Still Love You

by Allie Everhart

  I'm holding a stack of plastic cups, but I set them down and hug him, squeezing him really tight.

  He hugs me back. "Willow? Are you okay?"

  "Yeah." I step back. "Sorry. I'm not sure why I did that."

  He laughs a little. "It's okay."

  "I guess I just wanted to give you one last hug since I know I shouldn't be touching you at the party."

  "Willow, of course you can touch me. What are you talking about?"

  "You were right, Silas. I can't keep pretending you're my boyfriend. It's not fair to you."

  "Then don't pretend." He circles his arms around my waist and pulls me toward him. "Let's just do this. Let's get back together."

  "It won't work."

  "Tell me why."

  I don't know how to answer him, so I don't. I just look into his eyes as if they have the answers. Then, without thinking, I reach up to kiss him, but stop when I hear Trent behind me.

  "You guys see a bottle opener in here?" He walks past us, acting like he didn't catch us about to kiss. "I used it the other day and now I can't find it."

  I step away from Silas. "I'll find it and bring it out."

  "Silas, I need some help getting the pool cover off."

  "Yeah, okay." He follows Trent outside.

  I look out the window and see Trent talking with his hands in the air like he's yelling at Silas. He's probably angry I'm here. He's acting nice to me, but I know he doesn't want Silas getting involved with me again.

  We get everything set up and an hour later people start arriving. At first it's just a few guys from my high school, mostly football players who were in Trent's class. They all brought girls with them; hot girls with big breasts and long legs, wearing short little dresses to cover up their bikinis, which they show off when they get to the pool. I notice Silas checking them out. He's a guy. Of course he's going to look. Even I'm looking because these girls have great bodies, and they're tall so I'm jealous of their height.

  People continue to arrive over the next hour, so many that the back yard is getting crowded and the pool is filling up. I see some more people from my high school but none who were in my class. Since being home, I haven't even tried calling any of my high school friends. I've been too busy hanging out with Silas.

  Speaking of Silas, he's looking extremely hot tonight with his new haircut, deep tan, and a layer of stubble across his face. He's wearing a black t-shirt and jeans and a thick black leather band around his wrist. The leather band is one he made himself. He used to make ones just like it to sell at his mom's jewelry booth. They'd always sell out within an hour. Girls bought them for their boyfriends or guys bought them because they knew girls liked them.

  Silas is standing by the pool, talking to people, a bottle of soda in his hand. He won't drink alcohol tonight, knowing he'll be driving later. I, on the other hand, could use a drink. I've been in the kitchen the past hour, bringing burgers and steaks out to Trent, who's been manning the grill. But he appears to be done grilling because he's now downing a beer with a blonde on each arm.

  I grab a cup and fill it with the rest of the margarita from the blender. Leah, one of Trent's friends, keeps coming in and making them. She's made all different flavors but this one is strawberry. I take a big gulp. It's really good. And strong.

  "Do you like it?" Leah comes bouncing in. She's one of those people who bounces instead of walks. She's high energy and moves really fast. She's about five feet tall with long, silky black hair. She's really tan, which looks good with her orange bikini.

  "I love it. It's probably the best margarita I've ever had. I hope you don't mind that I took some."

  "Not at all." She goes around me to the blender. "I'll make some more. Do you want strawberry again?"

  "Yeah, that sounds good." I lift my cup. "What do you put in these? They taste better than the typical margarita."

  "I add a few mint leaves. It adds a fresh flavor and cuts the sugar so it's not so sweet." She opens the fridge and grabs a sprig of mint. "I'm a bartender in San Francisco. Margaritas are my specialty."

  "Do you go to school there? In San Francisco?"

  "No. I just bartend." She tosses some strawberries in the blender and adds the mint. "I like the job and I make a lot of money. It's an upscale bar. A lot of business people go there to unwind after a stressful day." She pours a generous amount of tequila over the berries. "We have the same people show up there almost every night."

  Will that be me someday? Going to the bar every night because I'm so stressed from work?

  "How do you know Trent?" I ask.

  "I met him at a party." She drops a handful of ice cubes in the blender. "Just a minute." She whirs the blender until the mixture is smooth, then opens the lid and dips her finger in.

  "Hey, Willow, did you—" Trent stops mid-sentence, his eyes on Leah. I turn and see her licking the margarita off her finger, oblivious to Trent.

  "Did you need something?" I ask him.

  He didn't hear me, his attention completely focused on Leah, who finally notices him and says, "What do you need?"

  He snaps out of his trance. "I, uh..." He glances to the side. "I can't remember." He shakes his head. "Never mind."

  "You want one of your beers?" Leah asks. She brought him a six pack of a locally-made beer that he likes.

  "Sure." He walks toward her, and as she turns to open the fridge I see his eyes drop to her ass. She has a round ass that fills out her orange bikini.

  "See something you like there, big boy?" Leah laughs at him as she hands him his beer.

  "What?" His eyes rise to her face and for the first time ever, Trent seems flustered.

  "It's okay." She walks around him and back to the blender. "Go ahead and stare. I do look damn hot today." She winks at me like she's kidding but she does look hot. So hot that Trent can't keep his eyes off her. And he's definitely flustered. He's usually so bold and confident that it's the girl who ends up flustered. But Leah is completely calm, smiling like she's enjoying the effect she has on him.

  Trent walks up behind her. "You, um, coming back outside?"

  "In a minute." She adds a couple more strawberries to the blender. "Why do you ask?"

  "I just—"

  She interrupts him with the whir of the blender, and when it stops she turns around as if waiting for him to finish what he was saying. But now he's too distracted by her breasts, which I think might be fake because they're huge for someone her size.

  "They look good, don't they?" She smiles up at him. "Sweet. Juicy. Makes you want take a bite out of one."

  His eyes are now on hers and I notice his Adam's apple move as he swallows.

  Leah reaches behind her and picks up a strawberry. "Here. Have one." She holds it at his lips and he parts them, letting her put the strawberry in his mouth. I feel like I'm watching a porn movie, except it's comical because Leah is totally playing him. And Trent is taking the bait.

  She leaves the strawberry in his mouth and returns to the blender, lifting the lid off. "I think it's done."

  Trent's left standing behind her, chewing the strawberry, stem and all.

  "So Trent, did you remember what you came in here for?" I ask, smiling.

  He glances at me. "Um, no."

  "Then you should probably get back to the party," I say.

  Leah ignores him as he walks back outside. I think Trent has finally met his match. And she's not even blond.

  "Have you guys ever gone out?" I ask Leah once Trent's outside.

  She laughs. "No."

  "Why is that funny? You don't like him?"

  "I like him. I'm just not looking for a relationship."

  "Trent's not either."

  She shrugs. "Then maybe we'll hook up sometime. He is cute. And he's tall. I like tall guys."

  Trent's only six feet but Leah's a foot shorter than him so he must seem like a giant to her.

  "So how do you know Trent?" she asks.

  "We went to the same high school and he's friends with my
boy—I mean, my friend, Silas."

  She smiles, noticing my slip-up. "You're no longer with him?"

  "No," I say, feeling sad just saying it.

  "Is he here?"

  "Yeah."

  "That's tough, especially when you still love him."

  Is it that obvious I love him? So obvious that even a total stranger notices?

  "Ready for a refill?" She's holding the pitcher and reaching for my glass. I hand it to her and she fills it up, then gives it back to me. "Did he cheat on you? Is that why you broke up?"

  "No. I'm the one who broke up with him." I take a drink and notice this batch is even stronger than the last one.

  She pours a glass for herself. "If you love him, why'd you break up with him?" She hops up on the counter, her legs dangling as she swirls her finger in her drink.

  "Because I just didn't see a future with us. Silas and I want different things in life."

  "He doesn't want to get married? Have kids? I had a girlfriend who dumped her boyfriend because he didn't want that. It was too much commitment for him."

  "It's not that. Silas wants all that."

  "And you don't?"

  "I do. But I also want a good career. I want to run a large company someday, which means I'll have to work a lot of hours and travel a lot. I probably won't even have time for a family."

  "No offense but that sounds horrible. Spending the rest of your life in an office? Or on a plane?" She licks the margarita off her finger. "I mean, it's good there's people who want to do that. It's just not for me. That would suck the energy right out of me. I like working at a bar because it's such a high energy environment. I love it. It doesn't even seem like a job."

  "Do you think you'll want to do that forever?"

  She shrugs. "Who knows? I'm not one of those people who plans out my future. I believe in doing what feels right in the moment. If someday I'm not happy at my job, I'll quit and find another."

  She's just like Silas. This is the type of girl he should be with. The fun, laid-back, live-in-the-moment type of girl. She probably doesn't even organize her closet or her sock and underwear drawers. I organize everything, to the point it probably drove Silas crazy when we were dating, although he never said it did.

  "You want some more?" She holds the pitcher over my half-empty glass.

  "No thanks."

  She turns to face the patio, still seated on the counter. "So which one is he?"

  I search for him but can't see him with all the people in the way. "I can't find him. He was standing by the pool but he must've moved. He has dark hair, tall, muscular, wearing a black t-shirt and jeans."

  She whips back to me. "Holy shit, that was your boyfriend? I saw that guy earlier and almost begged him to go out with me, but he was talking to some other girl."

  "He was?"

  "I can't believe you broke up with that guy. He is HOT."

  "And sweet. Thoughtful. An amazing kisser." I go to take a drink but she grabs my cup. "What are you doing?"

  She sets my cup down and hops off the counter. "Get out there."

  "Why?"

  "Go get your man before someone else does."

  "He's not my man. Silas and I broke up."

  She rolls her eyes. "You're one of those girls who can't see what's right in front of her, which is why you need someone like me talking some sense into you."

  "You don't understand. It's complicated."

  She stands right in front of me, a little too close, but I think she's drunk. "Does he love you?"

  "Yes."

  "And you love him?"

  "Yes."

  "Then it's not complicated." She faces me toward the patio. "Go tell him you want him back."

  "I can't." I turn back toward the kitchen.

  She sighs and hands me my drink back. "Then I guess you'll just be sitting in here all night, drinking your sorrows away." She fills up my glass. "If you want more, come and get me." She walks to the patio door. "Looks like Silas already found someone."

  She leaves and I race to the patio door and see Silas with a girl. She's average height, has dark hair that's shorter than mine, and a curvy figure. She's wearing a white, barely-there bikini and standing really close to Silas.

  I almost bolt out the door to get her away from him, but then remember that I promised I wouldn't do that. Dammit, this is really hard. I turn away from the door and down my margarita. I should probably ease up on the drinks. It doesn't take much to get me drunk and I've been so busy helping with the party I haven't eaten anything.

  A few minutes later, Silas walks in from the patio. "Why aren't you outside?"

  "I was helping keep the food table filled." I open the fridge. "I should probably put more meat on the grill."

  He comes over and closes the fridge. "You're done in here. You've helped out enough. It's time to have fun. Come on. Let's go outside."

  "I'm okay in here. It's kind of hot out."

  "Then take off your dress."

  He says it casually, and I'm looking at him like he's lost his mind.

  "Just wear your suit." He points to the bikini strings around my neck.

  "Oh, yeah. I forgot I was wearing this." I feel my face heating up.

  He smiles. "You just thought I was asking you to strip?"

  I go around him. "I need to eat something. Did you eat yet?"

  "No. I was waiting for you. I thought you were outside but I couldn't find you."

  We make our way to the food table. People are drinking more than they're eating so there's a lot of food left. We each take a burger and some chips and grab a soda. I'm feeling the alcohol now and it's making me lightheaded.

  "Willow, over here." Silas is sitting down on one of the lounge chairs by the pool. All the other chairs are taken so we have to share. I sit on the opposite side and hear Silas behind me, "You don't want to sit next to me?"

  "I don't want people getting the wrong idea."

  He sets his plate down and leans over to me, lowering his voice. "Stop worrying about other people. What I said earlier didn't have anything to do with other people. It was about us. And I don't want it ruining our night. I'm sorry I even said it. It was the wrong time to bring it up. Now can we go back to acting normal?"

  I don't know what 'normal' is anymore. Our 'normal' just hours ago was friends who kiss and flirt and make plans to have sex later. But now, I don't know what we are, and that's my fault because I won't give him an answer.

  Silas picks up his plate and starts eating. "Willow," he says under his breath.

  "What?"

  "Get your ass over here."

  I laugh at the way he says it, all annoyed with me.

  "Hold this." I hand him my plate and swing my legs over the lounge chair so that we're sitting on the same side. "The chair's going to tip over with all our weight on this side."

  "Stop complaining." He hands me my plate.

  "I wasn't complaining." I laugh and I can't stop.

  Silas takes my plate back before I drop it. "Are you drunk?"

  "I might have had a teeny tiny sip of a margarita."

  "And by 'teeny tiny sip' you mean one big cup?"

  "Maybe two?" I take the burger from the plate he's holding and bite into it. "Mmm, that's really good."

  He gives me the plate again. "Eat some more of it. You need to sober up."

  "Why? I'm more fun when I'm drunk." I stuff a few chips in my mouth.

  "You're always fun. When you're drunk you get flirty and that's not a good thing when you're surrounded by drunk guys looking for action."

  "I'm not drunk." I take a bite of my burger and ketchup drips out.

  He laughs. "You're a mess." He puts his thumb on the side of my mouth, wiping away the ketchup. I swipe my tongue over his thumb, licking it off. He holds his thumb there and our eyes meet and I lick his thumb again, slower this time. And suddenly, it's just him and me sharing a moment. A steamy hot, I-want-to-rip-off-your-clothes-and-do-you-right-here moment.

  Someone jumps
in the pool and splashes us. Silas and I both move back and the moment is gone.

  We go back to eating our food. His phone dings and he checks it, then looks up and waves at someone. I glance over to see who it is and find it's the girl he was talking to earlier. The one in the white bikini.

  "Who's that?" I ask before I can stop myself.

  "Anya," he says, picking up his soda and taking a drink.

  "Like the singer?"

  "No, that's Enya. This is Anya."

  "That's an odd name."

  He smiles. "Willow? Silas? She could say the same thing about us."

  "Our names aren't that odd. Anya is odd."

  "I like it. I've always liked it."

  Always? So he's heard that name before?

  "Did she text you just now?" I ask.

  "Yeah. We're meeting for coffee on Monday."

  "In the morning?"

  "No. We're going at night."

  "Oh." This is really hard. I need to act happy for him. Be a friend. He found a pretty girl to date and I'm sure she's very nice. So why do I hate her? I force out a smile. "Well, that's a good first date. Coffee. Gives you time to get to know each other."

  "It's not a first date." He sets his plate aside and wipes his hands on his napkin. "I dated Anya back in high school before you and I were going out."

  Freshman year, when I switched to public school, I assumed Silas and I would grow apart, and we did. We dated other people, but agreed not to talk about it. Then right before my sophomore year, we finally admitted how we felt about each other, and soon after that, we started dating. Silas was a junior at the time and I knew he'd been out with girls and likely slept with at least one of them, but I never asked him about it.

  Silas stands up. "I'll throw your plate out if you're done."

  "Thanks." I hand it to him.

  So Silas is dating Anya. I feel sick. I thought I could handle seeing Silas with someone else, but I can't. It hurts way too much. I don't want the person I love dating someone else.

  "Do you want to get dessert?" he asks.

  "No. I need to go inside for a minute."

  Forget dessert. I need to finish my margarita.