French Letters

by Jonathan Miller

  VERLAN

  Slang

  The Verlan argot is no longer much used but has bequeathed some words that have come into common use. Verlan words are formed by somewhat approximately reversing the syllable-order words, with liberal licence, hence a meuf is une femme (woman) and a keuf is un flic (cop). Verlan itself is a good example: l’envers (reverse) becoming vers-l’an. Verlan is now more likely to be used by middle-aged people trying to be hip than by urban youth on the linguistic cutting edge. They prefer to sprinkle their discourse with anglicisms.

  VGE (VALÉRY GISCARD d’ESTAING)

  Princess Diana fan

  Initials alone suffice to identify Valéry Giscard d’Estaing. Born in Germany in 1926, during the French occupation of the Rhineland. De Gaulle’s finance minister, president of the Republic from May 1974 to May 1981, impossibly grand and ancient figure, not just a polytechnicien (see X) but also a graduate of the ENA. From 2003 a member of the Académie Française. A member of the resistance, he participated in the liberation of Paris in 1944. He may be clever, but his literary achievements are debatable. His proposed European Constitution, rejected by French voters in 2005 (but imposed anyway, relabelled as a treaty), was widely regarded as incomprehensible. Perhaps this obscurity was deliberate. VGE’s concept of democratic legitimacy was expressed when he said that European ‘public opinion will be led to adopt, without knowing it, the proposals we dare not present to them directly.’ Post-Elysée, a writer. Author, inter alia, of La princesse et le président (The Princess and the President, 2009) positing a sentimental relation between Princess Diana and a thinly-disguised himself that provoked some derision.

  VIADUC DE MILLAU

  The most beautiful contemporary bridge in the world

  Magnificent structure spanning the Tarn gorge, one hour from my house, cutting an hour off my journey time to Paris. Thanks for that. The second of its seven pillars is the tallest structure in France, even higher than the Eiffel Tower. Designed by the French structural engineer Michel Virlogeux and the British architect Sir Norman Foster. Was briefly closed shortly after opening by a blockade of angry builders.

  VIGIPIRATE

  Answer to terrorist threats

  Internal counter-terrorism program launched in 2003 involving deployment of soldiers at airports, train stations, and outside synagogues. France is typically under an alert status called vigilance (vigilance) which signifies a generalised threat, with frequent escalations to the level alerte attentat (attack alert), indicating a reinforced alert against a specific threat. Vigipirate is not entirely convincing as there is no evidence that any Vigipirate unit has ever been deployed to counter an actual terrorist action. A typical Vigipirate formation at Montpellier airport is composed of three baby-faced soldiers carrying Famas assault rifles and sidearms. This seems more theatrical than a serious counter to the terrorist threat. There is also an air force Vigipirate squadron on 24-hour alert tasked with shooting down any hijacked aircraft that threaten to crash into sensitive infrastructure or populated areas. If the French cannot keep open the Channel tunnel against a handful of thuggish trade unionists from the port of Calais, it is hard to imagine them doing much better against an organised group of terrorists and indeed as the Charlie Hebdo incident demonstrated, they have not.

  VIN

  What to say?

  ‘A subject of conversation among men,’ said Flaubert. ‘The best is Bordeaux because doctors prescribe it. The worse it is, the more natural.’ This is no longer true given the renaissance in natural, organic wine although much of the Bordeaux remains good. I am biased because I live in a less distinguished, though enormous winemaking region, so I see the industry close-up, and it is not always a pretty story. France makes some of the best wine in the world, some of the worst, and a lot that falls between. The great houses do very well. But many of the smaller producers are frankly hopeless, and even when the wine is good they are clueless how to sell it. Tourists show up at the cellar doors of producers in the Languedoc, eager to take home a case of two of the delicious wine on offer, only to find that the winemaker is unable to accept credit cards and has never heard of PayPal.

  For every grand vintage there are dozens of smaller producers whose products are often very good, but the mentality of the winemakers can be pretty detached from the harsh demands of a global market. Many of my neighbours think their competition is the vineyard on the other side of the valley and cannot imagine a supermarket in England or China where consumers have a choice of bottles from all over the world. I was at an organic wine fair in London, organised by an enterprising (and exiled-in-London) Frenchwoman, with one of my winemaking friends from the village. He’s a fou de vin (a fanatic, for whom wine is an art more than a business). I dragged him into a Tesco to show him what he is up against. His jaw dropped at the sight of bottles from Argentina, Australia, Chile, Italy, New Zealand, South Africa, the United States and even England. These choices simply do not exist at supermarkets in France. At the best wine merchant in Pézenas, it is impossible to find a single bottle of imported wine. Some are even more extreme in their refusal to accept that they must compete in a global market. A Lidl supermarket here was actually bombed by militant local winemakers, for having dared to offer Spanish wine.

  My own region of Languedoc-Roussillon boasts of being le plus grand vignoble du monde (largest vineyard in the world). Here, the peasant producer of grapes, selling them to the co-operative, is a declining model. The co-ops are being attacked on all fronts: by small-scale independents and larger commercial groups with more sophisticated production and marketing skills. But all winemakers complain that the harsh tax regime, unsympathetic regulations and brutal commercial tactics of the major distributors and supermarkets make it hard to compete. Many of the best of the smaller producers are incapable of communicating in English. Yes, French wines still have incredible prestige. At a top wine merchant that I visited in Hong Kong, it was the grand French labels that occupied pride of place - the great vintages of Bordeaux like Château Cheval Blanc and Pétrus, at breathtaking prices. But there was very little from the less-known French regions. Hope lies with an emerging generation of French producers who are learning to master the dark arts of marketing, like my friend Jean-Claude Mas in Pézenas, who is spinning off hot new global wine brands all the time, selling 25 million bottles a year all over the world, including millions exported to Australia, which is itself a major producer. But the trends are ominous. France was the largest producer of wine in Europe as recently as 2012 but has now fallen behind both Italy and Spain.

  VIVENDI

  Semi-governmental organ

  France’s not very impressive digital media champion, indeed its only native global digital media giant with activities in film, music and television. Vivendi’s origins are in the Compagnie générale des eaux (General Water Company) created by an imperial decree of Napoléon III with monopoly concessions in Lyons and Paris. After a century focused mainly on municipal water provision, the company diversified into waste disposal, energy and transport and by 1983 was a founder of Canal+, eventually dumping the boring old water and sewage businesses to become a media company. Canal+ has used its monopoly profits in France to expand internationally but seems to be lagging globally against new platforms such as Netflix. Vivendi had a near-death experience after a failed adventure in Hollywood and abandoned mobile telephony in France after failing against Orange, its state-sponsored competitor. Yet it continues to enjoy considerable protection in France because of its role as a financier of French films. The chairman is Vincent Bolloré, a friend of Nicolas Sarkozy. Monday Note, an intelligent French media newsletter, attributes Vivendi’s success solely to it having made it almost impossible for consumers to cancel Canal+. I can testify this is true.

  VOITURES

  Cars

  The French are divided into three tribes: the Citroënistes, the Renaultistes and the Peugeotistes. The tribe of Citroën is considered somewhat dashing, that of Renault somewhat middle-of-t
he-road while the Peugeot driver is more likely to be an accountant or civil servant. Native French people do not choose to join one sect or another, but are born into them. As a foreigner, I am a Citroëniste by adoption, having bought a 1951 Traction Avant on eBay from a retired general in the Belgian army (who knew that Belgium had an army?). She is called Modestine, after the donkey in Robert Louis Stevenson’s Travels with a Donkey in the Cévennes. Even though the car is French, it took five months to register her at the local préfecture, requiring the production of a fat dossier including attestations, certificats,déclarations deconformité and proof that all taxes had been paid. I finally succeeded in persuading a bureaucrat to affix his tampon (rubber stamp) to my application by showing him a picture of the vehicle. ‘Voilà,’ he said, ‘c’était la voiture de mon grand-père’ (my grandfather had one of those - a phrase I have subsequently heard a thousand times). This proves that while French bureaucrats are hopelessly rigid, they can be susceptible to romantic sentiment. Driving my glorious restored car through France, I make friends everywhere.

  Although imports are taking an increasing share of the French market, the big three French manufacturers still account for more than half of all sales. Particularly favoured are the utility vehicles (Citroën Berlingo, Renault Kangoo) that look like garden sheds with wheels. French cars are eccentric, often fabulous, not always terribly reliable but still endowed with a certain eccentric je ne sais quoi. Despite its glorious heritage the industry’s future is not so clear. Though Bugatti is located in France and Mercedes makes its SMART cars here, Renault is aggressively outsourcing production to its Romanian subsidiary, Dacia. Iconic cars of the past like the Citroën 2CV, Traction Avant and DS-21, and the dashing Renault Alpine and Caravelle, have not been replaced with similarly admired successors. In a global car market French companies must make huge investments in new vehicle technologies but do not seem to have achieved leadership in electric vehicles, driverless cars or hybrid powertrains. An exception is Michelin, the tyre-maker, which remains a worldwide powerhouse and impressive technological innovator. All the French motor industry giants share the problem that input costs are high, capacity too great and domestic consumer demand suppressed by the country’s economic stagnation. And then there is the government. Flexibility demands closing inefficient plants but is hampered by continual government interference. Renault is in practice a paraétatique (semi-governmental) arm of the French state, which holds double voting rights for its shareholding, while Nissan, another major shareholder, is excluded from voting altogether.

  VOLTAIRE

  Surprisingly modern writer

  French writer (1694-1778) dead more than 200 years yet still relevant, perhaps more so than ever. Surprisingly, lived to a ripe and prosperous old age (83) despite having the authorities on his heels for much of his life. Always wilier than his pursuers. Of his 2,000 books and pamphlets and 20,000 letters, only a handful are consulted now but these include the eternally classic anti-clerical manifesto Candide, ou l’optimisme. This reads freshly even today. Dr Pangloss, the eternally optimistic character in the novel, gave his name to the adjective Panglossian, a state of naïve optimism, which characterises much French political discourse even today. He also wrote some wonderful letters from England. Voltaire was a brilliant mathematician who made a fortune exploiting the national lottery. He was a figure in the court of Frederic the Great in Prussia. He finally invested in Swiss watchmaking, which was a bit like the Silicon Valley of his day.

  ‘Famous for his repellent cold smile. Science superficial,’ said Flaubert, summarising the opinion of his day. Traité sur la tolérance - Voltaire’s attack on religious fanaticism (1763) - became a surprise bestseller in France following the Charlie Hebdo shootings. His Letters Concerning the English Nation (1733), written in English during his exile in London, remain an enduring parody of English society and also a solid appreciation of the value put by the English on commerce. ‘I cannot say which is most useful to a nation; a Lord, powder’d in the tip of the Mode…or a Merchant, who enriches his Country, dispatches Orders from his Compting-House to Surat and Grand Cairo, and contributes to the Felicity of the World.’ Supposedly asked on his deathbed if he would renounce the devil, he is supposed to have replied: ‘This is no time to be making new enemies.’ His ghost is reported to haunt his chateau at Ferney on the outskirts of Geneva and has a reputation for making itself known to selected visitors, especially pretty young women.

  W

  There are no native French words beginning with the letter W

  All French words beginning with W are cognates, most from English. Some examples:

  wagon-lit - railway sleeping car.

  WC - toilet.

  waterproof - waterproof garment.

  wattman - electric-tram driver. Obsolete, but Frenchmen of a certain age still recall the signs on trams: il est interdit de parler au wattman (Speaking to the driver is forbidden).

  web - idem.

  webcam - idem.

  week-end - weekend, made French by the insertion of a hyphen.

  westerns - adored American movies.

  whisky - admired tipple.

  wok - used to make Chinese food.

  And most sensitive of all:

  Waterloo - in 2015 the French government boycotted the 200th anniversary commemorations of the battle and forced Belgium to abandon the idea of issuing a special two-euro coin to mark the defeat of Napoléon Bonaparte. (They issued a 2.5 euro coin anyway, although it is not legal tender in France.) The New York Times found several French people who claimed that Napoléon had actually won and Martin Kettle, associate editor of the Guardian is among those distressed that he had not.

  X

  ‘X’

  Engineering school whose students are soldiers

  The grandest engineering school in France is more formally called L’École Polytechnique. The grande école at Palaiseau south of Paris graduates those who go on to become France’s technocratic elite. Students are members of the military and wear uniforms. The school boasts a heritage of magnificent achievements by its graduates since it was founded in 1794. But there are doubts whether it is fully versed in the technologies of the information economy. No global analysis on the role of the school has been undertaken by the state for more than 40 years, according to a French parliamentary report in 2014. The French ability to master difficult material technologies (aircraft, jet engines, nuclear power stations, shipbuilding, the list is pretty long) is credited to graduates of this prestigious school but in the Internet age X has not spun out a French Silicon Valley. This may be because students are not permitted to harbour any subversive ideas that after graduation they might get involved in a start-up, or go work wherever they want. They are required to spend 10 years as civil servants, working for the state, by which time they will have been completely absorbed into the French way of thinking, or else pay a pantoufle (exit fee) of 40,000 euros to reimburse the cost of their education.

  Y

  YAOURT

  strategic product

  Strategic bacterial fermentation. The French government responded to rumours that Pepsi or Nestlé might seek to acquire yogurt-maker Danone by passing a law, known as the Danone Law, to protect such ‘strategic’ industries from perfidious foreign ownership.

  YACHT

  Capitalist symbol

  Hated symbol of inequality. Former president Nicolas Sarkozy was mercilessly attacked for vacationing on a yacht owned by the plutocrat Vincent Bolloré.

  YVETOT

  nul points

  A once beautiful city at the centre of the pay de Caux, region of Normandy that was the setting of Gustave Flaubert’s Madame Bovary. ‘Voir Yvetot et mourir’(see Yvetot and die), advised Flaubert in his Dictionnaire des idées reçus, evoking Naples, but mainly, I suspect, looking for something beginning with the letter ‘y’. The town of 12,000 in the Seine-Maritime was largely destroyed during the Second World War and not all the rebuilding has been sympathetic. So feel f
ree to skip it.

  Z

  ZADISTES

  Eco warriors

  A ZAD is technically a zone d’aménagement différé, that’s to say a protected space where the government can seize land so that it cannot be developed. Zadistes are a militant and confrontational ecological movement that is involved in numerous protests across France in opposition to large infrastructure projects. These include the extension of the TGV to Bordeaux, the proposed giant airport at Notre-Dame-des-Landes near Nantes, and the Sivens dam in the Tarn Department, a project physically attacked by Zadistes determined that the habitat take priority over the farmers’ demands for water. Police are not so tender with the Zadistes as they are with trade unionists. A young man was killed by a police flash-bang grenade in a protest at the Sivens site, provoking further violent demonstrations. The political wing of this movement is the green party, Europe Écologie Les Verts (EELV), an ultra-leftist movement hostile to capitalism, Anglo-Saxon ultra-libéralisme, genetically modified crops, cars (except their own), fracking for gas, nuclear power, and in favour of 70 per cent taxes on high incomes. EELV signed a coalition agreement with the socialists before the last elections but left the government in a reshuffle.