by Shay Hunter
“We were never friends. Why do you think it was so easy for me to fuck your nigga? Bitches like you, use bitches like me to make you look good or feel better about yourself.” I smirked. “But there’s nothing like learning that the man you thought was all about you and could never see himself being with a chick like me.” I shook my head. “So when is he supposed to step to me?”
“Step to you?” she leaned in. “Girl, we didn’t even have a conversation about you. Why would I when I know that you will be in the wind like the other chicks? You’re a dust ball and when you and the rest of them bitches get blown away I will still be here. I’m always here.” She stood up and flung her long hair over her shoulder. “Because chicas like me are timeless. Ask about us.”
****
I had one mission and it was to get pregnant by Killer for spite. I don’t even know if I was going to keep it or have an abortion. It wasn’t like I never had one before. In my lifetime I had about ten, so many that I wasn’t sure if I could even hold a child in my womb. But first I had to answer Killer’s calls. It felt good that he was calling me like a maniac not to hurt me for revealing our relationship to Sprinkles but because he missed me.
So when he called me again while I was in bed sleep I finally answered. “Hello.”
“Babe, why the fuck you ain’t been answering my calls? You got a nigga thinking something happened to you.”
“But I was at the club, Killer. I know you knew that. Why didn’t you just come?”
“Because I still got beef and don’t want niggas knowing my hours.” He paused. “Now open the door. I’m in front of your house.”
I excitedly popped up and pushed my blinds to the side. Sure enough he was out there looking up at me with a bouquet of red roses. I didn’t know Killer as a romantic type of dude but I must admit it was refreshing to see his face. Finally he was chasing me and I decided to play it to the fullest.
When I let him in he handed me the flowers and kissed me on the cheek. When I put the roses in water he was right behind me, looking down on me. Now with anger. “Who you been fucking? Huh? And you better not lie to me.”
“What?” I frowned. “Nobody.”
“If I find out you letting a nigga in my pussy I’ma hurt you, Cupid. You know that right?”
I rolled my eyes, walked away and flopped on the sofa. This story between us was getting so old. “Christmas is in a few months, Killer. What you gonna do with me? Who am I gonna be with why you telling Sprinkles all the reasons you love her. Huh? Do you know how lonely it feels to be by yourself during the holidays?”
He sat next to me and touched my thigh. “Don’t do this shit.”
“I’m serious. I want to be loved, Killer.” I positioned myself so I can look into his eyes. “And I want someone sleeping every night in my bed.”
“I bought you that big teddy bear so you should be good.” I would’ve laughed but he was dead serious. A smile hadn’t cracked his face. “What else do you need?”
“You! I need you! Don’t you see that?”
He dug into his pocket and handed me a stack of cash. “That’s enough for your bills for two months. As far as a nigga being in your bed every night you gonna have to settle for me during the days when I can get away from Sprinkles.” He paused. “But you can never deal with another dude. I’m sorry because I know it’s fucked up. But it’s also true.”
“You wrong.” I looked down and shook my head. How could I get myself into this shit? I’m too young to be messing with a man part time because I love that he’s rough with me, fucks me right and gives me cash every now and again. At the same time I don’t want to be with no body else. I lied when I said I had a whole bunch of people on my list. The truth is outside of Killer there is no one else.
Probably will never be.
“Oh and before I forget, I heard about the skin lightening shit you planning to do. If you get any lighter, just one shade I’m not fucking with you.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Why? You deal with Sprinkles and she’s Latina.”
“I’m not trying to hear that! You do that shit and it makes me think you’re insecure. And I’m not about to sit up here and tell you how beautiful you are. I’ve said that enough. But I’m gonna make myself clear. Look one inch lighter than what you are now and you done. And I’m dead serious.” He paused. “Now I got some liquor outside in my truck. Trying to get tossed up with me?”
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
SPRINKLES
It had been months since Scholar went back to prison and Killer was getting on my nerves. Now I wish they took his ass too.
He acted like he was responsible for his brother’s life and choices. Scholar went to prison because of things he’d done in the past, which included violating his parole and murder.
Killer needed to get over it and soon.
“He’s bad, bae. Real bad.” Killer leaned back in the passenger seat as I drove us home. “I don’t know how many more days he can handle it.” He rubbed his forehead. “How you gonna let a nigga come home for a few days and then throw him back to the wolves?”
“The wolves?” I repeated. “He’s been in prison for years, Killer and he’s a grown man. He’s gonna be alright. You act like he’s an innocent child. Your brother is a coldblooded murderer. Sat right on our sofa and said his passion was blood. Don’t you remember?”
He laughed. “Yeah, aight, Catalina.”
I raised my eyebrows. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You did a little bid that one time but it’s different for dudes. He can’t get his pussy licked while he’s doing his stint. It’s tougher for us.”
“So because I didn’t do as much time as he did you don’t respect my opinion? I mean since when did we get there?”
“My brother ain’t no fuck boy and jail is hard time for him. If you taking shit personal that’s on you.” I pulled over, parked and looked over at him. “Just take us home. I’m not in the mood for an argument.”
I knew he wanted to fight but after the shit I heard from Cupid he should be glad I wasn’t clawing his eyes out.
“What I really want to know is why you came at me on some dyke shit. Since you’ve known me I’ve never been with another woman.” I paused. “So where is all this coming from?”
He sighed. “I heard about that freak show you put on for Mayzon.” He leaned the seat back and closed his eyes. “Had niggas calling me saying my bitch a lesbian now.” He yawned and rubbed is stomach.
His lax attitude got my temperature boiling. I took a lot of shit over the past few months after learning that he was fucking my best friend. I didn’t bring it to his attention because I have my own plans for both of them. But now here he is, lying back in my car while he’s insulting me.
I laughed. “You know what, niggas gonna talk regardless. You telling me about what people saying to you about my show for Mayzon when that bitch helped put food in your gut. How you sound? I came up on about ten thousand dollars after that show.”
He popped up, looked over at me and frowned. “You must take me for a lame.” He paused. “Is that what you think? Huh?” I saw his temple pulsate and I swallowed the lump forming in my throat.
I took a deep breath because I couldn’t back down with Killer. He would run all over me. “No…I take you for a nigga who’s getting what he deserves. You come for me and I’m gonna come right back for you, Killer. I’m not about to kiss your ass anymore and let you talk recklessly when you don’t even deserve my loyalty.
I knew Killer didn’t like being taken care of especially since he made a lot of money. That’s why I got him with a low blow about Mayzon.
“Are you crazy, bitch? Or you just trying to see if I would ever hit a woman?” I waived my hand and he gripped my fingers and squished them together. “Don’t fucking disrespect me like that again.” He squeezed harder. “Ever.”
“Killer…let…my…hand…go.” I looked dead into his eyes and he finally released me. My fingertips were as red as
cherries. “I like how you can treat me like you don’t give a fuck but you treat your brother like you’re in a relationship. Your priorities are all over the place.”
He shook his head. “I’m getting so tired of this shit.”
“It’s true! You don’t give a fuck about me or about how you make me look in front of other people but I’m not going to take it for much longer.”
He laughed. “Can’t believe you’re sitting over there pretending to be the victim.” He shook his head. “If anything you should open that car door, get out and kiss the bottoms of my sweaty feet. Especially after everything that I’ve put up with you.” He paused. “And as far as my brother is concerned if you not gonna respect him don’t even say his name. I love you, Cat. I do. But I’m getting tired of you being ungrateful. Keep it up and you won’t have to worry about our relationship because I’m cutting you off for good.”
****
I was sitting in my dressing room when Ohio walked inside. She stood next to me. “Mayzon is coming again tonight. Trying to work with me on the stage or are you gonna use Cupid’s snake ass again?” She combed her hair over her shoulders with her fingers.
“Ohio, I’m not dancing for Mayzon tonight.” I looked at my watch. “What are you even doing here? The club doesn’t open for another hour.”
She sat in the chair next to my vanity mirror. “I could ask you the same thing.” She looked at my dress. “You always look so nice. And pretty…why are you with Killer when you could have anybody?”
I shrugged. “I love him.” I paused. “Why does anybody take as much shit as I do from a nigga?”
“But he’s not even your type. He’s big, fat, mean and dangerous. You could do so much better. Why don’t you?”
“Ohio, did you come in my room to insult my dude? Because if you did you can just turn around.” I removed a few new outfits from my bag that would be used for tonight. “I’m not in the mood for too much these days.”
She nodded. “You know he fucks half of the girls in the club right? Not just Cupid.”
I looked over at her. “Whatever is going on in my relationship is personal.” I rolled my eyes. “And even if it’s true why are you telling me? We’re not best friends.”
“To tell you the truth I don’t know why. I just…I just…”
“What was the fight about? The one you had with Cupid in the donut shop?” I wanted to know if Cupid was being honest when she said she fought her because she was on to me being the one who set Scholar up to go back to prison.
“We fought because I approached her about fucking Killer. I been known she got with him and I wanted to get in her face about it.” She sighed. “So when you gave her the hook up by letting her dance with you for Mayzon I decided to bust her bubble and tell you. Especially since you normally pick me. But she was in your room.”
My eyes widened. I don’t know why I was shocked. Ohio straight up told me she was a snake. I guess I wanted to believe that one part of Cupid’s soul really gave a fuck about me. Especially since I had her in my home and around my nigga. Instead she lied.
“How did you know?”
“I overheard them talking one day in Skeezers…when nobody was here.” She sighed. “The truth was me and Killer had been fucking each other too so I didn’t have room to get mad. But I wasn’t your friend so it was cool.” She paused and I felt my stomach swirl. She was talking about doing my dude as if she was talking about the news. “We got into a fight one day at Skeezers when he said he couldn’t see me no more because it was too close. You know with us both working at the club and all.” She stood up and walked across my dressing room.
“So I went to talk to him but when I did I caught him talking to Cupid instead. Consoling her about something.” She shrugged. “I got so mad and I never got over it. Even flattened Cupid’s tires the day we got into a fight at the donut shop to get back at her.”
My body was trembling and pulsing with anger. “What makes you think I won’t slice your face into a million pieces? You already know how I get down, Ohio. So why do you feel so safe?”
She shrugged. “I don’t care what you do.” She sighed. “I kind of want you too.”
“Why you say that?” I frowned.
“Because I’m tired of my life. I’m tired of everything, Sprinkles. Including Skeezers. If I wasn’t scared about the fall I would’ve jumped off a building a long time ago.” She paused. “I need an escape and if death is the answer then—”
“Get the fuck out, crazy bitch!”
“Sprinkles—”
“Go!”
She jumped. “I’m sorry. For being so heavy. I was wrong. I just…I just need some help. Forgive me.” She walked out.
I stood in my dressing room feeling every part of my body pulsating with anger. Killer had gone too far. He passed my limits a long time ago but now these bitches felt comfortable enough to step to me. Where was the respect for the main bitch? And why did I let her walk out? I’m Latina and if we don’t do anything else we defend ourselves and slice.
I reached in my bag preparing to give her what she wanted when I heard Levine’s voice in her office. She sounded distraught and I tiptoed toward her door. From where I stood, out of her view, I could hear her talking.
“You have to take care of him, Marvin.” I figured he was on the phone because I hadn’t seen Marvin here since Killer beat his ass. “Or should I tell Jameson what you planned to do to him? And how you tried to shoot him but missed? Don’t push me, Marvin. Never push me. I’m desperate and liable to do anything.”
Oh my God! Levine was trying to murder Killer? Why hadn’t I put that together before?
She hated him!
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
CUPID
It’s Christmas and I’m fucking miserable!
Killer said he had something for me and would bring it by tomorrow but what about tonight? What about my needs? I wanted to grab one of my softest quilts, cuddle on the sofa and watch Christmas movies and I wanted him to be with me. Instead I got a broken heart and a dry pussy.
When my phone rang I rushed toward it hoping I would hear his voice. I had been texting him non-stop and when I answered the phone he yelled at me. “Killer…can I at least have a chance to tell you my side of the story before you scream at me on a holiday? Because it’s obvious you not trying to hear anything I’m saying. You didn’t even say Merry Christmas!” A tear rolled down my cheek.
“You too fucking old not to know the rules of the side bitch game, Cupid.” He was whispering and I figured Sprinkles was near. “Now I said I’ll get up with you tomorrow. Don’t hit me until then.” He hung up and I tossed my phone in the couch.
With my arms folded over my chest I knew I had to do me. Killer got to have Sprinkles and me so why couldn’t I do the same? I needed personalized attention. I was done trying to shake him because I knew that would never happen. He was in my life from now until someone killed him. I picked up my cell and called Bryson, one of Killer’s roadies.
He must’ve had my cell phone number programmed because he said, “Cupid…is that you?”
I smiled. His excitement made me feel good. Finally a nigga who appreciated my attention. “Yep, just calling to see what you doing. Got plans for the night?”
“Even if I did have plans they’re dumped if I can spend the day with you.” He cleared his throat. “But look, where you at? We can rap on the cell phone but I’d prefer to do it in person.”
“Home…you wanna…you wanna…”
“Cupid, I know it was probably hard calling me. This not even your style and I get that. And I know you’re probably not sure why you’re even doing it. But I want you to know that spending time with me won’t be a bad thing. For either of us. I know how it is to be alone on the holiday.”
I stood up and walked over to my dining room table. I’m not even sure why I did. Maybe to get my blood going because I felt faint. Calling Bryson and inviting him over my house had serious implications. This could
blow up in my face and ruin my chances with Killer for good. Or get me killed. But I’m starting to believe that he doesn’t care how I feel. I’m lonely and I deserve to have someone just like he has Sprinkles.
So why was it so hard to just do me without feeling guilt?
“How do you know?” I exhaled. “I mean…how it feels to be alone on Christmas? You a man and ya’ll own the world. You’re easy on the eyes too so any girl would be happy to spend the day with you.” I laid it on thicker than normal although I didn’t know why.
“Thanks for the compliment, sexy.” He paused. “And I know what it feels like because I was married for five years. I’m young but I loved my wife, Cupid. I did everything I could to prove to her that I cared about her. We met in high school and had been together ever since.”
I didn’t know he was married. “How old are you?”
He laughed. “’Bout the same age as you I think. Twenty-five. Niggas say all the time that I act old but that’s just because when it comes to relationships I take them very seriously. I don’t jump into things just for pussy’s sake, even though it ain’t a problem for me to get it.”
I nodded even though he couldn’t see me. Bryson was tall, brown skin and very attractive. If choosing to be with him was based on looks I would’ve gotten with him a long time ago. What made me leery was the intensity he used when looking at me. There have been many times when I was dancing on stage and would look across the room because I could feel someone not just admiring my dance, but looking through me. Like if I was a plate of food he would devour me.
To be honest he gave me the creeps sometimes and I was trying to feel him out. But I was willing to put that to the side if he could make me feel better about my situation with Killer.
“So are you single? Whatever you tell me won’t determine our friendship. I just want to know.”
“You don’t have to explain everything to me before you ask a question. We’re just talking, ma. And you get to know people by asking questions so it’s cool.” He paused. “But yeah…I use to date one of Killer’s friends but we grew apart.”