Captive Pride

by Bobbi Smith

She sensed the meaning behind his words and boldly took a step closer to Ben. “Really, Ben?” She touched his arm lightly, and there was an immediate feeling of real intimacy to the moment.

  Ben found himself caught up in a situation he wasn’t sure how to handle. Should he gruffly dismiss her question or confess to her his long-denied devotion? Frustrated by all aspects of his life at that instant and feeling that things could not possibly get any worse, Ben decided not to hide his true feelings any longer.

  “Yes, Ruth. It helps. Your warmth and hospitality are the only sweetness in my life.”

  “Just my warmth and hospitality?” Ruth pressed the issue. The feelings she had for Ben had long since passed being strictly friendly. She had been out of mourning for her husband for quite a while now, and she knew it was time to begin life again. Ben was the man she wanted in her future.

  Ben was trapped. He wanted to tell her that he had loved her forever. He wanted to sweep her into his arms and make love to her. Casting his fear of rejection aside, Ben gave in to the power of his wayward emotions and took her into his arms.

  “Ruth, my darling…you are the one constant that makes my life worth living,” he declared fervently just before his lips met hers. It was a soft, gentle exploration that sent shudders of excitement through him, and when Ruth molded herself willingly to him, he could hardly believe his luck. “Ruth?”

  “Oh, Ben! I’ve wanted this for such a long time….” She smiled up at him, her eyes alight with her true feelings for him.

  “You have?”

  “Oh yes,” she sighed, kissing him again.

  “I have, too,” he finally admitted when they drew apart. “You’re always in my thoughts…. I love you, Ruth. I always have.”

  “But, Ben, I never knew.” Ruth was amazed as they moved to sit together on the sofa.

  Ben shrugged almost guiltily. “I was afraid. I didn’t know how you felt about me.”

  “Oh, Ben, I love you, too.” She went into his arms again, thrilled at the joy of her newfound love.

  He was surprised by the discovery, his blinding happiness dimming his worries about the war supplies and Matthew’s confrontation with Noah. He gathered Ruth close, seeking out her lips for another cherishing embrace. He knew that from this moment on, no matter how dark the following days became, he would be happy. He had his love, and it was a love that would last forever.

  Noah sat at the desk in the captain’s cabin on board the Sea Pride, going over the contracts and manifests. At the sound of the door opening he looked up expectantly, thinking to find Captain Wells returning. He was surprised and pleased to find that it was his brother entering the room. Noah came to his feet and moved from behind the desk to greet him.

  “Matthew, I’m glad you’re here. I see you got my message this morning.” He hoped that Matt was the bearer of good news regarding his deal with the dissidents.

  “Yes, I received it.” Matt’s response was guarded.

  “And have you notified Graves?” Now that the Pride was in port, Noah was anxious to conclude the business negotiations as quickly as possible.

  “I did.” Matt sat down in the chair before the desk as Noah returned to his seat behind it.

  “And?”

  Matthew had been dreading this moment since he’d left Ben. He knew his brother’s loyalties, and he knew that there was very little real hope that he would change his mind. Still, he had to try.

  “Graves has sent word that they do not have the funds to complete the deal at this time,” Matt supplied levelly. “They do promise to make full restitution if you allow them to take delivery now and pay the balance due later.”

  “Damn!” Noah exploded. “I should have known they wouldn’t be able to come up with the money!” Angrily he got up and began to pace the small cabin. His expression was thunderous as he mentally calculated the cut in profit he would have to take in selling directly to agents to the Crown. “Tell him the deal is off. I warned them.”

  “Noah…surely you don’t want to cancel the whole thing,” Matt began.

  “The name of the game is profit, Matthew,” Noah replied dispassionately. “I trusted them once. I can’t afford to trust them again.”

  “What if I tell you I am willing to forgo my share of the profits if you will let Graves have the goods at the price they’ve now paid?” Matt considered this as the only solution for settling the problem to the benefit of both sides.

  “What?” His suggestion took Noah completely by surprise.

  “I want you to conclude the transaction with Graves, and any monies that are not forthcoming can be taken out of my share of the profits.”

  “I can’t let you do that!” he argued logically. “What are you going to live on? You have a wife now, and she’s dependent upon you.”

  “I am fully aware of my obligations, Noah,” Matt replied stiffly. “However, there are some things that take precedence. If the sanctions come, as they most certainly will, we have to be prepared. We need those supplies.”

  “Matthew,” Noah said in his most earnest tone, “you can’t be serious about this.”

  “I am.”

  “I can’t let you do this. What will you live on? How will you exist?”

  “If I have to, I will get a job. I’m not averse to hard work, Noah.”

  “That’s ridiculous! You’re a nobleman…a Kincade, for God’s sake! I’ll arrange a deal through Demorest. I should be able to clear enough to support us both for the time being,” he conceded.

  Matthew realized then that the change in his brother had been so complete, he was now sounding just like the avaricious English money dealers who’d gleefully claimed their possessions in payment of their father’s debts. “I don’t believe this….” he remarked, stunned as he perceived the overall view of everything that had happened to them and the final results.

  “What don’t you believe?” Noah glanced at him quickly, wondering at his tone.

  “I don’t believe that you’ve changed so completely. You’ve actually become one of them.”

  “What are you talking about?” Noah demanded in annoyance.

  “I’m talking about your obsession with money. Just now you sounded exactly like the bankers and debt collectors who scavenged our inheritance after Father’s death. Don’t you remember how callous they were? Money was all that mattered to them. They didn’t care about the lives that would be destroyed, or the traditions that would be broken—only the money mattered.”

  Matthew’s analogy jolted Noah deeply. For the first time he saw clearly how very greatly he’d changed and what those changes had wrought in his life. He had followed the path he’d thought would bring him happiness. He had believed that reclaiming their lost wealth and status would make him happy again, but now he knew it wouldn’t. Happiness was not related to things. Happiness came from within. In that silent moment of introspection, Noah accepted that he was not happy with himself.

  He understood then that his quest to return triumphantly to England with his pockets well lined had carried with it a price far too great to bear. He had forfeited his closeness with Matthew. Not only that, but he had been so wrapped up in his pursuit of riches that he had discovered his love for CC too late to do anything about it. Now she was lost to him, too. The social life he had once thought he’d missed no longer held any appeal for him. He was alone, and he was miserable. Lost in a vortex of despairing, yet revealing, emotions, Noah could not reply for long moments as he stared at his brother.

  Matthew, thinking Noah’s silence reflected unspoken anger on his part, went on to defend his position. “Noah, I don’t need money to be happy. I love Faith and the life we live here in Boston. All I want is to ensure that a free and open life will exist for our children and their children after them. It’s for that reason that I support the revolution. I’ve seen the injustices and the high-handed ways of the government officials. I know the Crown is treating us as if we were ignorant children. We are educated men, Noah, who are only demandin
g rights that should be ours already!” He paused, his troubled gaze fixed on his brother’s stony features. “Please, try to understand. I’m not alone in this. As you well know, the majority of those in Boston supported the dumping of the tea. Even CC Demorest—the daughter of one of the most important British agents in all the colonies—supports us without reservation. You know that.”

  “Yes, I know that,” he replied hoarsely, thinking of CC. He loved her, and she was lost to him. So often they had loved and had not known it. She had confessed as much last night, and he’d refused to declare himself, taking umbrage at her effort to help the rebellion. Noah wondered how he could have been so blind not to have recognized what he was feeling, and he silently cursed the pride that was making it difficult for him to admit the truth even now. All this time he had been intent on only one thing—making the money in order to return to England. In the course of that single-mindedness, he had almost missed the very essence that would make his life worth living—CC…beautiful, loving CC. Noah knew a moment of very real anguish as he thought of how he’d humiliated her the night before, and he wondered if her profession of love had been true.

  “I wish I could convince you to see things our way.” Matt was becoming more and more dispirited as he talked, for he thought Noah was, once again, refusing to listen. “I hate the fact that this caused a rift between us. I want us to be close again, like we were before all the trouble started…before Father died.”

  It occurred to Noah then that that was all he really wanted, too. “All right.” Noah’s reply was quick and brusque and left Matthew completely speechless.

  “All right?” Matt finally managed as he stared at him in wonder.

  “Yes, all right. You can have the goods.”

  “Are you serious?”

  “Have you known me to jest lately?” Noah fixed him with a steady regard.

  “Well…no…”

  “Then you know my answer is serious,” Noah said, suddenly feeling very relieved.

  “You’re selling us the goods, the payment doesn’t need to be made until later?” Matt repeated dumbly.

  “I’m selling you the goods for the money I’ve already collected. Tell Graves to forget the second payment. We’ve made enough profit just off the first half they’ve paid us to support us both for a while.”

  “Noah…I don’t understand.”

  “Well, I do, at long last,” Noah sighed. He raked a hand nervously through his dark hair as he glanced up at his younger brother, studying him with glowing eyes. Matt had become a man…a fine, intelligent man, and Noah knew he deserved the truth—all of it. “I’ve been wrong, about a lot of things. And you were very right about the money…. I have been obsessed with it, ever since that night….”

  “What night?”

  “The night James Radcliffe and I quarreled.” Noah looked away as the bitter memories flooded through him, and his hands clenched at his sides as he remembered the vileness of the other man’s accusations.

  Matt remained silent for a moment and then asked, “Do you want to talk about it?”

  Noah faced him. “I’ve never wanted to before. It was something I believed better off forgotten, but I think it’s long past time that you knew.” Noah took a deep, steadying breath, dredging forth from the depths of his soul all the ugliness of that night. “James had never made a secret of his dislike for me, and when he heard of Father’s death and our resultant losses, he seemed to take particular delight.” Though long suppressed, the memory of James’s sneering attitude and snide, underhanded comments still had the power to fill Noah with angry humiliation. It had been a painful time, and it was only with the greatest of willpower that he forced himself to continue relating all that had taken place. “I had been playing cards in the study with several friends, and he made a point of seeking me out. I had been aware of all the talk, but I was not prepared for such a vicious, open attack….”

  “What did he say?”

  “James claimed that Father was not only a gambler, but a drunken coward as well. He accused him of committing suicide rather than face up to his losses, and he proclaimed that I was, no doubt, just as much a weakling as he was.”

  Matthew paled at the revelation. “Suicide? Father? Never!”

  Noah nodded his agreement. “Up until that point, I had been managing to keep myself together. I had withstood the almost continual barrage of criticism and slights, but his insults pushed me beyond all reason. It had been bad enough that it had happened, but to have our family honor insulted was more than I could bear. No matter what else we are, the Kincades are not cowards.”

  “I’d always known that James’s insult had to have been grievous to have evoked such hatred in you, but I’d had no idea just how despicable the man really was. No wonder you responded as you did. I’m sorry….” Matt took a conciliatory step toward Noah, his heart aching as he understood finally his brother’s torment.

  “You have nothing to be sorry for.” Noah shrugged off his concern.

  “No, but I feel now that I should have been there for you. You’ve carried the burden all alone, all this time.”

  “It’s better that you didn’t know until now. You see, I’ve been too intent on what we lost. I’d lost sight of all that we had. I had forgotten what was really important in life.”

  Matt’s gaze met and held his, and they embraced then, as brothers long parted but now reunited. When they moved apart, the warmth and affection that had long been missing between them for some time had returned.

  “I’d better let Ben and Ryan know of your decision. Do you have a plan yet?”

  Noah nodded, “I want this done tonight. The sooner it’s over with, the better off we’ll be.”

  “What do you want me to tell them?”

  “Have them meet around midnight. As I estimate, the watch will be the lightest then, and there’ll be less chance of being caught.”

  “I’ll tell them. What about Captain Wells?”

  “I’ll take care of him,” Noah assured Matt. “Just tell Graves to make sure his men know that they have to move quickly and quietly. And one more thing.”

  “What?”

  “I don’t want you to be involved with the actual ‘stealing’ of the merchandise. You and I have to come out of this looking innocent, or we could be arrested for treason.”

  Matthew nodded his understanding. “What are you going to be doing tonight while all this is taking place?”

  “I hadn’t thought about it.”

  “Why don’t you return to the house with me now? You could stay with us, have dinner and spend the evening.”

  “Thank you, I appreciate the invitation, but perhaps it would be better if we all went to an inn for dinner tonight,” Noah advised.

  Matt frowned. “Why?”

  “Lord Radcliffe and I had a slight run-in at Winthrop’s, and in the heat of the unpleasant exchange he openly suggested that I was involved with the rebels.”

  “He did? Based on what proof?”

  Noah nodded, grimacing. “He didn’t have any definite proof, so his accusations were scoffed at by those listening, but I don’t want to take any further chances. I’m firmly convinced that Radcliffe is the one who’s having me followed.”

  “Lord Radcliffe?” Matthew was genuinely surprised. “But why?”

  “I’m reasonably sure it all started because of my involvement with Eve Woodham.”

  “He’s jealous?” A glimmer of understanding lit his eyes.

  “Evidently so, and there was absolutely no reason for it.”

  “But I thought…”

  “You thought wrong, Matthew,” Noah cut him off sharply. “There’s only one woman I care about, and that woman isn’t the lovely widow Woodham.”

  “She isn’t?” Matt asked, trying to subdue the lopsided grin that threatened.

  Noah scowled blackly at his brother’s amusement. “You’ve known all along what it took me until tonight to realize.”

  “You love CC?”r />
  “Yes. I love CC,” he answered flatly, “very much.”

  “That’s wonderful! I’m sure she cares about you, too. Why don’t you go to her and tell her how you feel?”

  “I can’t,” Noah refused quickly.

  “Why not?”

  “The reason why I can’t is none of your business. Just believe me when I say that things are finished between us.” He remembered how terribly he’d humiliated her, and he knew he’d destroyed any chance they might have had for happiness.

  “I’m sorry,” Matt said earnestly.

  “So am I…more than I can ever say.”

  There was a long, strained pause in the conversation before Matt brought up the subject of his encounter with Radcliffe again. “You didn’t say, but I want to know what you and Radcliffe argued about at the ball. Did you have words over Eve?”

  “No. We didn’t openly argue over her.” Noah gave Matt a measured look as he offered, “The general discussion had turned to the raid on the tea ships, and Radcliffe had made the remark that a show of force was needed to teach the dissidents here in Boston a lesson.”

  “He did?”

  “Yes. He called the rebels fools, and I told him, in so many words, that the only fools were those who were so anxious to issue sanctions against the entire town of Boston.”

  “You defended us…. Thank you.” Matt paused in amazement and then frowned. “I can’t believe that Radcliffe didn’t call you out for that remark.”

  “He did,” Noah answered.

  “He did?” Again Matt was astounded by all that had happened.

  “Yes, but I refused to take up his challenge.” Noah’s eyes solemnly met his brother’s as he searched there for understanding of his motive in turning down the duel.

  “I’m glad.” Vivid memories of the bloody clash in England still lingered in his thoughts.

  “Yes, well…so am I.” Noah was suddenly uncomfortable with all that he had revealed and he headed from the cabin. “Give me a few minutes to speak with Wells to make the arrangements for tonight, and then we can be on our way.”

  “I’ll wait here for you.”