Perfect Imperfection

by Jennifer Preston

  She knew something was wrong with her. Normal brides didn’t get debilitating stomach cramps every time they looked at their dress. Normal brides didn’t have panic attacks when they thought about their upcoming weddings. Normal brides were excited to move in with their soon to be husbands. Bri glanced over at the stacks of boxes she’d packed against her wall, boxes she couldn’t bring herself to take over to the new apartment. For the first time, this whole thing was becoming real, and Bri was terrified. No matter how hard she tried to convince herself that this was just the usual pre-wedding jitters, she knew deep down it was more than that.

  She’d tried to fight it, tried to force herself to ignore the signs and just make it work. But, faced with the stark white reality hanging on her closet door, she couldn’t lie to herself any longer.

  This wasn’t what she wanted. He wasn’t who she wanted. A huge wave of relief hit her as she finally admitted her deepest, darkest truth.

  She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t marry Adam. She couldn’t live the rest of her life pretending, or forcing herself to feel something that she never had and never would. She couldn’t begin her marriage off on a lie that would slowly destroy them both. It wasn’t fair to Adam, and it wasn’t fair to her.

  She’d been so bound and determined to move on and put everything in her past behind her that she hadn’t paused to think about the consequences of her actions. But now those consequences had caught up to her, and the fear was almost suffocating. This wasn’t right. This wasn’t what she wanted. She had to tell Adam the truth. She couldn’t keep living this charade.

  She sat for a moment, waiting for her brain to dispute her, to shout out all the reasons she was wrong and why she was making a huge mistake. But for once, her stubborn mind didn’t argue. Instead, Bri felt like a huge weight had been lifted off her chest, and she could finally breathe again. She had to call things off. And even though the thought of telling Adam and breaking his heart terrified and hurt her, she knew she had to do it now, before any more damage was done. Steeling her nerves, she grabbed her keys and headed out to talk to him.

  She returned later that evening, tear stained and emotionally drained, but knowing she’d done the right thing. Adam had been understandably angry, confused, and upset, but she knew he’d realize that this was best for both of them. She felt terrible for hurting him, and it would take a long time for her to forgive herself for what she’d done to him, but she felt better than she had in ages.

  She hadn’t let herself think about Cole before, but now his face filled her mind. She hadn’t called off the wedding for him, she’d done that for herself, but she couldn’t help but think about what this meant for the two of them. He’d made it no secret he wanted her back, but she wasn’t sure she was ready for that either. Her heart was in too much turmoil to know what it wanted.

  She didn’t have the energy to tell Becks or Gracie about her break up, so she suffered in silence, which she felt was the least she deserved. She also wasn’t sure what to do about all the boxes in her room. Now that she’d graduated, she couldn’t live in student housing any more. She had a little time, she didn’t have to be out of the apartment until the end of June, but she needed to find a place to live, soon. Too bad she didn’t have the energy for that, either.

  Bri was pulled from her inner wretchedness a few days later, by the arrival of unexpected visitors. She opened the door one Thursday afternoon to find Layla and Devon waiting on her doorstep.

  “Surprise!” Layla grinned, launching herself into Bri’s surprised arms. Devon waved sheepishly.

  “What?” Bri bumbled, clutching her friend. “What are you guys doing here?”

  “We decided to come out for the weekend and wanted to surprise you.” Layla pulled back and bounced into the apartment. “Aren’t you glad to see us?”

  “Of course,” Bri tried to catch up. “I’m just surprised is all.”

  “Well then, mission accomplished,” Layla beamed, pulling Devon onto the couch next to her.

  After the usual questions had been asked, and the friends caught up on each other’s lives, Layla turned to Bri.

  “So, what is going on with you and Cole?”

  Almost choking on her drink, Bri sputtered. “What? Nothing! Why would you think something was going on? Gosh Lay, just spring that on me, why don’t you?” She felt her cheeks redden.

  “Well,” Layla raised her eyebrows at Bri’s obvious discomfort. “I was just wondering if you and Cole were talking again. He’s been living here for a while now. Have you two made up yet?”

  “I don’t know if we’ve made up, but we do talk. Sometimes.” Not right now, of course, as she was avoiding him at the moment. She couldn’t be sure of herself around him, so she thought it best to just avoid him altogether.

  “Good,” Layla smiled. “I’m glad to hear it. Isn’t he in a band now, too? They play at your pub, right?”

  “Um, yeah,” Bri replied. “They play every Saturday night.”

  “Oh?” Layla’s eyes lit with excitement. “Can we see him play while we’re here? Do you work this Saturday? It would be so much fun for all of us to go together.”

  She was in fact off on Saturday. Joe had somehow managed to get Becks to pick up the weekend shift. Bri really didn’t want to spend her night off at her workplace, but Layla didn’t look like she’d take no for an answer. And Bri couldn’t very well tell Layla that she was purposely trying to steer clear of Cole right now, or Layla would demand to know why. And that was not a conversation she wanted to have. So, with a resigned sigh, Bri agreed.

  “Sure, we can go. The Hacks are actually pretty good. I’m sure Cole will be glad to see you there.” She buried all her apprehension and reluctance under a fake smile.

  “Speaking of Cole,” Devon cut in. “We’d better get going, Lay. We get to go surprise him next,” Devon gave Bri a rueful smile. “Layla insisted on this being a big surprise for both of you.”

  “Thanks for that,” Bri shot at Layla, who just grinned.

  “Let’s go shopping or something tomorrow,” Layla hugged her at the door. “I’ll call you and we’ll work it out.”

  “Sounds good. See you later.” Bri smiled and waved her friends goodbye. Closing the door behind her, she collapsed against it, pondering her friend’s sudden appearance. This was no random, spur of the moment trip to New York. No, Layla was up to something, Bri would bet her life on it. Just what that might be, she couldn’t even fathom. She’d just have to wait and see. And with that particularly terrifying thought, Bri fell onto the couch and pulled a blanket up over her head.

  Saturday night, Bri was a nervous wreck as she walked into Joe’s with Layla and Devon. She’d managed to avoid Cole since calling things off with Adam, and she still wasn’t sure she was ready to see him tonight. Too many emotions and possibilities were flying through her for her to be assured of her reaction to him. He was all she could think about all week, and she was worried her heart had finally won its way.

  Becks had given her and Layla the run of her closet before she’d left for work, and Layla had dug through the designer labels with frenzied excitement. Just like the old days, Layla had insisted on picking out Bri’s outfit, despite Bri’s assertions that she was more than capable of dressing herself.

  Layla chose her a tight lace-overlay mini skirt, with a flowy, halter style top that left her shoulders and most of her back bare. The light blush color set off Bri’s auburn hair, which was curled and swept loosely over one shoulder.

  “You look dreamy and romantic,” Layla had said from behind Bri’s shoulder, as they’d inspected the finished product in the mirror. Bri didn’t know that dreamy and romantic was necessarily the look she was going for, but she didn’t want to disappoint Layla.

  Layla had chosen a pair of white skinny jeans and a black sheer blouse over a black tank, and Becks’ black Channel boots. Her long brown hair was curled into beach waves down her back. If Bri looked romantic, Layla looked sophisticated and determined.


  As they walked into the pub, Devon put an arm around Layla, steering her through the crowd as the three of them wove their way toward the stage. Wondering if they’d even be able to find somewhere to sit, Bri was surprised to see Seb sitting at the table right in front of the stage. His eyes met hers and Bri smiled, glad to see him.

  “How did you manage to snag this table?” Bri asked, impressed.

  “Layla told me you guys were coming tonight, so I got here a little early to get us a good seat.” He stood and hugged her and Layla, and gave Devon a high five.

  “How early?” Bri eyed him, sliding into the seat next to him. He must have been sitting here for over an hour. The pub tended to fill up early when The Hacks were playing.

  Seb just grinned at her. She noticed that he was sans date tonight, and she was glad. It wasn’t very often anymore that she got to spend time with just him.

  “Thanks for saving us a spot,” she squeezed his hand.

  Becks sauntered over and took their drink orders, giving an approving nod at Bri’s outfit. Bri grinned around at the table, glad to be with her friends. She felt her melancholy lifting as she began to enjoy herself. Then she caught a pointed look between Layla and Seb, and her suspicions rose. Something was up.

  “So, Layla,” she leaned toward her friend. “Want to tell me what you’re up to?”

  “What?” Layla blinked, startled. “I don’t know what you mean.”

  “Come on, Lay. I’m not stupid. You’re up to something. You’ve got that devious gleam in your eye. Are these two in on it?” Bri glared at Seb and Devon, who just sat there in mute, uncomfortable silence.

  “Of course not, Bri. You’re being ridiculous,” Layla huffed.

  She narrowed her eyes. “If you do not tell me what’s going on right now, I’ll…”

  The rest of her threat was lost as the lights dimmed, and Bri’s attention was drawn to the stage. Layla let out a breath of relief and settled more comfortably in her chair. Bri’s apprehension skyrocketed.

  Instead of the band coming out to set up as usual, Cole walked out onto the stage alone, carrying only his guitar and a microphone stand. He pulled over a stool to sit on, adjusted the mic to his height, and turned to the waiting crowd.

  “Good evening, everyone,” Cole greeted. “I know you were expecting the whole band, but this is kind of a special occasion, so it will just be me tonight.” He flashed a charming smile, and a few people cheered. Nervous, confused, and unsure what was going on, Bri couldn’t move.

  “I’m not going to lie, I’m a little nervous tonight,” Cole continued. “I hope you’ll all bear with me, because I’m no great singer. But tonight I need to tell someone what’s in my heart and how I feel, and I’m afraid this is the only way I can think of to get her to actually listen.”

  He looked down at Bri, sitting right in front of him in the audience, and trepidation washed over her. His eyes held hers, and she was unable to look away.

  “Ambria, tonight it’s just you and me. I apparently haven’t been able to fully impress upon you the depth of my feelings, so I figured maybe all of those talented songwriters out there might be able to do a better job of it than I have. If you won’t listen to my words, maybe you’ll listen to theirs. All of these songs express, more eloquently than I ever could, exactly how I feel about you, and everything I want. I’m putting it all out there, exposing the vulnerable underbelly of my emotions, and leaving myself at your mercy. I want you to know that I am nervous, embarrassed, and frankly terrified, putting myself on display like this. And if this doesn’t convince you of my love and devotion, I don’t know what else will.” He pulled over a music stand, with multiple sheets on it, and tested the tuning on his guitar.

  Finally realizing what was going on, Bri felt her chest constrict. Apprehension flooded her, and she desperately wanted to get away. She knew that this would change everything, and she wasn’t ready for that. Needing to escape before he could begin, she stood.

  A strong hand grabbed her wrist before she could get fully out of her seat. Startled, she looked into Layla’s determined eyes.

  “Sit down, Bri,” she demanded.

  Feeling like a mouse caught in a trap, Bri glanced around the table for help. Devon was looking at her with narrowed eyes, no help there. Desperately, she turned to Seb, eyebrows raised and eyes pleading. Instead of offering assistance, Seb took her other hand, further preventing her from leaving.

  “Sit back down,” he echoed Layla’s reproach. “We’re not letting you go until you hear him out. You owe it him, and to yourself.”

  As all hope of fleeing faded, she turned her head to the pub’s door, only to see Becks there, arms folded, blocking the exit. Her friends had sufficiently trapped her and ensured that she wouldn’t be able to run, no matter how much she wanted to.

  Fear turning her stomach and choking off her breath, Bri sat back down in her seat. Seb and Layla both kept a hold of her, but their hands moved to clasp hers as a show of support instead of restraint. Her heart was pounding, and she was shaking with nerves, but she stayed.

  “It’ll be okay,” Layla whispered to her.

  “Will it?” Bri turned frightened eyes on her friend, before Cole’s voice drew her attention back to the stage.

  “All right, Bri,” he gave her a small smile. “Here it goes.”

  Alone up on the stage, he began to play, and to sing. He was right, he was no great singer, but he didn’t let that stop him or hold him back. He sat, under the lights and the gazes of the crowd, and sang to her as if they were the only two people in the room. Sometimes he would pause to elaborate on his choice of song, but mostly he just strummed his guitar and let those songs help him bare his soul. And Bri was held transfixed through it all.

  She didn’t even notice when Layla and Seb finally released her. She quite forgot they were even there. Cole’s eyes bore into hers, commanding all her attention and focus. She could see the sincerity of each word he sang in his eyes and face. She felt her heart breaking with each note he played, only to be rebuilt be the next one. Over and over he shattered her, breaking down any resistance she had, until her emotions rose and fell with each chord, until she felt everything that he felt, until their emotions united and bled out together. His soul spoke to hers, and her soul answered.

  Finally given release, her feelings filled and overwhelmed her. With sudden clarity, she realized just how deeply and completely she loved this man. That unfaltering love was the reason why things had never felt right with Adam. On her own, she was only half a person, half of herself, and that was all she’d ever have to offer anyone else. Only Cole could make her whole. He didn’t just own a piece of her heart; he was her heart.

  She didn’t know when she’d started crying, but she slowly became aware of tears slipping down her cheeks. Caught up in Cole’s spell, she couldn’t even move to wipe them away. Everything in her was shredded and raw, and she had no more defenses against him. She was breathless and overcome, and it was the force of Cole’s eyes only that kept her from falling.

  So when he began playing the bars of The Killers’ Romeo and Juliette, one of her favorite songs, she didn’t know how she didn’t dissolved into a blubbering mess on the floor. She didn’t breathe through the whole song, too caught up in Cole’s eyes, and his voice, and the silent question he was asking.

  “A love-struck Romeo” Cole strummed the last lines of the song.

  “He sings the streets of serenade

  Laying everybody low with a love song that he made

  Find a convenient streetlight, steps out of the shade

  He says something like, "You and me, babe, how about it?"

  The last note on the guitar drifted away, and Cole eyes gazed entreatingly into hers.

  “That’s what I’m asking you tonight, Bri. That’s what I want. You and me babe,” he gave her a lopsided smile, “how about it?”

  Every head in the place turned to look at her, their collective breath held. Suddenly aware of the
audience now watching her, the enormity of what was happening fell on her. Free of the spell in which she’d been held captive, she could feel the pressure, the anticipation permeating the room. It was too much. Cole, all the expectant eyes on her, her own erratic emotions… It was just too much. Tears still falling down her face, she turned and bolted from the room. This time no one tried to stop her.

  Bursting out the door, she paused to try and catch her breath before starting down the street. A moment later someone else came crashing out the door behind her. Frightened, she began running.

  “Bri!” he called.

  Shaking her head, she tried to run faster, but her stupid heels prohibited her from getting too far.

  “Bri, stop.” Cole’s hand reached her, grabbing her arm and halting her. “What…?” he shook his head dazedly. “Where are you going?”

  “I don’t know,” she replied honestly. “Anywhere but here.” She was too close to breaking down, and she didn’t want Cole to see it. She had to get away. “Please,” she practically sobbed. “Just let me go.”

  “No,” he shook his head, his eyes determined. “Not until you talk to me.”

  “There’s nothing to talk about.”

  “Yes, there is. I asked you a question, and you owe me an answer. I’m not letting you go until I get it.”

  “Cole,” she pleaded, “you know this will never work.” She motioned between them. “We’re too volatile. We fight and argue and drive each other crazy.”

  “Yes. But we also forgive, make up, and push each other to be better. You do drive me crazy, but in all the best ways. Don’t you see? I’m lost without you. You’re a part of my soul, and I can’t live without you. Hell, I just spent the last hour making a fool of myself for you. Would Adam ever do anything like that for you?”