Still Love You

by Allie Everhart

  "You're designing logos for Leah?" I sit up straighter, trying to regain my composure.

  "Yeah. She's starting a business with her friend and they needed some design work done."

  I try to focus on the laptop screen and set aside what just happened. And yet I can still feel Silas' warm breath by my ear, and I can still hear his words, telling me how much he wants me. Holy shit, that was hot. I'll definitely be replaying that scene in my dreams tonight.

  "What do you think?" he asks, referring to the logos.

  "Your designs are great. I mean it. You need to start doing more of this. You could pay for college doing this."

  "I don't know what to charge. I'm doing it for free right now, just to get some experience."

  "I can help you figure out what to charge. And I could work on a plan for getting clients. Oh, and I could—"

  "Willow." I hear him laughing behind me. "I don't need to figure this all out tonight." He shuts the laptop. "Why don't we grab a soda and go out back?"

  "Okay." I get up from the chair and follow him to the door. "Silas, I just have to say how impressed I am. I was always impressed by your jewelry designs but I had no idea you were hiding all these other talents."

  "And I had no idea you'd ever get so involved in your parents' business," he says as we go down the stairs. "You've really done a lot in just a few weeks."

  "I guess, but I feel like there's so much more I could do."

  As we sit on the back patio, I tell Silas some of the ideas I have for the business. The more I talk about it, the more I want to make those ideas happen. I think I really want to do this. I think that's my new plan.

  After two hours, Silas says, "I'd like to talk longer but I have my final for accounting tomorrow and I should probably study."

  "Final? Your class is over already?"

  "Yeah, it was an eight-week class and tomorrow's the last day. I'm not doing that great but I haven't put much effort into it. Once I decided to study graphic design, my accounting efforts dropped off. I'm sure I'll flunk this final tomorrow." He gets up. "You can stay out here if you want."

  "I think I will. My parents are out tonight and I don't feel like being in an empty house."

  "I'll see you later."

  "Yeah, bye."

  A few minutes later, I hear the door open behind me. I turn and see Martin there, holding a book. "Oh, sorry, Willow, I didn't know you were out here. I'll read inside."

  "No. Come on out. I can go. Or, actually, do you have a minute?"

  He checks his watch and smiles. "You're in luck. I actually have more than a minute."

  Martin's wearing plaid Bermuda shorts, a wrinkled white button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and thick black socks that go up to his knees. His gray wiry hair is sticking up everywhere and his beard needs to be trimmed. He always has that disheveled look, but it fits him. He calls himself the nutty professor, and he is kind of nutty, but in a good way. He's funny, and has always been nice to me and a great stepdad to Silas.

  "What should we discuss?" Martin asks, sitting across from me. "World peace? Stock prices? The energy crisis?"

  I smile. "Those are kind of heavy topics. Let's save those for another day. For now, tell me about UC-Berkeley."

  He grins, knowing exactly why I asked. He goes over the basics, then answers all my questions and tells me to apply now if I'm really serious about going there.

  An hour later I go back to my house and get to work on my application. I can't believe I'm doing this. Just two months ago, my life was headed down a totally different path. Now it's all changed, and instead of panicking, I'm happy about it.

  On Saturday I help my parents at the farmers' market. With all the new products, we end up making more money than we've ever made. Some of the flowers we planted were ready to sell and we sold out within the first hour. We didn't have a lot to sell, but I was still surprised they sold out that quickly.

  In the afternoon, I call Silas to see if he wants to do something, but find out he went surfing with Trent. Silas loves surfing but he hasn't gone all summer. And I haven't been in years. We should go surfing together. I'm adding that to my list. I've started a list of all the things I want to do with Silas, leaving off the dirty things in case my parents see it.

  I started the list because I've made the decision to be with Silas. For years, I told myself that Silas and I couldn't be together because my life would never be what I wanted it to be if I stayed with him. But the truth is, even if I were CEO of the biggest company in the world, I wouldn't be happy knowing the person I love is out there but not being able to be with him.

  So in the end, there was really no decision to make. My heart decided this a long time ago. I just had to get my head to agree to it. And it finally did. And now, I have no doubts. I know what I want.

  I want Silas. The boy who made me a report card so I wouldn't transfer to a different school. The boy who memorized how I like my hamburger and isn't embarrassed to order it that way. The boy who kept calling me from thousands of miles away, even though I never answered his calls. And the boy who made me the most beautiful engagement ring I've ever seen.

  Being with Silas doesn't mean I'm giving up my dreams. I can still have a successful career. I've just changed how I define success. It's not about a job title or a big salary. It's about finding something I really want to do. Something I feel passionate about.

  And I've already found that, in the place I least expected it. My family's business. It's been there all along and I never even considered it, but now I know it's exactly what I want to do. I've already talked to my parents about it and we decided that I'd take over the organic skin care products as if it were my own company. So basically, I'm already a CEO. The one and only employee of a company I hope to make a huge success someday. And I want Silas there every step of the way.

  It's now Sunday afternoon and I'm going to tell Silas what I've decided. He's at the farm, so that's where I'm headed. It's the perfect place to tell him this. Silas and I have so many memories there, and hopefully will have many more in the years to come.

  I park next to his truck. Every time I see it, I think about what we did in it. I'm dying to do it again, which is why I'm wearing a short cotton sundress with tiny straps that can easily be undone. But we may have to wait and do it later when it cools off. It's brutally hot out today, which is unusual because the temperature here is generally more moderate.

  "Silas!" I yell as I walk through the fields. He said he'd be picking blackberries but I don't see him. Maybe he's kneeling down to reach the low branches. "Silas, it's me. Are you out here?"

  I fan myself as I trudge through the fields. It's so hot I'm already sweating.

  "Silas?" I keep calling him but he doesn't answer. I'm now standing between the rows of blackberry bushes, looking up and down the field, but I don't see him. I turn to go back, but then spot something on the ground in the next row over. It's a work boot. Silas' work boot. I shove the bushes aside and see him lying on the ground.

  "Silas!" I race over and kneel beside him. "Silas!" I turn his face toward me. His eyes are closed. "Silas, wake up! Please! Wake up!" His face is wet and clammy. "Silas!"

  He's not responding, no matter how many times I yell his name.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

  Willow

  I yank my phone out and call 911. The operator tells me the ambulance is on its way, then asks me a series of questions, but none of them explain what's wrong with Silas. As she hangs up, I hear the ambulance sirens in the distance.

  I cradle Silas' head in my arms. "Please Silas. Please be okay." I'm so scared I'm shaking. I'm trying to be strong, trying to stay focused, trying not to break down crying, but that's nearly impossible to do when the person you love is lying unresponsive in your arms and you have no idea if he'll wake up.

  "Silas, I love you." I'm crying now as I hear the sirens getting louder. "Please be okay."

  Finally the ambulance arrives and I frantically wave them over. The
paramedics surround Silas. I don't know what they're doing. I ask, but they don't answer. They load Silas on the stretcher, and only after I beg and plead do they agree to let me go with him to the hospital. On the way there, I call Diane and tell her what happened. She's as freaked out as I am and I hear Martin in the background trying to calm her down. I call my mom next and she tells me she'll meet me at the hospital.

  When we get there, they take Silas away, leaving me alone in the crowded waiting room. Minutes later, Diane and Martin arrive, along with my parents. Diane finds a nurse who takes her down a hall.

  "He'll be okay, honey," my mom says, sitting beside me and rubbing my back.

  "We don't know that," I say, my voice cracking. "We don't know what's wrong with him. It could be really bad."

  "Or it could be something minor," my dad says, sitting on my other side. "Low blood sugar. Dehydration. You know how Silas never drinks enough water. And when he gets busy in the fields, he forgets to eat."

  I nod. "Yeah. He does."

  My dad puts his arm around me and I lay my head on his shoulder.

  A few minutes later, Diane returns and I race up to her. "Is he okay?"

  "Yes. They say he was dehydrated and had heat exhaustion but that it could have quickly turned into heat stroke." She hugs me. "Thank God you got there when you did. His body temperature was rising fast, and if it kept going, his brain and organs could've been damaged."

  I pull away from her. "Are you sure he's okay? Did you talk to the doctor? Where's Silas? Can I see him?"

  She smiles, knowing my nonstop questions are because I love her son so much.

  "They're cooling him down and pumping fluids in him," she says. "They're going to keep him overnight."

  "So can I see him?"

  "Not yet. They'll let us know when we can go in there."

  The wait is excruciating. I need to see for myself that he's okay. Finding him lying there, unconscious, in the fields, I've never been so scared in my entire life. In that moment, I realized that nothing else matters. Where I go to college. What I do for a job. Where I live. None of it matters if Silas isn't there beside me.

  Two hours later, the doctor finally tells us we can see him. Diane and Martin go in first. When they come out of his room, they tell me he's sleeping, but I go in there anyway. I need to see him and be with him and make sure he's okay.

  I sit next to him on the bed and kiss his cheek. "I love you, Silas," I tell him even though he's asleep. "I've loved you since we were kids. I loved you even when I broke up with you. I wish I hadn't done that. I was just scared and stupid and thought we'd be better off without each other." I sniffle. "But I was wrong. We're so much better together." I rub his hand. "You need to wake up, Silas, because I need to tell you something. I need to tell you that I want us to get back together. For good this time."

  I close my eyes and take a breath, wishing he could hear me because I don't want to wait another second for him to know this.

  "You're admitting you were wrong?"

  I hear his voice and lift my head to see him smiling at me. That famous Silas smile. I hug him. "You're awake!"

  "I was awake since you came in here."

  I pull back. "Why didn't you say something?"

  "Because you started talking and I wanted to hear what you had to say."

  "So you heard what I said?"

  "Every word."

  "And what do you think?"

  "I'm thinking I can't wait to get out of this hospital so I can start living my life with the girl that I love." He reaches behind my neck and pulls my face to his and kisses me. "I also can't wait to do other things with you. Things I've been dying to do for weeks."

  I smile. "Me too. You would not believe the dreams I've had."

  "Oh, yeah? I'd like to hear about these dreams."

  "You will, but not in the hospital. Let's wait until you get home." I lower my voice to a whisper. "Someplace where we can act them out."

  He nods at the door. "Go ask the nurse if I can get out of here."

  I laugh. "I don't think so. You need to be healthy for what I've got planned for you."

  His brows rise. "Okay, seriously, Willow. Get the nurse. I've gotta get out of this hospital."

  "You will." I kiss him, then sit back and notice a bracelet on the table next to his bed. "What's that?" I point to it.

  "Oh, that's for you. I had it in my pocket and it fell out when they moved me to the bed."

  I pick up the bracelet. It's a black leather cord with one of Silas' handmade silver charms threaded on it. The charm is a flat rectangular piece of metal stamped with a design.

  "You made this?"

  "Yeah. Can't you tell? It's a Silas original. I even stamped the back with my name."

  I turn it over and see 'Sparks' carved on the back. "That should be the name of your company. Spark's Designs."

  "I didn't know I was starting a company."

  "You will. You're going to be famous someday, Silas Sparks." I hold up the bracelet. "Why did you make me this? And why were you giving it to me today?"

  "When you said you were meeting me at the farm, I had a feeling you'd made a decision about us. Even if you'd decided not to get back together, I still wanted you to have this to remember this summer."

  I hold up the bracelet again, looking closer at the design on the metal charm. It's a star formation. The same one we saw when we went to the farm that night and gazed up at the sky. The one that looks like Silas and me lying together in the back of his truck. At first, I couldn't see what Silas did. I saw the stars but I didn't see the pattern, the shapes, or what they meant. But then it all came into focus. And I finally saw what Silas did.

  Now I'm seeing more than that. I'm seeing what Silas saw all along. With us. He knew we were meant to be together years ago, and now, finally, I do too.

  "Silas, this is perfect. I love it." I slip it over my wrist. "Will you tighten it for me?"

  He pulls on each end of the leather cord until it's snug against my wrist. "How's that?"

  "Good." I hold it up. "I'm going to wear this all the time." My eyes go back to the design and it's almost like it changed. Now it looks like a house with Silas and me and...two kids? That's weird.

  "Is something wrong?" He's got a sly look on his face like he has a secret he's not sharing.

  "For a minute there I thought I saw something else in the design."

  "A house?"

  "You saw it too?"

  "Yeah."

  "With you and me and—" I stop, not wanting to mention the kids.

  He smiles. "Let's just pretend we see you and me in the truck for now."

  "I like that plan."

  "Hey." He pulls me down to lie next to him. "No more talking about plans. Your plan is what got us off track in the first place."

  "But now my plan includes you. In fact, I was thinking I should make a whole new plan with—"

  He kisses me before I can finish. "No more plans. We're taking each day as it comes."

  "But—"

  "Willow. Trust me. I've been doing it for years."

  "And it doesn't stress you out?"

  "Never. It's awesome not knowing what's around the corner."

  "That would stress me out."

  He runs his finger under the tie strap at the top of my sundress. "Then it's a good thing I know how to relieve your stress." He tugs at the strap, releasing it, and exposing part of my chest.

  "Silas!" I hurry to retie the strap.

  "You weren't planning on that, were you?"

  "Planning on you undressing me in your hospital room? No, definitely not."

  "But you liked it," he whispers in my ear.

  I bite my lip. "Yeah."

  "So stop planning everything and just take what life gives you. It's a hell of a lot more fun."

  Maybe he's right. After all, I never planned on getting back together with Silas this summer. When he picked me up at my dorm room, I was determined to keep him away. But plans have a way o
f falling apart when love comes walking into your life. For me, that came in the form of a tall, muscular, messy-haired, laid-back surfer boy named Silas.

  Soon my plans got thrown out the window. Things got messy. Complicated. But like Silas said...things also got a lot more fun.

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  Five Months Later

  Willow

  It's been five months since Silas and I got back together and I'm happier than I've ever been. Silas and I moved in together last September. When Trent went back to college, we moved into his uncle's place to housesit because his uncle is on sabbatical this fall. He's even paying us to watch his house. Between that and not having to pay rent, Silas and I have been able to save up some money. In a couple weeks, Trent's uncle will be back and then Silas and I are moving into an apartment.

  In January I start classes at UC-Berkeley but I'll continue to work for the family business, managing the organic beauty products. I've grown that business substantially the past few months, to the point that we might break it off into its own company. I've been able to get our products in hair salons and spas in the local area, but word's spreading fast and now I'm getting requests from retailers as far away as L.A. and Seattle.

  I never dreamed it would take off like that. I also never dreamed this would become my career, and yet it's exactly what I want to do. I realize now that working for some massive corporation I had no connection to was never right for me. I have to believe in what I'm doing and feel like I'm making a difference. I sound just like my hippie parents. They said the same thing to me when I asked why they were organic farmers. I used to think I was so different than them, but the truth is, I'm really not. I may dress differently than them and eat burgers and junk food, but when it comes down to what we want out of life, I'm finding I'm more like my parents than I thought I was.

  My parents are finally out of debt. They used most, but not all, of my college money. The farm was doing well enough that they were able to use some of that income to pay off the rest of their bills. Now they're back on track, making money and even putting a little into savings. And luckily, they didn't have to sell the house. My mom still works at the real estate company but she's going to quit in January and go back to working full-time at the farm.