I believe in soul mates. I believe in people finding each other on subways or in passing while studying a sculpture in the Louvre, and being together forever. Jacob and I have the perfect story that could have made us soul mates. We grew up together, we were best friends, and now we are dating.
But it makes sense for soul mates to stay together. We’ve broken up so many times that I’ve lost count. We have so many issues, such as Jacob being unfaithful, unsupportive, and most of the time down right rude, sometimes I wonder if I deserve better.
Addie thinks I do, but she is the only one I’ve expressed these thoughts to. If I tried to talk to Jacob about our problems, he’d just start a fight to get out of answering my questions.
When we were in middle school, he kissed a girl at lunch because he said he was stressed about a test and it was just a reflex. Our first year of high school, we had a huge fight about all of his female friends, both in and out of school. He told me if I didn’t like it then I could leave, so I left. I had ran out of the movie theater we were arguing in and told him I never wanted to speak to him again.
Of course he texted me the next day. We talked for a while and discussed what we loved about each other. He spent an afternoon grinning at me and telling me how gorgeous I was, and stupidly, I fell for it. We eventually decided to get back together under the condition that he didn’t hang out with so many girls without me being there.
Three weeks later, he confessed that while we were broken up, he slept with the sluttiest, snobbiest, girl in our school: Kayla Marsh. I didn’t talk to him for five days, but we didn’t break up. Something always brought us back together.
I’ve gotten used to being hurt and crushed and stomped on. For some reason, I just can’t let him go. I love him. I really do.
I kiss him long and hard before breaking away and heading towards McKenna and Addie. I notice they have a dog with them. He’s small, just a pup, with floppy ears and a cute little hop in his step. I gasp.
“Who is this?” I say, turning back to Jacob. He smiles.
“That’s Bear,” he says. “I adopted him last week. Didn’t I tell you?”
“No, you didn’t!” I say, picking him up and hugging him to my chest. He squirms and licks my face. Addie and McKenna pet him with me. “He’s so cute! He still has puppy breath!”
“He’s adorable! What kind of dog is he?” Addie asks.
“He’s a mutt. They didn’t know, someone just found him and he needed a home.”
“Awww,” McKenna says. “Where did they find him?”
Jacob shrugs, gently taking Bear from me. “I didn’t ask a lot of questions,” he says. “I just wanted him.”
“That’s so sweet of you,” I say and kiss him.
“We have to go, guys. It’s late,” Addie says. “We have to get some rest so we can do this all over again tomorrow!” She grins and heads out to her car.
I kiss Jacob goodbye and head home with McKenna. Our mother’s car is in the driveway, but when we make it inside she’s already in bed. We have a snack and talk about how much fun we had before splitting off to our separate rooms.
I change into a light tank top and shorts before climbing into bed. I lie under the covers, warm and safe, but still feel uneasy. I stare at the ceiling and then at my poster covered walls.
In a couple of months, I’m going to have to leave this place. My whole life is in Tennessee. A lump forms in the throat, but I push those thoughts away. This summer has to count for everything.
My mind drifts to my father. I wonder silently if everything people tell you about people who have passed away is true. Can my father see me? Does he know everything? Does he know McKenna graduated high school with a 4.0 grade point average and got accepted into fourteen different schools?
Does he know that my mom is moving us thousands of miles away? Does he know that we miss him and love him and want him back more than anything? I wonder if he’d be disappointed in me for staying with Jacob after he’s cheated and lied simply because he’s familiar. I wonder what kind of advice he would give me.
I’ve tried to talk to Jacob about my father’s death, being that Jacob’s father died when he was young too, I figured he would know what I was going through. But he never opens up. He wasn’t close with his dad.
I hung out with my dad all the time when I was a little girl. We went fishing, roller blading, and to the movies every chance we got. I know that for sure, because my mom talked about it nonstop after he passed.
She would lie on the couch and stare at McKenna and me, crying and mumbling about my father’s fishing equipment. Should she keep it or give it away?
“I can’t stand to see his things,” She would say.
Eventually I stopped trying to talk to Jacob about any of this. Sometimes I think he’s incapable of human empathy. I shut my eyes, squeezing them tightly shut. My father’s funeral is something I do remember. I had just turned seven; he died two days before my birthday. I sat in a pretty black dress, while McKenna sat to my right in something similar, with her arms tucked together, crossed in front of her chest.
She had a sour look on her face. She was angry. Sometimes I think my sister had it worse than me. She had more memories with our dad. She remembers his laugh, and his cooking, and his voice. She remembers how every morning, around the same time, he would wake her up with a dozen kisses on her face and carry her down to the breakfast table, asking her what she would like for breakfast before he woke up anyone else. Whatever McKenna wanted from our father, she usually got. They were best friends.
When he died, that was gone. That warmth and happiness and excitement was gone. McKenna didn’t get to choose what to have for breakfast anymore, we ate what mom left in the oven or microwave before she went to work and were watched by whatever teenager needed extra babysitting money that weekend.
I don’t remember my father cooking, but she does. I don’t remember his jokes, or his laugh, and sometimes that hurts more than losing him altogether.
When my mother stepped up to say something about my father, I watched her with wide eyes, not fully understanding what was going on. I knew something was very wrong. I knew something was wrong with my dad. I didn’t truly understand that he was gone forever until my mom said what she had to say, and left the room with silent tears. A man in a uniform handed my sister and I a folded up American Flag before kissing our foreheads.
“You be good now, soldiers. Take care of your mom.” I remember him saying as he saluted us.
McKenna had taken my hand and tugged me up to the casket. She was taller than me, so she could see in. I had to stand on my toes and strain my neck to see over the side. My father was ghostly white and still. I stared at his chest. It never moved.
“Dad is leaving now, Malina. Say goodbye to him.” McKenna had whispered to me.
“Bye, daddy.” I remember saying. McKenna kissed his cheek. That’s all I remember.
I drift in and out, finally falling into a deep, dreamless sleep.
Chapter Two:
I hear Jacob’s Mustang roaring outside of my house, indicating that he’s pulling up. I was nervous about getting my first tattoo, but more excited than anything. I’ve been planning this tattoo in my head for months now but I’ve kept it to myself. I knew my mom was going to have a conniption when she finds out but I push that thought to the back of my head.
“I’m going out with Jacob.” I call to McKenna, who is sitting on the couch eating cereal and watching TV.
I open the car door and hop in the front seat. Loud scream-o music is playing from the speakers. I turn it down and look at Jacob.
“Hey babe.” He smiles at me.
“Hey.” I lean over and kiss him on the lips.
“You sure you want to do this?” Jacob asks me, putting the car into reverse and backing out of my driveway.
“Positive.” I grab his hand and stare out the window.
We drive down a few back roads to a little tattoo shop on the edge of town. Timmy, Ja
cob’s friend, has owned the shop for four years. He’s twenty-two years old and got a business loan right after high school. All he ever did was draw; he bought his first tattoo gun when he was fifteen. Him and his friends would mess around and tattoo oranges and stuff for fun. He does amazing work. And since Jacob was his good friend, and I’m only sixteen, he agreed to tattoo me on the side.
We pull up and Jacob parks near the entrance, and we get out and walk through the doors. The shop doesn’t open until one, so we’re the only ones here besides Timmy. He greets us and gets him and Jacob sodas out of a mini fridge in the back, and tosses me a water bottle.
“You nervous?” He asks, chuckling at my shaking hands.
“A little.” I admit.
“Do you have your drawing?” He asked.
I handed him a piece of paper that I drew myself. I went back and forth between three ideas but finally decided on three small mountains on the back of my left arm, above my elbow.
“Oh, this? No problem. Won’t take me more than twenty minutes.” Timmy assured me. “Nothing to be nervous about.”
I smiled at that. “Twenty minutes, really?” I asked.
“Yep. It’s an easy design, and no color. It’ll go by fast.”
I’ve only hung out with Timmy a handful of times, but I trusted him to do his best work. I climbed onto the tattoo chair as he squirted black ink into a tiny container. He put on his gloves and got a needle out. I started to get more nervous and took a drink of water. Timmy wiped my arm with a wet cloth, cleaning the area where my future tattoo will be. Then he shaved the hair off of my skin. I felt a little awkward having him shaving my arm, but I laughed it off.
Timmy told us a story about an old woman getting a ‘tramp stamp’ one night, he said he had to shave her back and it was really hairy. The ladies who were with her were had been drinking and the old woman wanted two full beer mugs right on her lower back.
I laughed at this and it made me feel a little bit better. Timmy copied my artwork onto stencil paper and pressed it against my skin, wetting it down. When he took the paper off a black design was there.
“What do you think?” He asked, pointing to a mirror hanging on the wall next to us.
I got up to look at it. “I love it!” I smiled, admiring the design that would soon be permanently on my skin. “What do you think, Jacob?”
“It looks good.” He assured me. “It’s pretty bad ass.”
I laughed and sat back down on the chair.
“Ready?” He grinned at me, holding the tattoo gun up in the air.
“Yeah.” I grabbed Jacob’s hand, squeezing it harder when the gun buzzed to life.
Timmy grabbed my arm and squeezed it, holding it in place. I closed my eyes and Jacob squeezed my hand a little tighter, letting me know he was there. The second the needle hit my skin my eyes jolted open, then I let out a sigh of relief. It hurt, but it wasn’t as bad as I expected it to be. I can handle this, I thought, I’m fine! I smiled and looked at Jacob, who was grinning back at me. The pain wasn’t an unbearable pain; it was more of a tingling sensation that wouldn’t stop. But Timmy was right; after twenty or so minutes he was done. He grabbed a wet paper towel and sprayed cleanser onto it, wiping away the extra ink and the little blood that appeared on my skin. The tattoo looked amazing. Way better than I could have ever imagined. I felt the adrenaline rushing through me as I snapped a picture before he covered it in a clear ointment and placed bandage over the area.
“You did great!” He said. “Didn’t flinch once.”
“That’s my girl.” Jacob rubbed my back.
“I love it, thank you so much!” I gleamed, handing him a fifty-dollar bill.
“I’m glad,” He says. “Now, leave this bandage on for two to four hours. It takes a while to heal completely, but there shouldn’t be any scabbing after a couple weeks.” He handed me a sheet with instructions on what to clean it with and how often.
“Thanks again!”
“You’re welcome.”
“I’ll text you later.” Jacob tells Timmy before we head out the door.
“That was awesome!” I exclaim.
“Your mom’s going to kill you.” Jacob reminds me.
I groan, thinking about her reaction. “It’ll be worth it though.”
Jacob and I get back in his car and drive to a nearby park.
“I have a surprise for you.” He tells me.
“What is it?”
“You’ll see.” He grins at me.
I grab his hand and smile, rolling the window down and sticking my other hand out, swaying it up and down in the breeze. I love everything about Tennessee. About Jacob.
We pull into a parking lot and Jacob turns his car off.
“Hold on.” He says, getting out of the car and running over to open my door for me. I swoon. This isn’t like him.
“Thank you,” I kiss him, grinning ear to ear. “Was that the surprise?” I joke.
“No,” He grabs my hand and pulls me towards the playgrounds and trails. “Come on.”
He grabs our long boards out of the trunk and picks one of our most used trails and we roll down the road, joking and chatting the whole way. His hand is warm in mine; I never want to let it go. I guess in my head that we’re heading towards our favorite chill spot; a picnic table rests underneath a huge tree that I love to climb and Jacob, Addie, and I hang out there all the time. We get closer to the tree and Jacob slows down, he looks down at my feet and frowns at my flip-flops.
“The one day you’re not wearing tennis shoes.” He looks up at the tree.
“I climb trees barefoot all the time, babe.” I say, kicking my shoes off and grabbing a branch. “What’s the surprise?” I ask again as I pull myself up into the tree and begin to climb. Jacob pulls himself up after me.
“Go to the top.” He says.
I climb all the way up to where Addie and I usually sit; Jacob rarely comes up here because he’s not a big fan of heights. Addie and I made ourselves a little seat to sit on so we could chill up here longer. It’s so peaceful, especially with the summer time breeze. When I get to the top and steady myself on our seat, I notice carvings in the tree. At first, I get angry that someone ruined our spot. Then I realize what it says.
‘Jacob and Malina, forever and always’ was carved in the middle of a big heart. My eyes soften as I look to Jacob, who is now climbing up beside me.
“That’s so sweet, Jacob. Did you do this?”
“Yeah.” He says, grabbing my hand and pulling it to his lips, kissing it softly. “I love you, Malina.”
“I love you, too.” I tell him, but I feel a weird twinge in my stomach, like something is off.
We talk for an hour or so up in the tree before climbing down and deciding on something to eat. It always takes a while to choose, because we can never agree on a restaurant. There aren’t very many to choose from in our town, but Jacob doesn’t like anything fancy and I don’t like the burger joints he always drags me to.
We finally decide on the one place we both love, The Diner in the middle of town. It’s packed when we get there since it’s right around lunchtime, but we find a seat near the window and order our usual. Jacob gets a burger and fries and I get a veggie wrap with pita bread and hummus.
“How does your tattoo feel?” Jacob asks me.
“It hurts a little, but not too bad.” I say.
I just took the bandaging off of it before we came into the diner. Since I’m in a short sleeve shirt, it’s very visible. I make a mental note to put a jacket on before I go home so my mom won’t see. I have to wait until the perfect time to tell her.
“It looks so sick.” Jacob says, stuffing a few fries in his mouth.
“I love it so much.” I beam. “Thanks for going with me.”
“Of course.”
“I want to do as much as I can before I leave. We have to have an adventure everyday!”
“Mhmm.” Jacob is staring out the window looking uninterested.
“You okay?” I ask.
“Yep,” He motions for the waitress and asks for our bill. “I’m just gonna miss you is all.”
“I’m gonna miss you too.”
We spend the rest of the day watching movies in Jacob’s basement. He has a big screen TV hooked up to the wall with surround sound, so it’s like being in an actual theater. I ask him if he wants to go four wheeling or for a hike, but he says he would rather just hang out at home.
I sigh. I don’t like sitting around doing nothing and Jacob knows this. But I guess if I get to have some alone time with him, I’ll get over it. I snuggle up against his chest and he runs his fingers through my hair. We spend a few more hours watching his favorite movies before I head home, slightly annoyed with his lack of interest in any conversation. We make plans to meet tomorrow for lunch, and he kisses me goodbye.
Chapter Three:
I wake late again, around noon, unintentionally sleeping into the afternoon; although I must admit, it feels good. I stretch my arms over my head and lift my legs, letting my muscles stretch and wake up. The sun leaks through my curtains and into my nice, clean bedroom. I love this room. I have since I was a child. I don’t want to leave it. I close my eyes to fall back asleep just as I hear a pounding knock on my door. Must be McKenna, I think. I roll to my side as McKenna wrenches the door open.
“Hey!” she says, panicked. “Mom is packing,” she tells me; I can hear confusion and shock in her voice. I sit up quickly, baffled.
“What do you mean she’s packing?”
“Just come here!” She motions for me to follow her as she turns sharply away and out the door. I sigh and jump out of bed, rushing downstairs to my mother’s room. McKenna is in her doorway.
“What do you mean we are leaving in three days?” she’s saying. My brow furrows. Three days?
“There’s been a change of plans with my job,” my mom says, tossing a stack of her clothing into a large grey suitcase. “And we are leaving in a few days.”
“Why?” I demand, angry now. This can’t be happening. I just got used to the fact that we are leaving at all. Now she throws this at us without warning? Addie and Jacob come to mind. What am I going to tell them?
Malina Beach: A Paradise Island Series Page 2