Black and Ugly as Ever (The Cartel Publications Presents)

by Styles, T.

  “Baby, I’ma step out real quick.” I told him as I kissed him one last time on the cheek.

  “Where you goin’?” he asked holding me tighter around my waist.

  “Just hangin’ with Miss Wayne and them,” I lied.

  “Bet…bet…,” he said releasing me and then rubbing his head. He then looked at Zeeway who smirked. What the fuck was that supposed to mean? “Call me when you get there. I want to talk to you about something.”

  “You got it, daddy.”

  Not wanting to be around Zeeway too long, I ran out of there so fast I almost fell on the cement. I had to get to Jay. All day I’ve been thinking of him. The way he talks to me…and the way he holds me…all move me.

  “I’m on my way.” I told Jay on his cell phone as I jumped in my ride and backed quickly out the driveway.

  “Good…I got a surprise for you.” Jay responded sexily.

  “And what surprise is that?” I wanted to keep him on the phone a little longer just to listen to his voice.

  “Well if I tell you I’ll have to kill you.”

  “You’d kill me?” I asked him playfully. “How we gonna have fun if you do that?”

  “Naw…but I’d murder that pussy!”

  “I’ll be there in five minutes.” I hung up before my pussy got unnecessarily wet before I saw him.

  Everything about this is wrong. But I hung up with him and hit the gas. I made a decision that today…I’m not engaged and I don’t belong to anybody but Jay, the original love of my life. Yeah he’s fucked up. I already know he is. But…still…there’s something about him that I simply must have. At any cost.

  I blasted my Neyo CD and let number 11, “Say It” play over and over in my ear. About thirty minutes later I was sitting outside of Jay’s place waiting, parked next to his car. With my right knee vibrating I pressed my hand on it to stop it. Unbuckling my seatbelt, I quickly moved toward his building and knocked on the door. No answer. I knocked again. Still no answer. His car was there so he had to be home. I glanced down at my watch and got irritated. He was late. Why wasn’t he here when I just spoke to him? I called him several times and he didn’t answer his phone. It took fifteen minutes of no Jay for me to realize he played me. I was in my car with the seat belt buckled preparing to leave when I heard a loud roar. Looking out my rearview mirror, I saw someone pulling up with a lime green Ninja motorcycle. I knew enough to know it was a 900 cc or larger.

  The large motorcycle pulled up right next to me and its loud roar made me uncomfortable. I wondered who he was until he removed his helmet and I saw Jay’s beautiful face. A black and white scarf dressed his head. He took it off and placed it in the back of his jeans.

  “You ready?” he asked looking into my car.

  “You can’t be serious?” I got out. His mouth dropped when he got a look at the curves of my body.

  “Uh…yeah…I’m serious.” He handed the spare helmet. “We ridin’ out on this tonight.”

  “I’m not messin’ with you on no bike, Jay.” He stood up and placed the bike on the kickstand.

  “Let me find out you scared.” He laughed holding his helmet under his arm. “Not Miss-I– beat -a-bitch-down.”

  Without even talking I got on the front of the bike and said, “Get on.”

  “You real cute. Stop playin’ girl,” he laughed. “You don’t know shit ‘bout ridin’ no motorcycle. Just slide that phat ass behind me and enjoy the ride.”

  He was still running his mouth when I hopped on, removed the kickstand and revved the engine. He didn’t know as much about me as he thought he did. Living in Quincy Manor hanging around guys and being a tomboy had its perks. I knew how to ride everything from dirt bikes to motorcycles.

  Jay eased behind me hesitantly and wrapped his arms around my waist. And to make him feel comfortable about a woman taking the lead, I backed my ass into him. Immediately he got hard. I don’t care who Jay’s been with…nobody fucked him the way I did. I was certain.

  “You know this shit is sexy right?” he said loudly over the bike’s engine.

  “If you like that I got somethin’ else to show you later.” I kicked the gear from neutral, to first and beyond.

  And just like that we were gone. I knew he was impressed with the way I maneuvered on the roads and Baltimore Washington Parkway. I seemed fluid. Just seeing the beautiful trees and feeling the air against my body with someone I obviously still loved had me aroused. Love? I swallowed hard at the realization of my thoughts. If my heart belonged to him, what was to become of me and Smokes?

  Damn!

  Daffany

  Where am I? I lie on the floor of an apartment with nothing but a mattress in the corner. How did I get here? As I try to stand, I noticed I felt a little off balance so I lean up against the wall for support. Nothing about this place seemed familiar. I was just about to twist the doorknob when I heard voices. Placing my ear against the wooden door, I listened as best I could.

  “How much you gonna pay me for her?” one voice asked. “I don’t know. She’s kinda busted and I might not be able to get a lot for her now. So if you really want to get paid, you might as well let me take her off your hands.”

  “Take her off my hands? She’s pregnant! You know niggas pay extra for that kinda pussy. Give me a thousand or I’m taking her back.”

  They’re talking about me? My heart beat rapidly in my chest as I wondered how I got here. My bare feet pressed against the wooden floor and the only thing I was wearing was a white t-shirt and some filthy pink panties. God please help me. Please help me.

  “You’ve lost your fuckin’ mind! I’m not payin’ you more than six hundred for that doped out bitch! You lucky I’ma give you that!”

  There was silence. Was my life being auctioned out there? Were they actually talking about me? Tears ran down my face and I wiped them off with my hand. And when I rubbed them together, they felt gritty. Like they needed to be washed. “Aight…give me seven hundred and you can keep her.” “I told you my price. Six hundred or get her funky ass

  outta here.”

  “Fuck it! I’ll fuck her myself before I let you get me like

  that,” he said angrily. “All that fuckin’ trouble I went through to

  get her back! I even had to bust that faggy ass nigga in the head

  for her a while back. She finally came back and I be damn if I’m

  lettin’ her go for that amount.”

  I knew exactly who he was now. I’d deal with him from

  time to time to get some money to feed my habit. He was always

  mean but he always paid. Most of the time he paid me with dope. I heard his feet scurrying in my direction and I lay down

  on the mattress. I was scared. Nervous! Is this how the slaves felt

  when their lives were exchanged without their consent? I didn’t

  even have enough strength to bolt out the doors and fight for my

  life. The door opened and a little bit of light snuck through. Just before they entered the room, the other said, “Let’s

  talk.” And the door closed. What was to become of me now?

  Miss Wayne

  Tyson’s Corner in Virginia, was busy as usual. Some window shopped while the rich ignored price tags on their pursuit of glamour. I was calm as I placed the three Louis Vuitton purses retailed at over $8,000 dollars on the counter. I had done this so many times it was natural.

  “How are you going to pay for these, sir?” she asked looking at me like I was stealing. Which I was. “Cash, check or charge?”

  “I’ll be charging these.” I slid the card Visa card towards her.

  I had five orders to place and the purses were the last ones on the list. Once I got these, I’d be done for a few months. The woman placed the designer purses in the bags and swiped the credit card. I waited patiently thinking about what I was going to cook for dinner. The card being declined was never even an option. I only used a card the day I received it and never, ever beyond 24 hours. S
o this card was brand new and ready to be used repeatedly.

  “Excuse me, sir,” she smiled. “There appears to be something wrong with the card. Let me make a phone call.”

  “Try it again,” I advised, not trying to get others involved.

  “It’ll only be a second, sir,” she assured me. “We like to make sure there’s no fraud when we get this particular code. Don’t worry, it’s probably because of the amount.”

  “I don’t know what the problem could be,” I slid over my fake ID, which she failed to ask for initially, as proof. “My limit is over $50,000.”

  “One moment please,” she said flinging one finger in the air ignoring my suggestion.

  The way I saw it I had two choices. Wait for her to tell me that everything was fine only to have the cops waiting outside or run like hell. Sweat formed on my forehead for the first time ever. I was becoming nervous and something told me this would be it for me. So while she talked on the phone with her back faced my direction, I jetted. And trust me, when I ran, nobody could catch me, baby. I pushed over a few people and mushed one man in the forehead in a struggle to exit.

  And then I heard, “Sir! Sir!”

  I turned around to see who was calling me. It was the sales clerk and she was holding the bag in the air while waving my credit card.

  “You forgot your bag.”

  What? I forgot my bag? I looked at the few people I pushed to get away, trying to determine if this was a set up. And then I thought about it. With those bags I’d get at least four grand tonight. Plus she still had my card which was good for the rest of the day. Slowly I eased over to the counter apologizing to my victims along the way.

  “You seemed as if you were in a hurry,” she smiled handing me the bag and my identification. “Turns out there was a technical error with the system, but everything’s okay now.”

  I snatched the bag and my cards and said, “No problem. I was just on my way to the restroom. But I can hold it.”

  Once I got my shit I left. I knew I was going to have to find a new profession. This credit card shit had my nerves on edge. Between this and Miss Daffany not coming back home despite Miss Parade going to look for her, I was becoming an old hag. The one thing I needed, I knew I wouldn’t be able to get. A stiff dick. Even that was gone with Keith outta the picture. Lawd please help me before I lose my mind.

  Parade

  I hadn’t planned on going to Jay’s mother’s house. And the moment we got off the bike I wanted to get back on and leave him standing. I knew she didn’t like me and most of all I knew why. She liked the skin color to remain light in her family. And even though she married a black man before he divorced her ass, he was so light he could pass for white himself.

  “Jay, I don’t know about this,” I told him as we stood in front of her home. The large apple tree to my left, the neatly trimmed bushes and beautiful green landscape did nothing to ease my stress. “I thought you said your mother was particular about the women you brought home.”

  “I know…but I’m feelin’ you, Parade. And I want her to meet you. Let me worry ‘bout all that other shit.”

  “But we not together, Jay. I mean…what’s the point of meeting her? All we are-are sex partners who haven’t even had sex in a while,” I paused looking into his eyes. “Right?”

  “Parade, don’t fuckin’ play wit’ me. You and I both know what’s up and pretty soon you goin’ realize it too. Why else would we be here? I don’t bring anybody to my mom’s unless I know. Only one other person met her and that’s it.”

  “And who was that? Sky?” I pouted.

  “Let’s not talk about it.”

  “Jay, this is confusing. You got me messed up right now,” I said rubbing my forehead. “I don’t understand. You worked so hard at making me feel like falling for you would be somethin’ you wouldn’t want and now we’re here.”

  “We’re thinking too much right now, baby.” He pulled my hand and led me toward the front door. “Let’s just go with the flow. For right now, I want to go in here and have some of my mother’s Spanish rice. Aight?”

  “Aight,” I smiled hesitantly.

  He knocked on the door twice before it flew open. A beautiful Spanish woman with long shiny black hair opened the door and embraced Jay lovingly.

  “Venido aqui cada uno! Jay aqui!” she said as she squeezed him.

  “Hola mami!” he told her hugging her back.

  I knew instantly that his family loved him when a few others ran out the door to embrace him. There was his mother, an elderly woman and a beautiful girl about sixteen. They were all Spanish and I couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed by their beauty and light skin. I was there for a minute before he acknowledged me. But it was okay because I was use to being invisible.

  “Ma…I have someone I want you to meet,” he said breaking away from her affection. His mother was smiling until she laid eyes on me. “This is Parade Knight. And she’s a special friend of mine. Real special.” She stared at me as I extended my hand. Then she looked back at Jay. I didn’t know what to do.

  “Ma…shake her hand,” Jay demanded feeling my uneasiness.

  “Oh…uh…I’m sorry, baby,” she finally accepted my hand. “I was so happy to see you that I lost my manners. “Welcome, Parade. Please come in.” she said giving me a fake smile and an even faker introduction as she opened the door for me.

  When I walked in, I saw her wipe her hand on her pants after she touched me. That hurt. I wouldn’t say anything now, but I’d probably say something to Jay about it later. I just wanted to leave. Just go home. I hated being here.

  When I walked in, there was so much furniture it was difficult to move. Most of it was wooden and she had a whole lot of porcelain statues all over the place. The biggest was in the shape of Jesus on top of the entertainment center. There were also rosaries on the corner of almost every picture including the one of Jay when he was younger. I smiled when I saw his picture. He had to be in middle school and I wondered how he would’ve treated me back then. The smile wiped from my face when I felt I already had my answer. He would’ve hated me. Just fingered me in dark corners and threw rocks at me in public. And I would’ve let him.

  We stepped into the kitchen dining room and the elderly lady and the kids kept staring at me. I tried to focus on the meal to appear busy but the longer I stayed, the more uncomfortable I became. Eventually we found ourselves at the table and in front of a huge spread of food. The meal consisted of Spanish rice and chicken with rolls. She also had a large salad on the table with Italian dressing next to it. We were there for twenty minutes and still I didn’t feel comfortable. They all laughed and joked and I could tell Jay was trying to include me in their conversations but it was obvious that the mother didn’t like me. And I didn’t like her either.

  “So, Parade, how do you know Jay?” she finally asked me with a mouth full of rice. She fiddled with the rest of the food on her plate with her fork.

  “I told you, ma,” Jay interjected. “She lives in my complex.”

  “I see,” she said eyeing my skin. “So she’s just a friend.”

  Jay looked at me and I waited for his answer.

  “She’s more than just a friend, ma.” I was surprised and it made me feel even closer to him.

  “How so? She’s a little darker than your taste isn’t she?”

  I don’t remember what happened after she made her statement. I don’t know how the Spanish rice ended up in her face, and the chicken on the floor. All I knew was that I had his mother’s face between my thighs as I wailed on her head. People were trying to pull me off and I couldn’t tell who was who. Nor did I care.

  I was just tired, angry and mad at people for judging me because of my complexion. All my life I’ve been persecuted or treated badly because of my skin. And I was starting to hate people…I was starting to hate everyone…and I decided to take it out on his mother.

  “Get this black bitch outta my house, Jay! Now!” she screamed as she fought wildl
y with her back flat on the floor.

  “I don’t want to be here anyway!” I told her.

  When she said that I was brought back into reality as Jay lifted me off of his battered mother. My feet didn’t touch the floor as he hoisted me up. The front door appeared to be moving toward me at a rapid speed. I didn’t touch ground until I was outside.

  I stood there waiting to fight him too, if he wanted it. I knew I was out of line and a part of me wanted to apologize but I didn’t feel like now was the time to admit my wrongs. Instead, I remained still with my arms folded in front of me. Jay looked like he wanted to kill me yet there was something holding him back. He made large pacing circles in front of me like he was trying to stop from knocking me out.

  “Hold up,” he started breathing heavily. He stopped in front of me and stared at the ground but not at my face. “Did you…,” more heavy breaths, “just hit my mother?”

  “Take me home, Jay!” I wasn’t feeling the bullshit or the explanation. He should’ve never brought me here in the first place. “I just wanna go home that’s it.”

  “Parade…why would you put your hands on my mother?” He finally looked at me. He looked hurt and confused.

  “Jay, I don’t have time for this shit!” I repeated pointing in his direction careful to keep my distance. “You shoulda neva brought me here knowing how your mother felt about me. Now are you gonna take me home or not?”

  Jay didn’t say anything right away. Just stared at me crazy like. His silence made me nervous and I decided there was no way I was getting on the back of that motorcycle with him.

  “I’ll walk! Fuck it!” I said before realizing I didn’t have my purse. I hated that she was the reason Jay may have treated me so badly in the past. Maybe if she wasn’t so racist, me and Jay could’ve been. “Jay…can you get my purse?” Before he could answer his mother opened up the door and threw my purse in my face, yelling something in Spanish.

  “Get your black ass off of my steps!” she continued in English.

  I was about to snatch that bitch through the door and beat her ass again but she closed it before I could and Jay blocked my path.