by Barb Han
“Whether you believe it or not, it’s true. I’m not an idiot. Everyone has fear. Fear is good. Fear keeps a man alive. It’s only a problem when it limits us from doing what we want. When it stops us from finding our boundaries.”
Rae thought long and hard about what he was really saying. He needed to see she would relent, that she would follow his lead.
“All right. I’ll do it. But if you let me fall off a cliff or something out there, I’ll literally kill you.”
His arm slipped around her waist, causing her stomach to drop faster than if she free-fell from thirty-five thousand feet.
“I won’t let anything happen to you,” he said as he breathed warmth onto her neck.
She softened against him and a storm of emotions engulfed her.
“You can trust me,” he soothed.
Her muscles pulled taut. The old tapes started. The only person you can depend on is yourself.
She took a step back. “I don’t know.”
“Hold on,” Daegen said before disappearing. He returned a few seconds later, hands full of rope. “These will help me keep my promise.”
The climbing belt secured around her hips did little to comfort her. Especially with him this close. She didn’t realize she’d been holding her breath until her lungs felt like they would burst.
She released, and then dragged air in. The scent that belonged solely to Daegen ushered into her senses. God, she could stand there forever.
Using what looked like sturdy fishing line, he hooked her belt to his, ensuring a strong connection.
“Now if I let you fall, which isn’t going to happen, you won’t have to kill me. I’ll be dead too,” he said with his coy upturned smile, and her heart fluttered.
The honest truth was Rae wished her messy life could be untangled by simply hooking onto someone else. Someone strong like Daegen. Someone who could share life’s burdens. If that were an option, she feared she would never let go.
But it wasn’t. By choice or by force, everyone left.
And yet, the pull toward Daegen was too strong to ignore. As though by a gravitational force outside of Rae’s control, she leaned forward until she rested against his solid walled chest.
His arms stalled, but then wrapped around her shoulders.
The reassurance she felt should have scared her, but for whatever reason it didn’t. She pushed her logical brain aside for now because pulling from his masculine strength fortified her.
Feeling his body pressed against her, she could easily let go of her tightly-gripped emotions and get so very lost in the moment, in the feeling of being safe.
He seemed so at peace here in Borneo. She gave herself a moment to admire him. The serene expression he wore, the sense of belonging he must’ve felt. What was that like?
But then came the disconnect. Because her safety net wouldn’t last.
The kind of comfort she felt would tumble faster than a house of cards in a wind storm.
Safety came from a full bank account, the ability to depend on herself, and options. The only way to achieve those things was to work hard and sock away money, which she had been doing rather successfully until life had thrown her into chaos.
Before, she had plans. A direction. Security.
What did she have now? Nothing.
Her hands fisted. No use going down that road again. Feeling sorry for herself was a waste of valuable time. Life rode on a track of its own.
At best, she could hope to stay ahead of the curves.
She took a step back, breaking the connection between them. “I think I’m ready.”
“Let’s go.”
Rae turned to face the dense woods, ignoring the tightening knot braiding itself deep in her stomach. There were big animals that could eat her alive. Snakes. A shiver raced up her arm. That wasn’t even the scariest bit. In there, a sting from a tiny bug could kill her.
She couldn’t help but notice the tension in Daegen’s jaw as he ground his back teeth and his shoulder blades tightened. She hoped she wasn’t reading something into his reaction that wasn’t there because facing that rain forest, going in willingly, had her questioning her own sanity. Her pulse drummed. Icy fingers of panic squeezed around her heart. She’d climbed so far outside her comfort zone already her nerves were fried. It was too much, too soon. “Wait.”
“Are we going to do this?” Daegen said, his tone clipped.
She set her jaw. “No.”
A thin man with dark glasses, covered head to toe in full hiking gear, ran up. “Sorry to keep you waiting. My luggage was tagged and I had a heck of a time getting through customs.”
“Steve is my herbalist.” Daegen said before introducing Rae to him. “Now let’s go. We’ve wasted enough time as it is.”
As if the day couldn’t get any worse, when she should be home working, rain poured down in buckets. She could have been inside the villa, warm and dry, salvaging her severely damaged career. Instead she stood there swatting at flies practically the size of her balled fist. “Only to the edge of the forest for me. I won’t go in all the way in.”
“Do whatever you want,” he said icily.
The ground was soaked. Rae was sticky and exhausted. She had no plans to smell like hot jungle sweat. Daegen on the other hand looked like he couldn’t be happier. His dark brooding features gave way to a determined, self-satisfied smile as he cut through the brush using a machete. He was on a hunt, and never looked more relaxed. The anger she’d seen in his features earlier softened. Borneo was the one place that affected him like that.
“What should I be looking for? The purple clover?” Rae asked as droplets of rain pelted her forehead. What little makeup she had on before was long gone, left in the dredge of mud and leaves swirling around her feet.
“It’s small.” Daegen pinched his thumb and forefinger together without looking back.
“If I may,” Steve interrupted. He faced the ground, his gaze dropped, and his shoulders sank. “The plant we’re looking for is purple with dark green streaks running through the leaves.”
“Sounds beautiful,” Rae said with a slight smile, silently urging him to go on.
“Not nearly as attractive as present company.” Steve’s cheeks flushed.
It was probably the stress of the day that made Rae giggle. Although flattery had a way of lightening even the most somber moods. “Thank you.”
A grunt issued from Daegen. The brush in front of him took a fierce whack from his machete.
Rae thought Steve would jump out of his skin if Daegen said, “Boo.” She slanted a cross look toward him.
“Don’t pay attention to him,” she whispered.
Steve glanced at Daegen and then at Rae.
“The berry holds the properties of what we’re looking for,” he continued with a glint of expectation making his light eyes sparkle.
Rae decided, on closer appraisal, he looked almost cute when he wasn’t so pinched. Cute in a nerdy-but-endearing-boyish way. His thick-rimmed black frame glasses highlighted pale blue eyes.
And at least he was being helpful.
“Might hold the properties,” Daegen cut in, suddenly more interested in what was going on behind him than in front as he whacked another bush without looking. He turned, extending his hand to Rae, looking rather impatient for her to take hold.
The look he shot Steve was pure heat and promised violence if he got any closer to Rae.
She didn’t make a move. She stared at Daegen’s hand for a long moment as if it were a swarm of wasps that might sting her.
“It’ll be rough going from here,” he said, looking irritated she hadn’t taken his hand already.
If Rae didn’t know any better she’d say he was jealous. Daegen Tan? Nah. Possessive? Maybe.
She wasn’t property to be owned.
Besides, this forest was home to some of the largest insects on the planet. A shiver raced down her spine. Palm-sized giant forest ants, rhinoceros beetles, and centipedes with paralyzing toxic
bites waited. The heat combined with near one hundred percent humidity made going any further a physical challenge. To top that off, wet droplets covered her. “I’m at my limit. I never agreed to go all the way in there.”
“Fine,” he said.
Rae could tell he meant that about as much as he wanted to hand over a blank check to a stranger. She stood in the rain, arms folded, waiting for Daegen to unhook her.
Chapter Five
By the time the duo appeared an hour later, Rae’s stress indicator had nearly impaled her. She’d walked from the villa to the edge of the forest at least twenty times. She was in pain, soaked, and tired. Her imagination had taken over and she’d visualized every possible way they could’ve died, not the least of which was parasitic mites. Relief they were alive was short-lived when she caught hold of Daegen’s intense expression.
Steve offered a quick handshake before hopping in his truck and disappearing. Did Daegen’s demeanor have the poor guy practically running to make a quick exit?
“My Internet has been spotty here, is there someplace I can go to get a better connection?” she asked.
“You’ve been waiting right here the whole time?” Daegen asked incredulously.
Her arms folded and her temper flared. “No. I haven’t. I just got out here. I’m not here for sightseeing unless you forgot. You’re forcing me to stay.”
“Make sure and check yourself for parasites,” Daegen said coolly. He hadn’t been out of the rain forest two minutes before his dark features creased.
“Parasites?” she echoed, and then immediately began inspecting the exposed skin of her arms.
“Leeches. Nasty creatures.”
“Blood suckers?” Oh, great, now her life really had gone to hell. An image of their heat-seeking sensors and multi-jawed mouths coming at her made her heart race. She imagined the first painful bite, followed by watching the creature swell up as it drained her blood. Shivers raced up her arms. “Seriously?”
“Disgusting little things,” he said. “Like sticky rubber bands.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” she said, still not convinced she’d escaped the whole experience alive. Damn him for giving her one more thing to be worried about. Wasn’t fear of malaria bad enough?
“They won’t take more than you have to give.”
She’d turned into a sweaty heap of wet clothes. Damp, she was in desperate need of a nice cool shower and a dry outfit. Rae turned and stalked toward the villa. Her muscles already ached, a perfect match to her churned up insides. She didn’t have to stand there and take being harassed.
“Make sure you dry your feet. And quickly. Can’t have you going around with foot rot,” he shouted.
Rae spun around to face him. Her shoulders shook with anger. An icy chill wrapped around her heart at the realization he and her father were the only two men alive who could hurt her. “That’s not fair. I followed you into the jungle and now you’re torturing me.”
“No. You stood at the edge afraid to go in.” His glare could’ve crumbled stone. “I’m shocked you didn’t dive right in with Steve there. Should I invite him to dinner?”
“Why not?” she hurled back. Was that what this was all about? Steve?
“Fine. I will.” Daegen looked at Rae with so much disgust it nearly knocked her a step backward.
His jealousy had turned to anger.
As it was she practically gasped for air, feeling the wind sucked out of her. The look of disappointment in his eyes should have caved her. And it nearly did. She struggled to stay upright against his glare even as she so desperately wanted to fall to her knees. Every part of her body wanted to run away. She told herself she had to stay put in order to save her father. He was on his way and there wasn’t much she could do to change his course. Besides, he was the real reason she’d come in the first place. If helping him meant stress for her, so be it.
She told herself everything was fine. Did her damnedest to believe the lie. But it was not fine. And probably would never be fine again. Daegen’s words crumbled her, leaving her as tiny dust particles to be swept away with a gust of wind.
Determination straightened her shoulders and caused her to bite back her frustration.
All the better that she should clean up and check online to see if her request for a credit limit increase came through. When the time came, she wanted to be ready to get the hell out of there so she could put her life back together.
After inspecting her body carefully, not seeing more than a few mosquito bites here and there, she stepped into the shower and blasted cold water on her face.
For a few moments, she realized she hadn’t stressed about her father’s situation. A pang of guilt hit her.
The reason she could relax a little about her father was Daegen. She hadn’t exactly been fair to him earlier and still couldn’t figure out why she’d picked a fight. Was it because her defenses were lowering? Only Daegen had the power to get past her carefully constructed walls. They’d started to tumble down around her and she’d panicked. Damn. She’d been too harsh.
She needed to apologize.
After drying and dressing, Rae stepped across the hall to his room, and knocked on his door.
He appeared out of his adjacent bathroom and her heart faltered. His cell was to his ear. His expression intense.
Breathless, she considered him. He moved like an athlete, smooth and precise. He was handsome and male and naked. Each muscle in his long legs tensed and relaxed in perfect symphony as he walked across the room.
Her pulse climbed, thumping wildly in her throat. Awareness skittered across her taut nerves.
“What evidence does he think he has?” Daegen said into the phone. He paused for a beat. “I won’t dignify this by taking a blood test. I can assure you there are no Tan children running around I don’t know about.”
Tan children? What the hell was that all about?
She should do something to alert him to her presence...cough...sneeze...hell, say something for God’s sake instead of standing there like some...inappropriate...stalker.
The best Rae could do was open her mouth a little more and hope a few syllables fell out. Her breath caught. Words refused to form.
Looking at him, appreciating his perfect maleness, she struggled to control her hormones.
Daegen glanced up at her with those beautiful dark eyes that glittered with coppery overtures. He closed the call.
The electrified air between them crackled with energy and impulse. Her body still rocked with aftershocks from the memory of his lightest touch. She sensed his did too.
“I didn’t see you there,” was all he said. He made no real effort to cover up. He kept moving as though he was used to her standing in his bedroom while he was butt naked.
Touché. She might have seen him undressed before but she never got used to the sight of his lean, masculine figure. Or the surge of power she felt when her lips covered his erection and his body trembled.
This was not the time for an inappropriate trip down memory lane.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize—”
“We both know you’ve seen me naked before. And if I have any say, it won’t be the last time either.” The anger in his eyes gave way to hunger. If anything, it shone brighter, stronger, more intense and primal than before.
He pulled on his boxers, and then closed the distance between them.
This close, his body glistened. He stood dangerously near. She wanted to touch him. To ease the hollow sting in her chest that came with his absence. Her body tensed, craving contact.
Every protest as to why this shouldn’t happen melted away like ice cream left in the sun...because she could think of nothing else. Had thought of nothing else but the caramel taste of his lips for as long as they’d been apart.
His hand came up to her face.
Breathless, she allowed him to touch her. Mistake be damned, she invited his long lean fingers to explore her lips, moving down to the soft lines of her throat
, and then to caress the tender nape of her neck.
And then slide down.
Down to trace the V created by her blouse where he paused. Lingered. Toyed with the top button as Rae struggled to do something as basic as breathe. His gaze held onto hers. She stood there incapable of doing anything else as swirls and sensations pulsed through her.
God, she wanted this...wanted him. Except she knew full well the colossal mistake she’d be making if she let it go forward. Daegen Tan had been honest three years ago. He didn’t do forever.
What if he changed his mind? a little voice said in the back of her mind.
Everyone leaves eventually. Whether they want to or not.
Besides, how could any man love her when her own father didn’t?
No matter the logical argument going on in her mind to counter all the terrible points that had invaded her thoughts since childhood, Rae couldn’t shake the feeling of failure. The internal script kept running. I’ve failed on my dreams. I’m failing my father. I’m failing my job.
She pulled back. “This is not a good idea.”
His brown eyes were smoky. Dark. Hungry. “Are you saying you don’t want me?”
She bucked up when she really wanted to melt in his arms. If she let him know how badly her body ached for him, she would open herself up to unimaginable pain.
“No. I don’t,” she said stiffly. And in the place where logic ruled, meant it. Her emotions stalked off in a different direction. They sent her body into shock from being away from him. No control there.
Trembling, Rae stumbled out onto the terrace needing to find a way to quiet her inner critic and reclaim her realistic thoughts—thoughts that reasonably told her she was on top of her game professionally, and had it not been for a curve in the road she’d have executed a near-perfect safety net for herself. She’d been so close to being able to really live she could almost taste it. Anyone could be led off course. The important thing was to find the track again.
Outside, alone, with nothing but the vast ocean in front of her, she couldn’t help but feel inconsequential.