Infinite Regress

by Christopher G. Nuttall

  “I’m not from this world,” she said. She cringed, inwardly. How would Caleb react to that little titbit? She was no longer a baroness, nor was she the daughter of a Lone Power. He had to be wondering, right now, just how well he really knew her. “Shadye kidnapped me from my world. Void saved my life.”

  Caleb stared at her. “Another world?”

  Emily nodded. “More or less,” she said. She had no idea how much of the many-worlds theory was accurate, but she was living proof that there was at least one alternate dimension. And if there was one, why not hundreds, or thousands, or millions? “Void took me in, found I had magic and sent me to Whitehall.”

  “Shadye kidnapped you,” Caleb said. “Why?”

  “He felt I could help him,” Emily said. She wanted to explain more, but she didn’t want to discuss possible ways to break through the barriers. “I killed him before he could put me to work.”

  “Saving the lives of everyone in the school,” Caleb pointed out.

  “It gets worse,” Emily said. She had to force herself to go on. “When I was... when I was back home, I had a very bad experience with men. When we started dating, it was hard for me to kiss you or let you kiss me...”

  “I remember,” Caleb said. He sounded grim. “What happened?”

  Emily hesitated. It was lucky, she suspected, that she’d told him about Earth before going on to her stepfather or he might have sworn vengeance against Void. At least he wasn’t pushing her away, claiming she’d been defiled forever. There were girls, shamed girls, among the aristocracy of Zangaria who had no hope of marrying, simply because they’d been raped—or given themselves to the wrong man. Caleb was a better man than their fathers.

  “It’s not something I want to talk about,” she admitted. “It was never... physical. But it left me feeling vulnerable.”

  “You killed two necromancers and a combat sorcerer,” Caleb said. “I’d hardly call you vulnerable.”

  “It’s not the same,” Emily said. Shadye had almost killed her, but she’d never thought he intended to ravish her first. “I don’t know how to describe it.”

  She stared at Caleb for a long moment. “I’m trying to get better,” she added, after a moment. “But I don’t know how long it will be before...”

  Her face reddened. She had to force herself to speak. “Before we can go any further.”

  Caleb flushed. “I’m sorry.”

  “Me too,” Emily said. She reached out and touched his hand, wondering if he would push her away. “I love you, but...”

  She had no idea how to explain that she wanted him and, at the same time, she wanted to run as fast and as far as she could. The idea of being naked in front of him was terrifying, even though part of her wanted it. And yet, what was she going to do on the wedding night? She had no illusions. Caleb would want to consummate the marriage... hell, their marriage wouldn’t even be legal until they had sex for the first time. It was why Jade and Alassa had hurried away so quickly after their formal ceremony.

  Alassa admitted she was nervous too, Emily thought. But she was raised to know she might wind up with someone she neither liked nor loved.

  “I understand,” Caleb said. “But...”

  Emily understood precisely what he meant. He wanted her too. And that bothered her even as it flattered her.

  She closed her eyes in pain, unsure what to say or do. It had been hard enough to kiss him, the first time. There was no way she could lower her defenses so completely, not when they’d had their first real fight only a day ago. And yet... she didn’t want to lose him either. The thought of seeing him with someone else... it gnawed at her. Maybe it would have been easier to decline his offer of a courtship...

  You can’t undo the past, she told herself, sharply. All you can do is learn from your mistakes and move on.

  “If you don’t want to court me any longer,” she said, despite a sudden tightness in her chest, “I will understand.”

  “I do want to court you,” Caleb said. “Emily...”

  He reached out and wrapped her in a hug. Emily hugged him back, somehow. It was hard, so hard, to keep herself calm. It was a gentle reassuring hug, not a romantic hug... it scared her almost as much as it reassured her. Had she lost him? Or was he willing to give her time?

  And what, she asked herself for the umpteenth time, will I do on the wedding night?

  “I can wait,” Caleb said, as he released her. “But... it’s hard to know what to do.”

  Emily nodded. Imaiqah had once pointed out, rather sarcastically, that boys and girls practically spoke different languages. A man could mean one thing and a woman would hear something entirely different, or vice versa. She could say something to Caleb, in all innocence, which he would hear as an invitation or an insult. It was why she’d been advised to be blunt.

  “We have to be open with one another,” she said. “I...”

  She broke off as Caleb quirked an eyebrow, feeling her cheeks redden. She hadn’t been open with him. He had every right to call her on it. But she’d had a reason...

  Of course you did, her own thoughts mocked her. Everything you did looked right, at the time you did it. But being right at the time doesn’t save you from having to deal with the consequences.

  Caleb leaned forward, his eyes meeting hers. “Are there any more secrets?”

  “Not about me,” Emily said. In hindsight, she should have told him earlier, at the same time she’d told Imaiqah and her other friends. But Caleb hadn’t been there. “The others aren’t really mine to share.”

  “Good,” Caleb said. “Tell me about your world?”

  Emily hesitated. “It’s very different,” she said, finally. “I think you’d hate it.”

  She sighed inwardly as she tried to outline the basics. No magic, but technology; no kings and princes ruling by divine right, but democracy and a political elite; countries so big that Zangaria would vanish almost without trace. The Allied Lands were barely larger than Europe and the United States put together. And while she had no reason to look back on Earth with any fondness, she knew all too well that much of the Allied Lands would consider it a place of marvels.

  “I don’t understand,” Caleb said. “How does it even work?”

  “Barely,” Emily said. “But it does work.”

  “And all of your ideas came from Earth,” Caleb said. “You’re reinventing stuff you knew from home.”

  Emily laughed. “I haven’t even scratched the surface,” she said. “And there are a great many pieces of technology that will take years to be invented here.”

  Caleb cocked his head. “Why?”

  “The machines to make the machines that make the machines work will need to be invented first,” Emily explained. “Here...”

  She shook her head slowly. “The basic skills—farming, hunting, craftsmanship—are very common here,” she added. “There isn’t a town in Zangaria that doesn’t have a blacksmith or a woodcarver, but most peasants can master those skills for themselves if they wish. On Earth, very few people know how to do such things for themselves. Nearly every family has a computer”—there was no point in trying to explain what a computer was—“but none of them could hope to build one, let alone repair it if it went bust.”

  Caleb frowned. “There isn’t a farmer who doesn’t know how to mend his tools.”

  Emily shrugged. “Their tools are relatively simple,” she said. There was no way to know for sure, but she suspected that a single American state could feed the entire Allied Lands with the produce of its farmland. “On Earth, tools are so complicated they need to be replaced when they break.”

  “Madness,” Caleb said.

  He didn’t sound as though he believed her, not completely. Emily didn’t blame him. Earth’s technology was completely outside his context. He could understand some parts of her world, if he had ended up there, but other parts would be completely beyond his comprehension.

  “We could go for a walk,” Emily suggested, putting the issue as
ide. She glanced at her watch. It was nearly an hour until dinnertime... although, she supposed, they could always teleport down to Dragon’s Den for dinner. It wasn’t as if she had another appointment with Mistress Danielle for a week or two. “And... and you can’t tell anyone about my world.”

  “I understand,” Caleb said. He looked down at the bed for a long moment, then leaned forward. “Emily, have you ever thought about going back and recovering information we could use?”

  “I don’t know how,” Emily said. She shook her head. “And even if I could, I wouldn’t.”

  Caleb gave her an odd look. “Even if it’s something really useful?”

  Emily shook her head, again. She’d read a book, years ago, about someone who’d been sucked into an alternate world. One of its sequels had involved the hero traveling back to Earth for a short period, only to find himself nearly trapped on his old homeworld. She couldn’t recall the rest of the details—the book had been very religious, she thought, and she hadn’t liked it—but the whole idea was nightmarish. Why would she ever want to go back to Earth? What would she do there, after spending so long learning magic? She wasn’t even sure if magic worked on Earth.

  You could punch your stepfather in the face, a voice at the back of her mind whispered. Or turn the bastard into a slug and step on him.

  She ignored it. “We might get stuck there,” she said. She knew roughly what Shadye had done, but Shadye hadn’t risked traveling to Earth himself. Hell, he hadn’t really understood that he was searching through alternate worlds. “It isn’t worth the risk.”

  Caleb nodded, then rose and held out a hand. “Let’s go,” he said. “Race you to the top of the mountain?”

  “Just a gentle walk,” Emily said. “Please.”

  She dispelled the privacy wards and followed Caleb out of the room and down the stairwell to the main doors. A handful of coaches were heading down to Dragon’s Den, but they walked past them and out towards the edge of the grounds. She took Caleb’s hand as soon as they were past the outermost wards, torn between relief that he hadn’t rejected her and fear for the future. Whatever he might think, she trusted him.

  ... But telling him the truth risked letting yet another cat out of the bag. If someone forced Caleb to talk...

  Forget about it for the moment, she told herself, as they walked up the path. The sun was just starting to sink, high overhead; a cool breeze blew around them as they walked higher. Just relax and enjoy yourself.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  PROFESSOR LOCKE LOOKED EXASPERATED WHEN EMILY and Cabiria entered the chamber closest to the gates. Sergeant Miles had not only gone through all the new precautions with them, he’d made it clear that any further explorations were to be done in teams of three. Emily had half-hoped that one of the other students would join Cabiria and her, but Professor Locke had insisted on leading them personally down the new series of tunnels he’d located.

  “Stay behind me,” he ordered, as they gathered their supplies and readied themselves for the walk. “And don’t talk to anyone else on the way.”

  Emily and Cabiria exchanged glances as he led them through the gates and down into the tunnel network, but said nothing. The dust was almost completely gone; the air was surprisingly clear, although there a musty stench still hung in the atmosphere. A handful of students, mainly Third Years, copied the runes on the walls, supervised by Professor Eleas and Professor Lombardi. Professor Eleas had to be delighted and bemused, Emily thought, at discovering so many new runes. Figuring out what they all did would take a lifetime.

  “I was following the traces of power flowing within the walls,” Professor Locke said, as they slipped away from the students. The floors grew increasingly dusty as they made their way further into the tunnel network. “The power runs downwards to a still lower level. And if my deductions are correct, the next set of gates should be down here.”

  Emily frowned, inwardly. They had been trying to map the tunnel network, but several other explorers had reported the tunnels shifting and changing too. No one else had been trapped, thankfully, yet it made map-making rather pointless. There was no way to be sure that Professor Locke’s set of doors were anywhere near them, assuming they existed at all... and, if they were protected as heavily as the first set of gates, finding them would be pretty much impossible. But there was no point in trying to bring that to Professor Locke’s attention. His determination—his madness—to unlock the secrets of the ancients himself had only grown stronger after he’d been forced to allow others to enter the tunnels too.

  Cabiria touched her hand, lightly. “Did you make up with Caleb?”

  “Sort of,” Emily muttered. It had been awkward over the last few days, even though she’d done her best to make time for him. There was a rift between them that hadn’t existed before, no matter what they said or did. It depressed her, when she forced herself to think about it. She didn’t know how to proceed. “I don’t know if we’ll get over it.”

  “My parents used to row a lot, when I was a child,” Cabiria admitted. “Over me, mainly. My father even wondered if my mother had stepped out on him, even though the blood test confirmed that he had fathered me. They made up eventually.”

  She shrugged. “Men,” she added. “I wouldn’t have one in my life, personally.”

  Emily glanced at her. “You don’t like men?”

  “I have my work,” Cabiria said, primly. “My sisters will carry on the family line without me, I am sure. And if not... well, I can find someone suitable and ask him to father my children, then leave me in peace.”

  Emily honestly wasn’t sure what to make of that. Lady Barb had told her that most female magicians had at least two or three children before they turned thirty, although she had no children of her own. Emily understood the importance of having children, of expanding the number of magicians, but she couldn’t understand how anyone would simply give birth and then practically abandon the children. But then, the rich and powerful had been leaving their children in the care of others for centuries. King Randor had done the same with Alassa.

  But if I had children, she thought, I would want to bring them up myself.

  “There’re quite a few clever newborn magicians my age,” Cabiria added. “One of them would make good breeding stock...”

  “Be quiet,” Professor Locke snapped, without looking back. “We’re approaching the gates.”

  Emily rolled her eyes at his back—she heard Cabiria suppress a giggle—and then started to study the stone walls. There was no trace of any gates—or runes, for that matter. Pure, unblemished stone formed the walls. She reached out to touch them and felt a flicker of magic passing through the stone, heading onwards... she followed it with her eyes and saw a faint shimmer covering part of the wall. Professor Locke let out a cry of triumph and ran forward, the gates shimmering into existence as he approached. The doorway swung open at his touch, revealing a stairwell leading downwards into the earth.

  “Ha!” Professor Locke said. He plunged onwards, practically slipping and sliding down the dusty stairwell. “Come on!”

  Emily hesitated, then used one of the chat parchments to alert Sergeant Miles to their discovery as Cabiria followed Professor Locke down the stairs. The sergeant acknowledged a moment later, warning her to be careful. Emily tensed as she entered the stairwell herself, almost gagging at the dust in the air, but the gates stayed open behind them. All things considered, she noted as she walked gingerly downwards, finding the second set of gates had been suspiciously easy.

  “Finally,” Professor Locke said, as she reached the bottom. “Where have you been?”

  “I was alerting Sergeant Miles,” Emily said. She had a feeling Professor Locke would be upset, but Gordian had ordered them to keep the sergeant informed. “He has to know where we’re going.”

  Professor Locke gave her a nasty look, but said nothing. Instead, he turned and held up a hand, sensing the ebb and flow of magic in the air. It was stronger here, Emily noted; the strands
of magic led further into the tunnels, rather than plunging further underground. Odd-looking runes covered the walls once again. One wall, covered in so many runes that it looked like a giant mural, drew her attention. The runes were drawn up around a spidery shape that looked malevolent, even though the drawing was oddly blurred. She reached out to touch it, but yanked her hand back as she felt a flicker of magic keeping the drawing preserved.

  “Those two are the ancient runes for warning and danger,” Cabiria commented. She’d taken her sketchbook from her bag and started to copy the runes. “What do you think it is?”

  “I have no idea,” Emily said. She’d heard stories about giant spiders—wild magic had mutated spiders to the point where entire towns had been overrun by creatures the size of small cars—long before Shadye had sent them against Whitehall. They represented little threat to magicians. Fire killed giant spiders as surely as it killed their smaller brethren. “But if they thought it was a danger.”

  She joined Cabiria in sketching out the runes as Professor Locke paced the chamber, tracing out the magic patterns as they hummed through the stone walls. The runes were easy enough to copy, but the spider-creature seemed to change shape every time she looked at it. She felt an odd shiver running down her spine, remembering the statue... what had it been, really? It had been so perfect that, if it had been anyone else, she would have wondered if someone had been petrified and abandoned, hundreds of years ago. But she knew she was alive and well...

  “This way, I think,” Professor Locke said, pointing to a corridor. “Come on.”

  Emily felt her head swimming as soon as she entered the corridor, the world twisting and turning around her until she had no idea if she was coming or going. She gritted her teeth and advanced forward, walking straight into Professor Locke’s back when he stopped. The impact knocked the professor forward, breaking him out of his trance. He held a hand in the air and muttered a spell, his voice too low for her to make out the words. But the sensation vanished so abruptly that she almost fell over and had to grab his arm to keep her balance.