“My grandpa and my uncle are going to be the ushers in the wedding. They were supposed to be here for the rehearsal, but their plane got delayed, and now they won’t be here until later tonight. I don’t have anyone who can stand in for them this afternoon, and I don’t know what to do, and I’m freaking out. Everything is falling apart,” Layla wailed.
Bri chuckled inwardly. Leave it to Layla to act like the absence of a couple of ushers was the end of the world. But she knew how stressed Layla had been about this wedding, and how even the slightest hiccup in her plans would send her spiraling into despair and hopelessness.
“Do you know of anyone who could come stand in for them this afternoon? I know it’s incredibly last minute, but I’m desperate,” Layla begged. “Please, Bri, you have to help me.”
“Okay, Lay, don’t worry. I can think of a few people. Let me make some calls, and I’ll let you know in a minute, okay? Don’t worry about it, I’ll find someone. You just need to calm down, and get back into your Zen mode. Just sit down and think about waterfalls or, I don’t know, kittens or something. If Devon sees you this crazy, he’s likely to call off the wedding,” she teased.
“Yeah, right,” Layla laughed, some of her panic abating. “He’s seen me worse than this. He knows what he’s getting into.”
“As long as he’s been forewarned,” she grinned. “I’ll text you in a minute when I find someone, okay?”
“Okay. Thanks, Bri. You’re a life saver.”
“You do owe me. Big time.”
She hung up and immediately dialed Seb. She just hoped he didn’t have any plans.
“Hey, how would you like to be the hero for an overstressed, borderline psychotic bride today,” she asked.
“Seb saves the day again, huh?” he asked, and Bri could hear his smile through the phone.
“It does seem to be your forte.”
“How can I turn my back on a damsel in distress? What do you need?”
An hour later, Bri was sitting in her car in the church parking lot, having a full-blown panic attack. She was late for the rehearsal, really late, but she couldn’t make herself get out of the car. When she’d turned into the lot, she’d immediately seen the familiar Ducati motorcycle parked in front, and reality had slammed into her like a semi truck. A huge hole had opened in her stomach, only to be filled with what felt like bats desperately trying to free themselves from the confines. Her heart began pounding, and she’d been unable to catch her breath. And now, ten minutes later, she was still trying to work up the courage to walk into the church.
He was there, just inside those doors. The thought filled her with dread.
She knew Layla was inside waiting for her, impatient and probably angry, but still Bri couldn’t move. She’d told Layla she would be able to handle this, but she was finding that she might have overestimated her inner strength.
She’d done everything she could to prepare herself for this moment. She’d convinced herself that he was just another guy from her past, easily forgettable and replaceable, and that she didn’t care one way or the other about him. She had done her best to move on, to forget she’d ever loved him, to force him from her heart and mind. She’d even tried to date again, but that had been a major failure on multiple levels. It had only reinforced the fact that her heart was still a shattered mess in her chest. There wasn’t anything left of her to offer to anyone, and she was doubtful there ever would be again. She’d had to find other ways to force Cole from her heart.
But, as she sat staring at his stupid motorcycle, her heart pounding so loud in her ears she couldn’t hear the traffic on the street next to her, she knew that it hadn’t been enough. Nothing she could have done would have prepared her for this. It was one thing to force him to the deep recesses of her mind to deal with him, but it was another thing entirely to come face to face with him.
Knowing she couldn’t put it off any longer, not without incurring the wrath of Layla, she took some deep breaths, trying to calm herself down. She told herself that she could do it. She was strong enough for this. She repeated it over and over while her heartbeat finally steadied. Ashamed and frustrated at her weakness, she let her anger fuel her. Why was she still letting him affect her? He didn’t get to dictate, directly or indirectly, how she felt or what she did. She was being ridiculous. It was time to face him, and she wasn’t going to let him have the upper hand. She wasn’t going to let him win.
Climbing out of the car, she walked up to the large wooden door to the church. She’d seen Seb’s Mustang in the parking lot, so she knew he was inside already, and that gave her an unexpected amount of comfort. Seb would be there; she didn’t have to do this alone. Squaring her shoulders, she quickly fluffed her auburn hair, smoothed her lace skirt, took a deep breath, and pulled open the door.
As Bri stepped inside, her eyes- traitors to her renewed determination- immediately sought him out. His gaze clashed with hers, and everything froze around them. Nothing else existed but the two of them. A wave of emotion hit her, like a punch in the gut, stealing her breath and stopping her heart. But it wasn’t what she’d been expecting to feel. She’d been prepared for the rages of anger and betrayal, disgust, and even pain. She was therefore completely unprepared for the wave of love that washed over her, almost drowning her in its intensity. Longing, desire, and a well of regret so deep she didn’t know where it ended rolled through her, squeezing her heart until she thought it would crumble. She stood paralyzed as all her feelings for him, feelings that she thought she’d long since destroyed or banished, came flooding back.
She had never hated herself more.
His lips turned up in a hopeful but hesitant smile, as though he could see her emotions plainly on her face. Realizing with extreme anger and embarrassment that he probably could, her face heated. She had never hated him more, either.
No, not him. Cole. He wasn’t a vague ghost from her past any longer, not now that she was face to face with him. She couldn’t dismiss or ignore him any more. He was Coleston Marra, a force of nature all his own, and she had no choice but to finally acknowledge him.
Cole stood stiff with tension as he watched her. He wore a light gray suit, tailored just for him and obviously very expensive, that accentuated his trim and toned form, and a light blue shirt that brought out the blue in his eyes. He looked good, more than good, and she hated that she noticed it.
Quickly pulling herself together, Bri tore her eyes away from Cole’s. Determinedly ignoring the awkward silence her entrance had caused, she forced herself to smile as she walked over to Layla.
“Sorry I’m late,” she hugged the bride-to-be.
“It’s okay,” Layla replied, rubbing a comforting hand on Bri’s back. Layla stepped back, and turned to the minister waiting at the front of the room. “Well, we’re all here, if you’re ready to get started?”
The minister gave a run down on how the ceremony would precede, but Bri didn’t hear any of it. She quickly scanned the room, desperate for someone to help shield her from Cole’s penetrating gaze. She refused to look at him, but she could feel him watching her. Gratefully spotting Seb standing at the back of the group, she discreetly edged over to him.
“You’re a brave woman, keeping Layla waiting like that,” Seb teased, trying to relieve her anxiety. “She was this close to kicking you out of the wedding.”
“Like that would be a bad thing,” Bri muttered with a nervous glance at Cole. Yep, he was still watching her. She moved to the other side of Seb, using him to block her from Cole’s line of sight.
Seb glanced between the two of them, before wrapping an arm around her shoulder and giving her a squeeze. “You doing okay?” he whispered.
“I think so,” Bri lied. Her stomach was roiling, and her knees felt ready to give out on her. “Tell me the truth. Did I look like I was about ready to pass out when I walked in?”
“What?” Seb chuckled softly. “Of course not. You looked stunning, and in complete control of your faculties. Why, w
ere you going to pass out?”
“Yes, and it’s still a real possibility.” She wiped her sweaty palms on her skirt and took a deep breath. “Thanks for being here,” she smiled at him gratefully. “I know you probably had other plans today, but I’m really glad you’re here.”
“I’m glad I’m here, too.” Seb pulled her to him and kissed the top of her head. Bri’s eyes shot over to Cole. He glared at her, eyes narrowed, then abruptly turned away. Bri let out a breath, only to find that she felt a little guilty that Cole seemed upset. She immediately kicked herself. She didn’t have anything to feel guilty for, and Cole certainly had no right to be angry or jealous.
Still, she gingerly removed herself out from under Seb’s arm. Seb shot her a questioning look, but her attention was pulled to the minister, who was instructing her, and the other bride’s maids, where to line up.
Layla had chosen one of her cousins and her roommate from college to be her other bride’s maids. Devon had Cole as his best man, and his two brothers as his groomsmen. The six of them lined up at the back of the aisle, and Bri’s stomach clenched as Cole stepped into place beside her.
She refused to look at him, but she could feel the heat from his body radiating next to her as they slowly marched down the aisle. Her heart was pounding so hard she was sure he could hear it, and she was only able to breathe again when they finally parted at the altar.
She kept her eyes on the minister while he briefly went through the ceremony with Layla and Devon, but she could feel Cole watching her, his eyes leaving the impression of a soft caress as they roamed over her. Remembering exactly what that caress felt like, her heart started beating with something completely different than nerves, and an unbidden warmth rushed through her. She was sure her cheeks were flushed as Layla and Devon turned to lead the procession back out of the chapel, and she fell in beside Cole.
He glanced over at her, looking like he wanted to say something, but she kept her face forward, determined to ignore him. Her traitor of a body, however, had other ideas as it got caught in Cole’s gravity and leaned toward him on its own accord. She brushed against his side, and longing shot through her with the force of an electric shock. The feel of him sent her mind spinning with memories of them together, memories she’d worked so hard to bury. Before she swooned into him- and she was ashamed to admit that there was a good chance of that happening, she forced herself to step away, the much-needed distance helping to clear her head a bit.
Where were these feelings coming from? She didn’t love him any more. In fact she rather loathed him. But she was finding it had been a lot easier to not love him from a distance, than it was to not love him face to face. She couldn’t help it, her body still responded to him. No, more than that, her body still wanted him, no matter how much her mind protested it. Only her mind was having a difficult time protesting at the moment, with his body so close to hers and the light scent of his cologne in her nose.
They separated at the back of the church, the procession finished, and Bri b-lined it over to Seb. She desperately needed someone to ground her.
“Is something wrong?” Seb grinned at her obvious distress.
“Quick, I need you to remind me of all the reasons I hate Cole,” she begged.
“What? Why?” he laughed.
“Because right now I really need to squash the urge to go over there and rip his clothes off,” she retorted angrily. She was already ashamed of her reaction to Cole; she didn’t need Seb rubbing it in her face.
Seb opened his mouth to respond, but was cut off by Layla.
“So,” she addressed the whole group. “Anyone need to go over that again?”
“Nope,” Bri answered quickly. “I think we’ve all got it. I guess that means we’re done here, yeah?” She gave Layla a forced smile and then darted out the door before anyone could object, desperate for some air.
Trying to calm her racing heart, she rushed toward the safety of her car.
“Bri, wait.” Seb’s voice stopped her, and she reluctantly turned around. “Are you okay?”
“Yes… no… I don’t know,” she shook her head. “I just know I need to get out of here.”
“What’s wrong?” He stepped closer to her, putting a hand on her arm. “You bolted out of there awfully fast. What is it?”
“It’s just…” she hesitated, not sure she was willing to admit this out loud. “Facing him today, it wasn’t at all what I’d expected. I’d expected to feel nothing but anger and hate, but instead, it was the opposite,” she finished softly.
“Ah,” Seb nodded.
“And I don’t know what to do about it. I want to hate him. I don’t want to still feel this way. I thought I was over him, but obviously I still have some lingering feelings, and that makes me angrier than anything. I’m stupid and weak,” she groaned, dropping her head against his chest in shame. “And I hate it.”
“You’re not stupid, and you’re not weak.” He dropped his chin onto her head and rubbed her arms soothingly. “Feelings like that, they don’t just go away overnight. It’s going to take some time.”
“How much time? It’s been over a year,” she mumbled.
“Sometimes they never go away. Sometimes you just have to learn to live with them,” he replied softly.
Bri froze. Of course Seb would know exactly how she felt. And yet again, she’d used him for her own comfort without thinking about how it might affect him. She was a horrible person. She lifted her head and stepped away from him, but before she could say anything, Layla and Devon came bouncing over.
“Bri,” Layla hugged her. “You did good today.”
“Thanks, Lay,” Bri grimaced.
“And,” Layla stepped back, turning to Seb, “thank you for helping out today, Seb. Are you sure you don’t mind going over this with my uncle and grandpa tomorrow before the ceremony?”
“Not at all,” Seb smiled.
“You’re a life saver,” Layla hugged him. “Oh, and you totally have to come to the rehearsal dinner later today.”
“Oh, that’s okay.” Seb looked suddenly uncomfortable. “I don’t want to intrude.”
“No, I insist. You saved the day today. The least I can do is buy you dinner,” Layla winked. “It’s at 5:00, and Bri knows the restaurant. Why don’t you two come together?” Layla smiled innocently, and Bri glared at her. She did not need her friend to play matchmaker right now, especially with Seb.
“Well, okay, as long as you don’t mind?” Seb raised his eyebrows at Bri.
“Not at all,” she smiled at him.
“Great, then I’ll pick you up about 4:30,” he grinned. “You haven’t yet had the awesome experience of riding in my car. It’s time to remedy that. Plus, there’s no way I’m letting a girl drive on the first date.”
“Seb,” she shot him a worried glance. He wasn’t picking up on Layla’s matchmaking vibe, was he?
“Kidding,” he squeezed her arm playfully. “I know it’s not a date. Don’t look like you’re going to throw up.”
“Okay,” she sighed, relieved. “I guess I’ll see you later, then.” Bri glanced toward the door, and saw Cole’s dark head turn and find her. “Now, if you’ll all excuse me.”
She turned and strode to her car. She didn’t breathe again until she had started the engine and pulled out of the parking space. She had survived. It hadn’t been her finest moment, but she’d faced Cole without making a complete fool of herself, and she was counting that as a win.
But as she glanced at her rearview mirror, she saw Cole standing on the curb, his face forlorn as he watched her drive away. Her heart gave a wretched lurch, and suddenly today didn’t feel like much of a victory. And unfortunately, the day was still far from over.
Standing on the corner outside the church, Cole watched the love of his life drive away. He drew a deep breath, trying to ease the rending pain in his chest.
It had killed him, staying away from her, keeping his distance when everything in him begged to be near her. The
re was an ever-present pull inside him that drew him to her, like they were opposite sides of a magnet, the force of which hadn’t lessened with time or distance. He needed her.
For the past year he’d wanted nothing more than to rush to her, apologize profusely, and beg her to take him back. All he wanted was the chance to promise to love and cherish her forever, and to prove his love for her everyday for the rest of his life.
But he hadn’t.
Even though being away from her was agony for his soul, he knew that she needed time for her anger to cool, for the pain that he’d caused to fade a little. Otherwise, she’d never have listened to him, or more importantly, heard what he needed to say. If he’d gone to her as soon as he’d wanted to, she wouldn’t have given him the time of day, let alone the chance to explain. And all he would have ended up with was a black eye and a knife in his heart. And he would have deserved it, everything she hit him with and more. He had been a blind, stupid, selfish bastard, had treated her in the most deplorable way, and he deserved every ounce of her fury.
But damn, it was hard living without her.
The look on her face when she’d walked in today had given him hope; hope that she might be ready to listen to him, maybe even forgive him. That maybe she missed and needed him as much as he missed and needed her. But the fact that she’d come with Seb today meant that he would be waiting for her much longer than he’d hoped.
Seb. When Seb had shown up for the rehearsal, Cole had been confused, wondering what his friend could possibly be doing there. But then, when Bri immediately rushed to him once she arrived, everything started making sense. He’d had to grind his teeth together to keep from saying something he’d regret, as he watched Bri cling to Seb the whole time. Every time Seb had touched her, Cole had had to shove his fists into his pockets to keep from throttling his best friend. He didn’t know if they were officially dating, Seb hadn’t said anything about him and Bri getting together, but it was hard to ignore the signs they had been shoving in his face all afternoon. If her plan had been to make him jealous, she’d succeeded.
Perfect Imperfection Page 3