Mage of Shadows

by Austen, Chanel

  The only definite thing I knew about Carmen Munez was that she was David's ex. I wasn't even sure if she was a mage. This was a bad idea, right?

  I hated to remember it, but I could still clearly recall what had happened back home in Virginia, caught in the suffocating power of two mages who had already killed three of my friends, turned another against me, and had the last unconscious at me feet. I hadn't been ready to die then… far from it, but I had felt the absolution that came with it no longer being up to me. I had lost the right to choose my death when I had made the mistake of believing alongside my friends that in a group, we were all-powerful.

  Someone had saved me that day. They didn't have to, but they did it because they still believed in doing the right thing even if it meant taking on the consequences. Max had saved me, put his own life on the line to do so, and asked nothing of me in return.

  What would Max do, right now? Would he wait, knowing that with every second, Emily's killer could be slipping further and further away as the clues deteriorated with the steady march of time?

  I knocked three short raps on the door without another thought. In the pause that followed, I stared at my offending hand, surprised.

  I couldn't remain surprised for long however. The door swung open only a breath later, and I found myself face to face with Carmen Munez.

  She had been pretty when I had seen her from afar. Up close, dressed in only a flannel button up shirt and cotton pink pajama bottoms, Carmen was stunning. Even in baggy clothes I could see traces of a flattering figure, but I quickly directed my eyes back up to her face. Flawless caramel skin, a full mouth and slight nose, features only accentuated by striking dark brown eyes that met my own hazel ones unflinchingly.

  I said nothing, my brain numbed in the moment of confrontation.

  Carmen tilted her head at me, "Yes?" Her voice was small, but smooth, "Can I help you?"

  The only imperfection that marred her dazzling features was the twin crescent splotches beneath those imposing dark eyes. Carmen had been having trouble sleeping… but I suppose that came with your roommate being murdered in an unnatural way.

  I finally gathered myself and stuck out my hand purposefully to shake.

  "Yes, hello. Carmen Munez?" I asked, out of politeness more than anything, "My name is Nicholas Stratus."

  Before she took my hand, I already knew her for what she was. To others, a handshake was merely a friendly gesture that is taken automatically and without question. Societal politeness deigned the responding action without question. For a mage, it's a test, and because of that there are certain signs you can look for.

  Mages aren't comfortable with casual touching, especially with strangers. The reason obviously being that any mage can recognize you by skin to skin contact. We tended to shy away from it, something that makes most people unconsciously put off by us, as it makes us look skittish and rude. Germaphobia is a common excuse by mages to apologize for the distinct mannerism.

  Carmen hesitated, and her right leg twitched as if to take a step back from me. Extending a hand was also a common gesture of attack amongst mages. I was ready for the familiar shock that ran up my arm that came when Carmen slipped her palm into mine for a moment to accept the shake, and she pulled back almost immediately and actually stepped back now.

  Those eyes narrowed and I saw her clench her other hand against the door, as if prepared to slam it shut in my face, "Who are you?" She hissed in a tone I wouldn't have thought her capable of, "What do you want from me?"

  Before I could respond, I felt the shift around me as Carmen quite literally glowed, and I felt her pull magic away from me to gather around her. It was almost an unconscious move for me to try and pull some back to myself.

  Carmen tilted her head at me, relaxing suddenly as she gave me a sort of amused smile, "Oh. Freshman."

  With that statement, she yanked the field completely out of my control, like ripping a piece of paper from my hand fiercely, and left me feeling like I had gotten a particularly unpleasant papercut.

  "I don't want to fight," I began feebly, wondering if everyone on this campus was a stronger mage than me, "I just came to talk…"

  She had almost completely relaxed again. Apparently I had been deemed unworthy to register on her threat radar, the subtle glow of power faded and her pull on the magical atmosphere retracted to almost naught. Carmen let go of the door and gestured inside the room, "Come in and talk, then, freshman."

  "My name is Nicholas," I reminded her weakly, "You can call me Nick, if you want?" I closed the door behind me as she collapsed on a messily organized bed.

  "Yes freshman," She replied, paging nonchalantly through a magazine, "I heard you."

  With a sigh, I glanced around the room. One side was a complete contrast to the other, literally. Carmen had lain on a bed that was still unmade even past two in the afternoon. Books, papers, and clothes were scattered every which way, much like my own room. The other side was stark clean and stripped bare. There was none of the expected scholastic debris, or even essentials such as a sheet on the bed.

  Carmen saw where I was staring, "That was Emily's side." She said bitterly, "Isn't that why you're here? To pester me about Emily and how she died?"

  I couldn't deny it, only look sheepishly at the ground. Despite being only a year or so older, she scolded me as a teacher would a particularly obstinate child. More than that, her magical presence made the action feel justified in my subconscious. I felt like a child now, in comparison to this slight girl who was only a few inches taller than Nishi- so much shorter than me.

  But I felt like I was baring my secrets to someone larger than life. It was her eyes; they seemed to bore into my soul. I would come to learn that a particularly good ability to stare came with the territory of being a mage.

  "I'm sorry," I said, "I know it hasn't even been two weeks, but I… I know about Archanos, and I want to join."

  Carmen said nothing, but I saw her sit up a little straighter. She was paying attention.

  I took it as a sign to continue, "See, I'm not really sure if I even want to, now… I don't…" I trailed off, genuinely worried I was saying too much to a stranger, "I don't want to die."

  She smiled sadly, as if I had told a joke that hadn't been particularly funny, "No one ever does. The will to live… it's possibly the most powerful force in human existence."

  It was silent in the room for several long ticks of the wall clock that hung on the wall near the door, Carmen laid back on her bed and closed her tired, sad eyes, content in the stillness that had fallen. I suddenly exhausted, as if Carmen's weariness had transferred to me. I sat on Emily's bare bed, the springs protesting weakly beneath my weight, but holding. Carmen took no notice of my movement.

  Seconds ticked away, marked by the clock, and they turned into minutes that I didn't bother to keep track of. I didn't wish to break this silence and neither did she. My fears seemed to fade away in that moment. I struggled internally for a reason why, and I realized that I strangely felt at peace here for the first time in a long time.

  I want to stay here, I thought, in this moment… with this girl. She's tired, broken, and I am too. Let the world go on for a while, while I stay in this room with Carmen and recover. I was so sick of studying until my mind felt undone, so sick of being confronted by mages who put my own abilities to shame… so sick of crawling into bed and being unable to sleep more than a couple hours at a time, because my waking nightmares crawled in right beside me. They would seep into my mind and remind me of everything that had ever gone wrong in my life.

  The silence was golden, present by way of absence. I perceived it through lack of perception, all but completely invisible, except for the constant ticking of the wall clock. I hated that ticking sound, for it was a reminder that this moment wouldn't last, and wouldn't last, and wouldn't last, and wouldn't last… every moment disappeared with a second. As soon as I knew of it, it was gone just as quickly.

  Maybe it was a sign. The only thing
to hold onto was the idea that there was absolutely nothing you could hold onto forever. What a depressing thought.

  "You'll be in danger." Carmen had opened her eyes while I hadn't been paying attention and was staring at me again.

  "What?"

  The Hispanic girl sat up, kicking her legs out to sit on the side of her bed, mirroring my position. "If you join Archanos, you'll be protected by the coven. You'll learn the secrets, hone your abilities, and become stronger. But… you'll lose part of yourself in the process. Not like a piece of your soul or anything, and it's not impossible to remain a good person. What you'll lose is a chance for a regular life, a Normal life. Involving yourself in a coven is a lifelong commitment, and you're going to forever be trapped in mage politics. If you get a job it'll only be a shade to cover up what your real life is. Do you want that?"

  No, I thought, who would ever want something like that?

  "I want to be better than I am." I said aloud, carefully, "I've already decided that I didn't want a Normal life. I don't want to set aside my powers; they're a part of me."

  "A gift and a curse." Carmen said solemnly, and then sighed, "You want to know what happened to Emily? She thought she could challenge the system. Emily wasn't the only one, but she was still a new member and relatively weak… easier to kill, perfect to send a message."

  Carmen said the words as if it left a bitter aftertaste in her mouth, and they made me feel sick. This was who Jimmy, Nishi and I were supposed to join?

  When you're young you learn from your parents what is 'bad' and 'good,' then over the years you are constantly forced to reevaluate the relatively simple ideas of childhood as you're faced with more and more ugly truths about the world. Eventually you're left feeling helpless like there is no good or bad. Black or white are absolutes that do not truly exist… there is just grey, and it is ambiguously infinite.

  "Are all covens like this?" I asked finally.

  The girl ran a slow hand through her hair and sighed, "Honestly? Pretty much. It's hard to judge the magical world by the morals of the mundane… people have gone crazy trying. We aren't the same as them, Stratus. You already know that consciously… but you still identify with them, right? You have Normal friends, I'm sure. So do I. But you can never really be one of them when you're in a coven… it becomes your life."

  "You dated David." I pointed out quickly, and then wondered if it was a mistake to bring up her ex.

  Carmen gave me a weird look and then laughed, "Yeah, I did. How do you know about that?"

  I chuckled weakly, "He's my roommate."

  She rolled her eyes, "Of course he is. Do you know why we broke up? Why I broke it off with all of my Normal boyfriends?" Without waiting for me to try and guess, she continued, "It's because they always, always, felt like I was hiding something from them. Alpha Phi Alpha- that's Archanos' cover society on campus- is very exclusive. Most people complain that it's too exclusive, and no one is quite sure what the requirements are because everyone in it is so tight-lipped, and that's because all of us are mages."

  "It's strange to have a whole frat that's only mages," I mused, "Naturally people would be suspicious. How many people are in it now?"

  "Twelve." Carmen replied, "That doesn't include the random graduate students that are still here, there are a couple of them too. Granted, mages have been drawn to universities for years by way of clues that covens leave- but that's a lot. One hundred years ago, there were only three mages in the fraternity, and that's been doubling every twenty-five years or so… our presence in the population is rising."

  I tilted my head, "More mages are being born? How many more?" I had always found it weird that there were so many mages my age, but older ones seemed a lot more uncommon.

  "Impossible to tell for sure," Carmen said grimly, "But it's significant. Mages have always been able to hide themselves under the cloak of superstition and their lack of numbers… but the world today needs answers for everything because of the advent of modern science. People are less likely to pass off the supernatural simply being part of the world- they want to know why. That's dangerous for people like us."

  "Shouldn't the fraternity let in non-mages?" I wondered, "It would make more sense, easier to cover up the ones who can use magic."

  The girl stood up and walked to her dresser drawer and began to rifle around, "It's better this way. When there were less mages it made a lot more sense, it's easy to hide three mages but hiding twelve is impossible. We have no choice. Any non-mage that tries to cross and join the society is denied, just like every mage is automatically accepted."

  "Just like that, you're in the coven."

  Carmen tossed aside a pair of very short shorts and laughed bitterly without looking back from her rummaging, "No, not that simple. Being in the fraternity is a start, but your place in the coven is determined after you prove yourself. You're tested and trained like no other. First your loyalty, then your power… they make you give everything. Technically, I'm not even a member yet… but I'm close."

  "How long?"

  She stood up with a slightly wrinkled pink top and a pair of jeans, "Two years." Carmen said, and then promptly began to change in front of me by pulling off her loose nightshirt. I caught a glimpse of a lacy black bra and make a noise halfway between a cough and a squeal before looking away, beet red.

  I heard her laugh again amid the rustling whispers that signaled that she hadn't stopped changing, "Am I making you uncomfortable, Nick?" I heard her say, but I didn't look back.

  "Er, no… just giving you privacy." I managed to mumble. Well done on my part at the time, there was no way she would ever realize that I was actually very uncomfortable. No one does suave like Stratus.

  After what felt like an eternity of embarrassment, Carmen took several smooth steps to stand directly beside me and without a moment's hesitation the olive-skinned girl looped an arm to trap my own, and when I tilted my head down to look at her, she was grinning back up at me in a way that reminded me of the first time I had seen her in Emily's picture weeks ago.

  "I'm hungry," she announced, pulling me towards the door. Although she was smaller than I by a fair margin, I doubted I could have resisted even if I wanted to. I could still remember her ripping magic out of my control with only a derisive thought at the beginning of our conversation.

  It was like entering a lion's den, I realized mournfully as she pulled me along the corridor like nothing was wrong. Every single User at UD that I met was dangerous, and had better control of their abilities. A lion's den located atop a minefield might be an even better analogy of the situation.

  Carmen led us down to the cafeteria and chose a spot near the back, very close to where I had seen Danae and her friend sitting before. I watched her survey the rest of the cafeteria from her position against the wall unconsciously. It was something she was used to doing at all times apparently.

  "So… rushing?" I tested the word she had mentioned before, unsure of its meaning.

  She nodded while picking at a salad she had gotten from the food line, "Rushing is the term used for attempting to join a Frat or Sorority. Fall semester is the typical term that people 'rush,' but it can really be done at any time with the leaders' say so. APA usually has about twenty-five people attempt to cross. Way less than that get accepted, of course. Anyone that is picked up is paired with an older member- almost always one beginning their junior year. They stick with you for two years until they graduate and then the cycle repeats."

  "You're a sophomore," I pointed out the obvious, "So who is your peer mentor?"

  Carmen gave me a grim smile, "Danae Lincoln. It… isn't fun. If I had to compare it to anything it's a master/servant relationship. She shows me the ropes and in turn I do whatever she wants." The girl made a sound as if she was attempting to laugh, but couldn't quite manage it, "A quick hazing would be easier- too easy. If you join, you have to deal with a two year long hazing."

  Two years. I couldn't say that I expected it to be that harsh. Sti
ll, Carmen mentioned training… if she had been a novice like me a year ago; she had definitely improved quite a bit since then. That meant it was possible for me as well.

  "You shouldn't join." Carmen's abrupt statement cut into my thoughts like a sharp knife, I met her eyes to see them boring into me, as if trying to convey some hidden meaning she didn't want to say aloud.

  "Why not?"

  "I've told you why." Carmen replied, keeping her voice low even though there was no one seated near us, "You have a chance to avoid all of it, Nick. You'll avoid the mistakes that I made, that Em- we made. I know a Normal life seems boring, I know. But it can be beautiful in its own way. Honestly? You'll probably live a lot longer too. Raj and David are your roommates? Then you know how great you can have it. Follow them, learn from them instead. Be Normal instead of… of being one of us."

  I didn't say anything, didn't protest. I thought about it, really thought about it for several long quiet minutes. I listened to the happy buzz of the other students around us, broken only by a playful shout that rang louder than others, or laughter as someone said something particularly funny. I had my back to them, different from them, yet I considered myself the same in a lot of ways.

  If I got up and turned away from Carmen, if I walked away from her, she would never mention me to Archanos. I would be safe to go and tell Jimmy and Nishi that these people were just too dangerous. They could cross if they wanted, join up with them. I could focus on school with Eliza; have fun with Raj, David and their friends. Become Normal like my parents always wanted; and get the job they always insisted I was smart enough to attain.

  I would have magic, and the ability to use it… but I would be Normal in every other way. Normal friends, Normal life. Staring across from Carmen's intent, pleading gaze, it had never seemed like such a good idea. I would be safe in anonymity. What did I know about the magical world, other than it was hidden, far removed from Normal life, and a dangerous place to live in?