Evan's Addiction

by Sara Hess

  But Shaw was so much more than a body and I was going to employ my willpower until the time that look was completely gone from her eyes.

  Cupping her jaw I brushed my thumb tenderly across her bottom lip wanting to kiss her but knowing my self-control was too thin to risk it at the moment. “Do you need to grab anything before we go?”

  She blinked, frowned, and looked around. “Uhm…I have a sweater and a purse Carrie lent me.” She moved to the small kitchen table to grab said items. “My sweaters are more functional than fashionable and I don’t use a purse. Most of the time I use my backpack or my pockets, but I don’t have any on this dress. Sometime I use my bra if it’s just my license and money, but I also have my key and that’s a little uncomfortable.”

  I couldn’t stop my grin at how endearingly befuddled she was in her rambling. I remembered seeing cards in her bra that night we spent together and with that memory came other memories that had my dick pushing for a repeat.

  Expelling a painful breath I confiscated her sweater and held it out so she could slip into it. She frowned at me like I was demented and I gave the sweater a shake like a bull fighter looking for the horns. Continuing to frown she turned hesitantly sliding her arms in.

  “I thought women considered purses akin to limbs; a must have.” I teased as we stepped outside her apartment.

  She locked the door and dropped the key into a small black wallet sized purse hanging diagonally over her chest. That little thing wasn’t something I normally saw women lugging around. I was accustomed to seeing large handbags that could hold the bathroom cabinet. Mom had a dozen of those purses.

  Shaw gave me a disgusted look. “From that remark I can tell what kind of women you hang around with.”

  Setting my hand on her back I quirked my brow at her as we walked down the steps. “And what kind of woman is that?” I probably should have let it go but I wanted to know every thought that was going through her head.

  Returning my raised brow she sniped. “The Kim Kardashian kind; who thinks a brand name purse will make everything right in their world, and notify everyone where they come from.”

  “You make it sound like all I ever hung out with were rich, stuck-up females, and that’s just not correct. I like women from all walks of life.” Shaw’s frame was normally slightly rigid, eventually relaxing as time passed, but at my mention of liking other women she stiffened up poker like and I knew this conversation had taken a bad left turn.

  Yep, I definitely should have let that question pass.

  Shaw suddenly stopped. “Crap, what am I doing?”

  Gut bottoming out at her tight tone I gripped her arms gently but firmly incase she made a run for it. “Don’t take what I said the wrong way, Shaw. I only meant to convey that I’m not a snob.”

  Grabbing the railing for the stairs she sneered at me faintly…and I noted that she still looked hot doing it. “I know you’re not a snob where women are concerned, Evan.”

  Her face may have held a sneer but Shaw’s green eyes held other emotions and my grip on her tightened. “You’re twisting my words, Shaw. I know my past bothers you, but most people have past relationships. Maybe because you were innocent you think I should be…”

  Shaw laughed harshly. “I may not have had sex but I wasn’t innocent, Evan. I’ve done things with other guys.”

  My chest rumbled in displeasure at the thought of that which was stupid because I was just telling her we all had pasts. I guess that meant I still didn’t have to like it. Perhaps that’s what she was upset about?

  Releasing her I stabbed my fingers through my hair. “Okay…I didn’t like hearing that, so I’m taking a guess that you’re pissed at thinking about me with other women. Is that the problem?”

  A look of confusion crossed her face. “You didn’t like hearing what…that I did stuff with other guys?”

  My muscles jerked and I could feel my frown dig in deeper. “Yeah, I don’t like thinking about you with other men. Is it the same for you?”

  Leaning against the railing she looked back up the stairs toward her apartment longingly, but she didn’t run, and after a small moment of what appeared like reflective silence she answered. “Yes.”

  “Do you believe me when I say I feel more for you than I did with those other women?”

  My attraction to Shaw was echelons above what I’d felt with anyone else. When they were out of sight they’d been out of mind, but she hovered in my thoughts all day.

  Still avoiding my gaze Shaw shrugged trying to appear unconcerned, but I could see it was just a front, and I could also see that she didn’t believe me.

  I stepped closer to her. “I guess you will only see that with time.” Trailing a finger over her flushed cheek I asked. “Do you feel more for me than those other guys?”

  She huffed shakily. “I didn’t care for them at all.”

  I scowled. “Then why did you do shit with them?” Damn, my feelings were all over the place.

  Finally, she looked at me and the shame and anger in her eyes twisted something in my chest. “Because I was a lonely, desperate, needy little orphan girl who was searching for someone to show me attention; any kind of attention. Even if I had to give a hand job or blow job to get it. After a few guys it came to my notice that I was getting a reputation, partly deserved, partly not, but it woke me up to how stupid I was being.”

  I realized what that twisting feeling in my chest was…a knife.

  Shaw had been shifted around from foster home to foster home her entire life to finally end up in place where no one paid any attention to her; it was a no wonder she’d gone searching for attention…for affection. I didn’t blame her, but witnessing the self-hate on her face made me want to kill everyone who’d ever made her feel worthless. I wanted to make all those years up to her, shower her with everything she’d been denied.

  Pushing past my fury I tenderly traced a finger over her face; eyebrow to mouth. “You need to wipe that look from your face, and let it go from your soul, Shaw. You were a young girl looking for something that should have been given to you freely. What you wanted was understandable. What they did to you was inexcusable.”

  She stared at me intently, the emotions still raging in her eyes. “They just took what was offered. Can you say you would have done differently?”

  That was a hell of a question. If Shaw had offered anything to me back in high school I couldn’t deny that I would have been all over it. I wanted to be all over her now.

  I brushed my knuckles over the soft skin of her jaw. “I would take whatever you offered me, Shaw. I want you pretty fucking badly, to the point it’s eating away at me, but I wouldn’t have boasted, or lied about what we shared together.” It was the truth and I would always give her that.

  “I was weak then…I won’t be weak again.” Her tone was indomitable but her eyes held a craving that was undeniable.

  Twist of the knife. “Do you think I make you weak?”

  Her eyes skittered away from me and I could see the vein in her neck beating wildly. “Yes.”

  “How?”

  She took a moment before answering and the words seemed forced from her throat. “I want you.” The knife untwisted some at her honest disclosure, but then she continued. “But I don’t want to want you. Wanting things only hurts.”

  I grasped her nape gently and tugged her closer. I‘d wanted her to give me something of herself besides the witty banter, but I didn’t expect how much it would gut me to hear it. “I won’t hurt you, Shaw.”

  “You’re already hurting me.” She whispered.

  What!? “How?”

  She slumped somewhat in my embrace. “Just by being you. By making me want you. You make me insane; make me wish and hope, and that only leads to pain.”

  Her words were spoken softly but they had the force of a shout. All I wanted to do was cuddle her close and reassure her that everything would be okay.

  I wrapped an arm around her waist. “It doesn’t always have to lea
d to pain. You’ve had some bad luck but don’t you think it has to change at some point. You may not believe me, but we’re both in the same boat, Shaw.”

  She frowned. “In what way?”

  Hugging her rigid frame to mine, chest to aching groin, I stared down into her upturned, confused face, and noticed that her green eyes had flecks of gold and blue in them. It was like a rainbow prism in those orbs. They really were the most amazing hue I’d ever seen.

  “When you wouldn’t speak to me for weeks after our night together I was a bear to everyone. Everyone who knows me will tell you that I don’t normally get bent out of shape about shit, but I’m experiencing new feelings with you, and wadding in different waters than I’m accustomed to. You’re scared and I get that, but my emotions aren’t all that steady either and that’s really fucking intimidating.”

  She stared at me with a frown but her eyes were less wild. For a while there she’d looked like she was about to crawl out of her skin. It really brought home to me how terrified she was of taking this leap with me, of being let down yet another time in her life.

  “Shaw, I need you to do something for me.”

  “What?” Her gaze was cautious.

  “I need you to give us a genuine chance.”

  She scowled. “What do you mean by that?”

  “I mean, it was like you were looking for an argument, or a wedge to put between us, because you jumped on that comment I made about women like a predator hunting prey.” Her brow arched at my simile. “My past, your past, biases…you have to try and let them go if we’re going to work at this thing between us.”

  I truly did want to find out what Shaw and I could have together, and I couldn’t do it by myself. She needed to take those forward steps with me, not sabotage the road ahead with booby-traps.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  SHAW

  I didn’t want to admit Evan was right…even if he was.

  I had jumped on his remark about women like a cougar with a fresh kill, or a younger man giving her the eye—Depending on what cougar we were simile’ing about here—Either way I’d been looking to disrupt the night.

  He’d thrown me with the flowers. No one had ever given me flowers before. And they’d been really pretty, fragrant, expensive flowers. Then he’d said all those nice things, helped me with my sweater, was taking me to a fancy restaurant…I wasn’t accustomed to being treated like this. It seemed like someone was playing a joke on me. His remark had given me the excuse to fling accusations and halt this date that was just an ‘accident waiting to happen’.

  Shockingly, instead of fleeing back to my apartment like I’d wanted I’d exposed my fears…and weaknesses…which revolved around him. God, how embarrassing.

  However, Evan’s exceedingly, if annoying, rational response had reassured me a little, and his confession at being out of his element had me wanting to believe him. The clinch he had me in was melting the rest of my resistance. Every time he got his arms around me half my brain shut off.

  I attempted to fumble through an apology. “Uhmmm…I may have…run my mouth…”

  Evan’s grasp tightened around me, cutting off my stammering. “You don’t need to explain, Shaw. I just want to know if we’re doing this together or if I’m doing it alone?”

  Thank god I didn’t have to finish that.

  “Together?” That was slightly easier to get out.

  The smile that spread across his face had my stomach tripping and as his hips, and hardness, pressed into my stomach it set off contractions in my womb. “Well, I have some bad news. We missed our six o’clock dinner reservations, but I can see if they can get us in at six forty-five?”

  My nerves were already strung tight and the thought of sitting in an uptight, expensive restaurant trying to make chit-chat sounded exhausting. “Would you mind if we ordered in tonight?”

  His penetrating gaze almost had me shifting nervously. “That actually sounds way better.” He agreed, continuing to smile at me and looking not at all irritated that I’d messed up the evening. Shifting us so that we were sided to side, his arm latched on to my waist as he led me back up the stairs. “What to you feel like; Chinese, Thai, pizza, or I could go out and bring something back?”

  I was surprised by his unperturbed attitude and willingness to run out and get something for us to eat. I’d thought he’d be more put out. Working for Dan McKay, in that type of cut throat business, you would think he’d be more annoyed at having his plans derailed.

  Pulling out my apartment key I went to unlock the door and heard the door open behind me…and knew what was coming.

  “Hey there again.” Charity’s annoyingly high voice chirped.

  Well that wasn’t precisely what I was expecting. Was Charity one of Evan’s past women? Uhgg! How the hell was I supposed to let go of his past if it was living right across the hall from me?

  Spinning around I glared at both of them and found Evan eyeing Charity with a frown while she gazed at him like her next meal. She was wearing her normal corner prostitute outfit of short skirt, boob exposing shirt, high heeled shoes, and her blond hair was loose and wavy down her back. I was dressed up, but Charity was decked out and it only made me feel more insecure because she was really pretty…in her slutty way.

  “I didn’t expect to see you here again?” Charity’s smile was wide.

  “I’m with Shaw.”

  Evan’s short and freely given declaration had my eyebrows shooting up in shock.

  Charity’s smile dimmed and her gaze slid to me skimming up and down my frame. “Wow, Shaw. I didn’t know you owned a dress.” Before I could say anything to that Charity’s eyes were back on Evan. “She must really be trying to impress you, and I can understand why.” Her smile was big again and she actually moved closer to him.

  My temperature blazed higher and the urge to kick her in her va-jay-jay was overwhelming. The only thing stopping me was the realization that they weren’t a past couple, and the fact that Evan took a step back from her.

  “Shaw doesn’t have to dress up to impress me. She does it every time she opens her mouth.” He smiled down at me.

  Warmth exploded in my chest and I had to swallow past the lump in my throat.

  Charity’s mouth thinned but when her eyes narrowed my way a smirk lifted the corner. “Yeah, I’ve heard that about her.”

  I stiffened up at her insinuation in surprise. Charity had been living across from us for a year and this was the first time she’d made a comment on the rumors going around about me. The skank was always hitting on Nic, as well as Seth and Blake when they’d stopped by and I’d been holding my tongue because I hadn’t wanted to cause problems with someone who lived so near to us, but I was done.

  This time it was me that took a step forward baring my teeth. “I’m shocked you can hear anything, Charity, with all the dick you’re swimming in every night. I’m actually amazed you can talk and that your jaw hasn’t unhinged at constantly being open.”

  Her mouth gaped and then snapped shut. “What the hell!?”

  I gave her a roll of my eyes. “And let me give you a knock up side the head; Nic does not enjoy your obvious ploys of interest. We laugh about it. And Evan and I are going to laugh about it as well two seconds after we close this door in your face.”

  Grabbing Evan’s hand I hauled him into my apartment and slammed the door in her face like I promised. Stupid, slutty, bitchy…Furiously, I jerked Carrie’s purse over my head and was about to slam it on the table but the sound of Evan’s laughter had me spinning around. I noted instantly that while he was laughing his eyes were blazing with anger.

  His laughter cut off and he stepped up to me grasping the back of my neck…gently. “You handled that bitch beautifully.”

  I sagged and blew out a breath. “Most people would say that I was the one being the bitch.”

  He shook his head, kneading my neck. “No way. She deserved it completely. I was about to cut her down but you beat me to it.”

&nbs
p; I was melting under his touch. “Why were you laughing then?”

  “Because you told her we would be and I didn’t want to disappoint. I’m surprised she was stupid enough to flirt with me with you right there. How many times have you laid into her already?”

  “This was the first time.” I confessed.

  He looked confused. “Are you telling me that you haven’t put her in her place when she flirted with Nic? That’s hard to believe with the way you stick up for Carrie.” I grimaced involuntarily and Evan caught it. “What was that grimace for?” He pounced.

  I sighed. “You have to promise not to say anything of what I tell you to either of them.”

  His eyebrows shot up. “Okay.”

  “I wanted to see how Nic handled her; see if he would take her up on her flirting.” I watched his expression closely to see how mad he would get that I was testing his friend, but there was no change.

  “You wanted to make sure he was really in love with Carrie and not using her?”

  I nodded.

  He mirrored it. “I can understand that.” He grinned. “How long did it take you to realize he was whipped?”

  My heart fluttered at his understanding, and his grin. “About three months, and during that time Charity finally grasped that Nic wasn’t interested and stopped being so blatant; although she is still a little too overly nice in my opinion.”

  He studied me silently for a moment and I squirmed inwardly at the intensity of it. “How come you laid into her so quickly when she flirted with me? Why not wait to see if I would give into her…charms?”

  I frowned. That hadn’t even crossed my mind. I’d been too pissed that she’d dared to flirt with him in front of me, and at what she’d said. And that’s what I was going to blame it on.

  “She pissed me off with what she said about me.” Evan’s eyes lit with anger again…for me. “Maybe she’ll look for a new apartment tomorrow?”

  The fire in his amber eyes lightened. “I’d bet on it.” He grinned.

  “Another bet, huh. How about my bike for your car this time?” I jerked my head towards my bike stashed in the kitchen corner.