“Rear Window,” she said.
“Really? With Jimmy Stewart?”
“Yes, and Grace Kelly.”
“How can you know that?”
“I don’t know. I just know.”
“That’s fascinating,” he said, leaning back with his arms crossed.
“That’s freaky,” she said, “the way you’re looking at me.”
He uncrossed his arms and sat up. “I’m sorry. You’re right. But it is interesting that you know that.”
“I agree. But sometimes I wish I hadn’t told you about the whole memory loss things. I just felt strange not being able to answer basic questions.”
“You know,” he said, sitting back again.
“Here you go,” the server suddenly appeared again. “One house salad and one cheeseburger,” she announced, setting their plates in front of them. “What else can I get you?”
Madison didn’t bother to answer since the waitress was focused on Daniel. He shook his head.
They ate in silence for a couple of minutes. Daniel was focused on something he was trying to remember from psychology class.
“You were about to say something,” Madison said.
“I was trying to remember something.”
“And did you?”
“I seem to remember studying a condition where someone loses their memory and travels to a new location and starts a new identity.”
“It’s called a fugue,” she said, stirring her salad and taking a bite.”
“Yeah, that’s it. It’s been awhile since my intro psych class.”
“What was your major?’
“Economics.”
“Economics?” she echoed, chuckling. “Did you graduate?”
“Sure did.”
“What made you choose that for your major?”
“It seemed practical.”
“Are you a practical person?”
“Sometimes.”
“So, do you remember anything about your childhood? About growing up?” he asked.
“Actually, yes,” she answered. “I remember I was a majorette in high school.”
He smiled. “I can see that about you.” He could imagine her in a little short skirt, twirling a baton, a smile on her face.
“Stop it,” she said.
“What?” He asked, all innocent.
“I think you’re enjoying the idea too much.”
He lowered his gaze and bit back the grin, but he couldn’t resist the image.
They finished their lunch, and went back to the train, mostly silent on the walk back.
Daniel contemplated the possibility of Madison being in a fugue state. He would have to do more research on it.
“I’m going to stay in the open-air cars,” Madison announced, interrupting his thoughts.
“Sure, I don’t blame you,” he said.
Madison found the rest of the trip to be uneventful. Maybe she looked unapproachable, standing there in her dark sunglasses, but no one asked her any questions. And no one stuck their head out the windows.
She knew she was still feeling out of sorts when she didn’t even bother to wave to the tourists watching them travel past.
After getting all the tourists and their belongings off the train, she gathered up her bag and started across the depot area.
She was caught off-guard when she spotted Daniel standing next to the engine with a guy and two girls that she didn’t recognize. They were about Daniel’s age and the girls were exceptionally attractive - one blonde and one brunette.
He didn’t even notice her as she walked past - not six feet from him. They were laughing and completely oblivious to anyone else.
Madison walked through the depot and started home. For the first time she could remember, she felt lonely. Lonely and morose.
She hadn’t seen Daniel all afternoon, not since lunch. And he had seemed distracted on their walk back to the train, hardly saying anything at all to her.
She let herself into her condo, looked around at the sterile environment that could belong to anyone. Nothing was personal. None of it gave her any clues as to who she was. No collectables, no pictures, no books. No answering machine to check. No mail. No email to check. Not even a pet to welcome her home from a long day at work.
She sat on the sofa, put her face in her hands, and wept.
She wept for what she couldn’t remember. She wept for she had lost. But most of all, she wept for what she now knew she couldn’t have after a glimpse of what she wanted - Daniel.
“Tell me again why Adam couldn’t make it,” Daniel said, over a beer.
His best friends, Randi, Jenni, and Mark had dragged him, all but kicking and screaming, to their favorite watering hole - the Silver Nugget.
“He had to work,” Randi said.
“Right,” Daniel said, still distracted. His friends exchanged glances. He knew this, but didn’t care. Adam and Randi were a couple and Jenni and Mark were married. He was the odd man out anyway. He was used to it. He would have been happier if he could have brought Madison, but he remembered what she had told him last night. She was dirty and tired and “wasn’t going anywhere like this.” So, he had left her alone. He had checked their schedules and they both had Tuesday off. Tuesday he would pester her until she agreed to spend time with him.
“What’s been going on in your life?” Jenni asked him.
Daniel drank from his beer bottle, glanced at her. “Just work.”
“How has work been?”
“It’s been fine, Jenni.”
Daniel kept his tone even. Jenni had a master’s degree in clinical psychology and he could rarely get past her without her trying to delve into his psyche. She couldn’t understand why he didn’t want to date after all this time.
“You seem distracted,” she persisted.
“I’m just tired.”
“You’re always tired. This is different.”
“Mark,” he pleaded. “Do something.”
“Hey, man, don’t look at me.”
“Randi?”
“She’s right. There’s something going on with you.”
Daniel rolled his eyes. “And you wonder why I don’t date,” he mumbled under his breath.
“What’s her name?” Mark asked. Mark had known Daniel since grade school. He wasn’t a psychologist, but he knew his friend.
“Whose name?” Daniel asked, hiding behind his bottle.
“He’s not going to tell you,” Mark told his wife.
“Then it must be serious.”
Daniel groaned. Then it occurred to him that Jenni was just the person he needed to talk to. “Jenni?” he began.
Jenni perked up. Always ready to perform psychoanalysis.
“Have you ever heard of a fugue?”
“Sure. Why?”
“I’m just curious. Someone was telling me about it.”
Jenni seemed disappointed, but nonetheless seemed happy to convey what she knew. “It’s very rare. It’s a stress response. The person travels to a new location, forgets everything they knew about their past life and takes on a whole new identity. If someone sees them and confronts them about their old identity, they deny it. They don’t want to go back.”
“So, they’re resistant to remembering?”
“Yeah. They want to leave it all behind.”
“Even if they say want to remember?”
“Unconsciously, they don’t.”
“Do they ever remember?”
“Sure, but reluctantly. But then they forget their new identity.”
“Completely?”
“Yes, typically.”
Daniel stared at her. Madison would forget who he was! This was not good. How could he marry her when she was going to forget him?
“So, it doesn’t always happen?”
“I don’t really know. I’ve never actually seen a case.”
Daniel considered this. So, she might forget him. Which meant she might not. He needed to get to his computer to ch
eck the Internet. There was one more thing.
“Does that mean the person has a mental illness?’
“Well, sort of. They aren’t schizophrenic or anything. Usually the stress is just so overwhelming or something traumatic happens and it’s the only way they can deal with it.”
Daniel pulled some money out of his pocket, left it on the table, said a hasty goodnight to his friends, and headed home. He need to think. He needed to sleep. He had an early day tomorrow. And he needed to spend as much time with Madison as possible.
He didn’t want her to forget him.
Maybe he didn’t want her to remember her past after all.
Chapter Five
Madison had hardly slept. At three o’clock she gave up and dragged out of bed. It was colder than when she had gone to bed at nine last night so she slipped into a pair of blue fuzzy slippers she found in the closet and put on a matching thick fleece robe. She stumbled into the kitchen and put on a pot of coffee. Today was going to be rough. For a number of reasons.
Maybe she should call in sick. She went to the patio door and peeked outside. There was snow coming down in delicate little flakes. Madison was mesmerized. She couldn’t remember the last time she saw snow. It was soothing.
It might be the middle of the night, but she was suddenly craving something hot and sweet. After taking a quick inventory of her cooking supplies, she took out a bowl and began mixing together the ingredients for chocolate chip cookies. She didn’t know if her recipe was right. She didn’t really know what she would end up with, but it felt right, so she went with it.
She dumped in a half cup of sugar, a half cup of brown sugar, some butter, shortening, and turned on the oven. She cracked open an egg after checking the expiration date and wondered who had stocked the refrigerator with food. She stirred in some vanilla, and one and one-half cups of flour. After stirring that all together, she stirred in some chocolate-chips.
Maybe Daniel had been right. Maybe this was someone else’s house. Maybe they were just on vacation. She glanced at the calendar on the wall. This was early October. People went on vacation all times of the year. Maybe a retired person or couple lived here. There was no evidence of children. So, it was definitely a possibility.
Dropping spoonfuls of cookie dough onto a baking sheet, she considered her options. she didn’t really have any. She had nowhere else to go.
Yesterday, at this time, she felt she could have gone to stay with Daniel. Now she didn’t feel that she had that option. He wasn’t talking to her anymore.
Sliding the baking sheet into the oven, she blinked back tears.
She hadn’t wanted to become dependent on him. She didn’t want to rely on him. But then, because she had been so desperate, she had opened up to him and just as she had feared, he had rejected her.
After pouring coffee into an oversized cup, she added enough creamer to lighten it to a cream color, opened the patio curtains, and stood watching the snowflakes falling in the moonlight.
She could stay here, feeling sorry for herself, and pamper herself with hot chocolate and freshly baked cookies. Such a tempting idea. Or she could shower and get herself to work. Doubtlessly the mountains would be breathtaking with a fresh coat of snow. She would have to see Daniel and pretend that it didn’t hurt when he no longer showed any interest in her.
It was especially difficult because she didn’t know what she would typically have done. It would have been so much easier to know what to do if she just knew herself.
But in a way, it was kind of exciting to think that she had the unusual opportunity to reinvent herself. Maybe in her other life, she would have stayed home and felt sorry for herself. But in this life, she didn’t want to.
The timer beeped and she rescued her cookies from the oven, feeling a little better. She didn’t need Daniel to talk to her to feel good about herself.
She would go do her job today and do it well. She would be the kind of person she could respect.
While her cookies cooled on the rack, she took her uniform out of the dryer and smoothed it out. She would ask Mattie to order her another one so she could wash one and wear one, instead of having to wash it every night.
Today, she resolved, she would branch out and get to know some of the other train staff. She seemed to be a likeable enough person.
It was time to make some friends.
When Daniel got to work the next morning, the first thing he saw was Madison standing outside talking with Mike, the engineer. He almost didn’t recognize her; she was bundled in a long wool coat. He smiled. If she thought this was cold, she really must be from Houston, Texas.
His first impulse was to walk over to them to see what they were talking about. He fought a wave of jealousy. He hadn’t spoken to her since lunch yesterday, and he missed her terribly.
He had taken about three steps in that direction when he heard his name being called from behind him. Cursing under his breath, he turned.
“Mattie,” he said, genuinely surprised to see the office manager out that time of the morning. “What are you doing here?” He had never once in the four years she’d been office manager seen her at work before the early train pulled out.
“I need you to sign some papers and since you’re always gone before I get here, I had to find some way to catch you.”
“You could have caught me in the afternoon.”
She put her hand on her waist. “And how am I supposed to do that when every day this week you’ve been disappearing without so much as sticking your head in my doorway.”
“I’m sorry,” he said, realizing that she was right.
“It’s okay. I can use the overtime.”
Before he could respond, she continued. “I need you to sign the work hire papers for Madison.”
“I thought you already hired her.”
“Like I could do that without your say so.”
“She sure thinks you hired her.”
“I did. But you have to make it official.”
Daniel glanced at the paper and scrawled his name across the signature line. “I still don’t see what the urgency is.”
“I mostly wanted to make sure you’re ok.”
He smiled at her. “I’m paying you overtime to check up on me.”
“I suppose if you want to look at it like that.”
But Daniel wasn’t really listening to Mattie. And she saw where his gaze was focused.
“So, what do you think about her?” she asked.
“About who?” he asked, still watching Madison. She seemed to sense that someone was watching her because she turned and looked at him. She looked so serene and composed standing there with scattered snow flakes falling all around her. In that moment, the rest of the world melted away for Daniel and it was only him and her.
“About Madison,” Mattie’s voice demanded his attention.
“I think she’s beautiful.”
He glanced back at Mattie. Saw her sly smile. For a brief second, wondered what it was all about. Then his gaze was back on Madison, but she had turned back to Mike. He was pointing to something underneath the train.
“It looks like she’s enjoying learning about the train,” Mattie said.
Daniel looked back her. “Madison seems to be enjoying everything. Do you know anything else about her besides what was in her personnel file?’
“She didn’t disclose a lot of information, but she’s the brightest person we’ve ever hired. No offense intended.”
“None taken. So, you don’t know anything about her?”
“Not really. Do you want me to try and find out something? I can run a background check.”
“No, don’t do that. She’s harmless.”
“I don’t think she’s a criminal, but I do think she’s trouble.”
“Care to explain?’
“She certainly has your attention.”
Daniel studied his office manager. How much did he really want to tell her? If he told her anything she didn’t already
know, she would probably go back and gossip. It wasn’t malicious. It was just her way of fitting in. “She’s a new hire,” he said. “We didn’t go through orientation together, so I don’t know how we’ll work together under pressure. That’s all.”
Mattie looked disappointed. He couldn’t blame her really. She’d been trying to set him up with girls since Ashley. “Maybe you should look at her from the perspective of a man and not so much as an employer.”
“I already said I think she’s beautiful. But you know, Mattie, that I don’t date co-workers or passengers. If you wanted me to go out with her, you should have gotten her a job down the street. Something safe, by the way.”
Mattie rolled her eyes. “You’re a stubborn man.” She threw up her hands. “I give up.” She took the clipboard from him and headed inside – out of the snow.
Mike and Madison were getting into the engine. And a few seconds later, he had Madison ringing the first boarding whistle.
“Dang it,” Daniel said under his breath. Now it was too late to talk with her. He had things to do. It would have to wait until they were underway. He hoped she wasn’t planning on making the whole trip in the engine. If she did, he’d have to fire her. He needed her to help with passengers and watch for hot boxes. He shook his head. The woman was driving him crazy. He was tempted to go get her and drag her away from the grizzly, old engineer who was taking her attention from him.
Nah. He had to get a grip. She’d come down shortly. With anyone else, he’d be pleased with their motivation to learn.
Mattie was right. Madison McKivitz was trouble.
Madison’s determination to have a good day was working. She had learned all about pistons and valves and exhaust steam vents. But, more interesting to her, she had learned Mike’s wife, his daughter, and his two grandchildren. He was looking forward to his grandchildren coming to visit from Minnesota. They were both boys and loved the train.
He had told her that he didn’t get lonely up there by himself, instead, he enjoyed the quiet time and the scenery. Though occasionally, he would have someone ride up there with him and he enjoyed that, too. He invited Madison to ride with him on her day off, though he knew most of the staff preferred to stay in town on their day off after riding the train all week.
Pretend You'll Stay (Winter Kisses Book 2) Page 7