My Steps Are Ordered

by Michelle Lindo-Rice

  “Doesn’t God understand? Won’t He forgive you?” Gina asked. “Isn’t that what you preachers’ messages are all about?”

  Keith didn’t want to answer those questions, but he had to. It wasn’t okay to play with God’s grace. He tapped his chin as he gathered his thoughts. “Yes, God forgives, but He doesn’t approve of willful sinning. If we sin, He’s provided His Son as our advocate. However, as scripture says, we cannot continue in sin so that grace may abound.”

  He saw her confusion and elaborated in simpler words. “In other words, we can’t sin on purpose, with the plan to ask for forgiveness. The more we sin, the more we need God’s grace, so we can’t take advantage of that, nor take Him for granted.”

  Seeing that she understood, he turned the tables with a burning question of his own. “How’s Trey doing?”

  Gina stepped back, with her hands at her throat. Her body shook upon hearing Keith mention Trey’s name. “Trey’s the same precocious, active boy you remember, although he now has a slight British accent from attending school in England. He’s been in remission, which is good.”

  Keith’s eyebrows arched. “Yes, I’ve been getting updates from Dr. Milliner. Each time I hear he’s okay, I lift up a prayer of thanksgiving.”

  She fiddled with her collar. “Oh, I didn’t realize you were keeping track. You could’ve called me or something . . .”

  He nodded. “I wanted to, believe me.” He took a tentative step toward her, and she swallowed. He continued. “But you changed your number. Then you left the country. I had no idea where you were, or I would’ve come for you and Trey. I wasn’t going to take no for an answer. I pressed my mother until she filled me in about Michael’s building projects and expansions in England, so I figure I’d wait it out. I thought I’d be waiting months, not three whole years.”

  She stammered, “I d-didn’t change my number . . . Michael . . . Michael . . . well, he insisted. He fell in love with London. We have a large flat there. I’ve been back since March . . . about three months.” She paused for a moment. “I already stopped by to hang with Colleen a couple of days ago, to celebrate our birthdays.” She wiped her hands on her pants, a dead giveaway that she was circling the truth.

  She decided to divert his attention back to Trey. “Trey’s seven now, and far beyond his years. He’s been reading since he was three years old, if you recall, and he’s acquired an extensive vocabulary since then.” Her chest puffed with pride. She pointed to her shoulders. “He’s about this tall now. He reminds me so much of you.”

  Keith tilted his head at her words. “Does he?” His face brightened like a thousand-watt bulb. “Is he with Michael?”

  “No, he’s staying with my father.” Gina prayed that Keith didn’t detect her nervousness because she was lying through her teeth. Trey was not with her father as she’d said. She strove for normalcy, but her heart was in her throat. Lucky for her, Keith focused in on her father—a much safer topic.

  Keith lifted a brow and queried, “Oh? I’m glad you two managed to develop a relationship. How’s Jeff doing?”

  “He’s fine.” Gina meandered her way to the window. “Both he and Regina have been a godsend for me. Trey loves them.”

  Keith ambled over to stand next to her. In a congenial tone, he asked, “So what brings you to New York?”

  “I came to talk to you about Michael. He needs you.”

  Keith bent to peer into her face. “Michael hasn’t spoken to me in three years. He didn’t even reach out to me when he left the country. I had to hear about that secondhand. Prior to that, we had never gone without speaking for even three days.”

  Gina could hear the distress in Keith’s voice. She knew she was the reason for their split, and it rankled. Every day she had to live with the knowledge that she was the one who had come between them.

  Keith invaded her personal space. He was so close that his breath teased her ear. “I haven’t seen you in three years,” he said, touching her face. “Do you have any idea what that was like for me?”

  “Hell?” Gina said. She knew because that was how she had felt when she had awakened to find an empty bed that day three years ago. She had cried for days, not caring who saw. Then, during Trey’s lengthy recovery, Gina devoted more of herself to her son. She remembered wiping Trey’s mouth, which had been filled with sores, and recalled how his feet and hands had turned black. He became her lifeline for facing another day, although his being in isolation for thirty days had been a gruesome trial. Her efforts had paid off. Trey was thriving. Her relationship with Michael was what suffered.

  “Yes!” Keith said. “I came back to New York desolate and out of my mind with grief. I had given up everything that meant something to me.” Keith’s phone rang. Looking at the caller ID, he said, “I’m sorry. I have to get this.”

  Gina watched Keith as he spoke on the phone. She knew from the urgency in his voice that their visit had concluded. She stared as Keith swiped his iPhone to disconnect the call.

  “I have an interview with BET, and I’m behind schedule.”

  “Go ahead,” Gina said. “I’ll be here for a couple of days.” Or as long as it takes to convince you to come back with me.

  “I’ll be back tonight,” Keith told her. He pointed his index finger at her. “Don’t go anywhere.”

  Gina remained silent until he left the apartment. Keith needn’t have worried. She was not going anywhere without him. Michael had given her strict orders not to return home without his brother. If she returned without Keith, Michael would not allow her to see her offspring again. He had made that crystal clear.

  Chapter Twenty-four

  “Pastor Ward, where have you been? You told us fifteen minutes. You’ve got a nighttime special with BET. What is more important than that?” Natalie was fit to be tied.

  Keith gave the Hawk a sideways glance as he swooped into the limousine that was waiting for him at the curb. He decided to ignore her ramblings. Besides, he was used to it, and truth be told, it was what he paid her for, to keep him on schedule. He looked at his watch. They had plenty of time to make the interview. He closed his eyes. Gina sprang to his mind. Keith would return and see her, but this time, he’d be focused. His ardor would take a backseat tonight. Something was not right, and Keith needed to know what was going on.

  He spoke to his mother often, and she’d never given him the impression that anything was amiss with Michael or Gina.

  But Gina was miserable. It was written all over her face. Her mannerisms were that of a woman under duress, and he knew a lonely woman when he saw one.

  Throughout the interview, he laughed, he entertained, but at the top of his mind was, What’s eating at Gina?

  As soon as he was done, Keith raced out of the building and into the waiting limousine and directed the driver to take him back to Michael’s high-rise. Now that his head was clear, Keith realized her sudden reappearance in his life wasn’t by accident. She was in town for a reason, and he wasn’t going to let up until he knew why.

  The rush hour traffic had died down, so Keith made it back to Gina’s in record time. He used his key card, which Michael had never taken from him, and entered the elevator. Within minutes, he was again pressing the doorbell.

  Gina opened the door. She’d changed her top to a light summer sweater. Keith took off his dress shirt, tie, and dress shoes. He removed his belt next. He felt better already in just his white undershirt and pants. He could unwind.

  He felt Gina’s eyes on him as he made himself comfortable. He knew he was a fine specimen of manhood. Age had done nothing to diminish that, or so the ladies said. The slender patch of gray that lined his temples only increased his appeal.

  Gina exhaled.

  Keith basked in her feminine appreciation. He was a minister, but it still felt good to be seen as a man. However, he wasn’t going to get sidetracked. He had been on the right track for too long and had pledged not to disappoint God, or himself.

  “So, tell me all about how
you ended up here, Pastor Ward,” Gina said. “I’m dying to know about your career change.”

  Keith sniffed the air. He smelled food and gravitated toward the kitchen. Seeing the pots and pans on the stove, Keith lifted the lids. “Mmm.”

  Gina laughed. “Men and their stomachs.” She waved at him. “Help yourself. I cooked dinner for you in case you were hungry.”

  “How thoughtful, and yes, I am.” Keith found the necessary utensils and helped himself to some of the scrumptious feast Gina had prepared. He offered to dish up a plate for her, but Gina passed. She wasn’t hungry and said she preferred to watch him enjoy his meal.

  Declining the use of the table, they went into the living room. Keith headed for the armchair and rested his plate on his lap.

  While eating, Keith spoke about the past. “Well, needless to say, after I left you, I was heartbroken—”

  Gina broke in. “I didn’t understand that. I didn’t get how it was easy for you to love me, then leave me.”

  Keith stopped and looked into her eyes. He took a deep breath. He knew desire when he saw it. Behave yourself, he cautioned himself. Keep the conversation going. “You want to know why I left after our night together?”

  “Yes.” It was obvious from her tone that this was something that had plagued her. He knew that she must have awakened to find him gone and felt despondent. He hadn’t even said good-bye. He had vanished.

  “I knew that you wouldn’t have been able to live with yourself if you’d run off with me,” Keith remarked. “That’s not you. You’re not made that way.”

  “In retrospect, I guess you’re right, but I was mystified and hurt to know that you had just up and left.” Her little voice pierced his heart. “I mean, I kept busy, volunteering at the hospital, reading to the children—Michael and I even started a foundation in Trey’s honor—but that didn’t dull the pain. You left.”

  He explained in a gentle tone, “Gina, I had to. You even told me you chose Michael. Trey chose Michael. Would you have changed your mind, or would you have suffered from the Lot’s wife complex?”

  “Huh? I’m lost.”

  “You know, the whole ‘looking back and regretting’ thing.”

  “Oh,” Gina said.

  “So I came back to New York a broken man,” Keith said, continuing his story. “And for the first time in my life, I didn’t know what to do with myself. Here I was at the pinnacle of my career, a senior partner in one of the most respected and prestigious law firms in the city, but when I opened my door and entered my home, I realized that I wasn’t happy. I felt empty and hollow. I was a wreck.”

  Gina remained silent, but he witnessed her eyes welling up with tears.

  “So I called my job and resigned.”

  “What?” Her mouth hung open. “You’ve never struck me as the type who’d take such a risk without a concrete plan.”

  Keith laughed in agreement. “Well, I did! I was out of my comfort zone, but I knew that I’d gotten all I needed from my job. I didn’t hesitate for one moment.”

  Gina was stunned by his bravery, and told him as much.

  “My confidence in my decision lasted a month. I started to second-guess myself and wondered if I should crawl on my hands and knees and beg for my job back.”

  She cracked up at his words. “You’re so descriptive. I can visualize you doing that too.”

  “It reached the point where I was sitting and twiddling my thumbs. I had nothing to do. Then I started reading the Bible you gave me. At first, it was because of sheer boredom, but the Psalms and the profound truths in the verses fascinated me. I started on what I call a Bible fast. I ate, drank, and slept with my Bible. I feasted on Proverbs. I was taking notes and studying. It was great, Gina.”

  Gina lifted her hands toward him. “Your enthusiasm is contagious. There’s such joy reflected in your voice, and I can feel it bubbling over. Listening to you makes me a little envious. I would love to feel that exhilaration. Compared to your exuberance, my life feels . . . stagnant.”

  “This joy I have comes from God. His words were my lifeline. I soaked them up. I mean, I would put the Bible down, but it was like the verse said, I began to hunger and thirst after a better and more fulfilling life. I was doing well until I came across Romans 10:9 and 10:00. Is there a Bible here?” Without waiting for her response, Keith sprinted into the master bedroom to hunt for a Bible.

  Gina shook her head at his brazenness. I guess he’s made himself quite comfortable in Michael’s home. But that was nothing unusual. Keith had done the same thing years ago, when she’d first invited him into her home when she was single and living in Queens, New York. She’d taken a phone call, and during that time Keith had taken the liberty of going into her bedroom. Then he’d fallen asleep in her bed. She grinned at the memory of his nerve.

  He returned, triumphant, with his find, jolting her out of memory lane.

  Gina watched him leaf through the pages with the assurance of someone who knew what they were doing. She felt a brief pang of envy due to the fact that Keith knew so much about the Bible. Her Bible back at home was gathering dust on the mantel. She couldn’t recall reading it more than twice.

  “Here it is!” Keith exclaimed. His voice filled with strong conviction while reading the scripture.

  While she listened, she felt the words hit her heart. She tried to remain settled in her seat, but the Word had hit its mark. Feeling a need for space, Gina jumped up off the couch and walked into the kitchen to get a glass of water.

  Keith didn’t pick up on her discomfort and continued with his soliloquy. “Those words sank into my consciousness and seeped deep into my heart, where I held all my hurt, anger, and disappointment. I dropped to my knees and began to holler. I talked to God and placed everything on the table. I acknowledged my sin and asked God to wash me. I asked Him to change me.”

  She did not even try to hide the tears this time. She grabbed several tissues and wiped her eyes. Keith wanted to stop the tears.

  “No, Gina, don’t cry. That was the most joyous experience of my life. I felt a peace come over me and a calm feeling that I had never known existed. It’s a miracle how you can start your day one way and end it another. I climbed in my bed that night a changed man.”

  She lifted one eyebrow, remembering the intensity of his passion earlier that day.

  He chuckled, with a sheepish grin. “I know. You’re my exception, Gina. I’ve been a good boy otherwise.”

  “I beg to differ. You were definitely a man earlier,” was her cheeky rejoinder.

  Keith’s dimples widened at her response, but he felt compelled to add, “Please don’t think I’m a hypocrite.”

  “I don’t see you that way, Keith. We have something that’s hard to shake.”

  Keith nodded his head in agreement. “For me to deny our mutual attraction would be like denying my very existence.”

  “Continue,” Gina said. She wanted to hear the rest of his testimony.

  Keith returned to his story. “God’s Word became a delight to me. I decided to find a church home. I read in the book of Genesis that God rested on the seventh day, so I combed the Internet and researched further scriptures in Hebrews. I concluded that Saturday was the day of worship for me. I’m not knocking anyone else’s path to Christ, though. But the fact that Terence and Colleen also went to church on Saturday helped with my decision.”

  Keith told her that he’d visited several churches before he found the Pentecostal church. They rejoiced and worshipped and talked about the Holy Spirit. Keith told Gina, “When I stepped through the doors, I felt right at home.”

  At that time, the church had only about one hundred members at most. As soon as he was baptized, he started sharing the Word. He didn’t know what it was, but he had a pressing desire to tell everybody about Jesus and His grace.

  Pastor Nicholson saw his zeal and made him an evangelist. He continued to minister. His experience as a lawyer was an added bonus. Keith used the church to provide free le
gal services and to share the good news. His efforts paid off. He’d been shocked when only a year and a half after being saved, he was ordained a pastor.

  Now Keith was on national television.

  Gina had visited church a few times when Colleen invited her, but she’d also been on a Sunday. “Does it matter what day you go to church?”

  Keith looked at Gina. He strove to reassure her. “I’ve been asked this question a lot. Gina, our main focus should be about Jesus and his enduring love for us. Romans says that we have to accept Him as Lord and Savior to get eternal life. He died for our sins and was resurrected. That’s what is most important.”

  Gina nodded her head in agreement. Keith was so right. He looked so sure about Jesus. His testimony rang with sincerity. Keith’s church now boasted close to three thousand members and was featured on BET news.

  Gina was impressed. “I, for one, am not surprised you jumped to the pinnacle of leadership in the church. You were always successful at whatever you did. I’ll never forget the Marshall case and how you saved Penny from a lifetime in jail. So, now with God behind you, I can see how you’d end up on television.”

  Keith smiled and confessed, “Well, BET asked me to consider taking a half-hour slot, and after prayerful consideration, I decided to take the job. And the rest, as they say, is history. I owe it all to God.”

  Gina whooped and clapped her hands for joy. She was overjoyed that Keith had found contentment with his faith. The only area lacking seemed to be in his personal life. “The only thing missing from your life is a wife and children.”

  Chapter Twenty-five

  Keith choked on his water. He looked Gina square in her eyes, “Gina, when you’ve had perfection, you cannot settle for anything else.”

  Gina felt warm under his praise. “But it must be lonely,” she objected. Gina fiddled with the locket on her necklace.

  “I won’t lie to you. It is lonely at times,” Keith affirmed. “But I’m determined to wait for the one who is right. Let me point out that loneliness doesn’t mean I’m alone. However, the board is eager for me to settle down and put the females out of their misery. But I’m not going to up and marry anybody because they feel I should.”