Black and Ugly as Ever (The Cartel Publications Presents)

by Styles, T.

  “Well I’m waitin’ on Daffany so you gotta leave.”

  “I’ll wait until she gets here.” I wanted to say no but my heart raced like it did every time I saw him. “So how you been?”

  “I’m good,” I responded slowly. “Just trying to settle in that’s all.”

  “I heard that. So how’s life?”

  “Why, Jay?” I asked, dropping the fork against my plate looking into his eyes briefly.

  “Cause I want to know.”

  “You never cared before.”

  “Well I care now. So tell me what’s good wit you.”’

  “I’m getting married.” I decided to let it right out. He was gonna find out anyway.

  And instead of him being upset he said, “Congratulations.”

  “Thank you.” I responded, disappointed that I didn’t get a better reaction from him.

  “So who’s the lucky, bamma?”

  “Smokes.”

  “Smokes?” He repeated surprised. He sat up straight, looked around and back at me. “You sure you know what you gettin’ into fuckin’ wit him?” he whispered. “That nigga’s a straight killa.”

  “You sound like you on his nuts.”

  The lines in his forehead got deeper and I knew I pushed my limits with that comment.

  “I’ma ignore that shit you just said cause you my, shawty,” he announced. “I just know what type of shit he be on. And didn’t he have somethin’ to do with Sky gettin’ killed?”

  I looked around hoping no one heard him and said, “What does that supposed to mean?”

  “It means you fuckin’ wit somebody off your level. A straight murderer. I’m just lookin’ out that’s all.”

  “Off my level? Lets not forget I snagged your ass!” I shot back.

  Silence.

  “Aight…calm down, Parade. I’m just lookin’ out for you. You do what you want to for real,” he backed down although it was clear he was bothered.

  “It doesn’t matter, Jay. I’m just waitin’ on Daffany so you can excuse yourself.”

  “She ain’t comin’.”

  I looked at him and squinted my eyes. “What you mean she ain’t comin’?”

  “She not comin’,” he repeated. “I saw her at the Manor earlier kickin’ it with some nigga.”

  “Well I’m still waitin’. So bye, Jay.”

  “Parade, I don’t want you to marry that mothafucka.”

  My heart felt like it escaped my body with his words. I was confused and scared all together. You don’t understand, I use to worship the ground he walked on. And he treated me like I was lower than life. Dealin’ with him hurt but I got use to it. You know, like getting your eyebrows waxed. After while, it just doesn’t hurt anymore.

  “What you say, Jay?”

  “I said I don’t want you to marry him, Parade. Now we had our problems, and I know it’s fucked up that I use to fuck wit’ Sky considerin’ ya’ll were friends, but I wasn’t feelin’ her nowhere near how I’m feelin’ you. And I told her that right before she died. I told her how much you meant to me. So I ain’t out here tryin’ to get wit’ you because she’s gone. I’m feelin’ you. I always did.”

  “You just talkin’ shit.” I told him trying not to cry. I hated hearing about Sky and the fact that she ain’t here no more. And I hated hearing how I betrayed our friendship when she was alive. But Sky was so mean to me. So cold. And I learned after her death, that she wasn’t even honest.

  “Parade, I’m serious. I know it’s fucked up, but when I heard that you was gettin’ married today it blew me . I just didn’t know who it was wit’ But I’m bein’ real wit’ you. I want you back.”

  “Hold up, what you mean when you heard today I was gettin’ married?” I pushed the water cup from in front of me.

  “I asked Daffany to get you out here for me.” He sat back in the chair.

  “What?! This was a set up? That bitch was neva comin’?”

  “No. She did it cuase I paid her.”

  “Fuck this shit!” I yelled, getting up reaching for my purse. “I’m outta here.”

  I saw Jay drop a one hundred dollar bill on the table and run behind me. Once at my car he pushed me up against it. The back of my shirt was raised slightly and I felt the cold car against my skin.

  “Stop playin’ games with me, Parade! You gonna have me kill this muvfuka’ for gettin’ in my way! Plus you still love me.”

  “Still love you! Neva that!” I screamed unable to look at him or push him away. His presence made me weak.

  “Stop bullshitin’ wit’ ya self, Shawty!? You was on my nuts way before I even knew you were alive!”

  I smacked the fuck out of him and he grabbed my hands, pulled me to him and kissed my lips. We probably looked like freaks outside in the parking lot on my car. I ran my fingers through his hair and his hands moved up my blouse. My nipples became erect in his hands.

  “Tell me you don’t want me and I’ll go,” He passionately kissed my neck.

  “I can’t do that because I do want you.”

  “Leave that nigga, Parade. Leave his ass.”

  “I…I….don’t know.” I told him in between his kisses. I want him so bad right now I can’t hardly think about my loyalty to Smokes. “Hold on,” I told him. “Let’s get in the car. I don’t want anybody he knows seeing me out here.”

  We moved inside and went at it in the backseat like we hadn’t had sex in years. He was just about to satisfy my desires despite me just being with my fiancé until I saw my self in my rearview mirror. What am I doing? I have a chance at life and I’m getting ready to mess it up for a fuck in the back seat of a car! Just a few months back I was dirty old Parade Knight. Now I’m sexy ass Parade! I don’t want to lose everything I have. I can’t see it. Jay had his chance with me and he ruined it. And as far as I was concerned, anything that we had together was over.

  “Jay,” I said in between his lips covering mine. “J…J…Jay.”

  “Yes, baby?” he said softly kissing my face while his hands found their home on my breasts.

  “Stop.”

  “What?” he continued groping me.

  “Stop…please,” I told him backing away. “I’m in love and can’t do this to Smokes. You gotta go and you gotta go now.”

  He stopped. Although he was frustrated he looked at me with disappointment and love. “Parade, I’m wrong. I know this ain’t even you no more, but I do care about you. And I wasn’t tryin’ to parkin’ lot pimp you either. I just didn’t know when I was goin’see you again. I got anxious and start thinkin’ wit’ my dick. My bad. But one day you’re goin’ have to face the fact that you care about me too. I just hope it ain’t too late.”

  With that he left the car, and left me alone. I couldn’t help but wonder. Were his words true?

  Miss Wayne

  Six Months Later

  Listen to this shit. Smokes has this little girl he calls his play sister named Sweets hangin’ around him and Miss Parade ever since they got together. Anytime a man calls a girl play anything I think they’re, fuckin’ ‘em. And nine times out of ten they are.

  Any who, this chick follows Miss Parade around everywhere, even when Miss Parade doesn’t want her to. I thinks she a little spy bitch cause she does everything Smokes tells her too including picking out Miss Parades outfits. This brings me to my dilemma of the day. How can I move this bitch out of the way to help Miss Parade buy the proper wedding gown? Knowing me, I’m sure I’ll think of something.

  “Sorry I’m late, honey.” I placed my purse down in Miss Parade’s private dressing room. She wanted me to meet her here. This place is called Bells and Diamonds and it’s a full service wedding planning company. They do everything from picking out the panties you’ll wear on your precious day to selecting the food you’ll eat on your honeymoon. “So what do we have here?” I asked, hugging Miss Parade then looking at the gowns in the room.

  “Thanks for coming, Miss Wayne,” Miss Parade said, kissing my face and hugging
me close. “This is Sweets, Smokes play sister.” She was being cynical because we joked on a regular about this bitch and the little play-sister thing.

  “Now, Parade…Smokes’ sister is sufficient enough after all; I’ve known him for over two years.” She continued, as she reached out her hand to shake mine. She was a pretty little light skin chica with fire red hair. She wore it straight down her back. Her ass was huge and her waist was the width of one of my ankles. Bitch. I took one look at her and knew he was fucking her or had fucked her in the past. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Wayne.”

  “Darling, please. Wayne was my father. Call me Miss Wayne,” I advised her. “My father turned over in his grave ten times already.”

  “Oh I’m sorry,” she smiled courteously. “Miss Wayne, I was just telling Parade that this aqua green gown would look lovely for her bride’s maids and that this gown right here,” she continued, raising one of the others. “would look excellent on her.”

  I took one look at that piece of shit and my baby’s worried eyes and knew she wasn’t puttin’ that mess on.

  “Ummm, what other selections do we have to choose from?” I asked, sitting on a chair in the dressing room crossing my legs. “Cause this design won’t look good on Miss Parade.”

  “Oh but it does,” she continued, waving the gawd awful thing in my face. “This is Emilio Pucci.”

  “I don’t give a rat’s ass if it’s Emilio’s Pussy it’s not her style!” I saw a slight smile come over Miss Parade’s face which only encouraged me to unleash on this bitch even further. “Now why don’t you wiggle your little pretty ass down the hall and get someone to bring us some serious options.”

  Sweets grabbed the dressed and angrily moved toward the exit. She tripped on the end of the gown almost bumping her head against the door.

  When she was gone I said, “What’s up with Miss Thang?” Miss Parade was laughing so hard she couldn’t even answer. “What? What I do?”

  “You are a mess! I’m so glad you’re here, Miss Wayne.”

  “Why wouldn’t I come?”

  “I don’t know…after the thing with me and Daffany and finding out I’m with Smokes. I just thought you were through with me.”

  “I’m not going to lie,” I told her crossing my legs to the other side. “I don’t like the situation, but I love you. And if you need me, I’ll always be here for you. You know that.”

  She gripped me tightly.

  “So what’s her story?”

  “I don’t know. But I think she tryin’ to set me up. Did you see that shit?” she asked, putting her hands on her hips. Even in her pearl colored slip she looked beautiful. Her hair was pinned up in a cute little ponytail and she had these diamond earrings on that set the place on fire.

  “Did I? She tried to label drop like I give a fuck. Ugly is ugly I don’t care what designer made it!”

  She laughed until the smile was removed from her face.

  “I don’t think she likes me,” she sat down next to me, laying her head on my shoulder. I tapped her knee and noticed she had lost some more weight. “Whatever I like she likes the opposite. It’s like she’s prying and trying to draw us apart at the same time.”

  “Put her in her place.” I told her. “This is your wedding!”

  “I can’t. I feel sorry for her.” She walked toward the mirror and looked at herself. “Maybe she thinks with me in the picture, Smokes won’t have time for her.”

  “Well he will be a married man.” I walked over to the mirror and unraveled her ponytail so that it fell on her shoulders.

  “I know…but I know how it feels to be alone.” She looked at me through the mirror.

  I heard her but I couldn’t help but notice how beautiful Miss Parade was. Her skin was clear and she truly looked flawless.

  “You’re beautiful,” I informed her. “Can you finally see it now? You really are beautiful, Miss Parade.”

  “Miss Wayne, please,” Parade attempted to walk away but her steps didn’t lead her far. “I don’t want to hear that right now.”

  “Miss Parade, do you know who you are now? I mean really know who you are.”

  There was a long period of silence.

  “I don’t know! I don’t know,” she repeated, dropping her head. She sat down on the bench. “I’m just trying to be happy for what I got. A man who wants me. You know?”

  Silence.

  “Is your mother coming?” I asked, skipping the subject although I truly prayed for the day when she would finally know her self worth.

  “No.” She looked down in her lap. “She still hates me for escaping her verbal abuse and I’m through trying to talk to her.”

  “I don’t blame you.”

  “If she met Smokes I know she’d like him though.” Her eyes widened with hope.

  “Speaking of Smokes, have you guys discussed that night yet?” I was speaking of the night he hired Cannon to murder Sky.

  She looked around to be sure Sweets wasn’t coming in the room and said, “I’m afraid to.”

  “Well I think you should. He made a serious threat to all of us and I’d like to be able to rest knowing he doesn’t want my nuts on a platter anymore.”

  “I’m sure your nuts are safe.” She laughed.

  “You know what I mean. You guys need to talk about that night.”

  “I’m just joking.” She rubbed my hand. “I’ll talk about it with him later.”

  “You sure?”

  “Yeah…I’ve been thinkin’ about it too. He never mentioned anything. I mean, at one point he was gonna kill me, you, Sky and Daffany just to find out who killed his wife. And now I’m gonna be his wife.”

  “Right. You sure you know what you’re doin’, Miss Parade?” I held her beautiful face in my hands. “Cause this is serious. I mean…you shouldn’t ask him if you think he can’t take it. It might set him off.”

  We were in a middle of a conversation when Sweets walked back into the room with two dresses in her hand. One looked like it could be used to wrap a truck in and the other looked like an old bed spread.

  “Honey, why don’t you like Miss Parade?”

  “I do,” she said placing the dresses down on the stool. “I’m more on her side than you think I am. So why would you say that?”

  “Cause you and I both know you wouldn’t be caught dead in either of those dresses. So why bring them to us?”

  “I would wear these dresses,” Sweets covered her mouth with her hands in disbelief. “I wouldn’t do anything to hurt Parade.”

  “Miss Parade, from here on out, I’m taking over your wedding plans.”

  “Excuse me?” Sweets said, with her hands on her hips. “Smokes trusted me to handle all of the affairs.”

  “Honey, the only thing you gonna handle is your ass in a seat. I’m not about to stand by and let you ruin my girl’s wedding. I’ve spoken! You’re dismissed!”

  Sweets got so pissed with me she ran out the dressing room slamming the door shut.

  “You know I’ma hear about this shit when I get home right?” Miss Parade slid her clothes giggling the entire time. “Yeah well if he gets mad tell him to come see me.” “You serious?”

  “Girl, I’m just playin’ that man’ll kill me dead, honey!”

  “That’s what I thought.” She laughed, slipping on her shoes. “But let me get home before she calls him. I’ma talk to you later.” She grabbed her purse.

  “Wait…you talk to Miss Daffany yet?” I asked, stopping her from leaving momentarily.

  “No and I don’t want to.” Her face appeared crumbled up.

  “It’s been six months, Miss Parade. When are yall gonna stop this shit?”

  “I don’t care! She played me with that Jay shit. She knew I was tryin’ to get over him and she gonna turn around and have him meet me at IHOP! I’m sick of her!”

  “I know. But, bitch you know you wanted to see that man anyway. I’m tired of him askin’ about you every time he sees me. And for real, I can tell in
his eyes he’s in love with you.”

  For a second I saw the gleam in her eyes, and then it went away.

  “I have to get over him, Miss Wayne. He hurt me bad. You know that. Plus I’m getting’ married now. He’s too late.”

  He sighed.

  “The only reason I’m bringing any of this up is because I can’t find her. I went past her old apartment and somebody else lives there and her mother doesn’t know her head from her asshole so she can’t tell me nothin’. And I saw somebody driving her car. And when I asked them how they got it, they said she sold it to ‘em.”

  I saw by the look in her eyes she was upset. It was obvious she still cared.

  “It’s not my problem anymore and neither is she.”

  “Miss Parade, are you changin’ on me, suga? I mean lately you’ve been so cold. Miss Daffany is family and I know you don’t mean that.”

  “Don’t tell me what I mean. You heard her! She said we weren’t friends so why should I care about her well being?”

  “Why are you so critical? I mean, you got what you wanted right? A husband! Shouldn’t you be more positive now? You changin’ for the worse!””

  “I’m not changin’, Miss Wayne. I’m just tired of the bullshit that’s all. Now let me get home before this girl calls Smokes. I’ll call you later to tell you what happened. Love you.” She kissed my cheek.

  “Love you too baby.” I responded as I watched her walk out the door.

  The thing you don’t understand is this, money and a man changes everything. Especially if you’re not use to havin’ neither. Miss Parade has to work a lot of shit out on her own. I just hope she doesn’t lose herself in the process. Or her friends.

  Daffany

  Where am I? I…I don’t feel too well. And this place doesn’t feel familiar to me. I just need to get high. That’s it. Once I’m high I won’t care where I am. I smell sweat, piss and something else foul all around me and want to throw up. Lately I’ve been queasy almost every other day. I figured it was my body adjusting to my new choice of high. Heroin. I made that big step after all.

  The place I’m in is dark and when I try to move, I feel bodies all around me.