by K. G. Reuss
“I’m fine, angel.” He gave me a sad smile as I let my hand fall away from him. “Just feeling a little under the weather.”
“Well, if you’re sure.” I frowned at him, knowing damn well he was a liar. “I’ll see you tomorrow, OK?” I gave him a wave and moved to walk away.
“Mags? Are you walking home?” Brax called out to me.
“Yeah,” I answered, turning to him.
“No, I’ll give you a ride.”
“Um, Alan will get mad—”
“Is Alan even home?” Brax cocked his head at me.
“No,” I admitted. “But if he finds out—”
“He won’t,” Brax stated firmly. “Get in the car, Maggie. It’s dangerous to go alone.”
“Dangerous? We live in the suburbs—”
“Of a dangerous city,” he finished my sentence. “There’s a lot of bad shit out there.”
Knowing better than to argue with him, I slid into the passenger side of the car. Brax started the engine, and we were pulling away when Corbin darted out in front of us, causing Brax to hit his brakes.
“Hey,” Corbin said, coming to stand on my side of the car. He flashed me a quick smile before he hopped into the backseat. What was he doing?
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Brax growled, looking over his shoulder at Corbin. I waited, holding my breath to see if Corbin was going to tell Brax he was there to hang out and talk to me.
“We have that thing we need to do, remember?” Corbin reminded Brax cheerfully. “You two weren’t busy, right?”
“No,” I answered quickly. “Brax offered me a ride home from school.”
“How thoughtful,” Corbin grinned at Brax. “You don’t mind if I tag along, do you, Miss Maggie?”
“No,” I replied, knowing my face had grown red at the nickname. He was sure to give us away talking like that! When I glanced at him, he gave me a wink and slight nod. Maybe he was going to try to work through his problems with Brax. Maybe they’d be able to be friends again. I gave him a reassuring smile. “You’re welcome to come along if you have plans with Brax. I don’t want to interfere.”
“Fantastic.” He leaned back in the seat. Brax hit the gas, and we peeled out of the parking lot.
Chapter 38
“Maggie, sweetheart, you look tired,” my mom commented as we sat quietly at the dinner table. I speared a broccoli floret, casting a look at Alan who sat staring at me. Daring me.
“I’ve just been doing a lot of studying. And cheerleading practice has been hard. We’re working on a new routine,” my voice was soft as I spoke. Carefully, I put the broccoli into my mouth, waiting for an outburst from either parent.
“Yes, Alan showed me the writeup in the paper about you,” my mom continued, lifting her glass of wine and taking a sip. I dared a look at Alan again. He was still staring impassively at me.
“It-it wasn’t about me exclusively,” I corrected her gently, hoping I wasn’t setting myself up for a beating from Alan. “It was about how well the team is doing this year. I was unfortunate enough to be caught on camera.”
Alan let out a soft, dark chuckle that made my skin crawl. At least he got what I was saying.
“Regardless, I’ve kept the article. I put it in your keepsake box,” she said, eating her own broccoli.
“The team has a shot at states this year,” Alan said briskly, making me jump. I swallowed hard and looked at him.
“Um, yes. They’re doing quite well,” I answered.
“Your boyfriend’s the quarterback, right?” Alan continued, his tone even, without a hint of emotion. I quivered in my seat, unsure about how to answer. We hadn’t discussed Lance. I was certain he knew about him though. To lie would mean terrible things. But to tell the truth… every option tended to lead down the same road.
“Yes,” I whispered. “Lance is the quarterback.”
Alan smiled knowingly at me before looking at my mother.
“Did you hear that, Jane? Our daughter has started dating. What do you think about it?”
“I think it’s good,” my mom answered uncertainly, looking between me and Alan. “Maggie should date. She’s nearly an adult. Maggie, sweetie, are you using protection?”
“Mom! Wh-what?” I sputtered, knowing my face was blazing red. “I-I’m not…we’re not—”
“Sweetheart, it’s normal to experiment—”
“Jane!” Alan hissed, silencing us. I drew in a shaky breath, my body trembling.
“Maggie, Homecoming is coming, isn’t it?” Alan asked softly.
“Yes,” I whispered.
“Your mother should take you to buy a dress,” Alan said evenly. “Jane, can you handle being a mother to your daughter for one day? Maybe not finish an entire case of wine before you leave so you don’t kill her as you drive?”
I sat stiffly in my chair, waiting for the outburst.
“Of course. Sweetheart, we can go tomorrow if you aren’t busy.” I dared to look at her. Her eyes were glassy, and her smile was shaky. She probably wouldn’t remember this conversation tomorrow.
“I-I can’t. I’m meeting my friend at Bonnie’s from church. We-we’re going to be crocheting hats, gloves, and scarves for the homeless.”
“Then I suppose you’ll probably have to go alone. I get so busy sometimes,” my mom’s voice trailed off as she began to slur.
“It-it’s fine, Mama. I-I can get a dress with Jess or Chelsea. I don’t want to pull you away from anything. I think being at Bonnie’s is probably more important than picking out a dress anyway,” I rushed out, hoping things were going to be OK and there’d be no terrible repercussions.
“How sweet of you,” Alan’s voice was a low rumble as he stared at me, ignoring my mother. “My sweet, precious daughter. Such a servant to humanity. Such a . . . saint.”
I stared down at my plate, my eyes burning with unshed tears.
“Maggie, I think your mother’s right. You do look tired. Why don’t you head up to bed for the night? We’ll talk later. How does that sound?” Alan’s gaze was back to being impassive.
“Yes, sir,” I managed, getting to my feet and keeping my head down. I rushed out of the room before there was a loud crash of breaking glass and Alan shouting at my mom.
Covering my ears, I ran upstairs, closing my bedroom door behind me. It didn’t matter though. I’d never be able to ever fully block out the sound of Alan’s shouts and my mother’s screams as he did to her the things he dreamed about doing to me.
Chapter 39
“I didn’t think you’d be sleeping,” Alan’s voice called out to me as I lay in bed. I sat up and stared at him as he walked into my room, his hands deep in his pant pockets.
“I have chores for you to do. The dining room’s a mess. The walls need scrubbed as well as the floors. Even the table and chairs could use a good cleaning. The dishes are still unwashed since your mother can’t even handle such menial tasks.”
Hurriedly, I climbed out of bed and tried to step past him, but he held his arm out, capturing me before I could scoot by.
“You should thank your mother, Maggie,” he breathed out softly in my ear, sending a flurry of goosebumps down my spine. “She takes me like a champ. I can only imagine how I’d break you.”
A soft whimper slipped out as he kissed my cheek.
“You should also thank me for being able to control myself. I’m letting you have your boyfriend and your parties and your cheerleading. Do you know why?”
“N-no,” I stuttered, tears leaking down my cheeks.
“Because I know that when I come to collect on my kindness, you won’t fight me on it. You’ll give it to me willingly. Right, sweetie?” He drew in a deep breath, inhaling my scent as a low, appreciative growl erupted from his throat. “Right?” He tightened his grip on me.
“R-right,” I whispered.
“That’s my girl.” He chuckled darkly. “Now, kiss me.”
I squeezed my eyes closed, tears still tumbling down my c
heeks and pressed my lips to his cheek, the rough stubble scratching my skin. A purr-like sound vibrated in his throat as his grip tightening around me.
“Be good, sweetie. Or… be bad. Either way, you’re mine,” he stated softly as he released me. I stumbled away feeling lightheaded. And lost. I’d never be able to escape him. Even if I was good, I’d pay the price.
With my heart racing wildly, I went downstairs and set to work, cleaning everything up. It was a disaster. It was like a tornado had twisted through. The kitchen table was littered with bits of broken glass. The chairs were on their sides. The walls were splattered with food.
I scrubbed and cleaned until my fingers and back ached. Once I finished, I trudged upstairs. Alan snored down the hall. My mom had probably taken a handful of sleeping pills and a bottle of booze to bed so for the next few hours, I’d be all alone with my own thoughts.
Lying in bed, I bit my bottom lip and worried about how I was going to get out of the mess I was in. I was going to have to tell someone. I just didn’t know who. And I didn’t even know what I’d want to happen if I told someone.
I was just about to call Lance and talk with him just to clear my mind, safety net be damned, when there was a light tapping on my window. My heart leaped. Was it Corbin? Had he come for another late-night chat with me? Lance had said he was going out with some of the guys.
I opened the window and was surprised when Lance popped into the room.
“Lance!” I breathed out, rushing at him to wrap my arms around him.
“Mm, Maggie.” He hugged me tightly.
“What are you doing here?”
“Mm, baby, I was missing you,” he answered, kissing the top of my head. “We’ve both been so busy lately. I had to come see you.”
“Really?” My heart swelled. I didn’t care if he was a safety net. He was mine. I was his. We’d catch each other. Brax’s face flashed in my mind for a moment, but I hurriedly brushed it away. Lance. Lance. Lance was my boyfriend! He cared about me. He was a sure thing. He was genuine. That’s what I wanted.
“Really.” He leaned down to kiss my lips and just like that, the spell was broken. I ducked my head quickly, so the kiss landed near my forehead.
“Maggie, come on,” Lance sighed. “Let me kiss you.”
“I-I want to take it slow—”
“If we go any slower baby, we’ll be going in reverse.” He chuckled, staring down at me.
“Please? Just give me a little more time. I-I promise—”
“Maggie, it’s OK. Take more time. I’ll be here.” He smiled down at me and pulled me to my bed.
“Thank you,” I said, lying down beside him. His arms wrapped around me tightly making me feel at peace. The memory of the angel from God hugging me that one night while I was weeping flashed in my mind. This was kind of like what that had felt like. Something was different though. The hold from my angel was stronger. It pulled at me emotionally as well as physically. The air was cooler with Lance holding me. With my angel, it had been warm and intoxicating. It wrapped me in a spell that told me I really would be OK.
I snuggled closer to him, smiling despite everything.
“Have you decided what colors you want to wear to Homecoming?” Lance asked.
“White,” I replied softly. “And black.”
“Really?” He kissed my cheek gently, and I closed my eyes.
“Yeah, I feel like they’d look good on me.” Brax flashed in my mind again. Lance hugged me tighter.
“Stay with me, Maggie. Promise that no matter what, you’ll stay with me?”
“I-I promise,” I whispered, my heart aching as Brax’s face made another appearance in my thoughts.
“Why do I feel like our promises to one another might get broken?” Lance asked sadly.
“Because all good things must come to an end,” I replied.
“Can we just pretend like that’s not true? For us, we’ll always be together. Me and you. Lance and Maggie. We’ll get married. Have two-point-five kids. A brick home with a large backyard for your puppy that’ll someday grow into a huge dog. Maybe we’ll get a cat. It’ll hate the kids’ hamster. Jack and Sally will still want to keep it despite having to build a fort to protect their rodent.”
“We’ll name our kids Jack and Sally?” I rolled over and gazed into his hazel eyes, my nose wrinkled.
“Yeah,” he laughed softly, making me smile. “Unless you have a better idea.”
“I like Jack. But how about Violet instead of Sally?”
“Jack and Violet.” He kissed the tip of my nose. “Our perfect life.”
“Yes.” I kissed the corner of his mouth, letting my lips travel to his chin then his neck. He let out a groan of approval at my sudden braveness, his arms around me.
“I want more, Maggie,” he breathed out. I stopped what I was doing, feeling guilty that I couldn’t give more to him. Not yet. Maybe not ever. The realization tore at me, making my throat tighten.
“Lance—”
“Shh.” He shifted so I was beneath him. “Someday, right?”
“Yeah. Someday.” I gave him a shaky smile. He kissed my cheek gently.
“You need to rest. I’ll stay here until you fall asleep. Deal?”
“Deal,” I answered softly, my chest still aching.
“You know, I’ll always be there for you.”
“I know,” I whispered into the dark, him back at my side, his strong arms wound tightly around me again. “And I’ll always be there for you.”
“I know you will, sweetheart.” He kissed my head tenderly. I relaxed against him, wondering if we were still making promises we wouldn’t be able to keep.
Chapter 40
I laughed so hard as Brax and I crocheted at Bonnie’s the following night. It was the most fun I’d had in a long time. He seemed looser, more open. A smile seemed to be etched on his face, which warmed my heart, making me want to do anything to keep him happy. He was so much more beautiful when he smiled. His blue eyes would light up, the darkness fading away from him. From the corner of my eye, I appraised him. He looked so free and relaxed. It was a good look on him.
“I had fun today,” I proclaimed from the front seat of Brax’s car. I felt like it was important for him to know. Maybe it would keep the grin on his face just a little longer.
“Actually, I did too,” he admitted. “I don’t think I’ve ever had that much fun. Ever.”
“Ever?” I pressed, raising an eyebrow at him.
“Ever,” he repeated.
“Then I’m glad I got to share it with you,” I answered, my heart filled with joy at his happiness.
“Me too.” He cast me a shy smile before clearing his throat. “We should probably get to work finding bands for the carnival. We don’t want all the good talent to be booked up. I figured hitting the clubs and checking out some of the local talent might be a good way to start. You want to come with me?”
“Yeah,” I practically shouted, excited about the prospect. I’d never seen live bands, aside from church-related events. I’d always wondered what sort of energy buzzed around those places. “I’d love to!”
“Awesome. We can go after the game tomorrow night—”
“No, we can’t, silly. We have the Homecoming dance after the game.” I giggled.
“Shit, I’d completely forgotten.” He slapped his forehead with his palm in annoyance. “I guess we can go next weekend or in a couple of weeks.”
“Jess would be thrilled to know you’ve forgotten all about the night she’s been dreaming about for weeks.” I laughed at him, watching as he continued to grimace. I knew I shouldn’t have felt good about his apparent dislike of the idea of an evening with her, but I’d be a liar if I said it didn’t make me a little happy. And I hated that about myself.
“Please keep that between us. I can’t handle any more gushing or nagging.”
“I thought you liked Jess.” I cleared my throat, hoping I didn’t sound like I was prying but really wanting an answer
.
“She’s OK. I mean, she’s a nice girl and a way to pass the time. But she isn’t really my type,” he replied.
“Oh… Well, then why didn’t you ask someone else to go with you?” I nervously twisted my hands in my lap, waiting for him to answer.
“Because the girl I wanted to take wasn’t available,” his voice was barely above a whisper. His honesty made my heart thump hard in my chest.
“I guess that would pose a problem then,” I replied gently.
“Story of my life.” His laugh was bitter. I almost asked him about Corbin and the girl he spoke of. Deciding it was really none of my business, I answered him with something I wanted him to know.
“Maybe the girl you wanted to ask will save a dance for you.”
“You’d do that for me?”
“Yes.” I leaned in and wrapped my arms around his neck, breathing him in. I wasn’t sure what had come over me. I just really wanted to hold him so that he knew everything would be OK. I knew what it was like to feel lost and hopeless. And alone. When a room’s full of people, it’s surprising to feel that sensation of solitude. I hated it. And I didn’t want him to experience it even for a moment. He didn’t deserve it. I knew in my heart that he didn’t. “You smell good. And familiar?” My bravery was still in full swing as I kissed his cheek gently. “See you at school tomorrow.”
As much as I wanted to stay behind, I knew it was a very bad idea. Brax seemed to take over my senses whenever I was around him too long. He was a drug running through my veins, and I was a damn addict, addicted to his smile. His scent. His laughter. I knew deep down that staying around too long would only lead me down a road I couldn’t come back from. I had to keep reminding myself that.
“See you tomorrow,” his voice was soft as I climbed out of his car and walked to my door. Unable to simply walk away, I had to look at him once more before I left. He gave me a sad smile that broke my heart. Steeling myself, I returned the smile as if everything was OK, even though we both knew it wasn’t. I disappeared inside, feeling breathless and more confused than ever. We’d had a good day. Too good. And while that was a great thing, it was dangerous because I was falling into a deep dark pit named Brax. And once I was in, there’d be no way out.