“Well, I was kind of in denial about it for a while,” Bri retorted, refusing to lift her eyes from her menu. “Besides, I don’t remember you calling to tell me that you and Devon broke up. I had to hear it from… him, after Devon called begging for help.” Bri finally looked up, and instantly regretted it. The pained, disappointed look Layla gave her made her defensive. “And you were the one who did the dumping. It’s a whole other thing being the one who got dumped. I wasn’t about to go broadcasting it to the world that I was a loser whose boyfriend blamed her for all of the pressure he was under, turned into a complete jackass, broke up with her, and then took up with the most disgustingly vile girl ever created instead. You wouldn’t have said anything either, so give me a break.”
Her biting tone took even Bri by surprise, and she immediately felt bad. She hadn’t realized that she was still so bitter. Bri’s issues were her own, and she had no right to take out her frustration on her friend like that. But, it didn’t help that Layla saw right through her. Bri was trying her best to prove to everyone, including herself, that she was fine, but Layla took one look at her and saw through the façade. It was a little disconcerting, knowing she was that transparent.
“Look, Lay, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to jump down your throat like that. Obviously it’s still a sensitive subject, and I’m still working through it all.”
“And it doesn’t help that I’m forcing you to face him, either. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed this on you. I should’ve figured something else out.”
The regret on Layla’s face broke Bri’s heart.
“Don’t do that.” She forced herself to smile. “If this was something I didn’t think I could handle, I would have told you to pick another maid of honor. This is your wedding, and I’m not going to interfere with what you and Devon want. If Devon wants him as his best man, I’m not going to tell him no.”
“Still, I wish you two were in a better place. It makes me sad to see you both so miserable.”
“He’s not miserable,” Bri scoffed. “He’s the one who left. He has no reason to be miserable. He got what he wanted.”
Layla leveled her with a patronizing look. “You don’t really believe that.”
“Of course I do,” Bri replied, stubbornly defiant.
“Bri,” Layla chided. “Is it so hard to believe that he’s hurting as much as you are?”
“Yes. Because for him to be hurting as much as I am, he’d have to love me. And his actions have proven to me that he never loved me, not really.” Layla rolled her eyes, shaking her head, and Bri’s anger spiked. “No, Lay. If he really loved me as much as I loved him, he would never have been able to do what he did. There is no other explanation for it. And you can look at me like I’m stupid or crazy, but that isn’t going to change the fact that he lied to me.”
“He never lied about loving you. Dev and I have spent a lot of time with him since he moved to Salt Lake, and there is one thing I can tell you for certain. That boy loves you more than anything. Yes, he made some mistakes, and some really bad choices, and you have every right to be angry. But that doesn’t negate the fact that you are probably the only person that he has ever completely and truly loved. He has changed a lot in the past year, but he’s never stopped loving you.” Layla’s forceful gaze bore into Bri, and she began to squirm under its weight.
“Well, we’ll have to agree to disagree on that point,” Bri huffed, not willing to concede anything, and definitely not willing to believe anything Layla had just said. Bri knew better.
“Cole…”
“No!” Bri interrupted, pointing and glaring at her friend. “You promised.”
“Seriously?” Layla threw her hands up. “You still can’t even say his name? It’s been over a year.”
“I won’t say it, I won’t think it, and I don’t want to hear it. You promised you wouldn’t say that name around me again.”
“How are you ever going to get over this… this festering thing inside of you, this consuming mass of anger and hate and bitterness and stubbornness, if you won’t even acknowledge him?”
“Maybe I don’t want to get over it,” Bri threw back. She was acting like a child and she knew it, but that didn’t change the facts.
“Bri, it’s eating you up inside. It’s destroying everything light and good inside you. Why would you want to hang onto those oppressive feelings, to live with that dragging weight inside you?”
“Because maybe this festering thing inside me is the only thing keeping me going right now. Maybe because if I don’t have my anger and bitterness, I won’t have anything, I won’t feel anything. And feeling something is better than feeling nothing!”
Bri stopped, panting with anger, completely shocked at what had just come out of her mouth. She hadn’t meant to admit that. She’d done her best to hide her pathetic emotional state, but it had come spilling out anyway. She’d lived for weeks, months, in that gray void of emptiness, and she couldn’t go back there again. At least her anger kept her tied to reality.
Her outburst seemed to have shocked Layla too, and she gaped at Bri. The accusing anger and disappointment were fading from her eyes, and something even worse was replacing it: pity.
Unable to bear the look in Layla’s eyes, Bri felt her defiance spiking. She glared across the table. “And why does it sound like you’re taking his side? I thought you were supposed to be my friend.”
“I’m not taking his side,” Layla sighed heavily. “And I’m not saying any of this to hurt you. I’m sorry. You’re right, you are my best friend and I will always be here for you, no matter what. You are my first priority, and I will always have your back. You’re my girl. I wouldn’t brush that aside for some boy.” She gave Bri a small smile. “Are we okay?”
“Yes, we’re good,” Bri conceded. “But I don’t want to talk about this any more. I really don’t want to fight with you, especially over him. It’s not worth it.”
A sad smile crossed Layla’s face. “Alright, we won’t talk about it any more. But just know that if you ever decide you do want to talk about it, I’m always here for you. Okay?”
“Okay.” Bri let out a relieved breath. “Now, let’s get back to the wedding of the century. What’s on the to-do list?”
Layla launched into a detailed description of everything they needed to get done over the next few days. Bri couldn’t believe how much work and planning a simple wedding took. Of course, this was no simple wedding. Not when Layla was involved.
By Tuesday, Bri was exhausted. Layla had her running all over southern California, and it was taking its toll. So when Claire invited her over Tuesday afternoon, Bri took her chance for escape. Layla was understanding, and generously gave Bri the afternoon off, but with the stipulation that she be ready to resume her duties bright and early Wednesday morning.
Bri pulled up in front of the Hamilton’s familiar house and smiled. She had missed Claire almost as much as she’d missed Layla. And right now, Bri could use some of Claire’s indomitable happiness and boundless enthusiasm.
She knocked on the door, and was surprised when a very stern girl answered the door.
“Okay,” Claire began after letting Bri in, hands on her hips. “I understand that Layla is the priority right now. She’s getting married and you’re the maid of honor, so I get that you have a lot of stuff to do. But really? You can’t pick up the phone and call me? You’ve been here for four days, and I’m the one who finally calls you. What’s up with that?”
Claire’s tone was calm and even, but Bri could hear the hurt underneath it. Sufficiently chastised, Bri pulled Claire into a hug.
“Oh, Claire, I’m so sorry. I am officially the worst friend in the world. You’re right; I should have called. I’ve been helping Layla with all the last minute wedding preparations, and believe me, it’s a full time job. But that’s no excuse. I should’ve made time for you.”
“What about me?” a familiar voiced said from behind her. “I’m not worthy of your time, eith
er?”
“Seb?” Bri turned, surprised. “I didn’t know you’d be here.” After a slight hesitation, she stepped over and embraced him. Things had been a little awkward between them ever since he had declared his undying love for her. They had decided to remain friends, despite the fact that Bri couldn’t return his feelings, and Bri was extremely grateful. But she wanted Seb to move on. She didn’t want him pining for her for the rest of his life. Every time they talked she would subtly, or not so subtly, ask if he was dating anyone, but he had yet to date anyone even remotely seriously. She wanted him to be happy, and he deserved to fall in love with someone who would love him back.
“Claire told me she’d finally wrangled you over here,” Seb stepped back. “So I decided to stick around.”
“I’m glad you did,” she smiled.
“But you don’t get her all to yourself,” Claire chided her brother. “She’s mine today.” She linked her arm through Bri’s in solidarity.
“Got it. I’ll just be sulking in the corner, waiting for my turn,” Seb winked at Bri and headed into the living room.
Rolling her eyes, Claire pulled Bri out onto the patio.
It was a beautiful afternoon, and the waves crashing against the shore a few feet away soothed Bri’s soul in a way nothing else could. She would never stop missing the ocean. She took a moment to let the calming sound wash over her, before Claire jumped into conversation.
Claire had just graduated from high school, and she was very excited about starting cosmetology school in the fall. College hadn’t held much interest for her, but living in L.A., the dream of being a Hollywood stylist had Claire bouncing in her seat. She had been dating a boy pretty seriously her senior year, but he was going upstate for college, and they hadn’t wanted to push a long distance relationship. Bri could tell Claire was still a little heartbroken over her breakup, but she was putting on a brave face.
“So, since we’re both single now, we should go hit some clubs this week,” Claire nudged Bri’s shoulder. “Show these California boys what they’ve been missing.”
“That’s just what this city needs,” Seb slid into the chair next to Bri. “The two of you out on the prowl.” He shook his head. “That’s not trouble at all.”
“Hey,” Claire protested.
“You’re single too, you know. You could come prowling with us,” Bri grinned at him. “I could be your wing man.”
Seb smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Somehow I don’t think that would help.”
Bri dropped her eyes, searching for a way to change the subject and dispel the weird tension she’d inadvertently created. Luckily Seb beat her to it.
“Are you hungry?” he asked her.
“Starving,” she nodded.
“Hey Claire, why don’t you go pick us up something to eat?” he turned to his sister. “I’ll let you take my car.” He dangled his keys in front of her.
Bri smiled as she watched the battle wage on Claire’s face. Seb’s dad, Scott, had given Seb a car when he’d graduated from UNLV that spring, and not just any car. It was a sleek, black, 1967 Ford Mustang fastback. It had been beautifully restored, and was a growling monster. Claire had been trying to get Seb to let her drive it since he’d returned home. It looked like she had finally gotten her chance.
“Fine,” Claire relented with a huff. “But I’m picking up whatever is closest.” Claire snatched the keys from Seb’s hand before he could change his mind. “I’ll be back soon, so don’t go anywhere.” She practically sprinted for the garage.
“Wow,” Bri turned to Seb. “She finally wore you down?”
“No, I just wanted you to myself for a few minutes, and that was the only way I could think of to get her to leave.”
“Oh,” she blushed. She searched her mind for a neutral topic. “I’m sorry the NFL didn’t work out,” she gave him a sad smile.
Seb had entered the NFL draft earlier that year, but hadn’t been drafted. He acted like he was fine with it, but she knew he was disappointed.
“It was a long shot anyway,” he shrugged. “UNLV isn’t known as a big football school. I knew the chances of me getting drafted were slim. The chances of me actually getting to play were even slimmer, so I think it’s for the best.”
“Well, I still think those teams all made a huge mistake passing you over.” She reached over and squeezed his arm without thinking. Catching herself, she quickly retracted her hand. All of the things she would’ve done naturally before she knew he had fallen in love with her now seemed wrong or inappropriate. She didn’t want to lead him on or give him false hope, but he was still one of her best friends, and she wanted to be there to comfort and support him. She just wasn’t sure how to do that anymore, and it frustrated her.
“Thanks.” He smiled at her, and she was relieved she hadn’t crossed any lines.
“So,” he hedged, looking suddenly uncomfortable. “Have you seen him yet?”
She didn’t need any clarification to know whom Seb was talking about.
“No. Have you?”
He nodded. “Things are a lot better between us now. It’s good.”
“I’m glad,” she replied softly.
He gave her a frustrated look. “I really wish you and Cole could work things out.”
She crossed her arms and glared at him.
“Still?” Seb sighed. “Fine. When are you two going to get over this?”
“Probably never,” she bristled. “I have no interest in working things out with him. And, as my friend, I’ll thank you to stop pushing and stay out of it.”
He watched her for a moment, a question rising in his eyes. “Okay, if that’s what you really want.”
“Good. Thank you.” She searched for a change of subject. “So, are you going to go work for your dad then?”
“Yeah, maybe,” he sighed. “He gave me the summer to decide what I want to do. He really wants me to come help him manage one of his dealerships, but I’m afraid if I start working for him, I’ll never stop, and I can’t seem to make myself take his offer. Does that make me stupid?”
“Why would that make you stupid?”
“Because here my dad is offering me a great opportunity, and I’m balking at it. His salesmen would all jump at the chance I’m being given. I feel like I’m being ungrateful.”
“Hey,” she leaned closer to him. “You are not stupid, nor are you ungrateful. You’re not sure if that is the life you want. There’s nothing wrong with that. There’s also nothing wrong with being unsure of your future. You don’t have to have all the answers now. It’s okay to take some time to figure out what you want.”
Nodding, he glanced at her from the corner of his eye, almost shyly. “I’ve gotten an offer from the European Football League.”
“Europe?” she asked, shocked. “You’re thinking about going to Europe?” She didn’t like the way her heart clenched at the thought of him moving so far away. She didn’t have any right to hold him here.
“Maybe,” he turned to face her fully. “I’d get to play football at least. What do you think?” He watched her intently, gauging her reaction.
“Um… I don’t know. Of course, I’d miss you if you left, but it’s not like you’d be much further away than you are now. You’d just be across the ocean. It’s not like we wouldn’t still talk or anything. What do you think? You need to do what’s right for you.”
“I don’t know,” he gave her an indecipherable look. “It’s something I’m thinking about. I have some time before I have to respond.”
“Just don’t rush into anything,” she advised.
“Believe me, rushing was never my style,” he replied ironically.
Bri laughed, pushing his arm. “No, it isn’t.”
“I’m glad you’re here, Bri,” he smiled warmly at her.
“I’m glad I’m here, too,” she replied honestly, her cheeks flushing from his compliment.
Chapter 3
The morning before Layla’s wedding, Bri woke
in a cold sweat. Today was the day.
She’d been having disturbing nightmares the past few nights, and now she was about to face those nightmares head on. Well, she called them nightmares. In actuality, her dreams had consisted of naked bodies and tangled sheets, which was more disturbing to her than if she’d dreamed about chainsaw wielding psychopaths. She wasn’t sure what she was most worried about today: finally facing him, or what her subconscious might do when she saw him.
Forcing back her anxiety, she showered and dressed, not wanting to be late for the wedding rehearsal. The wedding the next day was down in San Diego, but instead of driving all that way just for a rehearsal, Devon’s minister had agreed to let them use his church. The whole wedding party would be there, including a particular best man she’d rather hoped never to see again. But, she’d agreed to this. She’d told Layla she could handle it, and it was too late to back out now. Not that she would give him the satisfaction of scaring her off anyway.
She may not care about him any more, but that didn’t stop her from scouring her closet for something sexy yet appropriate to wear, to shove in his face. She finally settled on a dark beige and cream lace pencil skirt, and a cream lace top with three-quarter length sleeves over a beige camisole. A thin belt hugged the smallest part of her waist, and she topped it off with nude heels. The combo was sexy and sophisticated, hugging all her curves, but was still conservative enough for church. She hoped it would make his heart bleed with regret.
As the clock ticked down the minutes, her stomach churned with anxiety. She was so edgy that when her phone suddenly started ringing, she actually jumped.
“Bri?” Layla answered, her voice a couple octaves higher than usual. “We have a problem.” The panic in her friend’s voice caused Bri to start, and she momentarily forgot her own worries.
“What is it, Lay? What’s wrong?” All kinds of horrible scenarios started flying through her head, all of the things that could go wrong at a time like this.
Perfect Imperfection Page 2