While We Were Dating

by Jasmine Guillory

  He lifted their hands and kissed hers.

  “Okay. Do we have plans tonight?”

  Anna shook her head.

  “No, everything is tomorrow and Sunday. Tomorrow night we’re going to a play and then dinner. Sunday is just a paparazzi-bait trip to the grocery store.”

  He kissed the side of her head.

  “Perfect. Then how about we stay right here, on this more-comfortable-than-it-has-a right-to-be couch, until your heart stops beating like you just ran a marathon? And then maybe we can go outside and get in that pool of yours I have yet to experience. Or we can do whatever the hell else will take your mind off of all that other stuff.”

  Anna propped herself up on her elbow and looked down at him.

  “I have a better idea.” She reached for his belt.

  He smiled at her and pushed up her dress.

  “Mmm, is this where I get to take off these perversely sexy underwear of yours?”

  She laughed as he peeled them down.

  “Perversely sexy? My Spanx? You must be kidding.”

  He shook his head.

  “Absolutely not. Thongs are great, I love them, sexy as hell, don’t get me wrong. But these things feel like the kind of thing you don’t usually let men see you in.”

  He could see her think about that.

  “No. You’re right, I don’t. Almost never, actually.”

  He smiled and slipped them all the way off.

  “That’s what I thought. That’s what makes them sexy.”

  She pulled him up and kissed him.

  “You are a constant surprise to me,” she said. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

  So was he.

  * * *

  —

  Anna was awake, barely, but not ready to actually wake up. She was still in bed, curled up against a sound-asleep Ben. She liked this time of the morning, when she could just lie here with him and breathe in and out; feel him breathing in his sleep, feel his hand on her hip and his chest against her back. His breathing and his touch made it so she couldn’t worry about anything.

  Well. So she couldn’t worry as much, anyway.

  Her phone rang, and she reached for it to turn off the sound before it woke Ben up. She glanced at the screen: Penny. What was she calling for this early in the morning?

  Anna slid out of bed carefully and grabbed her robe on the way out of the room.

  “Hello? Is something wrong?”

  “No, nothing’s wrong, why are you whispering?” Penny asked. “Oooh, because the maaaan is there. Ooh, this makes this even better.”

  Anna padded into the kitchen to pour herself coffee.

  “Makes what even better?”

  “I’m going to be in L.A. today!” Penny said.

  Anna pulled off the scarf from around her hair.

  “What? Without telling me?”

  “What do you think I’m calling for right now? It was a last-minute thing—can we meet up? Can I meet HIM? A restaurant is doing a whole big dinner tonight with our wines and at the last minute asked me to come so I can do the whole winemaker song and dance. I’ll be heading that way in a few hours with a bunch of cases of wine in my trunk. I have to get there super early to set up—want to bring HIM to meet me there? I’d come over after the dinner but I have to drive back to Paso Robles tonight.”

  Penny was one of the few people she’d change any plans for.

  “Why don’t you spend the night here tonight? That way you don’t have to drive back home in the dark and all full of wine.”

  Penny laughed.

  “I won’t be full of wine—I can’t drink much at these things; I have to keep my wits about me. And I have to be at the winery bright and early tomorrow for a meeting with my interns.”

  Anna heard a step in the hallway and turned to see Ben amble into the kitchen. She grabbed a second mug out of the cabinet for him and poured coffee into it. He took the oat milk out of the fridge and handed it to her, and took the sugar out of the cabinet for himself.

  “Okay, then. I can—” She looked over at Ben, sleepily blowing on his coffee like he did every time. “We can meet you at the restaurant. What time?” He looked up at her and raised his eyebrows. She grinned at him. He smiled slowly at her and opened the sliding glass doors to her backyard.

  “I love the sound of that ‘we,’ ” Penny said. “How about three? I’ll be there by two thirty at the latest, but they’ll be finishing up lunch then, so it’s probably better if you get there after they’re all closed. Just text me when you park and I’ll let you in. Make sure HE knows how excited I am to meet him.”

  Anna looked in Ben’s direction. His back was to her, and she was pretty sure he was out of earshot, but she lowered her voice, just in case.

  “He has a name, you know. Ben. Please be nice. Simon wasn’t . . . excellent, and I don’t want him to think everyone in my life is going to hold his feet to the fire.”

  Not that it really mattered, she reminded herself. They only had this weekend and then the premiere left to go.

  Penny chuckled.

  “Oh God, why did you make the poor man meet Simon? I know he’s exactly what you need as your manager, but . . . ouch. Don’t worry, I’ll be great! It’s just me!”

  “Mmm, yes, I know, that’s why I said something,” Anna said.

  Penny just laughed and hung up.

  Anna followed Ben outside.

  “Hey, so, change of plans,” she said when she sat down on the couch next to him. “My best friend, Penny—I’ve told you about her . . .”

  “The wine person?” Ben took a sip of his coffee.

  She nodded.

  “Yeah. Well, she’s going to be in L.A. today. I know you have some work to do, but I haven’t seen Penny in way too long, and . . .”

  “And she wants to meet me?” he said with a raise of his eyebrows.

  Anna tried to fight back her smile but didn’t succeed.

  “Yeah, she wants to meet you. Is that okay? You don’t have to come if you don’t want to. I can go meet her alone. We still have the play later tonight, so if that’s all the activity you feel like doing today . . .”

  He waved that off.

  “You talk about Penny a lot; I’m glad I’ll get to meet her. Just let me know when I should be ready.”

  Ben lifted his coffee cup to his lips, then stopped.

  “Wait, just so I know—what does Penny know here?”

  Anna laughed.

  “Penny knows everything.” She grinned at him. “Well. Almost everything. Don’t worry.”

  So at a few minutes before three, they pulled into a parking spot on Figueroa. Ben had driven so she’d be able to text Penny right away to let them in.

  The restaurant door opened as they walked toward it, and Anna swept inside, Ben behind her.

  “Anna!” Penny pounced on her, and they fell into a hug, both laughing. And at least on Anna’s side, crying a little. Even though they only lived about three hours away from each other, that three hours could be five or more if there was a lot of traffic, and between her career and how hard Penny had been working over the past year, they hadn’t seen each other in months.

  Finally, they broke apart, both grinning.

  “I missed you,” Anna said.

  “I didn’t miss you at all,” Penny said. She also had tears in her eyes. Anna grinned at her and turned to Ben, who was still standing by the door.

  “Penny, I’d like you to meet Ben Stephens. Ben, Penny Malone.”

  Ben reached for Penny’s hand.

  “Very nice to finally meet you, Penny,” he said. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

  Penny’s eyes danced.

  “Likewise.” Oh no. Was Penny going to embarrass her? Yes, of course she was.

  “Does a booth work,
Ms. Malone?” Someone from the restaurant came up to Penny and studiously didn’t look at Anna. “I’ll keep setting up in the back room.”

  “A booth is perfect, thank you.” They followed him to a booth in the corner, which was already set up with a cheese plate and wineglasses.

  “I figured if I had you here, I might as well have you taste some of your investment,” Penny said when the restaurant guy walked into the back room and left the three of them alone.

  “Investment?” Ben asked as he slid into the booth next to Anna.

  “Oh, Anna didn’t tell you?” Penny pulled her corkscrew—the engraved one Anna had given her when she’d gotten the winemaker job—out of her pocket and started opening one of the bottles on the table.

  Ben looked at Anna. Right. She hadn’t told him this part.

  “Penny likes to overstate my involvement, but yes, I am a minor—”

  “Major,” Penny said.

  “Silent partner in her winery,” Anna finished. “It’s very easy work for me—I just had to write one check, and now I get all of the wine I can drink.”

  Penny poured wine for all three of them, then sat down on the other side of the booth. She lifted her glass.

  “Cheers to new beginnings, and complicated partnerships.”

  Ben’s eyes crinkled at that.

  “Excellent way to put it.” They all clinked glasses, and then he took a sip of the wine. “Since you’re the expert, can you tell us about this wine, or is that a boring question for you to have to answer when that’s your job?”

  Anna slid her hand on Ben’s knee under the table. That was the perfect question to ask Penny.

  “I’d love to tell you about our wines. I brought some of my favorites for tonight—we do a lot of Italian-style wines, and this is a Barbera style that I bottled a few years back—shortly after I came to the winery, actually.”

  “That’s good with food, right?” Ben asked.

  Anna turned to him and narrowed her eyes. She’d never heard him talk like he knew about wine before. He saw her glance and laughed.

  “I only know that because of my brother—as you might imagine, he’s very into wine.”

  Yeah, Anna could see that.

  They sat there for the next hour, drinking wine—mostly Anna, since Penny was working and Ben had said he’d drive home—and eating cheese and talking. Not about anything major, and Penny didn’t even ask Ben that many questions about why he was doing this with Anna like Anna had thought she might. They talked about wine, and Penny’s adventures with tourists, and the times Ben went wine tasting with his brother, and when Anna and Penny had gone to France together a few years back. Anna hadn’t realized just how much she’d missed Penny until she was here together with her and Ben. She was glad Penny had insisted on meeting him. He’d been such a big—if temporary—part of her life these days; she was glad Penny finally knew him as a person, and not just a series of stories.

  All too soon, Ben nudged her.

  “I hate to do this, but you told me to tell you when it was four, since you want to make sure to get out of here to give Penny time to finish setting up.”

  She looked at her watch, and he was right. She reached across the table and grabbed Penny’s hands.

  “We can’t go this long again before seeing each other, okay?”

  Penny nodded. Were those more tears Anna saw in famously stoic Penny’s eyes?

  “Absolutely. I’m holding you to that. This week we’ll pick a date for next time. Next month?”

  Ben slid out of the booth and smiled at Penny.

  “It was really great to meet you,” he said. “And I’ll make sure to tell my brother about your winery. He’ll want to get some wine.”

  Penny reached into her pocket and handed him a business card.

  “Have him contact me.” She winked. “I’ll give him the friends-and-family discount.”

  They were still all laughing together when Penny unlocked the restaurant door. Anna stepped outside, and a flash went off in her face.

  She stopped, startled, and it happened again.

  Oh God. The restaurant owner. He must have called them.

  Ben put his arm around her.

  “Let’s get you to the car.”

  She couldn’t move. The photographer was still in front of her.

  “Ben. Ben, I . . .”

  He started walking and gently pulled her forward.

  “Remember what you told me. Put that smile on your face. You can do this. The car is right down the street.”

  Her heart was beating so fast. She felt woozy, like she was going to faint. She couldn’t do this.

  But she had no other option. She couldn’t turn around, so she had to go forward. So she walked on, Ben’s arm around her. She smiled; at least she tried to. She could feel her heartbeat in her hands, her head, her feet, she couldn’t breathe, but she walked until they got to her car, holding on to Ben, the photographer ahead of her the whole way, with that smile on his face that showed he knew how much she hated this.

  Ben opened the passenger door for her, and she collapsed inside. Thank God he had the keys; her hands were shaking too much to have even opened the door. He got in the car and pulled away seconds later.

  “It’s okay. You’re okay. I’m with you,” he said.

  She barely heard him. What if someone was behind them? She had to keep smiling, keep looking calm, just in case, in case . . .

  “No one is following us,” Ben said. “I’m watching for that. Don’t worry.” He reached over and took her hand. “Breathe.”

  She gripped his hand, but she could only take shallow breaths.

  “I can’t . . . it isn’t . . .”

  Ben gripped her hand.

  “Shit. Okay. I’ll . . . shit. What can I do to help? Do you want me to pull over?”

  She shook her head.

  “Home. Just get me home,” she managed to say.

  “Okay,” he said. “I can do that.”

  She tried to breathe slower, to count her breaths, but she still just felt like she was gasping for air.

  She’d gotten through this before. She could do it again. She closed her eyes and concentrated on the pressure of his hand.

  “Can you . . . can you talk to me? Just . . . anything.”

  He squeezed her hand.

  “Talking, that’s something I’m good at. Okay—do you want to hear the story of how Theo and Maddie got together?”

  He didn’t wait for her to say yes, thank goodness.

  She held his hand tightly, tried to breathe, rolled down the window so she could feel the air against her face, tried to breathe, listened to the warm, easygoing sound of his voice say something about a hospital and forgotten sweatpants and pizza and a locked closet door, and she slowly stopped feeling like she was gasping for breath. By the time they pulled into her driveway, her pulse felt almost normal.

  As soon as they were inside her house, she turned to Ben. His arms were already reaching for her.

  He pulled her close, and she held on to him as hard as she could. His tight embrace was just what she needed, just what she’d craved during that whole terrible drive home. It was so good to have his arms around her, to feel his heart beating along with hers, to have his slow, even breath to follow. She felt limp, exhausted, like she could fall asleep in his arms standing right here. But being with him, like this, made her feel better, like she would be okay, like he’d said to her in the car, like she hadn’t been until this moment.

  And then the tears came. Slowly at first, just trickling out of her eyes, and then as his hands rubbed up and down her back, she let herself sob into his chest.

  Ben kissed her wet cheeks and then led her to her favorite couch in the den.

  “Hey,” he said as he sat down and pulled her back into his arms. “Is now a g
ood time for me to tell you all the ways I fantasized about punching that photographer in the face and running over his camera with the car? Or do you want to wait to hear that later?”

  She laughed as he wiped her tears with the bottom of his shirt. Oh God, she must look like such a mess.

  “Maybe later,” she said. “We can trade fantasies.”

  And then she started crying again.

  “I’m just so ashamed,” she said. “I thought I was better. That I was okay now! That I wouldn’t freak out like this again. But one flashbulb and it was all the same.”

  He rubbed her back in slow circles.

  “You have nothing to be ashamed of.”

  She should have known he would say that. It was nice to hear, but it didn’t change anything.

  “Hey.” He pulled back from her until she looked up at him. “Look, I know when I was growing up people talked like there was something wrong with you if you needed therapy. Some people still talk like that. But you and I both know that’s not true. Don’t we?”

  She knew where he was going with this.

  “Yes, fine, but that’s not—”

  “As a matter of fact,” he said, “just recently, someone really smart told me that life is a constant work in progress. You’re still working on all of this. That’s okay.”

  She tried to glare at him but couldn’t help but smile.

  “There is nothing I hate more than people throwing my own words back in my face.”

  He brushed more tears away with his thumbs.

  “I thought you might feel that way.”

  She sighed and sat back against the couch.

  “It just feels like . . . like I should have gotten over this by now. It’s part of my life—it’s part of the job! I’ve known this for a long time; it shouldn’t bother me anymore. It doesn’t do this to other people. Why can’t I be stronger?”

  Ben pulled the blanket off the back of the couch and tucked it around her.

  “This doesn’t have anything to do with how strong you are. We all need help sometimes. Lots of times. And some things are hard for everyone. That other actress you sat next to at the Lakers game—wasn’t she saying she gets really stressed at premieres?”