by Barb Han
Daegen’s words wound through her thoughts. Was he right? Had she closed herself off from new experiences? Hid behind her job? Had she ever really lived?
Rae knew without a doubt she would always associate the sound of waves crashing against the surf with pure ecstatic insanity. Not that she’d be experiencing many more white sand idyllic beaches in her future, which might not be a bad thing. She needed to get home, root herself in reality, and regroup.
So why did emotion lump in her throat at the idea of going back?
That, like so much in her life, had lost its appeal. Perhaps it was time for her to break out. Taste the unexpected. Fly without a plan.
Standing on an emotional ledge of her own, examining her life, she didn’t like the view. And yet she had to think she could salvage her future.
Frustrated, she made her way back inside the villa to figure out a means to break the news to her boss she wasn’t coming back in time for the meeting. Her career would be in the tank. She was broke.
Surely, it wasn’t over. This hell can’t be my life.
Not when she’d been so careful.
By the time she made it to her room, she’d lost the nerve to call Walt. This way, she could pretend to have gainful employment a few more hours. Besides, she’d faced enough demons for one day. Her arms were heavy. Her bones weary. She’d lost ten pounds in the last month. Bottom line. She’d done a crappy job of caring for herself during this ordeal.
That needed to change.
The bed held little appeal when she got there. She wanted to cry for how hopeless she felt. She wasn’t hydrated enough to form spit.
Water would help. She moved to the kitchen.
Placing her empty water glass down on the counter next to the sink, she couldn’t help but notice a stack of tabloids. She thumbed through them. Beautiful women and Daegen. What he ever saw in her when supermodels literally clamored for his attention was beyond understanding.
A headline stopped her. Her heart plummeted to the floor.
Daegen Tan...a father? She overheard him tell his assistant there were no Tan kids.
Nah. Couldn’t be. His position on marriage had been clear. They’d never even broached the subject of kids. He’d always insisted on using protection when they were together even when she’d reassured him she was on the pill. Was he only that careful with her?
Panic knotted her stomach as she stood there, frozen, gripping that rag until her knuckles went bare white. His eleven-year-old son had been abandoned. Left in an orphanage. Tension pulled taut across her shoulder blades.
Daegen. Could. Not. Leave. His. Son.
She scanned the article with a heavy weight on her chest. It didn’t seem right to dig into the details. This was almost as bad as rummaging through his dresser to search out his secrets. She’d never been able to get him to open up to her or talk about his past. Clearly, the rest of the world knew him as well as she did.
When Daegen strode through the door wearing the expression of a wild animal, Rae gasped. Heat spread through her with a wave of nausea. She felt lightheaded and colors turned gray.
Then everything went black.
****
Daegen closed the gap between them in time to spare Rae’s head from slamming against the floor. A nasty cut on her forehead came from hitting the counter on her way down.
He scooped her up and took her to his bed where she belonged.
Dammit.
He scanned her body for other injuries as he tried to wake her. He pulled off his shirt and rolled it into a ball, carefully placing pressure on the cut to stop the bleeding. With his free hand, he checked her pulse. It was strong.
His muscles strung tight. He took a deep breath. It was then he realized he’d been holding his breath.
Her gaunt eyes told him she wasn’t taking care of herself. It was just like Rae to throw herself into caring for someone else so deeply she neglected herself. When she had a goal, the devil himself couldn’t rise up and stop her.
Guilt nailed him for giving her a hard time earlier. He’d grown angry when he saw her with Steve. He’d interpreted her actions as flirting and saw red. His brain centered on one word. Mine.
What if she was sick? a little voice asked.
Daegen’s heart squeezed. He suppressed the question trying to rise about her inheriting her father’s illness.
More than likely, she’d been neglecting her body, and it caught up to her. Even so, he phoned his personal physician. Daegen wouldn’t truly relax until she’d been completely checked over.
He applied pressure to her forehead long enough to stop the bleeding and made sure the cut didn’t need stitches.
The doctor arrived ten minutes later and reassured Daegen she was fine after a preliminary check.
“Shouldn’t she be awake by now?” Daegen asked, his fingers clenched.
“Her vitals are strong.” The doctor held up a vile of blood. “I’ll let you know what I find here.”
Fear chipped at Daegen’s resolve. “You don’t think there’s anything really wrong with her, do you? There’s a family history of a rare blood disease.”
The doctor gave a reassuring smile. “Probably a combination of jet lag and hunger. At the worst, she might be dehydrated or anemic. But we’ll rule out those scarier possibilities to be safe. When she wakes, make sure she forces fluids. I’ll have the results of her blood work within the hour.”
“She’s unconscious?”
“Asleep. The bump isn’t big enough to do any real damage.”
“She slept through my putting pressure hard enough to stop her forehead from bleeding.”
“Is she a deep sleeper?”
“Yes.” Daegen rose to his feet and shook the doctor’s outstretched hand. “I appreciate you for coming so fast.”
“She’ll be fine,” he reassured.
Except his words had the opposite effect on Daegen. The question he’d been battling surfaced. What if she’d inherited the blood disease from her father? The thought of Rae becoming sick clenched his gut. The disease didn’t have to be deadly if she took care of herself. Or allowed someone else to for a change.
Daegen walked the doctor to the door and then moved to the kitchen to get a glass of water ready for when she woke.
He glanced at the tabloid on the floor. His shock didn’t register at first. There he stood staring at the picture. Astonishment wasn’t the word for what he felt next.
The boy in the photo, whom Daegen suspected to be around eleven years old, was a blast from the past. He had his mother’s eyes. Almond-shaped face. Regret ate at Daegen’s stomach lining.
He thought the man calling was just another prank.
He palmed his cell and called his assistant. “Change of plans, Nancy.”
“Yes, sir. Which account are we talking about?”
“This is personal. The boy’s mine.”
“Oh.”
****
When Rae blinked her blurry eyes open, she couldn’t immediately get her bearings. All she knew was her eyes burned, and she had an enormous headache.
Feeling around, she realized she was on a bed, lying down, and something warm and wet was on her forehead.
Her hand came up to investigate her forehead. Blood?
Daegen blanketed the doorway with his graceful athletic frame. His eyes connected to hers, and he dropped to his knees beside her. “How do you feel?”
“Confused...okay...what happened?”
“You fainted, bumped your head on the counter,” he said, worry lines deepening the brackets around his mouth. His warm smile hitched air in her throat.
It was easy to see why so many women, including herself, fell into bed with him.
Sure hurt falling out though. She had the marks to prove it. “I take it I cut myself?”
“You’ll be fine. It’s a small wound. There’ll most likely be a nasty bruise though,” he said as the back of his hand grazed her cheek, sending chills racing through her veins. “My doctor ju
st left.”
Doctor? How long had she been out? Rae couldn’t for the life of her remember falling. A sliver of fear sliced through her at the thought she might have inherited her father’s condition. She pushed up on her arms. “I’m fine.”
Daegen raised a dark brow. “It’s just a bruise, not too bad. It’ll heal. I had my physician work up your blood just in case.”
She remembered. The tabloid. Her physical bumps might mend, but the shock of Daegen being a father and leaving his son to grow up alone might scar her for life. “Is it true? Is he your son?”
He nodded.
“How could you do that to him? Leave him all alone?” Tears streamed down her cheeks, no longer able to keep up the façade that she was okay.
An explosion of anger crossed his dark features. “Wait a minute. I had no idea. What kind of person leaves his own child to fend for himself?”
Right. Daegen wasn’t the kind of man who could do that. “Mine.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.” Daegen’s concern was genuine, outlined by worry etched on the creases of his otherwise perfect and bronzed face. The lines were somehow deeper than she’d ever seen. He looked as though he’d seen a ghost. “For what it’s worth, Rae, I’m sorry.”
“Me too.” It took her more than a few seconds to fight beyond the squall enveloping her, and when she did, her gaze connected with the dark brooding stare of the man in front of her. She dredged a smile from somewhere deep inside herself, a consolation to him for the pain he must feel. “I want to be alone.”
“Not until I know you’re all right,” he soothed. He set a glass of water on her nightstand.
She picked it up and drained it not wanting him to see how close she was to falling apart. “Now?”
His breath came out in a hiss. “Fine.”
When she could finally gather herself again, she decided to check on her father. Damn. He was on a plane. She had no way to reach him without Daegen’s help. She was depending on him too much.
Live your life, child, not mine. Her father’s words echoed in her head. More tears came when she realized his walking away all those years ago probably had more to do with the fact he wanted to live his own life. A life that didn’t include her.
Physically and emotionally exhausted, she pulled the covers up to her neck, curled in a tight ball, and allowed sleep to claim her.
Chapter Six
Rae drifted off, waking with a start. Daegen was there. Arms folded. Looking like he hadn’t left her side. He leaned forward and tented his fingers. “The doctor said you need more iron.” His hand opened and there was a pink pill on his palm.
“What’s that?” Rae said, pushing up on one elbow.
“A supplement.”
She turned her face away. “I’m okay. Really.”
“No. You’re not. You fainted. You might have been seriously injured when you fell.”
Hurt? He should know.
“Look. I have a proposition,” he said tentatively.
Not another one of those. “What now?”
“I know. I was an asshole before. But, look, your father’s plane doesn’t arrive until morning. Let me take care of you until then.”
She glanced at the clock. Her breath came out in a huff. She appreciated the apology but allowing Daegen to take care of her was a slippery slope. “Don’t you have other more important business to attend to than babysitting me?”
“You’re my priority. I want you to relax and be well so you can take care of your father. This is a marathon, not a sprint, my sweet. You’ve been neglecting yourself. I want to change that. When’s the last time you allowed someone to take care of you?”
What? Let her defenses down so he could grind his heels on what was left of her heart? No thanks.
“I’ll take a hot bath, and I promise to eat better. Satisfied?”
He moved to her side and took a knee. “No. It’s not good enough. Besides, I have another plan.”
He was different. More intense. “Are you still upset about Daniel? I need to know if me being a father is a deal breaker.”
Her heart thumped in her chest. “I don’t know if upset is the right word. Shocked, maybe. I haven’t had time to absorb the news. I just found out.”
“So did I.”
“And you seem to be taking it in stride.” He wasn’t. She could see his body trembling ever so slightly.
“What choice do I have?”
“You plan to step up, don’t you?”
“I have every intention of giving that boy the family he should’ve been born with,” Daegen said intensely, his jaw set.
She could tell he meant those words with every fiber of his being. Warmth she couldn’t explain threaded through her. She had to admire a man so dedicated to his child. Especially one he’d never met. If he was being this honest with her, she could risk a little trust. “So, you really never knew?”
His head shook. “No idea.”
“His mother never contacted you?”
“No. I’ve been getting phone calls from a man who claimed to be the relative of my ex-girlfriend.”
“Isn’t that about the same time Forbes named you richest man of the year?”
He nodded with a harsh sigh. “Brought out a lot of crazies.”
“I can only imagine.”
“I dismissed the whole idea as...that.”
“How on earth did he manage to finally get through to you?”
“He was persistent. Threatened to go to the press. My assistant decided I should hear him out. She begged me to consider taking his call.”
“You didn’t.”
“I’d never spent time with anyone with his last name. Didn’t make the connection.” His shoulders came forward. His face twisted. “Turns out he’s the uncle of someone I dated a long time ago.”
Was Daegen really talking to her about something important? He’d never revealed details about his life when they were together before. Was he ready to open up and discuss his past? “When did you figure out the connection?”
“Today. The tabloid.” He held out his palm with the supplement still on it. “He has her eyes.”
Every move in Daegen’s life was calculated. She could scarcely imagine him slipping up and getting someone pregnant by accident. Then again, it was a long time ago. Maybe he learned to be cautious the hard way.
Reluctantly, she took the iron pill and downed it with a swallow of water. Then she really looked at him. His coppery eyes were filled with storms and chaos. His face pale. “You didn’t see this coming, did you?”
His elbow rested on his knee. His hands clasped. “It was like seeing a ghost.”
“Did you love her?” A pang of jealousy stabbed Rae.
“Yes. In every way a nineteen-year-old boy could. We were young. I suppose it was puppy love.”
A vulnerability she hadn’t known existed shown through the pain in his face. She pushed through her own heartache. On some level she realized she was being silly for feeling this way about a childhood crush. “I wonder why she didn’t tell you.”
“Our families. They didn’t like us being together. Especially hers.” Anguish darkened his smoky eyes. The storm behind them magnified.
Rae pressed her hand to his. She was surprised at how fast his fingers wound together with hers. “And you never heard from her again?”
“They shipped her off. I did what every love struck nineteen-year-old would do. I ran away to look for her. It took me a year to find her.” His gaze dropped. His hands trembled. He was holding back his emotions with everything he had.
Rae’s heart nearly tore into pieces.
“By the time I found where they’d stashed her, she was dead. Suicide.” His hands fisted.
“And you’ve been blaming yourself ever since.” Damn. Is this the reason you held back? Too scared to allow another woman in your heart?
His shoulders quaked.
Rae pulled him into an embrace.
His body stiffened, and he pul
led back. “Why didn’t you tell me you had family?” He turned the tables.
Little did he know how much they had in common. “I’m afraid we’re swimming in the same boat. I don’t know him. I mean, obviously, I had a father. I remembered him. But I had no idea where he went or what he was doing. For all I knew he was dead. Oh, but I fantasized about him.” A hot tear leaked from her eye.
Daegen wiped it, tucking a loose tendril of hair behind her ear. “What happened?”
Rae didn’t want to go into that now. She didn’t want to feel like that six-year-old standing on the edge. Crying. The pain so overwhelming she didn’t think she would be able to breathe. “It doesn’t matter.”
His gaze traveled over her, assessing. “Your mother?”
That she could talk about. Rae shrugged. “She took off with another man before I could sit up.”
Everyone leaves.
“I’m sorry.”
Rae could see him kneeling there with his pain raw and exposed. Part of her wanted to tell him just how much she understood. To comfort him. And find some relief herself. But the other part of her couldn’t expose a vein in that way. She felt a bond growing between them as they shared their pasts, and part of her was afraid to scare it away by pushing for more.
“Doesn’t matter. I didn’t know her,” she said with a nonchalant air she didn’t own.
Daegen’s gaze paused thoughtfully on hers. “Then tell me more about your father.”
The invisible band tightened around her chest as her shoulder blades felt an all-too-familiar pinch. She didn’t talk about her father with anyone.
Daegen’s hand squeezed hers and the band loosened. “I want to know everything about you.”
She hugged her elbows into her chest and rubbed the goose bumps from her arms. “I was six when he turned me over to CPS.”
Anger flashed across his features. “Why would any man do that?”
“He was injured. Couldn’t work. We were starving.” She didn’t expect a man like Daegen to understand the hopelessness that came with not being able to provide for a family.
He flattened her hand and pressed a kiss to her palm. “Do you know what happened to him?”
She shrugged. “We had no other family to help us out. He said I was getting too skinny.” A beat later came, “I’m not sure who cried harder the day he turned me over to child welfare services.”