Ordinary Problems of a College Vampire (Vampire Innocent Book 7)

by Matthew S. Cox

  “Still. I can’t believe you forgave her so fast.”

  The woman behind the counter sets our drinks up. “Here you go.”

  “Thanks!” I collect the cups and walk with Sophia to a small table. “She’s another victim. Nothing to be mad at.”

  “Okay.” Sophia flops in the chair and sips her chai.

  We spend a few minutes talking about random stuff: her schoolwork, an upcoming movie adaptation of a book she likes—she’s afraid the movie will stink—and so on for a little while. Eventually, she confesses to having nightmares about Fuzzydoom again.

  “They’re not that bad. I still wake up scared, but not so much there’s screaming or crying. Just freaked out.” She slurps chai. “Kinda stupid, huh?”

  “Not really. People who are bitten by snakes when they’re really small can develop lifelong phobias. You should consider yourself lucky you’re phobic of a mutant pom-pom demon. Not like you’re going to run into that thing… at least not in the real world. And no one will ever know you’re afraid of it unless you tell them.”

  She laughs. “Yeah. Umm. You don’t think he’s going to come out of the mirror? I mean, we saw him in there.”

  “Still not sure if that really happened. But, I spoke to Coralie, and she’s confident that Fuzzydoom can’t leave the mirrorverse. And I’m also sure you wouldn’t try summoning it on purpose.”

  “No way.” Sophia shakes her head so hard, her blonde hair ends up covering her face. “I didn’t even want to see it when we did. So, umm… do you think I should talk to those mystics? Maybe they could help me figure out how to do stuff—or not do stuff by accident?”

  “Hmm.” I swirl mocha around in my cup. “Got a feeling that learning magic isn’t the sort of after-school activity Mom and Dad ever had in mind.”

  “Pff. Dad would adore it.” She wags her eyebrows at me while drinking. “Totally adore it. I can hear the Hogwarts puns already.”

  “Owl bet you do,” I mutter.

  “Ugh.” She shakes her head. “You’re supposed to be undead not un-dad.”

  “Ouch.” I cringe. “Wait. If I’m un-dad, wouldn’t that mean my puns are actually funny?”

  She laughs.

  “Hmm. It might not be an awful idea to ask if they can help you figure things out. I’d hate to see you float Megan or some other kid up into the clouds and lose them.”

  “Eep!” Her eyes go wide. “Yeah, that would be bad.”

  “Let’s see how Mom and Dad feel about it. If they’re okay with it, I’ll approach Darren and see if he’ll talk to you.”

  Sophia grins. “Cool.”

  We continue talking about this and that for a few minutes as we work on our drinks. Sophia gets a mischievous glint in her eye and fixates on a table across the room for a moment. A minor commotion erupts when a guy’s man bun bursts free from its moorings and explodes into a fluffy poof. The two women and other guy sitting with him all come close to choking on their drinks at the sudden explosion.

  “Soph… behave. It’s cruel to abuse hipsters.”

  She snickers.

  After we finish our drinks, we head outside. I should have enough time to print my paper and fly to school. My attention drifts sideways to a late-twenties guy in a cheap grey suit, standing on the curb outside, rambling at his cell phone about setting up a meeting with a business client to do a demo. He’s thin, tanned, bit of beard scruff with a hint of Italian or Spanish in him. He looks over at us as we pass, giving me a ‘hey baby’ wag of the eyebrows.

  You know, I went out in the sun today.

  At my stopping short and walking toward him, the guy blinks in shock. “Let me call you back, Jake, okay?”

  “Sure,” says the voice from the phone.

  “Hey. You have really pretty eyes.” He smiles at me for a few seconds until I get close enough for him to get a better look at me. The instant he thinks I appear underage, he stammers, “Umm, is something wrong, kiddo?”

  Heh. Nice backpedal. “Thanks. Come with me a sec?”

  His expression slackens. Like an automaton, he follows me to a small alcove behind the Starbucks where they keep the dumpsters. Sophia stands at the corner of the building on lookout while I back the guy into the wall, stand up on tiptoe, and bite him on the neck. A burst of hot blood fills my mouth, surging in time with his heartbeat. The flavor of tacos… maybe burritos… overwhelms me, but not in a totally bad way.

  Clicking footsteps approach the corner.

  Sophia ducks back out of sight from the parking lot, hiding as a person goes by. Without looking back, she gives a thumbs-up as if to say I’m safe. In truth, it’s a little unnerving that my ten-year-old sister is standing guard while I drink some dude’s blood. Like, my biting this guy is as normal to her as stopping at a hotdog wagon randomly for a snack. If anyone ever needed proof that there’s nothing whatsoever sexually appealing about a vampire feeding—at least for me—that I can still do it with Sophia watching me is concrete evidence.

  I can barely hold hands with Hunter when the littles are in sight. Kissing him while my sisters watched would be way mortifying. And, I say sisters because Sam wouldn’t bother to watch.

  “Hungry?” asks Sophia. “Duh, obviously. You’re eating. What’s he taste like?”

  I’ll take ‘things a ten-year-old should never ask’ for $200.

  Once I’ve had my fill, I seal the bite and give the guy a mental prod to forget ever seeing us. Also, a compulsion to go into Starbucks and get a cookie. Gotta take care of blood donors, right?

  “Tacos,” I say, walking toward the parking lot.

  Sophia falls in step at my side when I pass her. “Weird.”

  “More weird than vampires and magic?”

  “Hmm. Yeah, a little. He looks like steak. Or burgers.”

  I raise an eyebrow at her. “How do you figure that?”

  “He’s a sales weasel. Probably takes people to like TGI Friday’s for meetings all the time.”

  “Hah! Yeah, probably.”

  Crap. Ran a little long. I hop in and start the engine while Sophia buckles up. Meh, who cares? I might be a few minutes late to class, even flying there, but spending time with her is worth it.

  Besides, the teacher won’t remember I’m late.

  4

  How To Deal With Annoyances

  The worst part about night school is having friends who go to day classes and work jobs.

  Usually, by the time I’m done with school for the day, my friends are eyeball deep in homework, still at work, or too damn tired to do anything. This, of course, has the not-unwelcome side effect of me spending more time hanging out with Glim. He likes to sit on the roof of a building at the apartment complex where his ex-wife lives with his two sons, at least until they go to sleep.

  It’s kinda sad watching him hover at the edges of his old life. Unlike me, he won’t reveal himself to his mortal family due to his appearance. As a Shadow, he’s pretty striking—and not in an aesthetically pleasing way. Pale grey skin, glowing yellow eyes, big fangs, bigger claws… generally ghoulish. They’re also skilled with illusions, making people see things that aren’t there. More than likely, he could make his family see him as he’d been in life, concealing the gruesome features undeath bestowed on him… but he doesn’t.

  He thinks it’s kinder to let them go on with their lives. They believe he died over in Iraq. To be completely technical, he did die in Iraq, and spent several years there under the wing of his sire, Saeed El-Amin. Glim hasn’t told me much about the guy other than making him sound wicked and creepy, and not the sort of creature anyone mortal would enjoy meeting.

  So, whenever I find myself having a night alone with no homework that needs doing, I’ve been hanging out with Glim. Once his wife and sons go to sleep, we sometimes go flying around sightseeing or sneaking into museums or whatever and messing with the security guards. Breaking into places with him is beyond easy. He leaps into that shadow dimension for a few seconds and goes right past walls or d
oors. Once we’re inside, he can keep us both from being seen as long as I hold his hand. Guards in at least a dozen places around Seattle Downtown are now firm believers in ghosts.

  I’ve been asking him to let me try playing around with some of that stuff with a blood loan, but he’s super hesitant. No idea how true it is or if he’s a big softie, but he’s afraid that if he temporarily lets me borrow some Shadow abilities, it might start having an effect on how I look. Even if it doesn’t cause my eyes to go yellow or my teeth to resemble those of a gargoyle, it could steal my lifelike appearance and leave me with an obviously dead complexion.

  Or at least, that’s what Glim’s afraid of.

  Apparently, Shadows are one of the more potent bloodlines, perhaps the Universe making a tradeoff for how badly they get screwed in terms of appearance. My one strength among vampire kind is that I look perfectly alive while I’m conscious. It’s pretty obvious that he’s jealous, at least a little, of that, and doesn’t want to be responsible should anything happen. Okay, that’s understandable despite being annoying. But, if there is any truth to his fears, it would freak my family out to see me walking around with grey skin—not to mention end any chance of me pretending to be normal. No college, going out in public with my friends, or anything like that.

  It would be one thing to take that risk for an emergency, but just farting around to have fun? Yeah, not worth the chance. Even if it does turn out to be complete paranoia with no basis in fact, oh well. No big deal. I mean, he’s borrowed my ability to tolerate food and his appearance hasn’t improved, but nothing about my new reality even remotely follows logic.

  Enormous troll in a pocket dimension. ’Nuff said.

  Of course, the more time I spend with Glim, the more confusion I have regarding my feelings toward him. No, I love Hunter and that isn’t going to change… at least not unless he randomly turns into an asshole. (Gonna call that unlikely.) However, there’s the distinct possibility that being a mortal, he isn’t going to live forever. Maybe it’s creepy and odd of me to think of things that way, but once I’m done mourning his eventual death, I’m not so sure being romantic with another mortal would be a good idea.

  Then again, I’m not exactly having romantic feelings for Glim. He’s become this quirky combination of best friend, older sibling, foster dad, and that guy at work who’s been there forever, knows everything and kinda-sorta likes me. With him, I don’t need to hold back any secrets or talk in circles to allude at stuff that can’t be said in mixed (mortal) company.

  Unfortunately, Ashley, Michelle, and Hunter are all hammered with schoolwork and actual work. Plus, Hunter’s doing stuff around his house in his spare time. They have a huge place, but it’s in ‘horror movie house’ shape, basically a never-ending repair project. Worst part is, they can barely afford the supplies to do the limited repairs he’s doing, much less hire professionals. So anything Hunter can’t teach himself to fix stays broken. Except for important stuff like if the furnace craps out and their heat stops. If that happened, his mother would call a pro.

  Another ‘unfortunately’ is that I’ve been absorbing quite a bit of homework as well lately. It’s not more than I can keep up with being up all night, but I’ve been too damn busy to have fun with Glim for a while now—which is frustrating. I need some cooldown time. Guess that’s what weekends are for.

  The remainder of the week passes without anything too unusual happening, though the parents did have to go to the littles’ school once. Some boy who’d decided to start picking on Sam wound up stuck in his locker, claiming to have been pushed from behind. No one saw it happen, but the kid blamed Sam for it. Fortunately, a teacher vouched that my brother had been walking out of a classroom on the other side of the building at the time.

  Naturally, I blamed the imp.

  My mouth, however, stayed shut. If the kid decided to bully Sam, his new supernatural friend did him a solid. The other boy didn’t get hurt, only a little rattled. Hopefully, he’ll leave my brother alone from now on.

  So, yeah. The long-awaited weekend finally showed up. One good thing: my classwork has become more interesting. Though, to be fair, only the one comp-sci assignment bored me to tears. The other classes are fine. Maybe introduction to computer science is hyper boring on purpose as sort of a gatekeeper thing to make sure the unworthy fall before the altar of technology.

  I awake Saturday afternoon at 2:37 p.m. The smell of cosmetics in the air informs me that Sophia has been in my room. Hopefully, my face looks like I’m about to have a professional photoshoot, not perform in a circus or try to sell hamburgers. She’s been getting better. Last few times I’ve been ‘decorated,’ the effect has been more ‘drunk prostitute’ than rodeo clown. Okay, that’s being harsh. More like a heavily made up sober prostitute.

  She’s been watching videos online, makeup tutorials. Sophia’s passionate about cosmetics and novels. I really think she’s going to end up doing makeup for theater or movies someday. If that’s what she wants to do, I am not above using my powers of mental influence to ensure she gets a job somewhere in that field. Cheating that way doesn’t bother me when someone else benefits. It only feels like stealing or being naughty if I’m enriching myself.

  A slight stiffness in my bones warns me that it’s a little nuclear outside, but not too bad. No point cooking myself without good cause. Since I haven’t eaten regular food in a while, nothing wants out, so I have no reason to get out of bed or move. I do, however, sit up, grab my phone, and proceed to text the usual three suspects: Ashley, Michelle, and Hunter.

  Ashley’s at the vet place, Michelle’s still at the law firm putting paperwork back in drawers. Ugh. I wonder if I could convince Sam’s pet imp—I mean friend—to undo that? Hunter’s presently replacing a toilet in his house, and needs to go to work at Mi Tierra in like an hour.

  Argh! This is truly starting to suck. I’d have been willing to suffer a light broiling to hang out with my friends today. Schedule conflicts have also kept my Hunter time pretty limited as well, which is beyond frustrating. Though, to be fair, it wouldn’t have been much different for mortal me since then, we’d both have day classes. He’d still be doing stuff around his house plus homework, then going to his job. I’d also have a job if the sun didn’t mess with me so bad. At least if I remained alive, I could’ve gone over and helped him around his house during the day. That’s still spending time with him even if it’s work.

  So, I can’t blame the fangs for my inability to see him much lately. We do sit on the phone together sometimes while he’s working. I loaned him my Bluetooth earbud. Whenever he’s not talking to customers, he can ‘mutter to himself,’ talking to me. His boss might fire him if he gets caught being on the phone, but that’s nothing I can’t smooth over. Most likely, he’d only be yelled at the first time, in which case, we’ll stop.

  Thinking about him gets me in the mood. Alas, as soon as I start taking matters into my own hands so to speak, Sophia’s rapid thumping footsteps go by overhead. Crap. It’s Saturday. That means I can’t guarantee a roughly twenty-minute child-free time where I don’t have to worry about someone barging in on me at an embarrassing moment. Sure, Dad’s usually home, but he’d knock… and I’d hear him coming a mile away.

  How weird is it that I can recognize my family purely from the sounds they make while walking around above me?

  Sophia’s footfalls are kind of rabbit-like. Soft, quick. I think she pretty much keeps all her weight on the front of her feet. Sierra’s a heel-thudder, but she doesn’t weigh as much as Sam despite being two years older than him. Or maybe it’s just something about boys. He’s almost as loud as Dad, especially when he charges down the stairs. Mom and Dad are both fairly obvious due to them being adults.

  Ugh. I have too much schoolwork waiting to sit here bored and analyzing ceiling thumps.

  Screw it. I jump out of bed, lock my door, and deal with my frustrations. Wonder if Hunter’s ears are burning from how hard I’m thinking about him?

&nbs
p; You know what’s weird about being a vampire?

  Okay, a lot of things. But… getting myself off, in fact sex in general, leaves me breathless, sweating, and kinda tired like it would have normally. Yet, I can run full speed for like a half hour and barely notice the fatigue. Talk about highly awkward things to ask one’s sire. Hell, I’m not even going to bring that one up to Aurélie. That would set off a long, bizarre conversation I’d rather avoid.

  Meh. It’s probably psychosomatic.

  I grab a cute top, skirt, and underthings, then dash across the basement to the downstairs shower. While it doesn’t feel painfully sunny today, no sense burning through my blood reserves purely to take a bath upstairs instead. Sure enough, Sophia painted my face, though impressively, she didn’t do that bad of a job. It wouldn’t be embarrassing to go out like this, other than it being way more makeup than usual for my taste. Anyway, the instant I’m back in my room, cleaned and dressed, Mom walks in. Can’t call it ‘barging’ because I left my door open.

  “Hon? Would you be able to take Sam and his friends to the movies? Your father’s already out with the girls at soccer and I have a ridiculous amount of prep to do for litigation next week.”

  Mom leading with justification makes me cringe a little, since it reminds me of before my death. Most reasonable people wouldn’t have considered me abnormally bitchy for a teenager, but I’d almost always argue and protest whenever she asked me to do something like this because of plans to hang with Ashley and Michelle. It’s like she’s bracing for the argument her subconscious mind expects to happen.

  “Sure, no problem. Umm. What kind of mood is the sun in?”

  “Hiding. It’s kinda rainy.” Slight tension in my mother’s face relaxes.

  “Ahh. Guess the girls are playing soccer indoors then?”

  “Yeah.”

  I stand out of my computer desk chair and give her a quick hug. “Sorry.”

  “What did you do this time?”