into deep dark discussions with you the few times we got to talk. Those precious few conversations carried me through all the crap I was dealing with. Can you understand that?”

  He got to his feet, uncaring of his nudity and came to her. He took her hands into his and raised hers to his lips.

  “Yeah, I do understand…and I know you aren’t the same person you were, but that doesn’t mean I don’t still feel protective of you. The thought of you going undercover and putting yourself in the path of those psychopaths terrifies me.”

  She closed her eyes when his arms enveloped her, allowing herself to feel soft and feminine for the first time in a long, long time.

  “Is there anything I can say to talk you out of this?” he asked, his voice thick with emotion.

  “Not really. Those women, girls really…they need help.”

  “Have you done undercover work before? Deep cover like this?”

  “Not this deep, no, but I have done short undercover stints.”

  “Damn,” he breathed, kissing her brow. “This kind of work, going in that deep and living a lie…it changes you, Tess…please, don’t do it. Let someone else go.”

  She drew back and looked up into his eyes, touched at his concern for her.

  “I’ll be all right. I can do this, Shane, you have to trust me.”

  “I do trust you…I just don’t want to see you get hurt any more than you already have been…and it’s not like you’re going to bust a drug ring or something. The Heltons are smooth, master manipulators. They can tell you the sky is purple and by the time they’re done with you, you believe them.”

  “I’m not so easily manipulated these days. Trust me.”

  He kissed her brow again and pulled her back tightly into his arms.

  “How about we get dressed and I take you to dinner?” he suggested, dropping the subject for now.

  “That sounds perfect...except you have no buttons left on this shirt,” she said, holding the edges out to remind him she’d ripped them off.

  “Got one in the truck. Let’s go.”

  Chapter Seven

  Over the next few weeks, Shane and Tessa continued to grow closer. Every day they trained, planned and prepared for her eventual entry to the Naturalists’ compound. He’d gotten her to give up her extended stay suite and move into his condo so that they were together every night. It was during the first couple of days of staying with him that Shane discovered she was having nightmares about the IED explosion. She fluffed it off, but he couldn’t quite dismiss it. He was concerned about how subjecting her to the Naturalists would affect her psyche down the road but the kicker was that he couldn’t mention the nightmares to Bruce or Gibson because if they weren’t sleeping together he’d never know about them.

  He had to admit she was good at what she did. She was an excellent shot, excelled at hand-to-hand, and did an amazing job at softening the hard Cop’s Eyes his men had questioned her on that first day. As D-Day approached, though, he couldn’t help but wish that he could somehow convince her not to go.

  The Wednesday before they planned for Tessa to attend a Naturalists Revival, Shane requested a meeting with Bruce and Gibson just before lunch. They met in Bruce’s office, just the three of them.

  “What’s on your mind, Shane?” Bruce asked.

  “Everything is ready for Saturday night. There isn’t anything more we can do. I’d like to take Tessa away until Saturday, just give us both a chance to breathe…and to say good-bye.”

  Gibson shook his head. “That’s not a good idea. This assignment is unlike anything Tessa’s ever done before. I need her fully focused and ready.”

  “With all due respect, sir, she’s as ready as she’s ever going to be. We’re about to send her in under deep cover. Who knows how long it will be before she can return to her own life. Give us this time.”

  “I agree with Shane,” Bruce said, “This case could take months. Let her have this last bit of freedom.”

  Gibson stood and stared out Bruce’s window to the bullpen where Tessa sat with the rest of the joint team going over the layout of the compound.

  “That girl is like a daughter to me,” Gibson confessed. “Do you have any idea what she went through in Iraq?”

  “I know her convoy was hit by an IED. I know that her uterus was so damaged by shrapnel that she was told she may never be able to have children…and I know that the first thirteen years of her life were Hell on Earth because her father beat her mother and constantly berated her. Don’t think for one minute that I don’t know what Tessa has suffered through. Don’t think that it’s not killing me to know we’re about to drop her right back in to that type of environment. It is. I know what it will do to her, what it will cost her…but I know that she wants this, and as much as it hurts me, I won’t stand in her way. I want to. I want to take her away from all of this and protect her, but she’d hate me for it…please…just give us this time together.”

  The room fell silent while the two older men contemplated what he said. He was fully prepared to take her without their permission if it came to it. Bruce knew it, he was sure.

  Finally, Gibson took a deep breath, released it. “Have her back here first thing Satur
day morning.”

  “Thank you,” Shane said, leaving the office.

  Gibson leveled Bruce with a look. “You said he wouldn’t let his feelings for her interfere with this investigation.”

  “They haven’t.”

  “He’s taking my lead asset away two days before the start of the operation.”

  “It’s the right thing to do and you know it.”:

  “Is it?” Gibson asked, watching Shane approach Tessa. “In all the years I’ve known her, she’s never dated. Some of the guys thought she was a lesbian…she told me about McCanton one time. We were in Afghanistan. She said he lost a baseball scholarship because of her, that he’d injured his knee in a fight with that POS who fathered her. She said she would never love anyone but him. I asked why she wasn’t with him and she told me she wasn’t good enough for him.” He turned back to face Bruce. “Truth is, he isn’t good enough for her. No one is.”

  Bruce smiled. “On that point, my friend, you are wrong. There’s no one more honorable than Shane McCanton.”

  Tessa had seen Shane enter Bruce’s office with Gibson and watched an animated discussion unfold. It looked heated between him and Gib for a few moments, but when Shane emerged his features seemed relaxed.

  “C’mon,” he said, offering Tessa his hand, “we’re outta here.”

  “What? But -”

  “Guys, see you here Saturday, 10 am.”

  “Later, Boss, Tessa,” Joe said.

  “What are you doing?” she asked, following him out of the office.

  “We’re checking out for a couple of days. How’s San Antonio sound?”

  She gaped at him. “Shane! We have to prepare for-”

  He stopped her in the elevator with a quick but heated kiss. “You are ready, Tess. It’s time to focus just on you for a couple of days.”

  She allowed herself to smile then. “San Antonio sounds perfect.”

  When they got home, he was on her the minute the door closed. Tessa laughed and eagerly welcomed him. She met him with equal passion, kiss for kiss, stroke for stroke. He took her hard up against the wall and she loved it, screaming his name when her climax came.

  “Uh uh,” he said, slowing, “more. Give me more.”

  He brought her to a second peak before carrying her to the bathroom and starting all over again in the shower. By the time they finally landed on the bed, Tessa wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to walk again…and she loved it.

  Shane held her tight in his arms, afraid to let her go. The past few months had been the best of his life. He couldn’t stand the thought of her leaving in a few days. The condo would seem empty without her; he didn’t know how he’d make it.

  “Shh,” she soothed, kissing the scowl from his forehead. “Don’t think about it.”

  “I can’t help it,” he admitted on a hoarse whisper. “I just got you back.”

  “It’s only temporary. I’ll come back to you.”

  “But we have no clue as to when…and…”

  “Let’s not talk about it now, OK? We’re together now…are we going to San Antonio?”

  He stroked her hair. “Do you want to?”

  “I just want to be with you.”

  He kissed her. “Get packed then. Let’s go.”

  In San Antonio they did their best to enjoy each other’s company and the city. They walked hand-in-hand on the river walk and took a riverboat cruise. They shopped and got massages at their hotel spa, and made love as if they would never see each other again. Tears streamed from her eyes each time and Shane wordlessly kissed them away. It was the most perfect time of her life. She loved Shane with all her heart and she knew he felt the same for her…and it was why she knew she would have to let him go, though just the thought of it broke her heart.

  She knew he planned to ask her to marry him. She’d seen the box in his bag when they’d arrived. On one level, she was thrilled; Shane was all she ever wanted; but it was foolish of her to dream of a life with him. He deserved someone who wasn’t damaged and who would give him a family.

  Feeling her heart break into a million tiny pieces, she hugged his arms closer to her and couldn’t stop the sobs that took over her entire body.

  “Tess…hey, what’s wrong?” he asked, trying to sit up. She kept a death grip on his arms which kept him on his side. “Baby, talk to me.” She shook her head, still sobbing.

  Shane placed tender kisses along her brow, smoothing her hair back, whispering soothing words to her. When nothing worked, he used his strength to pull his arms free, then proceeded to make love to her once again.

  “Tessa…look at me,” he demanded while they were still joined. “I mean it, Tess. Look at me!” he said forcefully.

  She slowly opened her teary eyes and focused in the dark on his deep blue ones.

  “I love you, baby. I always have and I always will. No matter what.”

  “Shane,” she cried, knowing what he would say next, “please, don’t.”

  He flexed his hips, moving deep inside her, making her gasp. “Marry me, Tessa,” he said on a thrust, “Say yes. Say yes.”

  “Oh, God…Shane,” she sobbed, pushing on his chest.

  “I love you so much, Tess. No one will ever love you more. What’s the line in our song? You’ll never find a love as true as mine.”

  “Let me up,” she panted, pushing on his shoulders, panic setting in. “Oh, God, Shane, let me up.”

  Stunned, he rolled away. She scrambled off the bed but her knees gave out and she crumbled on the floor, sobbing. He sat for a moment just watching her, trying to understand what was happening. He knew she loved him; knew she wasn’t flat out rejecting him but still, it hurt. It hurt to ask and to have her turn away from him. Finally, he got up and gathered her into his arms, sitting and cradling her in his lap, letting her cry it out, just stroking her hair.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered after several long moments.

  “Wanna tell me what you’re thinking?” he asked quietly.

  She drew a deep, ragged breath. “You deserve so much more.”

  “Than you?” he asked. She nodded. “Why would you think that?” Her hand automatically covered the jagged scar on her abdomen. “Because of that?”

  “I can’t give you children,” she whispered.

  He kissed her brow. “Do you really think I care about that?”

  “You should.”

  “Don’t tell me what I should care about,” he admonished gently.

  “You may not care right now but you will.”

  “Who told you that you couldn’t have children? An Army doctor?” She nodded. “We can go see a specialist, baby. Don’t turn away from what we have because of this.”

  “Shane,”

  “Do you love me?” he asked, cutting her off.

  “You know I do.”

  He reached over to the side table and pulled the ring box from the drawer. Opening it, he took the diamond out and slipped it onto the third finger of her left hand.

  “Wear this until Saturday morning and then I’ll keep it for you.”

  “You can’t give up a possibility of a family because of me.”

  He wiped tears from her cheeks with his thumbs, cradling her face in his hands. “I can’t live without you. Not now.”

  More tears fell down her cheeks. “This assignment-”

  “Is temporary, like you said. Don’t you want to be with me?”

  “I just don’t want you to miss out on…”

  He stopped her with a tender kiss. “I love you. If you want kids, we can adopt.”

  “But you could have-”

  “You. I want you, Tess. If we can’t have our own child, I’m fine with it just being us or adopting. Whatever you want.”

  She stroked his face and kissed him. “I love you,” she whispered against her lips.

  “You wanna get dressed and hit the river walk again?”

  She shook her head. “I just want to stay here in your arms as long as I can.”


  “I can do that. Wanna soak in the Jacuzzi?”

  Later that night when Shane had fallen asleep, Tessa went back into the bathroom to soak in the tub by herself and to try to sort through everything. She stared at his ring on her finger. It was beautiful, a large round diamond that she guessed to be two karats bordered on each side by two more diamonds, so five in all, set in platinum. It showed off her tan to perfection. She already loved it and hated that she’d have to give it up to him tomorrow…but if she allowed herself to be honest, it terrified her too.

  She did love Shane. She’d known, even that first day of Kindergarten that they were meant to be together. There was a niggling fear, though, buried deep in her mind, that told her she didn’t need any man; that her mother had completely lost herself to a man and she vowed that would never be her. Even though she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Shane was nothing like Harrison Kelly, it was hard to shake that fear.

  Her mind shifted to her upcoming assignment. The Texas Mountain Naturalists were a separatist group who believed Texas should once again be it’s own nation. They were also a pseudo-religious group who believed their Supreme Leader, Nathaniel Helton and his younger brother, Paul, were direct descendants of Jesus, a la the DaVinci Code. She really even hesitated to put them in the religious cult category, though, because they were basically anarchists using their own twisted interpretations of the Bible to cover their subjugation of women, both physically and emotionally.

  She looked up when the door opened and Shane came in. He was still nude from their last round and not a bit bashful.

  “You OK?” he asked, massaging her shoulders.

  “Mm, that feels good,” she moaned. “I’m fine…just getting my thoughts organized for tomorrow.”

  He kissed the top of her head and continued the massage. “I just checked my messages. Gibson’s got your condo and bank account ready to go. Closet is stocked so you won’t be taking any of your own stuff.”

  She nodded. “How long do you think it will take them to recruit me?”

  “Not long once they run a check on your financials, which I believe they will somehow do tomorrow while you’re in their tent.”