She felt herself wanting to cave at his sincerity, but quickly shook off that insane notion.
“Cole,” she sighed, “I appreciate the effort you made to be here, but I really don’t think…”
Her refusal was cut short as her advisor, Brenda, the person grading her performance tonight, rushed over.
“Are you ready, Bri?” she asked, her face alight with excitement. “It’s almost curtain time. And who is this?” She turned to Cole with a smile, and her eyes grew wide in recognition. “Oh my, you’re…”
“I’m a friend of Bri’s,” Cole cut in with an embarrassed smile. “I flew in just for her performance tonight.”
“How wonderfully thoughtful of you,” Brenda’s star struck face beamed at him. “Well, we’re about ready to start. May I show you to your seat, Cole?”
“But…” Bri tried to interject, looking back and forth between them.
“That would be great.” Cole gave Bri a parting smile, his eyes full of unsaid things. “I’ll see you after the show. Good luck.” He turned and let Brenda lead him away.
“But… You can’t…” Bri stuttered, but no one paid her any attention. Stunned, she slowly closed the door, and collapsed against it.
This could not be happening.
Cole could not be privy to all her innermost feelings. He could not witness the baring of her heart and soul. There’s no telling what he would do with that precious information.
She couldn’t do this. Her panic a living writhing thing insider her, she tried frantically to come up with a way to stop the concert.
She was halfway to the fire alarm when Brenda intercepted her again.
“Three minutes until curtain. You’d better make sure everyone is in place. I’ll introduce you and open the show, and then I’ll move to the audience to observe. Good luck, Bri,” she smiled. “I can’t wait to see what you’ve put together.” She squeezed Bri’s arm, then moved to the main curtain.
Any hope of gaining some calm before the show started was gone. She was out of time, and out of any other options. She was going to have to take that stage and dance, with Cole out there watching.
She took her place among the other dancers for the first piece, and prayed she would make it through this. Hopefully she’d faced the worst already, and she could coast along on autopilot through the rest of the evening.
But as the curtain lifted, she realized what a naïve wish that had been. As she began dancing the careful wall of control she’d built around her emotions crumbled to dust with just one glance at the man sitting in the front row.
Having Cole there made it all too real, and all her defenses came tumbling down, leaving her open and bare. Her emotions were already too close to the surface, and it was impossible to control them. As a new wound was opened with each step, Bri felt her heart spilling like blood onto that stage, a million little pieces of her that would never be private or secret again. Having no other choice, she gave in to the intensity of it, and let her emotions take control.
She danced with a passion and depth she never had before, unable to hold anything back. She was a roiling mass of love, betrayal, longing, anger, hate, desire, and too many other emotions to name. Everything around her was caught up in her fury, including the audience, who were in no way immune to her power. Under different circumstances, it may have been liberating, finally releasing everything she’d kept bottled up inside her for so long. But instead, fear wrapped a cold hand around her bleeding heart each time she glanced at Cole in the front row.
At some point early in her performance, the rest of the audience faded away, and she was dancing just for him. Expressing things with her body she couldn’t with her words, things she would never let herself say. Secrets that her body so easily communicated to him across the short space between them. And Cole was as caught up in it as she was. His heart answered her call, his emotions mirroring her own, each flashing plainly across his face. Guilt, pain, hope, shame, longing, fear, desire, and, the most powerful of all: love. Woven under everything he was experiencing with her was a love so potent that she could almost taste it.
She saw the moment he realized what she was really saying that night. She watched with perfect clarity as all expression suddenly drained from his face and his mouth opened slightly with shock and surprise. She watched as hope blossomed deep within his eyes, lighting his face as the truth began to sink in. He looked at her in wonder, a small smile on his lips and a faint blush staining his cheeks. And her heart leaped.
Then his eyes darkened with desire as they raked over her. The heat from his gaze alone was enough to singe her, and she could feel the possession vibrating off of him. It wasn’t just her body he wanted, though; he wanted her heart, mind, and soul as well. And judging from the look in his eyes, he wouldn’t stop until he got them. She was surprised to feel an answering possession rise up within her, and she realized that she wanted all of him, too.
As she began her final number, a solo piece to close the show, she became aware of tears slipping down her face. So caught up in the intensity between them, she hadn’t realized she was weeping. Grieving for all that they had been, all they had lost, and everything that they could have been. Cole was as overcome as she was, she could see answering tears shining in his eyes.
She hit her final pose, and after a very pregnant pause, the audience erupted in applause, shattering the private world she and Cole had been living in for the past hour. Startled, her eyes darted to the rows of cheering people she had forgotten were there. The curtain began closing, and she looked back at Cole, a silent plea in her eyes. She couldn’t think about the consequences, or if it was right or wrong. She couldn’t focus on anything other than what she wanted most at that moment.
Don’t go.
His answering nod was the last thing she saw as the crimson curtain closed in front of her.
Chapter 9
Bri was immediately surrounded with hugs and congratulations from the other dancers, none of who seemed to notice or care that she was still crying. Her advisor bounced over, cooing about what a beautiful and moving performance Bri had given. Still feeling too raw and exposed, Bri ducked away from the crowd of chattering dancers and rushed to the solitude of her dressing room to try and piece herself back together.
A few moments later, there was a knock on the door and Bri turned, this time knowing exactly who was waiting on the other side. A jolt of apprehension made her pause, but before she even realized she’d moved, her hand was turning the doorknob.
She pulled open the door and met stormy eyes. So many emotions swirled in those blue depths it rendered her speechless.
Heart pounding, she stepped aside and let him in. They stood there, facing one another, the distance between them a chasm in her heart.
“Ambria,” Cole finally breathed, and the desperation in that one word was all it took to shatter everything inside her and send her flying into his arms.
Her mouth crashed into his, full of her own need and longing. And for once, her brain didn't protest. She wanted him. She needed him. She needed to feel his arms around her and his body against hers. She needed him to wipe away the loneliness and misery she’d been living in for the past two years. She needed him to fill the aching void in her chest and make her whole again.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered against her lips. "I’m so, so sorry.”
“Shhh,” she shook her head, not wanting to ruin this moment. This was not the time for words. Cole acquiesced and proceeded to reclaim her with his mouth and his body, holding nothing back and accepting nothing less from her in return.
It had been far too long since he’d kissed her like this, and she was drowning in him. Every touch sent her spiraling further into oblivion. She was riding the wave of her desire for him, and it wasn’t about to crest anytime soon.
“Stay,” his desperate plea whispered down her neck, and she could feel the passion he was barely restraining. “Stay with me tonight.” His lips continued down, resting over
her heart. “Please.”
Caught up in the intensity and heat between them she nodded.
“Yes?” he glanced up at her, a smile tilting those delicious lips.
“Yes,” she breathed, unable to refuse.
Not giving her a chance to reconsider, he grabbed her hand and pulled her to the door. She scooped up her bag with her change of clothes, and followed him to his car without a word. They drove in silence, the air full of barely restrained tension, but he refused to relinquish her hand. Reaching his hotel, neither of them took any notice of the other hotel patrons watching them curiously as the moved swiftly through the lobby to the elevators. Reaching his room, he finally released her hand to pull out his key and opened the door, ushering her in. Bri’s heart began pounding furiously, but this was not the time to second-guess herself.
“Bri,” Cole began, but she placed her fingers over his lips.
“No talking,” she murmured, and put his lips to other use.
It was like a competition between them to see who could drive the other crazier with desire. He hadn’t lost his touch at all, remembering well all the things that drove her wild. Bri was happy to find that she wasn’t at all rusty in that department either, and smiled as she pulled his bottom lip between her teeth.
“God, I’ve missed you,” he moaned into her mouth, his hands tracing every inch of her.
“I thought I said no talking,” she breathed, shucking his jacket and going to work on his dress shirt. Capturing her lips, Cole lifted her and carried her to the bed.
They were a frenzied tangle of lips and hands, greedy in their want and need, as they rediscovered each other. There was no time for gentleness, their desperation driving them to the brink. And when they finally joined together, Bri’s body sighed in relief more deep and profound than anything she’d felt before. Tears filled her eyes as a feeling of rightness suffused her. She was whole again. This was where she belonged. She was home.
Later, Bri lay snuggled up against Cole’s chest, listening to the soothing sound of his heartbeat. Her bare leg lay draped over his, and he was rhythmically running his fingers up and down her back. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt this content.
“When do you have to leave?” she asked softly. She was reluctant to speak, not wanting to risk breaking the spell that lay over them, but there were a few details that couldn’t be ignored.
His fingers not pausing, he replied, “I have a game on Saturday I need to be in Brooklyn for, but I can stay until then.”
“Saturday?”
He nodded.
Only two nights, and one of them was almost over. Pulling herself onto her elbow, she looked up at him. “Won’t you get in trouble for missing practice?”
He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and traced her cheek.
“No, I got permission to miss practice tomorrow, with the strict understanding that I be in Brooklyn no later than noon on Saturday. It took a little groveling to get the coaches to agree, but I was determined,” he grinned at her.
“You did that for me?” She was touched and flattered. “That seems like an awful lot of trouble for a college dance concert.”
“You’re worth it,” he said simply, and she beamed.
“Well, since we have so little time together, I’m not about to let any of it go to waste.” She rolled him over, climbing on top. “Thank you.” She hoped he could see the sincerity on her face. “I’m glad you’re here.”
The most beautiful smile spread over Cole’s face, and Bri’s breath caught. He pulled her down to him, and proceeded to show her just how glad he was to be there too.
They didn’t leave the room at all the next day, and barely left the bed, taking full advantage of room service and all it offered. By a silent mutual agreement, they didn’t talk about the past, or the future, or what this meant for them, or if it changed things. They just lived in the moment, sleeping only minimally so as not to squander even a moment of the short amount of time they’d been given. And for those precious few blissful hours, Bri was happy.
She finally pulled herself out of bed late Friday afternoon to take a shower. Cole had to take a call from his agent, so it seemed like an opportune time to freshen up. She stepped into the large stone tiled shower, steam creeping up the clear glass door as she lingered under the deliciously hot water.
Wiping the water back out of her face, she noticed a shadow out of the corner of her eye. She turned to find Cole leaning against the doorjamb of the bathroom, a pair of drawstring pants, the only item of clothing he’d put on all day, slung low on his hips. His arms were crossed casually across his broad, muscular chest, and he just stood there, watching her. Neither of them moved, and the weight of his gaze set her heart pounding. She could feel his eyes as they roved down her naked body and heat flooded through her. A small, seductive smile formed on her lips, and she very deliberately crooked her finger at him in invitation.
He paused for only a moment, then pushed off the wall, his eyes focused intently on her. He prowled to the shower door, slipped out of his pants, and gave her a slow hungry smile before joining her inside. And for a long time, it wasn’t only the water steaming up the shower.
Later that night, Bri lay tucked against Cole, her back pressed to his chest. She’d thrown back the curtains on the window across from the bed, and she lay, happy and content, watching the stars outside. It was a dark, clear night, and the heavens sparkled. Cole’s arms were wrapped around her, his cheek resting against her head. They had been lying for some time now in comfortable silence, just enjoying each other’s company and she wondered if he’d finally fallen asleep. He was leaving tomorrow, and while she didn’t want to examine her feelings about that too closely, she wished they had more time.
“I wish I didn’t have to go tomorrow,” he sighed, as if reading her thoughts. His fingers trailed up and down her arm. “I wish we could just stay here forever.”
Drowsy and blissfully exhausted, Bri could only give a slight nod in agreement. Her eyelids were getting heavy, and Cole’s fingers tickling her arm were persuading her to sleep.
“I love you, Bri,” he murmured softly.
Her eyes snapped open, and just like that, the beautiful spell they’d been living under was broken. All drowsiness vanished, and panic began to fill her. What was he doing? At the top of the list of forbidden topics of discussion was the “L” word. That, and anything that would remind them of the harsh reality of their situation, was strictly off limits. Why was he bringing it up now? Her heart stopped, whether in fear or anticipation she didn’t want to know, and when she didn’t respond he went on.
“I’ve never stopped loving you, and I will continue to love you for the rest of my life. You have no idea how hard it’s been for me to stay away from you these past two years. I wanted to run to you and beg your forgiveness so many times. But I knew it was too soon. You needed time, and so I waited. It has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It has killed me not to be able to talk to you, or see you, or hold you. It’s all I’ve been able to think about since I screwed everything up and forced you away. You have been all I’ve been able to think about. I was so worried, so scared. I didn’t dare hope that you’d ever be able to forgive me. But now, after these past two days… You’ve given me back my hope.”
Panic seized her, and dread began creeping through her veins like ice. She wanted to stop him, not let him say another word, but she was too frozen to move.
“I know this is a lot to ask, but you have to know how good we are together. We belong together, Bri. I’ve known it since the day we met, and you know it too. I also know that you still love me. You did your best to try and hide it, but I can feel it in every look, every touch, and every beat of your heart. It echoes mine. And because we love each other, we have to be able to let go of all of the pain and anger between us. We owe it to ourselves, to our happiness, to give it another try. Do you think you could do that? Can you give us, give me, another chance?”
&
nbsp; Silently a tear slipped down her cheek to pool on the pillow beneath her. It was too much. He was asking too much of her, and she realized what a horrible mistake it’d been to stay with him. She couldn’t give him what he wanted. As much as she’d loved the past two days she’d spent with him, she wasn’t ready to just forget the past, forget how badly he’d hurt her, and start over. She didn’t know if she’d ever be ready to forgive him. She wasn’t even sure that was something she wanted to do. And in coming here, she’d done the absolute worst thing she could do: she’d given Cole hope that they could still have a future together. But there never would be a future for them. She was going to break his heart, and despite the way he’d broken hers, it was the last thing she wanted to do.
Unable to give him the answer he wanted, but reluctant to refuse him, she remained silent and unmoving, pretending to already be asleep.
After a few moments of silence, he asked, in a voice laced with so much disappointment and sorrow it tore her in two, “Will you think about it? Please?”
And unable to deny him, she slowly nodded.
Hours later, when she was sure he was fast asleep, Bri slowly and quietly extracted herself from under Cole’s arm and slipped out of bed. She quickly pulled on the change of clothes she had in her dance bag, packed up the few things she had strewn around the room, and rushed to the door. She knew she was running away, she knew it was cruel and wrong, but she just couldn’t face him. She couldn’t stand in front of him and destroy both his hope and his heart at the same time. She just couldn’t do it.
Knowing she was taking the coward’s way out, she told herself that this would be easier for both of them, a clean break with nothing else needing to be said. No apologies or awkward goodbyes; no expressions of regret or remorse or guilt. Nothing required or left to say between them. Yes, it was definitely better this way. She almost had herself convinced by the time she grasped the door handle.
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