Rent Boy

by James Anthony Ford

  As my mum, Sam and I grabbed all our necessities and shoved them quickly in our bags, leaving behind the furniture and other stuff we quickly rushed out the door and jumped into my mum’s car. Bob was begging mum not to leave but she was totally ignoring him. We were about to drive off and came over to my passenger window. I opened it down, just hoping he could attack me just for that one last time. I was not scared I was actually hoping he would as I would have attacked him back twice as hard. He just stared at me with the most evil look on his face and said “See?...this is what you have done, I hope you know this is all your fault.....”. I didn’t say anything I just him and evil grin back and laughed. Mum jumped out of the car and yelled “NO Bob, it’s YOUR fault, I hope your happy now!”. As we sped off reversing down the driveway, Bob stood there. Looking sorry for himself, he looked like a lost shaggy looking puppy. As we sped off I wound down the window and yelled;

  “Who is the bastard now you arsehole? Enjoy now what you deserve, IT’S OVER!”

  He didn’t say a word. I could sense his tears of sadness. It was pure release. It was a prayer for dying, and now a new song for the living. It was the final curtain call. We are free. Free to start again.

  …………………………………………………………………………………………………

  Chapter six..........Head on

  The silence in the car after we left Bob was deafening but I felt a sense of happiness and even started thinking about what the future would hold of us. My mother had tears rolling down her face as she was driving but I think she was angry more than anything. Angry that this event had destroyed our family. But she didn’t blame me although I did feel partly to blame. “I’m sorry mummy” I said with deep sorrow. She gave me a sweet loving look and put her hand on my head and said “It’s not your fault, he’s a bastard and has a problem, we will be fine, like always, you’ll see, we will be fine” She said. I knew she was right but had no idea where we were going or what we will do next. Life was uncertain now but I felt like things were going to be okay now. I could feel it.

  That same night we ended up staying in a nearby motel and it gave mum a chance to tell our Oma what has happened. I think Oma was relieved as well. Although my Oma is of age, she’s a very clever woman and very switched on. She knew this event was coming. We ended up living with our Oma for a couple weeks until mum found a house in the same local area we lived in. We rented the house and it was not the Hilton but it was nice and very large. We also took our puppy dog as well as she was part of our family, she does not deserve to be with Bob. Bob needs isolation and I hoped he suffered from it. It was just right for our ‘three musketeers’ family. It was not long until we all got back on track and on with our lives again. Surprisingly though, considering the event of leaving Bob that day was so intense for all of us. I guess the love of our little family helped us emotionally and my mother treasured her boys as her life. We were her everything. Mum continued to work as before, Sam went to school, I went to college and still worked part time at Pizza Hut to help with income. But soon I thought it was time that I discover my identity and start to become more independent. I was happy living with mum at the age of eighteen but I had a zest of what is out there in life and was so curious about discovering my own sexuality. I just could not do this living with my mother. I love my mum, but I need my space and living on my own gave me the freedom to experience new things. I was of a legal age so there was no excuse to ignore the things in life that only an adult can experience. I had to know, I had to discover, I wanted action.

  I began looking for jobs in the Melbourne city area, just doing bar tending or waiter work whilst I was doing my film course. The plan was if I could find a job closer to the city then I could move closer to the city. The city was also where the gay scene thrived which I had only heard about at that stage. I went for a few job interviews in the city area and whilst I was there I came across some flyers and free newspaper publications in some trendy shops that were based on events and happenings in Melbourne gay community. So I picked them up and took them home. Initially I found it quite intimidating, especially the picture of men kissing and the articles they had in there which were quite explicit in content. Articles like safe sex and recreational drug use. These were topics I was not quite used to. I found them overwhelming but so very, very interesting and made me even so more curious about the gay scene. I had to learn more. I discovered that there really was a complete gay community out there, living in unity, and happy. But most of all it appeared that it was all about fun and excitement and the made the impression that being gay was just as normal as being straight. It made me feel more confident about it and even more determined to indulge in the gay life. My only problem was that I felt alone. I didn’t know anyone who was gay, in fact I don’t even think I have even seen another person who was gay. So I felt isolated but I knew I had to do something about this as I realised that I would not have the courage or willpower to do the socially expected thing of meeting a girl, getting married, settling down, have babies, two dogs in the backyard and a range rover in the driveway. It was not going to happen. I want more. I craved for excitement, not normality.

  Mum pretty quickly proceeded with a divorce from Bob who was kept fairly low keyed and private. Mum never really spoke about it. But she didn’t need to. All that mattered was that we were away from the monster and that was that. I have no idea what mum got out of the divorce or if she profited or not, I don’t know but really I don’t care. All I care about is if she is happy or not. It was no real secret that she was not comfortable about being on her own again but that’s only human nature. Nobody likes to be alone. Not even psychopathic beings like Bob. So in a way I kind of blame myself for the separation but I will never forgive Bob for the treatment he gave me. It might sound like a contradiction but on the surface he was like the Mike Brady from ‘The Brady Bunch”, showering us with gifts at random and smothering us three, mum, Sam and myself with family love and support but only in public. It was his false persona that gave everyone the impression that he was a loving dad. I will admit that he wanted to a dad, but he was never a good dad. He failed to impress due to his poison. That was his letdown. Or perhaps it was his harsh upbringing that led to his old fashioned views on society. Either way he was a pathetic excuse for a human being. I don’t know if my mother agrees but it no longer matters. I hope that by reading my story about this first third of my life really makes you understand how a human being can go beyond evil grounds whilst masking it from the public eye yet how I managed to keep sane throughout it. It’s amazing how the human mind can be so resilient yet it can also cause an individual to flip over the edge. But my story, my life, continues with interesting and twisting results so I will introduce you to the second part of my life with a surprising contrast and a new world. That means from ‘Boy’ to ‘man’.

  As much as I loved my mum and of course my little brother I decided it was time I moved out of home at the tender age of eighteen. I searched in major Metropolitan newspapers under the shared accommodation section. I also came across a little sub-section that were looking for ‘gay only house or flat mates’. I thought this would be my perfect chance to meet other gay people as I knew no one. I also just wanted to live closer to the city. So I rang a few ads and was asked to go for interviews. The first one was in the northern inner city suburb of Brunswick. This was a big mistake. The house was a dump and the man, probably about sixty five or so, kept on putting his hand on my bum as she showed me around the house. I said thank you but no thank you. So I proceeded to the next interview located in Collingwood. This one was worse. Well, the house was a bit nicer but this was a couple that were looking for more than a housemate. When they showed me to their room I could not believe my eyes. Quite literally it was a dungeon. There were chains hanging from the ceiling, a sling and a wardrobe full of hand cuffs and whips and so on. They were looking for a sex slave. What disgusted me the most and I’m not sure if I am right or not, bu
t I’m sure it was blood stains I saw on the carpet. I questioned the couple on this and they denied it and said it was just red paint. I have an art background and I know the difference of red paint and blood and this really looked like blood. I had to go, in fact I practically ran out the door. The next day I couldn’t believe it but they had actually rang me at home saying ‘Congratulations! We have decided to let you move in!’ What?! I politely said no thanks and moved on to the next interview.

  The next interview was the house I happened to move into. It was a nice terrace house, well, I should say sort of ‘quaint and trendy’ and was located in Carlton. One of the closest suburbs north of Melbourne. It was perfect and just what I was looking for. The room was quite sizable and the other two guys, also gay, were very friendly. There was no funny business either as they were genuinely looking for a housemate not a sex buddy. Their names were Patrick and Jeremy. Patrick was an artist and Jeremy worked in some sort of administration job. I ended up moving in about a few days later.

  When the day arrived that I moved out of home I had loaded up the last of the little and bits and pieces into my car. The big items like the furniture, was transported by a removalist. Mum helped me load the bits and pieces in my car and I was just waiting for the moment when she would break down into tears. But she was strong but I could see her eyes starting to water up and she never spoke a word whilst we were packing the car. I knew she was a bit sad. It would be strange anyway if your own mother was happy to see you go. But my mum boys are very close to her heart and I knew my moving away from home was going to hurt for a while but she knew this was something that was going to happen even though she realises that her boys are growing up into young men. When I told her that I was moving out she was completely understanding though I never told her the real reason why I am moving out apart from that I was seeking independence. So the car was packed and mum was standing by the driver’s door waiting for me to farewell her. Although I was only moving about only half an hour’s drive away from her it felt like I was moving to another country and was never going to see her again. Then she started to cry. But she was really trying to hold back her tears. But at the same time she had a sweet smile on her face. She sad I was leaving but happy for me. I was growing up.

  “Don’t worry mum, I’ll see you next week” I said as I rubbed her shoulder.

  “I know darling, I’m just going to miss you so much” she replied with deep sincerity.

  I fought back any tears and succeeded. As I backed down the driveway and started to drive off, I will never forget the image of my mum standing there on the lawn waving goodbye. It felt like the end of an era; like I left a piece of my heart at home. I think it’s still there, it always will be.

  When I arrived at my new home in Carlton, my new housemates were at the door waiting to greet me and they helped me move in my furniture and stuff which I thought was nice. We seemed to hit it off straight away and got along. They were very down to earth. The only thing that made me feel a bit uncomfortable was the flamboyance of Patrick. No disrespect to him but he stuck out like a sore thumb. It was obvious he was gay and that was the kind of thing I did not really understand. I didn’t understand the sort of gay-like flamboyance as I didn’t really know if it was a pretentious sort of act or if they really are acting like that naturally. But I didn’t let that affect me.

  That night I moved in the guys cooked dinner as a welcome home type of thing then asked if I wanted to go to a club afterwards.

  “Wanna go to three faces after dinner?” Patrick said with enthusiasm.

  “Three what?” I replied.

  Patrick and Jeremy looked at each other totally confused that I had no idea what this place was. I don’t think they realized that I was new to this kind of thing. But I went and I went nervously.

  We arrived at the club which was in the trendy suburb of Prahran. Patrick said that this street was also the gay hub of Melbourne and explained how most of the restaurants and cafes on this strip are gay or gay friendly. He also said there were gay bookshops and cruise clubs, whatever cruise clubs were I thought. I didn’t ask what they were but just assumed they were clubs designed for men to pick up men for sex or something, I was not completely sure. But Jeremy surprised me and said “Don’t go to the cruise clubs, they are dirty disgusting places, you can catch anything there”.

  “Any what?” I curiously asked.

  “Disease’s!” he gasped.

  But I was not so sure of that, after all, there is such a thing as safe sex so I just said

  “Okay, then, I think I will avoid those things,”

  But I took note of it. In fact I absorbed everything they were saying to me about the gay scene in Melbourne. It was fascinating and exciting. This was information overload but well worth the research. I also think the guys thought it was a bit of a novelty taking the ‘new boy’ that has just come out, into the world of the gay community.

  Inside the club the atmosphere was absolutely pounding. The lights; the thumping bass; the smell of smoke; the strobe lights. It was an overwhelming sensation. I was also very nervous and was not sure if I should really be here. The first thing we did was head for the bar and got a drink which lead to drinking shooters. After I relaxed a bit more I said I was just going to look around and the guys said they would meet me back at the dance floor in fifteen minutes. So nervously I nudged my way around the intense crowd and soaked in the atmosphere. The majority of the men had bodies to die for. Although I was quite athletic and did sports like mostly cardio at the gym and karate classes, I had a toned body but not over muscular. This was something I was lacking so it was from the very moment I told myself I would start hard-core gym weights. Anyway, Hands were touching me everywhere from my bum to grabbing my crotch as I wandered through the darkness and strobes of light. This really was a meat market and was a beautiful sight. I kept thinking that I was worried I would become addicted to this atmosphere. It was intense, magically exciting, exhilarating and a feeling of complete euphoria like nothing else mattered. But for some reason I noticed a lot of the men were acting a bit strange. Well, not really strange but a bit over friendly and over happy. It did not seem natural, I could not see how a human could be that happy even in an exciting atmosphere such as this. I also saw men huddled in a dark corner of the room sniffing some sort of small battle and passing it round to their friends. I wondered what it was. But there was something about this club, this atmosphere that had an energy that went beyond euphoria. It was not a natural high, it was something else, and I had to know. It was this shared euphoria that seemed to unite the crowd together with happiness and joy. Like they had not a worry in the world. Like nothing else mattered, even if it was just for one night. There was something about this place that made me want to be part of this unity. It was the most beautiful sight but I felt out of place so I left and went home.

  Seeing the realisation that there is proof of an existing gay community meant that it was possible to be myself and not live in anymore denial. It was time to tell mum. I’m just gonna blurt it out and tell her. So the next time she rang me at home she asked if I wanted to come home for the weekend just for a visit and catch up. I thought this was the perfect opportunity. So when the weekend arrived she picked me up from my home and we chatted in the car for a while, like mother and son having a normal chat about what I’ve been up and you know, the usual stuff. Then I don’t know what possessed me to just suddenly say it but we got to some traffic lights and stopped.

  “I have to tell you somethin’ mum.....I’m....I’m gay” I said with a nervous tone but holding my head high with bravery.

  She turn her head, put her hand softly on my shoulder and said

  “I know darling.....I know....”

  She then just smiled at me with such a smile of approval. “You are my son, and I love you, no matter what” she said. I was so relieved. Then we just continued on chatting about just general stuff like nothing happened, like my news headline made no difference. My mothe
r approves and I was happy.

  During the next couple of months I did a bit of sightseeing so to speak around the gay hubs of Melbourne. Just browsing in shops, enjoying lattes at trendy cafes, that sort of thing. I also encountered a gay bookshop and came across the travel section. Then it was like a rush of energy thrusting through my body like I caught some sort of bug. And it was a bug- the travel bug. I kept reminiscing about the experience in Europe not long ago and dreamed of going back again. Even if it was for just a couple of weeks. My only issue was money and my job at the Pizza Hut was not a sufficient income. I also had the dilemma of film school which sort of phased out. I was struggling to pay the on -going fees and was getting bored with it. It was not what I was expecting to be, a lot more technical than I thought. I really wasn’t getting the opportunity to express my creativity. The most I got to do in our student productions was hold a boom as the ‘sound guy’. My days of acting as a director were over and just became a team member with a number. So I quit. Then dwelled for a while on the idea of travelling and started visiting travel agencies all over Melbourne getting quotes and pretending to actually go to Europe in a month or so when I visited the travel agent. It was the next best thing than to actually travel and the cheapest too. But I woke up. I wanted to become a travel agent. But most of all I just wanted to travel. I love everything about it from the initial excitement of planning an itinerary, to wandering around duty free shops, to boarding a plane and living in a five star hotel for a while in fluffy white robes. But to become a travel agent it was and still is not easy to get into. Unless you were extremely lucky to get a traineeship then you needed to go a course with formal travel accreditations. So pretty much immediately after I quit film school I started to research and stuck a picture of the Eiffel tower on my fridge. I sent out resumes to so many travel agencies and got rejection after rejection. So in a moment of frustration I approached an employment agency specialising in travel and hospitality and literally a day later I had a call from a top five star hotel in Melbourne CBD.