Mage of Shadows

by Austen, Chanel

  The whole of it had only lasted some twenty to thirty seconds. It would have kept going, I think, if it had not been for what happened next.

  What happened was difficult to explain to a Normal… imagine magic being air, invisible and everywhere.

  It was as if someone had seized the air in the courtyard for a long thirty seconds and would not allow anyone to breathe. For several long moments I felt at a complete loss. The constant buzzing of magic against my skin had been a known quantity to me for such a long time that I often forgot it was there unless I paid attention to it. Those unseen gnats had been forcibly frozen, locked by the will of one person- a person I couldn't sense not only because of the crowd but because they had taken my sense away from me.

  It had never happened before, and it was possibly the most humbling moment of my life. What did I know of magic, compared to whoever had this kind of skill? Nothing.

  It was staggering power. A darker part of me, something I hated to admit existed wanted more of it… hungered to have it. For in every human there is the capacity for acts of great altruism, but there is also greed, lust, and gluttony that more than balance out that capacity, oftentimes drowning it so deep in a murky darkness that a person couldn't ever tell that the ability to think of others really existed within them.

  Swann had gone very pale to me, looking as I believed I must have. He gripped my arm so fiercely that I thought it would bruise, "Stratus, Stratus," I had never seen him so shaken, he muttered, "I can't feel… I can't…"

  I could only nod weakly, trying to convey that I understood- words had escaped me.

  The majority of the crowd knew nothing of our troubles. The service had yet to begin and the courtyard was full of quiet murmurs, and they masked Jimmy's unhinged muttering quite well.

  It lasted about thirty seconds longer before like a switch, the magical field began to move again around us. The familiar motes enveloped me again, leaving me to feel like I was engulfed in a warm hug from a close sibling who had been with me all my life, but had left for several long years before finally returning to me.

  Jimmy's grip on my arm relaxed after a few seconds before he finally pulled away, still looking noticeably shaken by what had just happened. The mages, wherever they were in the crowd didn't attempt their strange method of communication again, for which I was thankful. Now I understood just what kind of people I was surrounded by.

  This is what a coven is, I realized grimly. It was a group of mages bound together by oath and duty, all for the purpose of enhancing political and magical status of the members. One User was nothing; one coven was a force to be reckoned with.

  No matter what reassurances I made to myself, it was unsettling to sit in the crowd now. The Normals had noticed absolutely nothing, still chatting quietly about how Emily had died, the dreary weather, the cold… I wanted to scream at them for their absolute ignorance. Could they truly have no idea what had just happened, how substantial the event that had just passed had been?

  Was that what it meant to be Normal, to live without magic, and it had been so long that I had just forgotten? I wasn't sure. I definitely couldn't remember ever feeling like that before.

  Lost, alone… insignificant.

  Jimmy sat silent next to me, face masked in a careful blankness, but his hands trembled slightly in a way I knew had nothing to do with the afternoon chill.

  Minutes passed without a word between us. There was tension in the air now. An elephant in the room rampaging around, its rage leaving us untouched only because we were invisible to it, two tiny mice frozen in fear, powerless. We were in a sea of unfamiliar faces, and didn't know which ones were really sharks, poised to strike.

  In comparison to those long seconds that I felt like I had lost connection with the world- lost the ability to breathe- the beginning of the memorial service was dull in comparison.

  President Allen said a few words, expressing his sorrow, and the rest followed his lead. Each speech felt emptier than the last, leaving me feeling angrier and angrier at it all. Emily's parents were the only ones on stage who didn't speak. They sat in their own little corner as if trapped by an invisible barrier, disconnected from the rest of the world. I wondered if they were even aware of what was being said about their daughter.

  Honor roll student, well behaved, popular… it felt like the emptiest sort of biography, with no emotion- because none of these people- her teachers they may have been- really knew Emily Albright.

  The student speakers that came up next were better. I watched each closely- first the student body president, followed by the female student head of Emily's mixed-frat, then finally Emily's roommate. Their words lacked the sophisticated syntax of the adults that spoke before them, but that left the speeches feeling more genuine. However, none of them had a neon arrow pointing at them that flashed with the dazzling word 'mage' for the world to see.

  I was tempted to reach out and test them like I had Nishtha, the size of the crowd hiding my identity. I might have gone through with that plan if it hadn't been for what had occurred beforehand- when magic ceased to exist for several long horrible moments. There were at least ten mages scattered in this crowd of hundreds, and one of them was more powerful than I had ever imagined a mage could be. It would be the worst sort of hubris after that to believe that I knew anything about what more experienced mages could or could not sense in a crowd.

  So I stayed my hand and just listened. Larry Chen, the student body president went through his speech with a mechanical precision, his sentences short and to the point. He admitted to not knowing Emily as well as he would have liked, being a senior while she was only a new sophomore. Still his sorrow seemed real enough that she had died, and in such a terrible manner.

  "No person should have absolute power over life and death." Was the sentence that struck me the most from his speech.

  Following Larry was Danae Lincoln, a senior in Alpha Phi Alpha, Archanos's cover on campus. I stared her down intently; she was almost definitely a mage. It was disconcerting to listen to her mourn Emily when there was little doubt that she had some part in her death- if not pulling the trigger, then hiding the person who had.

  It was impossible to tell just by looking at her. With pale blonde hair cut stylishly just above the shoulders, light complexion, and fair features, she was striking. Each word she spoke was laced with a real feeling of distress. If I had to describe how the speech was in total, it sounded vapid, blonde, but well meaning. Lincoln played the dumb blonde card a little too well. Danae ended her speech to the largest applause yet, walking over to Emily's parents and hugging each of them, ice-blue eyes glistening with unshed tears.

  It looked so real. I had never been a very good liar, and sometimes felt equally bad at spotting them. I could see or hear no falsehood here, Danae Lincoln seemed absolutely genuine on the surface. I had always felt like I could trust my instincts though. They screamed at me that Danae was far different than what she appeared to be.

  Carmen Munez, Emily's roommate, was the last speaker.

  I recognized her from Emily's profile picture, the grinning girl who had been to her right. She was the Latin princess to Danae's regal queen, with dark locks and olive skin. She had no notecards when she reached the podium, and reminded me of Emily's parents- in a living daze. For several seconds there was silence as she stood there, unmoving, and I wondered if she was too distraught to speak.

  "I…" Carmen shook her head, as if trying to shake her mind back into place from somewhere very far away, "Emily and I… we were best friends, I loved her. We did everything together, and we had thought we would have forever. I knew her since I was thirteen…"

  I had looked for deception in Danae Lincoln, but couldn't see it. If falsehood had been hidden well in Danae's speech, they were completely absent in Carmen's. The girl was bearing her heart to the crowd, tears falling, absolutely broken by Emily's passing. Stumbling over her words, she spoke of the good times they shared, of studying together, and their plans for
the future.

  I felt a sort of kinship with this girl I had never known. Carmen was an absolute stranger to me… but I was familiar with that feeling of absolute loss. Of losing someone so important to you that it seemed impossible to function or go on. If Carmen ever recovered at all, it would take months… that's how long it had taken me. Still, I felt it. A little pain that would never completely fade.

  How could I doubt Emily was wrongfully murdered after this? After this girl, her best friend, broke down in front of a crowd of strangers a week later?

  If she was a mage, Carmen would have to know, or at least have some idea of who had done it. That would mean like Danae, she would be keeping silent. No doubt she had no choice, how could you tell the police that your best friend was killed by members of your own fraternity? Tell them that a secret magical society was involved?

  All I knew for sure was that I absolutely had to speak to her, whatever the risk. A half-baked plan began to form in my head, and I knew I would have to iron out the details- but it definitely could work. As always, I would have to act with great caution. My eyes flicked to look over at Swann, who seemed absorbed in Carmen's heartfelt speech. No doubt he would feel moved, but not to the point of risking his neck. It bugged me that Swann could see what the right thing to do was, yet ignore it to protect himself.

  The memorial service ended as Carmen thanked those who had come, as almost an afterthought to the rest of her speech. The applause for her was loud and long, louder than even Danae's. Emily's parents came over and wrapped her up in their arms, and I saw Emily's mother whisper something to Carmen while rubbing gentle circles into her back. Everyone began to stand and mill around. I saw Jimmy begin to search for Nishtha again.

  I felt a little guilty then for judging him so harshly. Perhaps his reluctance to find who killed Emily wasn't really about saving his own hide, but protecting Nishi. Despite only knowing them for a short time, I could tell he loved the girl, and she seemed to reciprocate. I, on the other hand, had no one. No one who loved me and no one I loved.

  The dark realization came to me just as Nishi found us and seemed to melt against Jimmy, pressing him into a very deep hug. They didn't kiss, but I realized that kissing would be superfluous in that moment, they just wanted to be as near to each other as possible for as long as possible. I felt like an unwanted voyeur watching that instant of intimacy, but couldn't look away from it.

  So absorbed in watching, I hadn't noticed Eliza standing next to me until Jimmy and Nishi broke apart. She had been watching as well, a strange look on her face that hadn't passed until I caught her eye. Eliza then promptly schooled her features and just looked somber.

  "That was depressing." The curly haired girl said to me, and I could only nod. She had changed, much as she promised, from her sweatshirt and jeans, into a dark blouse and modest skirt. It was the first time I had seen her in dressy attire, but they suited her. A cold wind caused her to shiver and cross her arms to ward against the chill, and I felt an urge to offer her my jacket- before reminding my idiot self that I wasn't wearing one.

  A hand on my shoulder caused me to turn, and I found myself facing David and Raj, standing shoulder to shoulder and dressed in twin black suits, crisp and clean.

  As per usual, they had their usual inner circle with them, at David's shoulder was his girlfriend Tammy Nyugen, who had only spoken a few words to me in the whole time I had known her. Nearer to a unusually grim looking Raj were their other friends. Sarah Simmons was a friend of Tammy's, and despite being of far different backgrounds they were as close as sisters. The other three with them looked at us with interest, but I didn't recall their names even though I had been introduced to them at least once, and they frequented the apartment.

  "Introduce us to your friends, Nick." David prompted, giving a curious smile to my own little circle. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Eliza and Nishi return his smile, and felt a bit jealous. David had that effect on people, especially girls. At least Swann still looked guarded.

  "Sure." I nodded, "This is Eliza, James, and Nishtha." I gestured to each as a way of introduction, "Guys, this is David and Raj. They're my roommates, and these are their friends."

  A short introduction, but it was effective. I watched curiously as the older students and my freshmen friends mingled, trading polite greetings as the courtyard grew emptier around us as people began to scatter in different directions while we remained in place. I glanced towards the stage one last time to see Carmen leaving with Emily's parents.

  I stared at her retreating back, contemplating my next move and when to make it. How soon would be soon enough? Was Carmen a mage like myself and Swann, or just a Normal whose friend had been murdered? Would approaching her mark me as an enemy to Archanos? I had no clear answer to any of the milling questions that buzzed in my head. Decisions had to be made, and they would either lead me closer to the truth or render me undone… possibly both.

  I lived such a fun life.

  Would it be best to just stop trying? The last thing I wanted was to attract the attention of whomever here today had the ability to completely shut down my connection to magic as nothing more than a warning. I wasn't stupid nor was I fearless, magic or no magic, that kind of power could squash me like a bug.

  The easy path is no path at all, I decided.

  "Hey Nick," Raj brought me back from my thoughts, "We're gonna go grab a few drinks from Lefty's. You and your friends wanna come along? If you're with us, you won't get carded, promise."

  I glanced at the other three and was surprised to find them looking interested at the prospect. Nishi and Jimmy shared a glance then nodded in unison. Eliza actually had a slight smile on her face though she wasn't looking at me, but David. I sensed my 'Bio buddy' might've had a bit of a crush on my roommate. Huh, I didn't realize she liked Asians. Then again, I suppose David, being smart, strong, and well-mannered was basically any girl's type.

  I met Raj's expectant gaze and shrugged, "Alright, I'm down for that, I guess." It had been awhile since I had a beer, and I could think of worse company to share one with.

  It was an innocent moment, my little group melding with David and Raj's to form a larger crowd. Going for a drink after the memorial service could have meant nothing, done nothing, and I would have been none the wiser of the possibilities. It's the little moments that we don't notice, however, that really change the course of our history. Even big decisions stemmed from hundreds of thousands of tiny ones made by people that were never taken into account.

  As we walked, friendships formed. Raj greeted the bartender and wait-staff at the bar like old friends, and as we drank, laughing as Eliza sputtered and winced at her first taste of alcohol, memories were created. Stumbling out, hours later, we were inebriated in a way that had little to do with the drinks. The night's air whipped at us colder than ever, but we felt untouchable in that walk back to the dorm. Our group had become something greater and more wonderful in a way that had nothing to do with something as obvious and mundane as magic.

  I wasn't sure if we joined Raj and David's friends, or they were added to my own cohort. All I truly understood of that night was that for the first time in a long time, I felt secure. I had found friends who knew nothing of my problems, had no ulterior motives, and simply enjoyed my company.

  At one moment in the bar, I caught Jimmy's eye as he was laughing at one of Raj's many corny jokes. He smiled at me, wide and true, and I felt like it was the first time he really did so out of more than sheer politeness. I mirrored the smile, nodding at him, the happy buzz from my third beer having little to do with it. It wasn't until the next morning that I really understood the meaning behind that second we shared.

  It was an understanding of sorts. We no longer had a simple alliance, but something else. I woke up the next morning on my couch, saw Eliza passed out on the other sofa, and then went to my room to see that Jimmy and Nishi had taken my mattress. Rubbing my temples to try and sooth the steady drumbeat of my hangover induced headache, I
smiled at the couple passed out, unaware of my presence.

  There was something more to us now, that was certain. James Swann and Nishtha Mehta weren't just my magical allies, they were definitely my friends.

  Chapter 5: Friendship for Friendship's Sake

  It was strange and a bit disconcerting being popular.

  Well, maybe it was a stretch to call me popular… but I was definitely found myself part of an ever widening social circle in the next week. My days were spent studying alongside my friends, but nights seemed dedicated to hanging around with Raj and David now, the whole weekend a pleasant buzz of social interaction that I hadn't had… well, ever.

  I've had friends before, but it was always tight never changing cadre of Users, near or a little older than me and just as immature and reckless. We felt like we didn't need anyone else.

  I'm talking like three or four people only.

  Never had I ever had to know so many Normals by name, and remembering them all was an arduous task by itself. David and Raj spent their days in the library, but nights were dedicated to eating out, partying, or just chilling at the apartment.

  It was a wonderfully simple life, if you didn't count the murder or magical intrigue. Jimmy, Nishi, and Eliza certainly seemed to enjoy the newfound expansion of our little circle, Eliza in particular seemed a lot happier in those days.

  "Thank you." She said suddenly, breaking the silence in the study room that we had occupied the following week. We were alone in the room and I looked up quizzically to see the slight blush and embarrassed smile on her face.

  "For what?" I had to wonder.

  Two of Eliza's fingers gripped a curl of her hair, pulling it straight and playing with it, a nervous gesture of hers, "For coming up to me in lab and asking for help… for being my friend. I mean, I've had friends before, but usually just when wanted something from me, and never talked to me otherwise."