The Legends of Greemulax

by Kimmy Schmidt

  There was nowhere left to run. Penn felt helpless.

  He finally understood what it was like to be the prey caught in one of his traps.

  They didn’t come all this way to be dragged back to North Greemulax. A familiar vibration in the sky caught Kristy’s attention, and she knew she just had to stall until it came closer.

  Kristy looked around at all the angry Grabagorns and refused to let them scare her. “Stop that!” she yelled at the ones poking the dragons. Which made them turn their spears on her. “Don’t you dare come near me!”

  “She’s pretty dang feisty for a headless girl,” Grabagorn Prime said. “Isn’t she, boy?” He knocked Penn on the shoulder. “Tell her to behave.”

  “She has a name,” Penn said. “And a head. It’s just invisible right now.”

  Penn’s attempt to stick up for her made Kristy smile.

  “Penn?” she said.

  “Kristy?” he replied.

  “Get ready.”

  “Huh?”

  Suddenly the vibration became a loud hum, and as all the Grabagorns looked up, Kristy grabbed one of the spears pointed at her and pulled Penn toward her. Together they pushed the baby dragons out of harm’s way just as Trolley 4 burst through the clouds.

  Jackelion’s husky voice echoed through the loudspeakers: “Step away from the kids! I repeat, leave Penn and Kristy alone.”

  The Grabagorns didn’t even wait for Grabagorn Prime’s instructions. They just scrambled like big, blue babies, tripping over one another in a desperate attempt to hide from the mysterious flying vehicle.

  “That’s right!” X shouted from the trolley window. “Run, you cowards! We’re Rainbow Knights and we’re not afraid!” X was so bright that she reflected a million tiny rainbows onto the candyscape below.

  One of the baby dragons tried to eat the rainbows off the ground, but Kristy pulled him back to safety. “We don’t have time for that incredible cuteness, Buster. Also, I hope you don’t mind, but in my head I’ve named you Buster.”

  Jackelion bellowed through the speaker again. “Grabagorns, your actions have left us no choice but to activate the Turd gun.”

  “It’s pronounced Tur-jon.” Turdgon popped his head out and waved proudly. “My parents were French Canadian clowns.”

  “Once Turdgon commences wailing, you will have ten seconds. If Turdgon reaches his highest pitch, your Grabagorn heads will explode.”

  “Aaahhh aaahhh ahhhhh, whoaaah aaah aaaah aaah,” Turdgon sang. It was the loudest, highest sound Kristy had ever heard. But it just kept getting louder and higher.

  Grabaleg and Grabagul couldn’t handle it. They took off, abandoning their posts by Grabagorn Prime’s side.

  “What are you losers doing?!” Grabagorn Prime barked into the chaos. “Come back here!”

  Turdgon took a giant breath to deliver his final brain-busting note, when suddenly—

  “SCREEEEEEE!”

  “What the foop? That wasn’t me.”

  Just then, a massive green dragon soared over the landscape of candy, shooting blasts of fire at the ground. Grabagorns jumped out of the way, and Kristy and Penn did the same.

  Two more adult dragons were fast approaching. They joined in the screeching and fire-blasting as they swooped down. In the middle of the madness, Jackelion landed the trolley safely on the marsh of Marshmallow Balloons.

  As soon as they touched down, Jackelion and X jumped out and ran to Kristy.

  “Kristy! Your head is gone! What did you do?” Jackelion scolded.

  “Don’t head-shame her,” X said.

  Kristy knew there was no time to explain now. Or to worry if she would ever look complete again. The three ladies took their Rainbow Knight defense stances. Their armor shone in the sunlight.

  Meanwhile, the big green dragon landed near one of the babies. The other two dragons landed beside her.

  “Ror… uh… I can’t remember the word for friends?” Kristy said to the green one.

  The babies began jumping up and down, flapping their wings excitedly. They started conversing in rapid Dragonese, explaining each part of their journey in great detail. Kristy was only able to follow part of it, but eventually the parents’ expressions changed.

  “Thank you,” the green one said in perfect Human. She bowed her head to Kristy and Penn. “We appreciate all that you did. You are the enemy of our enemy, which makes you our new best friends.”

  “I don’t believe in enemies, but I love new best friends!” Kristy said, grateful that they spoke her language and they weren’t freaking out about her missing head. “Maybe you can help us? See, the Grabagorns are trying to kidnap us and imprison us in North Greemulax. Which I know happened to you once, too.”

  “They weren’t imprisoned!” Landon cried out. “They attacked our land!”

  “That was a lie,” Penn said. “They didn’t attack us. The dragons only burned down our land when they were helping their friends escape.”

  “That’s a lie!” Brandon said. He turned to Grabagorn Prime. “Right?”

  Grabagorn Prime shrugged. “Oh gorn up, it was just cave talk. If protecting my brotherhood is a lie, then call me a handsome, smart liar.”

  Penn turned to the dragons. “He told us you killed all the women, too.”

  “You pinned everything on us?” the green dragon yelled. “That is so wack!”

  “It was not wack. We wanted them to blame you instead of us! We wanted them to transformate! And it worked!”

  “Pretty rotten, right?” Kristy replied.

  “Who cares?” Grabagorn Prime snarled. “Have you kids forgotten who you are? You’re people! Dragons are the enemy!” He pointed to a smoldering hole in the ground beside him. “Witness their destruction for yourselves.”

  Kristy saw her chance. Maybe the Power of One could help. Even though he was literally the worst, Grabagorn Prime was a One, too. Maybe if she could change his mind, it would put an end to all of this.

  Kristy stepped forward. “Mr. Prime, none of us have to be enemies! Have you ever thought about that?”

  “And maybe no one has to scorch anyone…” Penn added. “Or be trapped in a prison pit?”

  “Yeah! We could all be friends.” Kristy was feeling pretty bold. She continued. “Best friends! And no one would have to fight again. We could all just look out for each other instead!”

  Grabagorn Prime walked slowly toward Kristy and leaned down. “And how do you, little girl, suggest that we do that?”

  “Well…” Kristy thought for a moment.

  “Kristy, your mouth is back!” Penn said.

  “Ugh,” Grabagorn Prime said. “The worst part.”

  Kristy ignored him and continued. “I think the first thing to do would be for you to apologize to the dragons. Then the women. And to all the boys you lied to. We could all talk about what went wrong before and—”

  Grabagorn Prime let out a thunderous cackle.

  “That’s the problem with you women! All you do is talk, talk, TALK!” Grabagorn Prime stomped his gigantic feet and narrowed his bulgy eyes. “No. There will be NO TALKING! We must fight!” At this, Grabagorn Prime twisted himself into his most intimidating Garate pose. “Let’s do this.”

  Kristy gulped. Okay, so maybe best friends was a reach.

  Grabagorn Prime began to punch at the air around him. Penn noticed for the first time that Garate moves didn’t actually look super effective, especially against a dragon whose head was ten feet in the air.

  The three adult dragons surrounded Grabagorn Prime. The green dragon shot a fire blast at his left foot. The hairs on top caught fire, and Grabagorn Prime whimpered as he tried to put them out.

  The dragons laughed.

  The dragons were speaking among themselves, possibly discussing how best to defeat Grabagorn Prime, when another magic trolley burst through the clouds. It floated to the ground, gentle as a feather. It was in much better shape than Trolley 4.

  Everyone held their breath as two powerful w
omen stepped out. The Grabagorns gawked. They were not used to seeing women. One of the women wore a glittering golden crown. The other wore a lot of chunky jewelry.

  “Lillibop!” Penn smiled, running over to her. Seeing her again made him feel safe and calm. “What are you doing here?”

  “I decided… that I couldn’t risk losing you again.”

  Penn didn’t understand. She hadn’t lost him before. Had she? The recurring dream of Pudding Lake came rushing back to him. A detail he had previously missed now seemed clear as day: In his dream, he clung to the back of a woman with golden spaghetti hair and chunky jewelry.

  Lillibop nodded, her big eyes brimming with tears. “When you walked into my tugboat, I… I couldn’t believe it was really you.”

  Penn couldn’t believe he was about to say this word, but it just came out. “Mom?”

  “Whoa,” said Kristy.

  “No! Sweetheart, look at me. I’m sixty-five.” She shook her head at Grabagorn Prime. “Don’t you do any kind of Reproductive Health class with these boys?”

  “We have double PE,” snapped the monster.

  Lillibop took Penn’s face in her hands. “Penn, I’m your grandma. And I love you very much.”

  “Double whoa,” Kristy said.

  “If you’re my grandma, where’s my…” Penn didn’t finish his question because he realized the answer.

  Lillibop hung her head. “Your mom didn’t make it across the lake that day. But she’s the reason so many of us did. Your mom died a hero. And all this time I thought I lost you, too. I didn’t want to say anything in case it would upset you and cause you to transformate faster!”

  “But you tried to save me! I remember!” Now Penn’s eyes were starting to well up with tears, too. And he didn’t even try to hide it. “I dreamed about it!” He reached his big, blue arms around her and pulled her toward him. He was getting much better at these hug things.

  “My little monster…” Lillibop touched Penn’s face. “As soon as you left my tugboat, I knew I had to follow you. I pressed the rainbow button on my wall. It’s a direct line to Queen Lorianna,” she explained. “She eventually came to pick me up in her trolley.”

  “So that’s what the rainbow button is for,” Kristy said. “I thought it released a rainbow slide! This is good, too, though.”

  “Kristy!” Lillibop said when she realized it was her. “What did I tell you about staying solid?”

  As Lillibop lectured Kristy, Queen Lorianna the Wobbly approached Grabagorn Prime.

  “Come on, Gregg,” she said, shaking her head. “Don’t you think it’s finally time to rethink this whole monster thing? It’s not really working out for anyone in Greemulax.”

  “Greg?” Penn laughed.

  “Gregg,” Lorianna said with a smile. “With two g’s at the end.”

  “G is the best letter,” Grabagorn Prime said.

  “How did we come from the same parents?” said Queen Lorianna.

  Same parents? They were sister and brother?

  Lorianna sighed and turned to Graba—Gregg. “So what do you say, brother? Can we put this whole thing behind us and start anew? As one Greemulax?”

  The Rainbow Knights and Grabagorns held their breath as they waited to hear their respective leaders’ decision. Lorianna raised her eyebrows at her brother.

  Lillibop whispered to the children, “He’ll never go for it.”

  “Why not?” pleaded Penn.

  Lillibop sighed. “’Cause when you have all the marbles for a long time, and then someone says you gotta share ’em—it feels like you’re losing your marbles.”

  The children nodded, but they didn’t really get it.

  “Never!” Grabagorn Prime growled.

  “Okay then, Gregg.” Queen Lorianna shook her head. “Have it your way. We’ll battle!” She walked over to a row of Chili Candy Canes sticking out of the ground and yanked one out. The queen closed her eyes. Power began to swirl around her hand and onto the candy, transforming it into a fiery sword!

  “Ooooooh,” said the Grabagorns.

  “Ahhhhhh,” said the Rainbow Knights.

  “Girl’s on fire!” yelled Turdgon. “Werk, Actual Kween!”

  “Okay, knights, get in formation,” Lorianna ordered. The Rainbow Knights followed suit, plucking Chili Candy Canes from the ground. Penn watched as Kristy’s burst into flames in her hand. He wanted one of those, too. Plus, whoa, he could see Kristy’s hair now. It was as fiery red as the sword.

  “Penn! Catch!” Kristy called out as she tossed him a fiery sword. But as soon as it touched his Grabagorny hands, it fell to the ground, hitting his foot on the way.

  “Ouch!” Penn’s heart sank. “I can’t hold it with these paws!”

  X ran forward to spar with Grabagul. She thrust her fire sword in front of her, and the giant monster jumped out of the way. “That’s right. You leave us alone!”

  While everyone was distracted, Penn saw his chance. Maybe he could stop this fight another way—with the truth. He found Landon and Brandon hiding under a pile of fur pelts, stress-eating Chewy Chums.

  “I’ve mithed you guyth!” Penn exclaimed. He took a deep breath and spoke slowly so they could understand him through his confusing lisp. “I mean… I’ve missed you guys. I keep thinking about all of our days spent hanging out in our favorite pit together. All those food fights at Night Meal. Remember the time Marcus threw a piece of roasted meat at Grabaleg’s back hair and it stuck there? No one even noticed for hours!” Penn laughed and shook his head.

  “You deserted us!” Landon said.

  “Yeah, don’t think we’ve forgotten what a total Penn you are,” Brandon added.

  “Still hurtful,” Penn said. “But can we please go back to being friends?”

  “No, you’re a traitor,” Landon huffed. “Grabagorn Prime said that—”

  “He’s been lying to us about everything!” Penn said. “Not only about the dragons. He lied about our mothers and he lied about who we are inside! Grabagorn Prime just wants to keep us all monsters because he is a monster. The question is: Do you want to be monsters?”

  Brandon and Landon looked at each other. Penn knew what they were thinking, because he had thought the same thing. For almost as long as they could remember, every day had been spent the same way. Everything they did—from participating in the SuperCup to practicing their daily Garate—had been in pursuit of a goal. To become Grabagorns. It was easier to let someone else make the decisions. It was easier to go with the flow. But what did they want to be? Who were they really?

  “Actually, no,” Brandon finally admitted. “I kind of want to be a dragon vet. I have always secretly thought dragons were cool. And now that I know they didn’t cause the Great Scorch, I like them even more!”

  “I want to play guitar!” The words burst forth from Landon’s lips as if they’d been sitting on the edge of them for years.

  The two boys stood up tall, ready to join Penn in battle. They took their Garate stances, but this time they faced Grabagorn Prime.

  “You boys are weak and useless!” he bellowed. “I have to do everything MYSELF, don’t I?” Then the giant Grabagorn started stuffing his face with as many Lemon Bubbles as he could reach. Yellow drool dripped from his hairy chin, and his expression turned even more wild.

  What was he doing? Penn wondered.

  Grabagorn Prime started to grow. His body became larger and larger as he cackled with delight. In just a few moments, he had grown so big that he towered over every Grabagorn, Rainbow Knight, and dragon.

  “Run, Lillibop,” Lillibop yelled.

  “I will crush you all!” Grabagorn Prime roared.

  This time, everyone believed him.

  The Rainbow Knights and Grabagorns scattered across the Forest of Candy like a jellybean sneeze. They darted behind marshmallows and gummies, narrowly dodging being squished under Grabagorn Prime’s giant feet. Kristy, Jackelion, and X thrashed their fire swords at the hanging Sugar Vines that blocked a can
dy cave. They had finally gotten inside when Kristy saw Penn trip and fall face-first into a Chocolate Mud puddle.

  “I’ve got you, Penn!” She raced back out from her hiding place, took him by the paw, and pulled him out of the sludge. Once he was freed, the two of them grabbed Landon and Brandon. The twins stood frozen with shock, watching as their gigantic leader thrashed and roared with ugly rage. It was a lot to take in.

  “This way, boys.” Kristy spread her arms wide to protect them as she ushered them to a safety huddle inside the cave. “That’s it… that’s it. Everyone stay calm.”

  “Dude! One of your eyebrows came back!” Landon said.

  “Which one?” Kristy asked. “Penelope or Oona?”

  “How would I know the answer to that?”

  The dragons weren’t afraid. They stood their ground, flapping their impressive wings and blasting Grabagorn Prime’s legs with fire. But it had little effect on the beast. He just laughed. Then he bent down, picked the dragons up by their tails, and tossed them all the way to East Greemulax.

  “Even the dragons couldn’t beat him?!” Landon shouted in disbelief. “What are we gonna do?!”

  Kristy racked her brain for ideas. She hadn’t been a Rainbow Knight for very long, but this was definitely the most intense situation that she’d encountered. By the looks on Jackelion’s and X’s faces, they felt the same. “What are we gonna do?”

  Penn stood, solemn. He spoke slowly so he could pronounce the words clearly through his monster lips. “I know what needs to be done.” He took a deep breath, like he was trying to summon the strength to even say the words out loud. “Only a monster can beat another monster. Landon, Brandon, and I must give in to our anger and transformate. Then we can grow big and, well… show him the Roundpit.”

  Kristy shook his shoulder. “Penn, no! Once you become a Grabagorn, you can never change back. There has to be another way!”

  “Like my mother before me, I’m ready to sacrifice myself for the greater good.”

  Jackelion and X leaned on the handles of their fire swords for support.

  “Maybe let him be a monster. We need backup now,” X wheezed. “It’s dozens against just us.”