by Sara Hess
“So you can dish out favors but we can’t return them…that’s not very fair, is it?” Nic countered.
“That’s life.” Shaw grabbed an apple from the refrigerator and walked away. Not once had she looked at any of us.
I sighed; at least she hadn’t told me to get the hell out. Her door shut with a resounding click.
“Great, now she thinks you don’t want her around me.” Carrie pulled herself from Nic’s arms and headed for Shaw’s bedroom. I set my hand to her shoulder.
“Carrie, let me try to talk to her first? If she let’s me then I’ll explain.”
She pursed her lips and after a moment nodded. “Okay, but if she starts yelling or asks you to leave than you go. I don’t want her upset any further. You will just have to figure out another way to talk to her.”
I nodded in agreement even though I was going to give myself a little bit of lee-way on that. “Thank you.”
Nic pulled Carrie into the living room, whispering in her ear, probably attempting to get himself out of the dog house. Taking a deep breath I headed down the hall. There were three doors but only one was closed. Stepping in front of it I debated for two seconds and settled on pushing it open instead of knocking. It was a ballsy move because it could have her screaming at me before I even opened my mouth, but she could deny me entrance if I knocked which would make this whole endeavor useless.
Shaw was standing at the window and she whipped around at my entrance, holding a cat in her arms. “You’ve got some balls.” She declared with a scowl.
Giving her a sober look I closed the door behind me. “I was just ruminating on that.”
We stared at each other in silent assessment for a long moment. I didn’t know what her thoughts were, but I knew mine; I hoped she believed me when I told her I hadn’t used her for her body, and I wanted another chance with her.
She was petting the cat she was holding and I used that to break the tension. “You never mentioned having a cat.”
“I didn’t mention a lot of things about myself, and men are typically only interested in one type of pussy.” Her tone was almost placid as she tossed that at me.
My muscles tensed and I reminded myself that this was how she protected herself. “I wanted to know more about you, Shaw, but most of the time you evaded.”
Her gaze flickered away and she moved to set the cat on the bed. It curled up with its gaze on me as she stepped over to her computer turning the screen away from me. My eyes did a quick scan of her room and the one thing that stuck out was that it was super tidy. There didn’t seem to be anything out of place.
“Evan, my life wasn’t the fucking fairytale yours was so I’m sorry I don’t feel like summoning up all my horrible memories for you to ‘auhhh’ in pity over.” She clipped out in a tight tone.
My jaw ticked. “My life wasn’t a fairytale, Shaw, and I wouldn’t have pitied you.”
She snorted as she moved her mouse around. “Oh please, so you had a stepdad that was a jerk. Your mom adores you and most likely married the man so she could give you everything your little heart desired. The stories you’ve shared consisted of not one hardship except having to work some menial jobs for your stepdad. Ninety percent of the world works menial jobs, but now you’ve been blessed with a job that will make you millions.”
I inhaled and exhaled a slow breath to keep my ire in check, because the woman was throwing down hard, and the words were hitting me painfully because there was truth to them. I didn’t think of myself as spoiled, but things had been easy for me, and what my mother had done for me was a direct hit.
“So you resent me because I had money growing up and have had an easy life?” I gritted out.
“I told you why I resent you.” She spit out with a glare…but behind the heat of anger I saw a hollowness that dampened my anger.
“I didn’t think of you as an easy lay, Shaw. You weren’t. I like you…a lot. And…”
She broke me off mid-sentence going back to working on her keyboard, lips tight. “I know…you like me, we had fun together…it’s what your other women said; ‘He was a great guy, and we had fun together, but he warned me from the start that he didn’t do relationships for more than a month’. It wasn’t her, it was you; you have a brain ‘thing’…” Shaw air quoted then went back to tapping at her keyboard. “And it causes you to get bored with things really quickly. You’re sorry, but you still want to remain friends.” She gave a hard jab to a key and looked up, face rigid. “There, I made it easy for you. Are we done now?”
Damn, she got my blood running, while at the same time had my mind scrambling. Deviating from my original plan I strode over, gripped her upper arms, and pulled her to within inches of my face. Expression startled, she grabbed my arms and our position instantly had my cock taking notice. Having her back in my arms was lighting up all my nerve endings.
“While I want to discuss how you know so much about all that, that’s not what I was going to say. I was going to say that my emotions concerning you have me all fucked up. I don’t know my head from my ass.” Her fingers compressed on my arms and her mouth parted slightly in surprise which made it harder to concentrate. “You make me crazy, Shaw; like no one ever has. Yes, I admit that my body took immediate notice of you when we first met and my primary thought was sex, but as time progressed you fascinated my mind just as much. You are an amazing person, Shaw.”
Her expression turned angry again and she tried pulling away, but I could see the scornful disbelief under her anger. “I don’t need you pouring sugar all over your words, just tell me what you came to say.”
I subdued her struggles. God, how had I missed the insecurity in her? Rejected as an infant and then shuffled around in foster care her whole life; it had to have left a deep scar inside her. She wouldn’t want to see my pity, but shit, my heart ached for her.
“Shaw, I’m not sugar-coating anything. You’ve had a hard life, been shit on by some shitty people, and I’ve never been more impressed or respected anyone more…except maybe my mother. I know you have a chip on your shoulder towards males, and from what I’ve seen it’s deserved, and my past may seem like a red flag but I was not using you. I have no recollection at all of calling you wild. When that guy spewed that crap to me months ago I was mad as fuck at him. I didn’t pursue you because of the shit that came out of his mouth; hell, I was already in pursuit of you.” I gave her a small shake to emphasize my point and desire. “I’m sorry as hell that I said those words. The only explanation I can come up with is the combination of alcohol, tiredness, and finally having you in my arms messed with my latent memories because I can’t think of anything else. I wanted you because of you, not because of any rumors some fucking asshole was spreading about you.”
Shaw stared at me in wide-eyed astonishment and for the first time appeared to be struck silent. During that time my body took more notice of hers. She was breathing deeply causing her breasts to tease my chest with possibilities, her grip on my arms was firm making me wish they would roam, and her face had a beautiful pink blush.
Fuck, I wanted to immerse myself in her.
“Okay…so…you found out why I was mad and apologized. Are you done hounding me now?” She breathed out, standing perfectly still.
The way she phrased that almost had me shaking her harder, but what I heard beneath the words had me wondering. “What if I don’t want to be done?” Involuntarily, my thumbs stroked over her forearms.
She swallowed. “I told you, Evan. I don’t want to be Miss August…or September.” She declared tightly, leaning away from my grasp.
I pulled her back. “I don’t want you to be either.” Not anymore. “And now that you mention that again…What exactly do you know about my past relationships? And who have you been speaking to.” This woman was scary with how she found out shit.
She gave me an evil look. “I haven’t been speaking with anyone, but I have been communicating with some of your harem through various social media’s. It’s some
thing I should have done before we….” Her flush deepened and I found myself grinning. It wasn’t often she got flustered and when she did it was endearing. Her eye’s narrowed and I swallowed my grin quickly. “Fucked.” My eyes narrowed this time. I didn’t like her saying it that way.
“It didn’t surprise me really.” She sneered, jerking from my grip and backing away. “All you athletes get around, but the way you were hooking your women was quite unique; get friendly with them, stroke their ego, bring up the genius detail so when it’s time to call it quits you can blame it on autism or some shit like that, and part with no hard feelings. No muss, no fuss. I’d call it genius, but that would be redundant.”
She was fucking killing me, because everything she said had some partial truths to it. I stabbed my fingers through my hair in agitation and began to pace. “That might be what it looks like, but it’s not exactly like that, Shaw. Yeah, I’ve had past relationships, but I didn’t play any of those women. I never revealed to anyone else that I was a genius, but I did inform women from the beginning that I was wired with a short attention span.”
“A nice ‘get out free and clear’ card.” She mocked.
I scowled at her. “Don’t make it out like I was misleading them. I gave them the truth and they accepted it before we went further in the affair.”
“Why didn’t you with me?” She slapped at her chest nearly yelling. The guard she’d had up was gone and all that was left was pure vulnerability and hurt. “Was it because I’m a nobody piece of trailer trash that can be used and discarded like garbage? I didn’t deserve to have a heads up that I was only going to be a body for you to utilize for a couple of weeks?”
Her words were a punch in the chest and a knife in the gut. Was that how she saw herself, how she thought I saw her? Was this what life had done to her, what the fuckers who’d harassed her had marked her with. I wanted to turn back time and change everything about her life, change how I’d approached her…unfortunately I couldn’t do that.
Grabbing her arms again I stared at her earnestly. “Shaw, you are not trailer trash. I was going with my normal flow, but then the flow took a turn and got serious.”
She blinked in confusion, eyes dark with questions. “What do you mean…serious?”
“My feelings for you; they didn’t stay light and fluffy like with the other women I went out with. They got damn serious, pretty damn fast. The more we talked, the more I wanted you, and the less I could think intelligently. Let me tell you that no one has made me stupid like you do.” And wasn’t that a kick in the ass. “Standard wasn’t standard anymore, and I didn’t know how to proceed. All I knew was that I wanted you; it was a consuming and uncontrollable addiction.”
Her eyes were wide on me in bemusement as she jeered lowly. “You had me, so you should be all set now.”
My heart twisted at her forced attitude and I stroked my knuckle down her jaw line. She fought so fiercely to protect herself. “Shaw, I am so not set. Your body is only a part of what I want from you. I want all of you.” I caressed her bottom lip. “I want your mouth; not just for kissing, but for everything that comes out of it.” I moved up to her eyebrow. “And the fire in your eyes makes my blood burn. And these freckles on your cheeks, nose, and lips…” Each area I touched was hot from the blush spreading over her face. “I want to kiss each and every one.”
She inhaled a shaky breath, her fiery eyes swimming with skepticism. She looked so fragile and scared, and I couldn’t hold off any longer. Tangling my fingers in her hair I closed the last few inches between us and took her mouth, groaning at the exquisite taste of her. It had been too fucking long. Dropping one arm to her lower back I hauled her flush against me and groaned again. She felt so damn good.
Shaw was rigid in my arms at first, but then a whimper escaped her throat and her arms inched up around my neck as she pressed herself into me; returning my kiss with increasing vigor.
I growled harshly as relief swept through me. “I’ve been dying for a taste of you again. I’ve been going out of my fucking mind.”
I couldn’t believe how on edge I’d been to have her back in my arms. I devoured her mouth in starvation and a little bit of desperation, pouring all my frustration, anger, and want onto her lips, but I also wanted to banish all the pain and doubt I saw in her eyes.
What I felt for Shaw was confusing but I knew I wanted her to give us a chance at whatever this was between us. I couldn’t walk away.
My one hand stayed in her hair keeping her mouth where I needed it so I could get my fill of her, but my other hand slid down to her ass, gripping roughly, squeezing it deliciously. She whimpered into my mouth, arching into me, and my cock pulsed painfully. Her fingers tunneled forcefully into my hair pulling me deeper into her panting mouth, and she seemed just as frantic to convey something to me with her lips and tongue. I was too twisted up with want to identify it though.
My leg bumped against her bed and without thought I took us both down, partially covering her body with mine. Shit, the feel of her under me; it was one of the best feelings in the world and I gave a groan of approval. My hand on her ass moved to her shirt covered breasts and I squeezed her firm flesh, rolling her rigid nipple with my thumb, while at the same time my hips rocked on her leg to ease some of the ache in my dick. When I did this my thigh dragged between her parted thighs stimulating her clit.
I gave grunt of bliss.
Shaw gave a keen cry of pleasure.
The dam burst and desire pumped through me uncontrollably, making thinking damn difficult, but instinct was riding me hard and my hand burrowed under her sweats and into her panties to her hot, drenched center. When my fingers slid through all that wetness a rumble of primitive satisfaction thundered inside my chest and I had to clench my jaw at the tight pressure swelling my balls. Shaw cried out a second time and her fingers dug into my scalp and back as her body arched and trembled wildly under me.
Taking a brief pause from eating at her lips I growled against the corner of her mouth as my finger began to pump inside her tight passage and my palm massaged over her clit. “Watching you come was the most beautiful sight I’ve ever seen and I have to see it again, Red. Come hard all over my hand. Give yourself into the pleasure.”
Shaw stared at me with dazed, passion glazed eyes, and her grip on me tightened more as my finger thrusts demanded her capitulation. The tight, wet feel of her was torture for my cock because it remembered what it felt like to be inside her and wanted to take the place of my finger, but even though I was submerged in out of control lust I recognized that this moment wasn’t for me…it was for Shaw and what I wanted to do for her. All my focus was entirely focused on her; her every sound, her every breath, her every tremor.
Her inner walls began to compress and flutter around my finger and I took her mouth fully again keeping my eyes locked with hers. I needed to see her release and I wanted her to know that. I’d watched other women come before but never with this level of emotion zipping between us, and as Shaw gasped and mewled into my mouth, and then exploded under my ministrations, closing her eyes in rapture, all those other women became faceless and inconsequential as something burst open in my chest flooding me with happiness at seeing the pleasure on her face.
To say she was beautiful undermined her. It wasn’t enough. She was so much more.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
SHAW
What just happened!
I lay there panting and quivering, dazed and confused, feeling emotionally and physically drained. In fact, I was near to crying but I pushed the tears away with what energy I had left. I didn’t cry in front of anyone anymore. Crying made people leave me so I’d taught myself not to do it years ago…Although, the idea of Evan being as far from me as possible right now was looking really good.
I’d been doing so good; standing strong, and not caving in to his allure, but the intensity of desire that overwhelmed me when he was around weakened me, making me fall apart every damn time. That’s what he is
to me…a weakness. He would only hurt me like everyone else.
He made me feel more...well, just more. Being around him lit me up in a way I’d never experienced before, but he could destroy me like no one ever had before either.
I wasn’t sure how I felt about Evan’s explanation of our night together, about any of it. The things he’d said had reached inside me, grabbing and squeezing at my emotions, but I couldn’t let myself believe him. I was starting to realize that he wasn’t exactly like Ford and those other assholes, but he was still a player and mostly used women.
Evan pulled his hand out of my underwear and I gasped and shuddered as his finger dragged over my sensitive flesh. “What are you thinking, Shaw?” Evan’s lips brushed over my jaw causing my eyes to sting again at the tenderness of it.
My head was turned away from him and I kept it there, my lids closed as I answered him wearily. “What do you want from me, Evan? I told you I won’t be one of your calendar girls.” Even though I’d folded like a house of cards just now I wasn’t going to allow myself to be under his spell for one whole month just to be dumped at the end of it. “I won’t be used and then tossed aside. I let myself get used enough throughout my life and for awhile I felt all used up, but I’m getting in a relatively stable place in my life right now where I’m starting to feel good about myself.”
He was silent for a moment but I could feel the heat of his piercing stare. “Shaw, I don’t want to use you and toss you aside. My past…” His fingers stroked softly along my bare arm strumming my already pulsating nerves and raising goose bumps. “My relationships with other women; yes, they were on the short side, but I did warn them from the beginning so I wasn’t deceiving them, and I don’t feel like I was using them. We had a mutually satisfying association and they all ended amicably. I won’t lie; when I first met you I thought we could share the same kind of arrangement, but the more time I spent with you the more you threw me for a loop.”