He had to get a grip.
Shay frowned. He thought she was a groupie? Why would he think that? Then again, if he actually was some hot-shot NFL quarterback, it kind of made sense. She’d been in his bed after all.
If he really was, did that change the way she felt about him? Her gaze raked over him. Sure, it would make him that much sexier, but she’d been attracted to him when she suspected he was a criminal. Speaking of…
“So,” she began, “you’re not doing something illegal in that barn?”
His eyebrows yanked together. “What?”
“You were so secretive with your barn. I thought, maybe, I don’t know, you had a meth lab in there or something.”
Now his eyebrows jumped skyward. “You thought that? Really?”
“Well, it’s not impossible.”
His face settled into its normal hotness. “Yeah, I guess. But no. I promise there’s no meth in there. Or any other drug for that matter.”
Well, that was a relief. Assuming he was telling the truth. And he sure seemed to be. “Good. Because I don’t need to be around something illegal. I have enough problems.”
He looked thoughtful. “Is that why you left? Because you thought I was a drug dealer?” He frowned. “No. A drug maker. Geez, Shay.”
Gazing at him a moment, she decided to come clean with her thoughts. “That’s one of the reasons.”
“And the other?”
“I can’t…” She shook her head. “If I come back with you, I can’t have you, on a whim, changing your mind about me staying.” She paused a beat. “I need to feel…I don’t know. Some security, I guess.” When he didn’t reply, she feared that she’d been right all along, that he could never commit to that. “You know what? Never mind.” Her eyes cut to the side, in the direction she’d been walking, then she looked at him. “I…” She pointed in the general direction she’d been walking. “I should get going.”
“Hold up,” he said, his face serious. “Just…just give me a minute.”
“A minute for what?”
“I just…I need to think.”
She’d laid it all out for him pretty clearly, and now he needed to decide. Yes, he’d enjoyed that kiss more than he’d thought possible, and yes he wanted to protect her, but did that mean he was ready to commit to her living in his house indefinitely? To commit to…what? Being in a relationship with her? Was he ready for that? Is that what he wanted?
Not sure if he was ready for that step, he pictured his cabin. It was the place where he could recharge and regroup. A place where he could be on his own, where he could be away from the pressure for a little while. Would having her there ruin that, or make it better? He thought about how much he’d enjoyed preparing and planting the garden with her. Without constant care the garden would die. It was too young, too new. Did he want to take care of it all on his own?
He pictured himself in the yard, weeding and watering and doing whatever else he needed to do, all alone. Without Shay. Loneliness swept over him. He didn’t want to do it alone. And it wasn’t just the garden. He loved having her around. And to be honest, she didn’t seem overly impressed with the fact that he was in the NFL. That was a good thing, right?
Shay sighed, and then with a shake of her head, she frowned before turning and walking away.
She’d walked ten yards before Josh jogged up to her and stopped in front of her, forcing her to stop as well.
The corners of her lips tugged downward. “You’re in my way.”
“I need you to come back with me and help me take care of the garden. I, uh, I don’t know what to do next.”
Her lips pursed as her head tilted. “You water it, you pull the weeds that come up, and when the vegetables are ripe, you pick them and eat them. It’s not hard, Josh.”
She was really going to leave, wasn’t she? She wasn’t bluffing. She didn’t care who he was, that he was famous, that groupies fell all over him, desperate for a moment of his time. If he didn’t give her some kind of commitment, he would never see her again.
The thought sent him into an unexpected panic.
“How will,” he began, then he shook his head. “How will I know the vegetables are ripe?”
She stared right at him. “Google it.”
Right. “I’d rather have you there to tutor me.”
“I’m no longer available. Now, if you’d kindly step aside.”
The woman was determined. He had to give her that. “You win, Shay. I believe you now.”
“What?” Her eyebrows had bunched.
“I believe you’re no longer swayable.”
To his delight, laughter burst from her mouth. “Darn straight.”
“Okay. Now that we have that out of the way, will you come back with me?”
Her eyebrows rose as if she were saying really?
“I promise not to kick you out,” he said, finally sure that he wanted her around, that he was in no hurry to see her go.
Shay saw his lips form the words and heard them come out of his mouth, but she still had her doubts. Then she asked herself what was the worst that could happen if she went with him. If he was who he said he was, that meant it wasn’t unsafe, not like it would be if he was a criminal. So where was the danger?
But she knew what it was. The danger was in falling for him before having to say good-bye, because eventually she would have to go her own way.
“I…I don’t know,” she began.
His eyes were steady on her. “Maybe this will help you decide.” Without warning, he closed the distance between them, pulled her into his arms, and kissed her.
Emotions exploded within her—desire, security, hope. But also, determination.
Seconds later he pulled away, an expectant look on his face.
The kiss was magical, no doubt about it, and as much as she wanted to give in, to go with him, she shook her head. She wasn’t ready to make that jump. She needed to get out on her own, to prove to herself that she could do it.
Reaching up, she ran her fingers along his face. “Good-bye, Josh.”
Then with a last smile, she turned and walked away.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Stunned, Josh watched Shay walk away. She didn’t look back. She just kept walking. He wanted to go after her, to chase her down. For heaven’s sake, he was ready to beg her to stay. But he didn’t. Instead he stared after her, respecting her wishes no matter how much it killed him.
He sensed that this was something she needed to do, to go out on her own. She’d said as much in her note to him. He respected that. Even admired her for that. After what she’d been through, to see her taking the next step, to move on with her life, he had to give her props.
But as he watched her walk away from him and out of his life, he realized he wanted to be with her on her journey, to see where she went, to help her when she needed it, to just be there.
He took a step to follow her, then another, and then he stopped. It wasn’t up to him anymore. It was up to her. With lead in his gut, he stayed where he was, prepared to watch her until she was out of sight.
Shay was numb. She couldn’t believe she was walking away from Josh, the one man who had been so wonderful to her, who had done so much for her, who had come for her twice. Still, it felt great to strike out on her own, to make decisions for herself. To truly be unswayable. Even by an amazing kiss.
Lost in thought, it suddenly occurred to her that she hadn’t heard Josh’s ATV start up. Was he still there, watching her? Of course he was. But why? He was free of her now, truly free. Why wasn’t he getting on with his life? She was getting on with hers. A life without him.
Her pace slowed.
Did she want a life without him? She wanted to take control of her future, but what good would that do if she had to live with the regret that the man she was falling for was not part of that life? Was she ready to give up the happiness she felt with Josh just to prove a point?
Maybe taking control of her life, her future, was mo
re than going away and living on her own. Maybe taking control of her life meant consciously choosing who she wanted to be with. Not because of some amazing kiss, but because she wanted to be with him, wanted her future to be with him.
That first day, the day he’d sent her on her way, he could have forgotten she ever existed. But instead he’d come after her, saving her from those men in the black truck. And even though he’d been ready to drop her off in town, when he’d believed she was in danger, he’d stepped in to help. And now that he knew about Will, it would seem he was willing to do what he could to protect her.
The man was amazing. Beyond amazing.
Slowly turning, Shay took a couple of backward steps before stopping. Josh stood a few feet in front of his ATV, about fifty yards away, watching her.
As she stared at him, any indecision she had was gone. She wanted to be with him. No question. She chose him. Grinning, she walked toward him, and after a moment, he began walking toward her.
At first Josh hadn’t been sure what she was doing, but when he saw that bright smile on her face, he knew. She was coming for him. He broke into a run and after only a few moments he reached her.
“Hey,” he said, unsure what was going on in her mind.
Her green eyes sparkled. “Hey.”
“Are your feet sore already? Even in those shoes?” He looked at the sneakers on her feet.
She glanced down, then smiled at him. “These are actually quite comfy.”
“Really? Where’d you get them?”
Tilting her head, she said, “A nice man bought them for me.”
“Huh. He does sound pretty nice.”
She laughed. “He is. He’s also not too bad at gardening.”
Now Josh grinned. “I’ll bet he has a good teacher.”
“The best.”
Josh gazed at her, wanting nothing more than to kiss her again, but he held back. “Why’d you come back to me?” His voice was soft.
Her eyes were locked on his. “I changed my mind. I want to go with you.”
Thrilled, he decided it would be wise not to question her, but rather to go with it. “All right.” Desperate to kiss her, but not wanting to give her a chance to change her mind again, he swept his hand toward his ATV. “Let’s go.”
Seconds later she climbed on behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist. Feeling her there, tucked against him, knowing she would be safe in his care, Josh felt a sense of protectiveness like he’d never felt before.
“Hang on tight,” he said, then he started the engine before driving the ATV across the road so he could drive in the other direction. He drove along the shoulder, his mind going from one thought to another—how long would Shay stay? What if Will found her? But how could he find her? She would be safe at his cabin. What would happen when it was time for Josh to go to Sacramento and join his team? What would happen to Shay? Where would she go?
Not wanting to think too far ahead, he turned his focus back to the road, but just at that moment a deer stepped out of the woods and right into their path. Josh swerved to avoid it and the ATV tumbled onto its side, throwing him to the ground. Pain exploded in his right shoulder. Gritting his teeth, Josh rolled onto his back, then lifted his head, frantic to find Shay, to know if she was all right.
At first he didn’t see her, but then he did, and his worry ratcheted up several notches. She was lying on her side, facing him, her eyes closed.
“Shay, are you okay? Shay!”
When she didn’t respond, not even a twitch, he knew she had been knocked unconscious. Using his left arm, he pushed himself into a sitting position, but a wave of dizziness kept him from standing. Hanging his head between his bent knees, when the dizziness passed, he crawled over to her using just his left hand.
Pressing a finger against her neck, he felt her pulse, steady and strong, and he loudly exhaled. Moving his hand to her face, he gently stroked her cheek.
“Shay,” he said, his voice tight with worry. “Shay, can you hear me? Wake up, Shay.”
No response.
Panic-caused adrenaline dumped into his system and his first instinct was to scoop her up and get her back to his cabin where he could call for help, but he knew not to move her. What if she’d broken her neck or her back? Terror at the thought made him forget his own injury until, when he automatically reached out to her with his right hand, excruciating pain radiated out from his shoulder.
Cradling his right arm with his left hand, he breathed through the pain, his gaze never wavering from her face.
If something happened to her…
“Do you need help?” a voice called from behind him.
Startled, Josh swiveled his head in the direction of the voice and saw a man and a woman standing there, a car parked on the shoulder behind them.
“Yeah,” he said. “Can you call an ambulance?”
The man pulled his phone out of his pocket, stared at the screen, then frowned. “I don’t have service.” He looked at Josh. “Maybe I can,” the man began as he looked at Shay. “Take you to the hospital?”
“No. She can’t be moved. Just…keep on driving, and once you get service, call 911.”
The man nodded. “I’ll hurry.”
Relieved that help would soon be on the way, Josh smiled. “Thanks.”
When Shay woke up she was lying on a stretcher in an ambulance. What had happened? Why was she there? Was she hurt? She had no memory of getting hurt. The last thing she remembered was getting on Josh’s ATV.
Josh! Where was he?
Her gaze frantically searching, when she didn’t see him, panic built inside her.
“You’re awake,” a man in an EMT uniform said from beside her. “How are you feeling?”
“Where’s Josh?” she said, her voice scratchy.
“He’s fine,” another man said from behind her head. “He’s in another ambulance. He’ll meet us at the hospital.”
“What happened?” she asked.
“You were thrown from an ATV.”
“Do you feel pain anywhere?” the first man asked.
Shay paused while she took stock of her body. “Just my head.” She reached up to touch her head and saw an IV trailing from inside her right elbow.
“You have a concussion, Shay.”
Confused, she asked, “How do you know my name?”
“Your friend, Josh. He told us.”
Her thoughts muddled, she asked, “Where is he? Is he okay?”
“Yes. He’s fine. He’ll meet us at the hospital.”
Josh was okay. Letting her eyes slip closed, Shay tried to relax as the ambulance raced down the road.
When they reached the hospital, Shay was beyond relieved when she saw Josh being wheeled into the emergency room right behind her. His right arm looked like it had been immobilized, and she worried about what had happened to him. Will had broken her arm once, and the pain had been horrible. Imagining that Josh was feeling something like that made her sad.
But he was awake, and when their eyes met, he smiled at her, and she knew everything would be all right.
When Josh saw that Shay was awake and alert, relief blasted through him. If something had happened to her because of him, he didn’t know what he would do. From all appearances, she’d been through enough with her ex. He didn’t want to add to that. He wanted to ease her suffering.
They were wheeled into separate rooms in the ER, and after some tests, the doctor entered the curtained-off area where Josh was waiting.
“You have a grade II AC joint separation—a separated shoulder.”
“How long will it take to heal?” Josh asked, worried about the upcoming season. If he couldn’t throw, he couldn’t play.
“In my opinion, you don’t need surgery, so I’d say six to eight weeks.”
That news wasn’t terrible, although he worried about the condition his shoulder would be in once it had finished healing.
“Thanks, doc.”
The doctor nodded, then after fit
ting Josh with a protective sling, he gave him a few instructions before leaving the room.
Knowing his injury was newsworthy, Josh called his agent, Steve Thornton, to let him know what was going on.
“The team doc will want to see you,” Steve said.
“Yeah. I figured as much.” Josh adjusted the sling, his mind on Shay and how she was doing.
“I’ll prepare a press release and release it later today.”
“Sounds good. Thanks, Steve.”
Chapter Thirty
Though she had a headache, Shay hadn’t thrown up. The doctor told her that was a good sign and that if she still hadn’t thrown up in the next hour, she could leave.
Wondering how Josh was doing, she considered going to find him, but decided it wouldn’t be a good idea to barge in. What if he was talking to the doctor? Then again, what was going to happen when it was time for her to leave? She’d told Josh she wanted to come with him and he’d seemed happy about that, but what if now that they were away from his cabin he changed his mind?
Worried again about her future plans, the pounding in her head increased.
“Is it okay if I come in?” a voice called through the curtain surrounding the bed where Shay rested.
Recognizing Josh’s voice, Shay smiled despite her discomfort and concern. “Yes.”
He pulled the curtain back and stepped into the small space, his right arm in a sling. “Are you okay?”
Besides the headache, she felt all right. “Yeah.” Trying not to think too much about what would happen next, she pointed to his sling. “What about you? What’s wrong with your arm?”
Frowning, he said, “It’s not my arm. I have a separated shoulder.”
Shay had no idea what that meant, but it didn’t sound good. And if he was an NFL quarterback, that made it even worse. Could an injury like that end his career? What had she done now and why did she always mess things up so badly? Tears sprang into her eyes. “I’m so sorry.”
Josh pulled up a chair and sat close to her bedside. “You have nothing to be sorry about.”
Illegal Procedure (Fair Catch Series, Book One) Page 14