by Aden Lowe
The soaked diaper peeled back and the chubby little legs went to kicking like crazy. Ian giggled some more, but handed me a replacement diaper. I carefully slid it under the wiggly kid butt and folded it between her legs. But then the fastener parts wouldn't cooperate. Ian finally took mercy and helped me get it somewhat right, so at least it stayed. Satisfied with that task, I decided to leave Janna in just her diaper after I looked at her clothes and couldn't figure how to work them. Not like it was cold or anything anyway.
A little more than half-proud of myself, I took the kids and the bottle over to the house so Ian could eat at the same time. I grabbed the plate Ande had already prepared for Ian and brought it over to the coffee table. "Here ya go, kid, breakfast is served."
He stared at me, then at the plate, and back at me. Then he went to sit at the kitchen table.
"Why you going over there? You can eat here and watch TV."
He shook his head. "Momma say eat at the table."
Well, shit. Couldn't argue with what Momma said. I took his food over to him and settled into my usual chair to feed the baby. The kids both ate like they hadn't seen groceries for a month, even though I'd seen them eat every meal for days. Ian finished and gulped down the rest of his milk just as Janna's bottle gave up the last drop. Getting them both settled for a morning of cartoons and playing peek-a-boo seemed like a breeze.
Until about an hour later when Janna started fussing, and quickly turned on the waterworks until she was blasting the top off the house. A skunk had apparently sprayed on the porch a few moments ago. It was strong enough to make my eyes water, so I figured that must be what was wrong with Janna too. Couldn't blame the poor kid. I jiggled and bounced and talked and made faces and walked, and still, nothing helped. I even closed the window to try to cut down the stench, with no luck. It looked like I was going to have to call in one of the boys to scrub down the porch so the poor kid could breathe.
Ian glanced up from where he pushed a little car around. "She pooped."
Oh. Well. That explained it. I could handle this. I found the tote of diaper supplies Ande kept in the house, laid the wriggly little mess on the floor, sat down beside her, and resolved to figure this out.
In my defense, when Ian said she pooped, the kid had no concept of 'poop'. This child had shit. It went up her back the instant I laid her down, and squished out the legs of her diaper. And she kept rolling. Moving that shit all around everywhere. In her hair. In her hands. On her belly.
Okay. Okay, I could do this. I reasoned if the kitchen sink worked for cleaning up a puke baby, it could work for cleaning up a shit baby too. I balanced her over one arm and got the temperature right, then peeled the diaper off. In the process of transferring her to the sink, I got the shit all over myself too. How the hell did people do this? I sprayed the worst of the poop off Janna and started trying to figure the rest of it out.
"Jake got poop." Ian pointed out my obvious failings. "Got to shower."
Well, okay. That made sense. I headed for the bathroom. I could spray the poop off both of us at the same time. It took some doing, but I got my own clothes off and managed to hold onto the greased pig otherwise known as Janna, and got the water adjusted. Finally, I managed to get us both clean. Janna giggled and sputtered, and my damn heart fluttered. Rotten kid had me wrapped around her finger.
The bathroom door flew open. "Jake, Ian said—" Ande froze in the bathroom door and covered her eyes. "Oh, my God! I'm sorry!" She grabbed for a towel. "Uh, here. I'll keep my eyes closed, you can just put the baby in the towel."
Shit. I suddenly realized I was naked, in a damn shower, with someone else's kid. Oh fuck. This could be very bad. "I couldn't figure how else to get the poop off us both."
Ande turned her back and giggled. "Ian said she made a big poop and Jake made a big mess."
"Ian was so right."
She closed the door behind her and left me to my own devices. I took three minutes to make sure there was no leftover baby poop, then dried off. Thankfully, now there were clean clothes in my room, instead of having to sort through a month's worth and hoping to find something that didn't stink too terribly.
Back out in the kitchen, I found Ande feeding a clean, dry, and dressed Janna. "How do you get her in those things? They don't work right."
She laughed. "You just have to know how to do it."
I grunted and helped myself to more coffee. "Figures. That stuff should come with an owner's manual." I took a long drink. "I'm sorry. I meant to keep up with them for the day for you, to give you some time. Apparently, Janna's poop is not beginner level on the baby sitting scale."
"Don't worry about it. You did good. Honestly, I'm surprised you made it ten minutes." She chuckled. "I don't think I've ever seen anything so funny, though."
"What was funny?" I might have been a little frightened to know. "Nevermind. I don't think I really want to know."
The chuckle became an outright laugh. "No, seriously, if you could have seen it. This big, rough guy and this tiny baby grinning at each other through the water like they just solved the biggest problems facing humanity."
Okay, when she put it that way. "Poop is a huge problem, but okay, as long as you're not laughing at me." My ego poked its head up, demanding to be soothed.
She winked. "No, not at all."
Another head popped up, making its own demands, but I told it to hush for now. "You doing okay?" I changed the subject out of sheer self preservation.
She nodded. "I am. I'm shocked. But okay. I guess his ways caught up to him. I wish I could say I'm sorry, but I'm not. Nobody ever deserved it more." She turned a bright smile on me. "You know what? I think it's a day to celebrate. I know the other guys are working, but would you like to join the kids and me for a picnic? I promise not to let Janna poop on you again."
My heart thudded against my ribs. "How could I refuse the chance to spend some time with my favorite people?"
Chapter Twelve
Ande
Why did I invite him for a picnic? I couldn't get the image of him in the shower with my baby out of my mind. It just seemed so…natural. This big tough guy was taking care of my baby, regardless the cost to himself. And he was good at it. Janna was entranced with him. Her father would have hit me for letting her have a diaper like that. He had when Ian had overflows. He certainly would never have taken a baby with poop all over her into the shower to get her clean.
The more I saw my kids with Jake, and the more they grew accustomed to him and his brothers and father, the more I realized their father's shortcomings. He wasn't just a bad husband. He was a horrible father. A mother should never have to be concerned that an ill child would disturb its father and make him angry, yet I lived that fear. My kids and I were so much better off without him.
Maybe one day, I would find someone like Jake to share life with, but I wasn't in any kind of rush. Except my conscience sat back and called me every kind of liar. I didn't want someone like Jake. I wanted Jake. It was too much, too soon, but it was still there. I wanted him in every way imaginable.
I still shouldn't have invited him for a picnic. The last thing I wanted was for him to think I was throwing myself at him, or that I only liked him because of Ian and Janna. I should have taken them myself, and found another way to spend time with him later. Maybe after an appropriate grieving period for a new widow. Except I didn't feel like grieving. I wanted to celebrate. Chris' death freed me in so many different ways, I had yet to realize them all. I couldn't even be sorry my children would never know their father. He wasn't worthy of them. They deserved so much better.
I packed the last of the picnic supplies into the big wicker basket Jake brought out from the attic moments after I invited him, and ran through my mental list one more time. "I think that's everything."
"Okay, I'll be right back to help you get the kids to the truck." Jake swung the heavy basket like it weighed nothing, and snagged Janna's diaper bag with the other hand. Ian went traipsing after him, like
every other time Jake moved and I didn't forcibly hold him back. The little guy was as charmed as Janna and I were, if not more so. It was like Jake filled some empty spot Ian had yet to realize even existed. They came back in. "Okay, big guy, you help Momma while I take Janna."
Ian, serious as a heart attack, took my hand and led me out to Jake's truck, where he opened the door for me. Stunned, I climbed in as he stepped back and Jake picked him up to help him close the door.
Jake and Ian chattered non-stop for the whole fifteen minute drive down dirt lanes. "Here we are. Perfect spot for a picnic." He stopped the truck at the edge of a small meadow. A big tree arched over one side, spreading a perfect canopy for our blanket. A tiny brook trickled along behind the tree.
"This place is beautiful." I stared in awe at the colorful riot of wildflowers in bloom in the meadow.
Jake got the kids out of the truck. "This is where Gramma always brought us. Growing up, no problem was too big, and no celebration too small to come here with her. It was always a big treat when we came as a family, but more often, she would just bring one of us. I guess it was her way of spending one-on-one time with us all."
"She was a wise woman." I spread the blanket, even though I would have rather just stood there and stared at everything. Ian was ready for lunch though, and Janna could use some time to move around. It only took a few minutes to get the basket unpacked and Ian situated with food. Janna found a thread on the quilt utterly fascinating. Luckily, it was tied tightly so she couldn't get it loose.
Jake sat and watched while I fixed his plate and mine. "What do you like to do when you're not being super mom?" He poured us both some sweet tea.
I glanced at him, startled. "You know, I've never really thought about it I guess. I went straight from high school to Chris, and there was so much going on then, opposition from both our families, and his violence, I never really had time to figure out anything else I wanted to do. I worked at a convenience store from before we got married, and the entire time, he kept promising to get a job and make things better."
He grunted. "Well, is there anything you're interested in?"
I thought about it. "I liked to read before I graduated. But that's not productive. I don't know."
"Things you like doing don't have to be productive, Ande. I like walking at night, but it doesn't get anything accomplished." He handed Ian some more chips as soon as Ian popped the last one in his mouth.
The thought of doing something, anything, simply because I liked it was a novelty to me. "My parents never let me waste time. It was always school work, chores, and more chores. I'm not used to doing things that aren't toward some outcome."
"Sounds like a rough way to grow up. We had chores and work all the time, but Dad always made sure we found other things we liked too. Nate plays ball with some guys around here local, and Sam likes music. He's a fair hand at a guitar, but it'll never make him money."
I stared at him for a long moment, taking in the guarded shyness around his eyes. Almost as if he feared I would judge him. "And what does Jake like to do?"
He pulled a small object out of his pocket and presented it to Ian. I caught my breath at the sight of the small carved elephant. "I carve little things sometimes. Nothing fancy, just to pass the time."
Ian crowed in delight at his new toy. "E'phant big, silly Jake!"
"Well, see, this one's a baby elephant. He needs somebody to take good care of him."
Ian's eyes went even wider. "Where his Momma?"
Jake looked at me with panic, needing a rescue. "She's off with the rest of the herd getting grass. You're just baby sitting."
"Oh." Ian relaxed. "C'mon, E'phant!" He raced off through the meadow as fast as his short legs would carry him, doing his best interpretation of an elephant trumpet.
Jake looked at me after a moment. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare him."
I laughed. "It's okay, Jake. He's not harmed by babysitting the baby elephant." I reached over and touched his hand where he rested it on his outstretched thigh. "They're not all that fragile."
"It sure seems like it. When I think about everything that could go wrong, just from one careless action…" He trailed off and watched Ian tramping through the meadow some more. "I shouldn't have taken Janna into the shower. I realized after the fact how it could have been taken. It just seemed like the most logical way to get us both clean, and Ian said something about showers, so I figured—"
"Jake, it's okay. I don't know, maybe it's stupid, but I feel like they're safe with you and your brothers and father. I've never felt that before, you know. Their entire lives, every minute, their safety and well-being has been up to me." I took a deep breath. "Ian was never safe with his father. Ever. After he was born, I went back to work, and had to leave Ian with him. I was lucky, my boss let me choose my shifts so I could work mostly while Ian slept. Leaving, being alone with them, even when Janna was born, was actually easier than fearing Ian would do something to set him off. But I like this."
He turned to face me. "Just so you know, I would kill anybody that ever hurt these kids. I will do everything I possibly can to keep them safe, healthy, and happy." The seriousness of his vow spoke volumes about his character, if I'd had any doubts before.
"Thank you." I leaned toward him slightly, my gaze on his mouth, mesmerized.
"Ande—"
"Look, Jake! Bug!" Ian trotted over with some insect clutched in his now grimy hand. Jake made the appropriate big deal over it while I watched and felt my heart fall over the cliff for this man.
The self-doubt immediately set in. I chose Chris and thought I loved him. What made me think Jake was such a good guy? And even if he was, he certainly had better prospects than a widow with two kids from another man. Lost in thought, I failed to notice when Ian wandered a short distance away.
"I don't like that look, Ande."
"What look?" I met his gaze, startled.
Jake
"The one that says you're doubting things." I wanted to sweep her into my arms and wipe away any doubts she might have.
"Well, I have to admit, with my track record, I don't obviously don't make the best choices." Her eyes glimmered with unshed tears.
I reached out, slow and careful so as not to startle her, and cupped my hand along her jaw. "Did you have doubts then, and put them aside?"
She nodded and turned her cheek into my hand. "I did. I was so tied up in going against my mother, I ignored my own instincts."
"And what are your instincts telling you now?" I held my breath while I waited for her reply.
"That you're the kindest man I've ever met, that I want more than friendship with you, and that I'm not good enough for you even if you did want anything more with me." A few tears spilled over. "I'm sorry. I'll, uh, pack up." She started to move.
"No. Not yet." I brushed the tears away with the pad of my thumb. Her skin felt like burnished silk. "Ande, I don't know how to explain, and I'm not even going to try. I feel like I know you, have always known you. Like I need you like I need air." I let my fingers slip to the back of her neck and guide her to me.
Slow and deliberate, so she could have no doubts of my intentions, I lowered my mouth to hers and tasted her again. Her silky lips parted immediately when I asked, and she yielded to me, giving and receiving. My tongue danced with hers and I could have spent the rest of my life doing nothing more than that, but Janna decided to chose that moment to get hungry. Her fussing drew us apart.
"I think I found something else I like to do." I watched as she soothed the baby and got her bottle ready.
"You did?" She glanced up at me, surprise on her face.
"I did. I really, really like kissing you."
She flushed and looked away. "In that case, I've found something I like to do, too."
"Chase bugs with Ian?" I sought to lighten the mood, not yet ready to face the hailstorm of emotions swirling through me.
Startled laughter bubbled forth. "Eww. I'll leave the bug chasing to you
." She peered up at me from under her lashes, shy as could be. "I like kissing you, too."
I groaned as I adjusted my jeans. "We need a baby sitter. I wonder what Dad and the boys are doing tonight?" I had to find a way to spend some time alone with her before I went mad. The little theater in town rarely played new releases, but I figured it provided a perfect excuse to sit with her in the dark. "We could go to a movie. That is, if you want."
Her eyes sparkled. "I'd like that, if Johnathan and your brothers didn't mind." Her shy smile made my dick desperate to get through my zipper.
"I'm pretty sure they won't mind. Besides, I'm bigger than Sam and Nate. I can twist their arms." I grinned, pleased with myself. It felt good to joke with her like this.
She gave a little giggle. "Is it bad I can easily imagine you doing that?"
"Nope. We spent most of our childhoods beating one another up."
Ian came back over and curled up with his head on his Momma's knee. "Getting tired, little man?" He nodded and stuck one thumb in his mouth and tucked the little elephant under his chin. I smiled at Ande. "I guess we should get loaded up and head back then."
She nodded and I made quick work of gathering up our stuff and helping her get the sleepy kids back in the truck.
Chapter Thirteen
Ande
I double checked everything again. Why on earth did I think I could actually go on a date with Jake and leave the kids with his dad and brothers? It was ridiculous. No matter how many times I told myself it was just two friends going to see a film, my stomach still fluttered like mad. It took me an hour to decide what to wear, even with my extremely limited wardrobe. And then I fussed with my hair endlessly. I made Janna a week's worth of bottles. Made sure Ian had every single toy and his special blankie.
Finally, I couldn't avoid it any longer. Jake knocked at the door. "You ready?" His eyes widened. "Fuck. You're beautiful." His gaze swept over me, taking in the dress I bought on a whim at the thrift shop my last trip to town for supplies.