Black and Ugly as Ever (The Cartel Publications Presents)

by Styles, T.

  “Smokes…it’s me, Sweets,” she said still watching Jay and Parade.

  “What up?”

  “Nothin’…just sittin’ here watchin’ your fiancé kiss Jay.”

  Silence.

  “You sure it’s them?” he asked breathing into the phone.

  “Positive…I know what the fine ass nigga looks like,” Sweets giggled. She quickly stopped when she realized she’d gone too far.

  “Don’t get fucked up,” he told her. “Did she see you?”

  “Nope…she too wrapped up to know I’m even here.”

  “Good…she’ll get what she has comin’ anyway, it’s just a matter of time.”

  “Smokes,” Sweets said slowly.

  “What you want?”

  “Uh…I want to know why you don’t trust me. We don’t even need her. I wish you’d just let me in on what you need her to do. I can do whatever she can for you but better. I love you Smokes. I’m puttin’ it all on the line for you, baby. Trust me,” she pleaded sounding more like a pesky ass sales person.

  Click.

  “Smokes?” Sweets said looking at the phone.

  Realizing she’d gone too far, she threw the phone in her passenger seat. Finally she understood that no matter what she did, she couldn’t get through to him. But on her mother’s life, she was still going to try.

  Miss Wayne

  I’m tired. Emotionally and physically. And all I want to do is come in, get Miss Daffany situated and get some rest. I have a big order of purses I got comin’ in from some credit cards I got for my partner and have most of them sold already.

  Walking up my stairs and toward my door, something didn’t feel right. Maybe it was the fact that the door was halfway open. I was trying to see if I heard anything but the sound of my heart beating in my ears drowned out any noise. Finally at the door, I pushed it open and leaned up against the wall for support. My place was ransacked.

  The couch pillows were thrown on the floor and the cabinets in the kitchen were open. With my hand on my heart, I tried to keep in some of the pain I felt inside. How could one of my closest friends betray me? How is this possible? I loved Miss Daffany!

  I moved toward my bedroom already knowing she’d taken everything. Still I moved toward my closet, and toward a black jacket I kept in the back of it. I never wore it, just kept it there to stash some money. And sure nuff, everything was out. Including the purses I’d just bought for my clients. She wiped me clean.

  I fell to the floor and cried. And when I did, I saw the keys on the bed I’d given Miss Daffany earlier. What hurt the most was not that she robbed me, was that my heart still believed she could change. I still believed that she could beat this thing. But I could do nothing if she didn’t believe it too.

  “God…please help me. Please.”

  Parade

  The next morning I stayed in bed for a few hours awake, before I even moved. Miss Wayne was on my mind and how we left each other bothered me. Daffany’s addiction also ran through my head and I tried to push out the hate I had for her in my heart. And then there was, Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Just saying his name made me realize how much I loved him.

  “What you thinkin’ about, baby?” Smokes asked as he rubbed my flat stomach. “You look like you concentratin’ on somethin and it ain’t me,” his voice deep and crumbly due to recently having woke up.

  “Naw. Just thinkin’ bout what I gotta do today,” I lied looking away from him so he couldn’t see my deceitful eyes.

  “I wanna take you out today, you cool wit’ that?”

  I really wasn’t cause Jay asked to see me today and I wanted to see him. I wanted to be with him. He told me he had somewhere special he wanted to take me, and if I could to pack a bag. It was amazing that since we reunited, we hadn’t had sex once. And I was anxiously anticipating that moment.

  “Actually I got somethin’ to do, baby.” I turned my head to look into his eyes. “Maybe we can do something tomorrow.”

  “Naw…we goin’ out today. So whatever plans you got, drop ‘em.” His strokes ceased. And I sighed. Defeated and angry, a wave of hate overcame me.

  “Baby…I wanna do that thing we do sometimes. You know, the thing I like but you hate.”

  “Smokes, you said I wouldn’t have to do that again. We talked about it and you said it was a one time thing.”

  “So what…you don’t want to please your nigga? Cause if you don’t, anotha shawty will. I need a wifey who would be willing to do anything I say cause I say it. And if you can’t be that, just give me the word and I’ll find someone who can fill your shoes.”

  I didn’t even know how to respond to that question mentally or physically. Technically I was still his fiancé, and the ring on my finger proved it. Or at least, that was the lie I had been telling myself. But I didn’t want to be with him. I didn’t love him. But he was dangerous, and mean and could lash out if he felt disrespected.

  “You know I want to please you, baby. I’m thankful for everything you’ve done for me.”

  “That’s what I wanted to hear,” he said basking in his win. He moved over top of me, and straddled me. His thick hairy legs brushing against my waist. “Kiss it first, and get that shit hard. Put extra spit on it too cause you know I like it sloppy wet.”

  Taking one last look at him, I took his large dick out of his boxers and placed it in my mouth. My head game was still vicious so I’d hoped he’d be satisfied with that alone and not want to do the freaky shit he loved to do to me. It was degrading and made me feel like less than a person.

  “Uh…that’s it, baby, suck that shit!” His hands rested on the top of my head.

  With his dick at full length, I got into it. I could feel his body shivering. “Aight…aight stop!” he said grabbing hold of his penis. “You tried to make me bust didn’t you? You freaky little, bitch!” he said licking his lips. He paused for a second while he looked at me, and then I felt the warm liquid from his piss empty on my stomach. I turned my face to prevent any of his bodily fluid from getting into my mouth like last time. I was disgusted and angry all at once. But what could I do when this is what he wanted? I didn’t feel like I had a lot of options.

  “You like that shit don’t you, you little, bitch?” Urine continued to drain from his body.

  I nodded yes while squinting my eyes.

  “Tell me you like my piss all on your body.”

  “I like it all on my body.” I responded dryly.

  “Ahhhhhhh…,” he called out. Shortly after he jerked himself until his cloudy cum fell on my breasts.

  I felt wet, used and unclean. Like a toilet. So I closed my eyes and thought about Jay. Hoping that I’d get to see him soon. And for a second…just one moment…nothing else seemed to matter.

  “What do you think, baby?” I sat across from him at H20 on D.C.’s waterfront with a red long velvet box open in front of us. “You like it?”

  “I love it,” I picked up the bracelet and smiled. Trying to replace this morning’s events from my head was proving to be difficult. Not to mention I was supposed to meet Jay in four hours at IHOP in Riverdale, Maryland even though Smokes told me to cancel my plans.

  I was going to tell him that Miss Wayne’s car was broken down and he needed my help. I’d say anything I could to be with Jay. For some reason, he was worth the risk. And earlier Jay sent me a text message requesting that I bring a bathing suit. Since I didn’t want any problems with Smokes, I decided to buy one on the way. “It’s beautiful,” I continued eyeing the diamond bracelet in my hands. “What’s the occasion?”

  “Doesn’t have to be an occasion, although I do want to know if you like your life with me?” He stared at me as if he were trying to see through me.

  “I love my life with you, but uh…it’s like, sometimes you change.”

  “It’s not that I’m changing baby. It’s just that I have a lot on my mind. And that’s what I want to talk to you about.” He wiped his head with a napkin from the table.

  “
Okay…I’m listening.”

  He looked around and waited for a few people who were going to their table to sit down. When he was sure they weren’t listening, he said, “I need you to help out with the business a little, baby. I wouldn’t ask you accept I can’t trust anybody else right now. Niggas is turnin’ on me and that nigga Zeeway’s a punk to this kind of shit. It’s got to be you.”

  “The business?” I repeated leaning in. I mean, what did I know about the business?

  “Yes…you not a fool so I know you know what I do for a living. I wouldn’t be able to afford this lifestyle without hustling. And lately I been feelin’ like I ain’t got no help, so I’ma need you to get rid of some of that load. Can you do that for me?”

  “It depends.”

  “It depends?” His face was distorted.

  “Yes…it depends on what you want me to do, baby. I mean…I don’t know nothin’ about what you do.” I looked around to be sure no one else could hear me. “I would probably make things worse for you, and I wouldn’t want to do that either.”

  “So I take care of you, give you the world, spare your life and you act ungrateful?”

  Spare me life? I thought. That comment scared me.

  “No, baby…I don’t mean to be ungrateful, it’s just that, I don’t want to get involved. That lifestyle is not me. I’m a fighter not a hustler.”

  Silence filled the space between us and I could feel him mentally pushing me backwards. Why would he ask me to risk my life?

  “Parade…if you don’t think you can do what it takes, this relationship is over.”

  Normally I’d be upset, but for some reason, I felt a weight lift off of my shoulders. He had given me the excuse I needed to be with Jay. After the piss thing earlier, I had expected to think of the best lie to excuse my betrayal, to be with my true love and here he was, giving me an easy way out. I knew if I didn’t take it now, I’d never get the choice again.

  “I understand.” I placed the bracelet back in the box and slid it toward him. “If you give me a few days, I’ll get my things and leave.” I attempted to ease the ring off of my finger too but he looked at me coldly, I guess not expecting my response. So I kept the ring on. He didn’t speak till it was securely back on my finger.

  “You think it’s that easy huh?” he asked me evilly.

  “What you mean?”

  “I know about your little boyfriend Jay,” he said in a low voice. “And there’s no way in hell I’m gonna just let you be with that nigga. Not while I’m alive anyway. Besides, you gonna be my future wife.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Sweat formed on my forehead. How did he know? “I haven’t been wit Jay since before I got wit you.” I don’t know why I continued to lie but I couldn’t stop.

  “Bitch, you gonna sit over there and keep lyin’ to me? Or do you want me to have somebody take care of him and see if you can still stick to that bullshit. He can be dead in five minutes. You want me to make the call? You want me to cause his mother and the rest of his family to have to plan that man’s funeral? Huh?”

  Who was he? Everything about him had changed at it appeared to have happened overnight. Instead of saying anything else, I remained silent.

  “Now…you’re gonna do what I need you to do. Now I let you fuck main man and neva said nothin’. You thought you were foolin’ somebody but I knew all along. But that shit stops here. You my bitch and you belong to me. You don’t do shit without me.”

  Wow, I’d been sleeping with the devil all this time but never knew. But how could I not? He killed one of my best friends.

  “You ready to hear what I got to say now?”

  I remained silent because I was speechless. There were no words to express the thoughts which ran through my mind. So I remained quiet and listened.

  Miss Wayne

  It took me a few hours to clean my place. I guess I was trying to find a way to get over everything by staying busy. Taking two bags full of trash outside, I was shocked when I saw Keith standing in the hallway. I didn’t realize how much I missed him until I saw his face. And most of all, after everything Miss Daffany put me through; I just needed somebody to talk too. And a part of me was starting to believe he never did the things Miss Daffany said he did. But my doubt felt more like betrayal.

  Instead of telling him how much I needed him, I said, “What the fuck you doin’ here, Keith?”

  Pushing past him I made my way to the steps and toward the dumpster outside. A guy I fucked a few months back when Keith was tripping nodded at me. I nodded back. Keith was right on my trail, sniffin’ behind this delicious piece of ass like he always did.

  “Baby, can we talk?” he asked, as he followed me after I dumped my garbage and headed back to my place. “I miss you and you know I’d never do anything to hurt you.” I jotted up the steps in silence not knowing what to say. His voice alone had me wanting to throw my arms around him.

  “I don’t want to talk, Keith. You violated me and my trust. And I could never go back to that again.” I walked inside and flopped on the couch.

  Dropping to his knees he said, “Baby, I’d never violate your trust. As a matter of fact, I came to your crib yesterday to talk to you and caught Daffany roaming through your shit.”

  I was stunned.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I came by and she was throwing stuff around trying to find something. I knew you wasn’t there because your car wasn’t outside. Eventually she walked to the back and came out the door. She had your money in her hands. I caught her at the door right before she took off. I even got your cash back.” He handed me a wad of cash.

  “You saw Miss Daffany?” I asked, taking my money back. “When she was here?”

  “Yeah, baby… I stopped her and questioned her, and found out she was stealing from you. She’s fucked up .You can’t fuck wit her no more. I see a lot of that shit in my line of work. All she’s gonna do is bring you down. The only thing she cares about is dope! I been tryin’ to tell you not to fuck wit that bitch.”

  My head fell in shame.

  “Well if you were here, and you cared so much, why didn’t you close my door?”

  “I’m sorry,” he said. “I was so caught up in making sure she got out of your building that when I put her out, I didn’t go back. I’m sorry about that. I guess her fuckin’ over your messed me up. And I tried to reach you but you wouldn’t accept my calls. But let’s not do this anymore. You know you’re the love of my life.”

  “So, you actually saw her stealing from me,” I said softly. I couldn’t move past Miss Daffany’s deceit.

  “Yes,” he repeated. I guess I wanted him to say something different than what he had already. “Like I said, you wouldn’t answer my calls. I’m sorry, Wayne.”

  He was right, ever since I suspected him to be a liar, I had been ignoring his calls, but now here he was coming to my rescue.

  “Can I take you out?” he asked rubbing my knee. “And show you how much you mean to me?”

  I nodded yes.

  I got myself together preparing to go out. I made up my mind that I was not going to accept any more of Miss Daffany’s calls unless the Lord Himself came down here and begged me. I just hoped I could do it.

  Daffany

  The brick wall I was leaning against woke me because it was cold against my skin and the mattress under my body was damp. Looking around I knew I was in an alley in Southeast D.C., and I tried to find somebody familiar. I remember coming here last night after copping about two hundred dollars worth of dope. The alley was the place we came to smoke amongst our own-other dopeheads. And I’d been here so much I could almost call this place home. It was the only place consistent.

  “You up already?” Carmen asked. She was laying on the mattress on my right. I was startled because I didn’t see her at first.

  “Yeah…what happened last night?” I asked rubbing my belly. My baby would move first thing in the morning and it was the only time I re
membered or cared that I was pregnant.

  “What didn’t happen?” Carmen asked as she sat up next to me. “We made a lot of money last night and spent it up.”

  “We?” I repeated. Lately it seemed like she was pimping me. She had a knack of finding the freakiest and nastiest men on earth for me to deal with. “Cause it seems like I been doin’ all the work. You might suck a few dicks, but for real, all the dope we buy is compliments of me.” I told her stroking my tummy. The baby was kicking a lot and I figured it was hungry. I had to feed it even though I didn’t want food.

  “I do just as much shit as you do,” Carmen said standing up, brushing the back of her dingy jeans. “Now come on, we got to be somewhere at 10:00. The man’s wife leaves for work and he gonna give us $100.00 dollars if he gets wit’ you.”

  “Us? If I’m doing all the work how come he gonna give us some money? That’s what I’m talking about. I’m not feeling this shit no more, Carmen.” I stood up and pulled my blue YMCA T-shirt down so that it fell over the back of my jeans.

  “He gonna give us the money cause I get you the business,” she said rubbing her arms. “Without me you wouldn’t be shit! Now let’s go!” She walked up the block.”

  As I walked behind her, I started feeling like I didn’t need her. After all, it was my pussy that was getting all of the dope we used so what was her purpose?

  “Carmen, I think I”ma go off on my own. That way I can save up more money and get a place for me and my baby.”

  “Oh really?” She turned around and placed her hands on her hips. “So where you gonna start, Daffany? You don’t know nobody sep’ them cheap ass hustlers around the Manor. Plus, I can have somebody kick your ass everyday for a week if you try to back out on me now. Then you wouldn’t have to worry about your baby.”

  “What?” I was shocked at her response.

  “You heard me. If you try to act like you’re a solo act I’ll have somebody kick your ass everyday of the week.”