Choosing You

by Allie Everhart

  “When did you find this out?”

  “Ava told me at the party last night. I didn’t believe her so I called my dad and he confirmed it. He said it was both his and Katherine’s idea but I know it was all Katherine.”

  “Do Ava’s parents get a say in this?”

  “They were all for it. In fact they want me to go out with Ava for real. For some reason they like me. I have no idea why. I barely know them.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me this last night?”

  “We had enough going on last night.” He sees the distrust on my face. “I swear I was going to tell you about this. I just wanted to wait until after you had your talk with Frank.”

  I’m not sure I believe him. “So you still didn’t tell me what she said to you just now.”

  “Why do you have to keep talking about this? Just forget it.”

  I stand in front of him determined to get answers. “I didn’t like the way she was whispering in your ear and whatever she said seemed to really piss you off. Just tell me what she said.”

  He sets the pencil down and folds his arms across his chest. “You heard what she said. She wants me to act like a real boyfriend or she’ll start telling my dad about us again.”

  “What does that mean? Take her out on a date?”

  “Uh. No. She has plenty of guys who will take her out. And those guys can take care of her other needs as well because I’m sure as hell not doing it.”

  “Wait. So she wants you to have sex with her?”

  “It’s blackmail, Jade. Ava can get sex anywhere. She doesn’t need me for that.”

  “Hold on. Let me get this straight. So if you sleep with her, then she won’t tell your dad about us. But if you did sleep with her, there would no longer be an us. So that logic makes no sense.”

  He laughs, easing the tension that Ava has built up between us. “Yeah, she’s not that smart. She’s just being a bitch because she doesn’t like the fact that I’m with you.”

  “Doesn’t she know we’re not dating? Tell her we’re just friends.”

  He smiles just slightly and gazes at me with those gorgeous blue eyes. “Ava can see that you and I are more than friends.”

  “What do you mean? It’s not like we’re making out in the hall.”

  Garret unfolds his arms and holds both my hands. “Jade, aside from you, everyone on the planet can see that I’m completely crazy about this girl from Iowa who runs constantly and as is addicted to potato chips.”

  “Have I met this girl? Because she sounds really cool. I think we could hang out.” It’s a dumb response, but I wasn’t expecting to him say such a nice thing and I got nervous.

  “I don’t know what you do to me, but whatever it is, I guess it shows on my face because everyone knows how I feel about you. Not just Ava.”

  “Is my face showing anything?” I turn it right and left.

  He holds it straight again, his hand cupping my chin. “No, because you’re not into me yet. I haven’t won you over. But I’m working on it.” He gives me a quick kiss.

  Garret has totally won me over. I’m just trying desperately to hide it and I don’t even know why. Maybe because I still don’t trust him.

  I go over and open the drapes in my room, letting the light in. “When does this fake relationship start?”

  He sighs. “Next week there’s a charity event we have to go to but it’s during the day and it’s just for an hour, if that. They’ll get some photos of Ava and me together and then I’ll leave. But I’ll probably be forced to take her to that political fundraiser at my house in a few weeks.”

  “That sounds fun,” I say in my most sarcastic tone.

  “Yeah, I know.”

  I lie down on the bed and gaze up at the lights. They aren’t even on and yet they still make me happy because Garret went to all that work to tack them up there. “She’ll probably get you drunk and have her way with you.”

  Garret joins me on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. “I don’t get drunk anymore.” He reaches over and holds my hand. “And the only person getting her way with me is the one who’s lying next to me right now.”

  My lips curl into a smile and I get that strange feeling inside that I can’t quite explain. A feeling I’m still not used to, but one I crave to have again and again.

  “Jade?” He keeps looking up.

  “Garret?” I say, mimicking him.

  “Just in case I haven’t made myself clear, I like you. I like you a lot.”

  My smiles grows. “I like you, too.”

  We lie there quietly. I know I should call Frank but I also know that doing so will take away how good I feel right now and I just want a few more minutes of this.

  “I think we fell asleep.” Garret sits up and checks the clock by the bed. He nudges me. “We just slept for an hour.”

  “Really? It didn’t feel like an hour.” I get up from the bed. “I need to call Frank. I can’t keep putting it off.”

  Garret comes over to me. “Do you want me to stay here while you talk to him?”

  “No, I need to do this alone.”

  Alone. There’s that word again. It’s the only way I ever do things.

  “Okay. I’ll be right upstairs if you need me.” He holds his arms out. “But first, practice time.”

  “Ugh, not again,” I groan, slumping my shoulders and pretending to be annoyed.

  He picks up my arms and drags them around him. “I think you’re getting worse at this, Jade. Now tighten your arms up.”

  I hug him and keep hold of him because now I’m really getting nervous about talking to Frank. What if he knew about my mom and never told me? But he wouldn’t keep something like that from me, would he?

  Garret waits for me to end the hug, like he always does, but several minutes go by before I finally let him go.

  “Still needs work,” Garret says, kissing the top of my head. “Come upstairs when you’re done with your call.”

  When he’s gone I shut the door and get the letter from my desk drawer. I sit down at the desk and call Frank.

  “Hello?” His voice sounds tired.

  “Hi, Frank. It’s Jade.”

  “Hi, Jade. Do you have any fun plans for tonight?” Frank coughs loudly into the phone.

  “No, I don’t have any plans. Are you sick or something?”

  “Yes, I woke up with a cold this morning. Probably from too much activity.”

  “Did you go out last night? I called and you weren’t there.”

  “Ryan’s girlfriend insisted I go to the movies with them. I told her it would ruin their date night but she kept insisting I go so I did. Chloe’s a very nice girl. Very considerate. I hope it works out with those two.”

  “Wow, you haven’t been to the movies in years.”

  “Yes, I know. Chloe’s right. I should get out more. I had a good time. So did you do something with your friends last night?”

  “Um, yeah.” Technically, Garret is a friend so I’m not really lying.

  “What did you do?”

  “We just hung out here.”

  “You and Harper? I thought she went out on Friday nights.”

  This small talk is making me anxious. I just want to get this over with. He either knows about my mom or he doesn’t. I stand up and start pacing the floor, but my movement is limited by the short phone cord so I stand in place, twirling the cord around my finger.

  “Harper was at a party so I hung out with Garret.”

  He’s silent for a moment. “Well, as long as you had fun.” I can tell that Frank still hates Garret for ignoring me all those weeks. And he isn’t too thrilled with me, either, for letting Garret back in my life.

  “Frank, I have something to ask you.” I’m so nervous. But I shouldn’t be. It’s just Frank. He’s practically my father.

  “Go ahead. What do you need to ask me?”

  “I, um, I opened that letter you gave me. The one from Mom.”

  “Yes.” He moves away from the phone to c
ough again. “So what did it say?”

  “Well, it wasn’t about her hopes and dreams for me. It said something really strange. I’m not even sure I believe it.” I hold up the letter with the familiar handwriting. Just seeing it makes me shudder. “She said that a man attacked her back in college when she was working on a political campaign. She said he, um, he raped her. And that’s why I’m here.”

  There’s a loud noise as the phone on Frank’s end drops either to the table or the floor. “Frank? Are you still there?”

  Jumbled sounds fill the line, then I hear his voice again. “What else did the letter say?” His tone is almost angry.

  “She said that the man left her almost dead on the side of the road and that when she woke up in the hospital nobody believed her story. Not even the police. Or the doctors. No one. And then she got threatening phone calls.”

  Frank remains silent. All I hear is his labored breathing.

  “She said somebody purposely caused an explosion at my grandparents’ house. But I thought you said they died in a fire. Isn’t that what you told me?”

  His breathing gets faster, causing him to cough again.

  “Frank, did you hear me?”

  “Yes.” He clears his throat.

  “So what do you think?” I feel a giant knot forming in my stomach when he doesn’t answer. “Why aren’t you saying anything?”

  The silence continues. I wonder if he passed out, but then I hear him breathing hard again.

  “Frank, did you know about any of this?”

  After another long uncomfortable silence, he finally speaks. “Yes, Jade. I knew about all of it.”

  “What?” I slump down on the floor, leaning my back against the wall, the letter still in my hand. “What do you mean?”

  “Your mother and I were friends back then.”

  “I know you were friends, but in this letter she said she didn’t tell anyone. Well, she told the police and the hospital workers, but they didn’t believe her.” I quickly scan the letter again. “She said the only other people she told were her parents and a counselor and—” I find the section and read it again. “And a reporter from the newspaper.” It finally hits me. “Were you the reporter?”

  “I was her friend first, Jade. That’s why she told me. But yes, I was the reporter. I was working at the newspaper covering the caucus. Your mother was hoping I could convince my editor to do a story on what happened and maybe get the guy to confess. But I couldn’t do it. There was no evidence. I never told anyone your mother’s story. Even after all these years.”

  “But everyone who knew either kept quiet or was . . .” I flip the letter over.

  “Killed.” His tone is cold. It doesn’t even sound like Frank.

  The phone is silent until I’m able to speak again.

  “So my grandparents—it wasn’t an accident?”

  “No. This man knew your grandparents wouldn’t keep his secret. Plus their deaths were a warning for your mother to keep quiet.”

  “Why didn’t he just kill her? I don’t understand.”

  “I don’t either. I’ve never understood that. And luckily he never found out that she told me. If he had, I probably wouldn’t be here right now.”

  “You’re scaring me, Frank. What really happened back then? And why didn’t you ever say anything to me?” My hands are now shaking and I drop the letter on the floor.

  “I didn’t think your mother would ever tell you about this. If I’d known that’s what she wrote in that letter, I never would’ve—” He stops.

  “Never would’ve what? Let me see it?” I get up from the floor, my anger building again. “Why would you hide something like that from me?”

  “It’s the past, Jade. And you need to leave it there.” His tone is stern and somewhat threatening.

  “What is wrong with you? Why are you acting like this? Tell me what happened. My mom was crazy so half of the stuff in this letter probably isn’t even true, right?”

  “It’s all true. And your mother wasn’t crazy when she wrote that. She didn’t even drink back then. She was as normal as you and me.”

  24

  “Then what happened to her? How did she become the person I grew up with? Was it because of what he did to her? Or because they called her a liar and threatened her if she told the truth? Because I kind of understand that. It almost makes sense why she acted that way. She just couldn’t deal with it.”

  “That wasn’t it. Your mother was one of the strongest women I’ve ever met, at least she was back then.”

  “If that were true, then why did she start taking those pills and drinking?”

  “Just let it go. It’s over now. Your mother is gone. There’s no need to dredge up what happened nearly 20 years ago.”

  “Frank, how can you say that? You know I’ve struggled my whole life trying to figure out why she was that way and if I would someday—” I don’t have to say it.

  “You won’t turn out like her, Jade. What made her that way wasn’t her fault. There were bigger forces at work. She couldn’t help what happened.”

  I take a moment to try to figure out what he means. “Nothing you’re saying makes any sense. I don’t even know what you’re trying to tell me.”

  “Honey, I know you’ve always felt like your mother didn’t care about you or didn’t want you, but nothing could be further from the truth. I’ve told you that before many times.”

  “Yeah. And it was a lie. You saw how she treated me. She hated me. And now I know why. I just reminded her of what happened that night.”

  “Listen to me.” He sounds angry again. “Your mother risked her life to have you. If she didn’t want you, she would’ve taken his money and had it taken care of like he told her to. Instead she hid out for nine months so she could have you. She wanted you more than she wanted anything. She just wanted to be a mother. And they took that away.”

  “Who took it away? My father? Who is he? What do you know about him?”

  “Nothing.”

  “She would’ve told you, Frank. When she told you what happened, she would’ve said his name.”

  He’s coughing again. “I need some water. I’ll be right back.”

  A giant lump has lodged in my throat and immense pressure is building behind my eyes as I force myself not to cry. Frank has just admitted that he’s lied to me all these years. All those times I ran to his house, asking him to explain why she was that way, he could’ve told me. But all he did was listen, never saying a word. And he still isn’t explaining it now. If anything, he’s making me more confused.

  He’s gone so long I’m sure he’s not coming back. Then I hear the phone pick up again. “Okay, I’m here. What else do you need to know?” He sounds calmer now, but I can tell he’s had enough. He doesn’t want to talk about this anymore.

  “I want to know everything. I want to know who my father is. I want to know what else you know about my mom.”

  Frank takes a deep breath, then coughs again as he lets it out. “The answers won’t make anything better, Jade. You have a good life, now. You’re moving on. There’s no reason to dig up the past.”

  Dig up the past. His words remind me of Garret’s earlier words . . . you don’t want to go digging up the past. It’s dangerous.

  “What are you not telling me? Am I in danger?”

  “If you keep searching for answers,” he hesitates, “then yes. You could be in danger.”

  His words and the way he says them cause a cold chill to rush up and down my spine.

  “Then why won’t you just answer me so I don’t have to go searching? Talk to me, Frank. I don’t like the way you’re acting all cryptic like you know stuff but won’t tell me. It’s not fair and it’s freaking me out. I have a right to know the truth about my mother. She wouldn’t have wrote this letter if she didn’t want me to know these things.”

  “I don’t know why she wrote that letter. It was careless of her. She should’ve known better. If someone had found—” He st
ops suddenly.

  “Found what?”

  “Did you hear that?” Frank’s voice turns frantic.

  “Hear what?”

  “That clicking noise on the phone just now.”

  “No, I didn’t hear anything. Now what were you saying?”

  He pauses, listening for whatever clicking noise he thinks he hears.

  “Never mind. I want you listen to me. Leave this thing with your mother alone. Just let it be. Don’t go searching for answers. They won’t help you.”

  “Why does everyone keep saying that?”

  “What do you mean by everyone? Did you tell someone about this?”

  “I told Garret. Why?”

  “Dammit, Jade! Why would you do that?” Frank scolds me as if I should’ve somehow known not to tell anyone. “You are not to talk about this with him or anyone else. Do you understand?”

  “No! I don’t understand! You’re not telling me anything and it’s really pissing me off!” I yell it at him, then immediately feel bad for doing so. Even though I’m furious with the way he’s acting, I feel like I can’t get mad at him. I always feel that way with him. Like I can’t possibly get mad at someone who has done so much for me.

  “I’m sorry, but you need to trust me on this. You need to let this go.”

  We both get quiet and I know if I stay on the phone a second longer I’ll say something I’ll regret.

  “I have to study. I’ll call you later. Bye, Frank.”

  I hang up the phone. My body is aching to move. It needs to release the anxiety and confusion and rage that’s bottled up inside me. Why would Frank lie to me like that? Why would he keep that from me? And if I’m in some type of danger, why wouldn’t he at least tell me what kind of danger or who’s after me? I thought Frank cared about me. But I guess he doesn’t, at least not enough to tell me the truth. It’s just like I always say. You can’t trust anyone in this world. Not even the ones closest to you.

  Garret is upstairs waiting for me to tell him how my call went, but I can’t talk to him right now. Instead I change into my running pants and long sleeve shirt. When I get outside, it’s colder than I thought it would be. It’s probably only 40 degrees, with an even colder windchill. But that’s good. The cold will keep my mind focused on my body and not Frank or that stupid letter.