All Over Him

by Ronald L Donaghe

  I hadn’t gotten a chance after dinner to tell him about Trevor groping me in the kitchen. So Uncle Sean had no way of knowing that when Trevor returned to the table and began paying him more attention than he had been, it was right after he had put the make on me. I was too confused, angry, and embarrassed to get Uncle Sean aside, anyway, to let him know what Trevor had done. But I had lain awake last night in bed, gripping Lance’s vial and hugging the pillow, and it became clear to me that Trevor had first set his eyes on me, despite the fact that he was supposed to be Uncle Sean’s date. Or maybe he was just having a little fun at my expense, trying to embarrass me. If that were the case, then he was just mean.

  Uncle Sean was none the wiser when Trevor began to fawn over him as the evening progressed and everyone became a little drunk with the second jug of wine.

  Of course, I hadn’t drunk any at all, so as the rest of them became rather fuzzy headed, I saw the interplay among them with a different and, I think, clearer perspective.

  My heart just sank like a stone in water when Bryce and Carlos said their good-byes. “You’ll take Trevor home?” Bryce had asked Uncle Sean at the front door.

  Then after they’d left, I could see that Uncle Sean and Trevor were anxious to be alone. So feeling like I had lead in my gut, I finished up in the kitchen, and when I came out into the living room, the lights were out. Uncle Sean and Trevor were nowhere in sight—which meant they were in Uncle Sean’s bedroom.

  The bedroom door was shut, and I figured they were going to have sex. I sure couldn’t call it making love. So I went to bed feeling confused and angry, though not sad enough to cry.

  Later, I could hear the headboard banging against the wall in Uncle Sean’s room. Then even later, I heard doors opening, the shower running, then fifteen or so minutes after that, soft conversation on the other side of my door in the hallway. I squeezed my eyes shut, knowing that I was responsible for what had happened because I had insisted on setting Uncle Sean up with a blind date.

  When the front door shut, I knew they had left. I glanced at the clock on my dresser, watching the numbers flip over to 3:15, and I groaned. Tomorrow I’d be drained—but worse, so would Uncle Sean. At least I wouldn’t have a hangover.

  Now, as I ran, I could feel the sweat dripping under my arms. The anger had burned away my tiredness, and the exercise had drained me of the anger. So as I turned at the halfway point and ran back toward the apartment I felt more clear-headed.

  The sky was a little lighter, traffic was heavier as commuters moved out onto the main streets, so I picked up my pace, punishing my legs as I ran slightly up-hill back into our neighborhood. When I came to our block lined with apartment buildings, I slowed to a fast walk to cool down. Even though I wasn’t angry any more, I was glad Uncle Sean was on his way to work so I wouldn’t have to talk to him. I wasn’t sure what I might say. He might as well have been cheated on by Trevor, since the guy had come on so strong to me the night before. I was afraid I would have to tell Uncle Sean about that. No. I needed to tell him and I hoped he wouldn’t be angry with me if I did.

  * * *

  The shower revived me a little, so I decided to call Lance before I headed to school. It was eight o’clock in Austin and, even though it was only six in California, I needed to talk to him a little while.

  I heard a rustling sound after the phone was picked up, and I could imagine Lance still in bed trying to get oriented. Maybe propping himself up on an elbow or lying flat on his back and bringing the receiver to his ear, his eyes puffy with sleep, the room still dark.

  “Hello?”

  “Is my husband there?”

  “Angel? Hi! Why are you calling so early? Is something wrong?”

  With those words, his voice became clear, deep, and I shut my eyes, smiling. “No…nothing serious, other than I miss you.” I was holding ‘Lance’ in the palm of my right hand. “I’ve named the vial you sent me.”

  A bit of oily laughter came through. “Me too! Yours is ‘Angel.’ What’s mine?”

  “‘Lance.’“

  “Well, aren’t we creative, then?” More laughter, then a pause. “You said nothing serious. But there is something wrong, isn’t there?”

  I admitted there was then told him about the dinner party and Trevor’s behavior. “And right after that,” I said, “he started really getting worked up over Uncle Sean. They slept together last night, and I didn’t tell Uncle Sean what Trevor did. He’s such a…” I trailed off.

  “Typical man,” Lance said. “Typical queen out for a little fun.”

  “But it kind of makes me angry that Uncle Sean would sleep with the guy on a first date. He’s always said that’s not what he wants. And don’t you think he’d be kind of disgusted if he knew all Trevor wanted was to get laid and it didn’t matter whether it was me or him?”

  “Or both of you,” Lance added. “Which is probably more like it.”

  “So should I tell Uncle Sean? What if he wants to start dating Trevor? Wouldn’t it be kind of doomed from the beginning? You know how hurt he was over his last boyfriend for cheating on him.”

  “Yes, Angel. Tell him about it. But maybe do it casually. Don’t tell him when you’re angry or anything.”

  “Thanks. That makes sense. But I should tell, right?”

  Lance said I definitely should, then we drifted into news. On his end, he’d been working on a group of oil-based paintings for a student art show. “Nudes of you are in the show,” he said, his voice smiling.

  “But you did do other work, right? Something a little more serious?”

  “Yeah, but nobody’s gonna appreciate those, Angel. Every person in San Francisco is queer! I’ve never seen anything like it.”

  I knew he was kidding about that, but he made me smile. “And you’re doing well otherwise?”

  “Fab, honey. How’s Trinket? Mama? Rita? Sean, and you? How are you doing?”

  I was beginning to sag a little and knew I had to tank up on coffee. I hoped the day wasn’t going to be too muggy, or I would probably fall asleep in class. I told him I was fine, then reluctantly we said good-bye.

  “Kiss your ‘Lance’ for me and I’ll kiss ‘Angel.’“

  “And I’ll be thinking of you when I do,” I said, then hung up, feeling wide awake in at least one region of my body, which I stifled, knowing that if I took care of that need right now, I’d probably fall asleep afterwards.

  * * *

  Charlie found me in Union South. I was transcribing notes from my last class, generally tuning out the noise all around me. Having gotten my second wind from lack of sleep, I thought I’d make it through the rest of the day.

  “Don’t look now,” he said, sitting down and taking the liberty of moving a pile of my books out of the way, “but you’re being cruised by that cute number by the Coke machine.”

  I glanced up, smiled, and looked across the room and sure enough a guy I’d seen before with Tim from GPA was staring right at me. I waved and smiled and he turned away as if I’d frowned at him.

  Charlie laughed. “I told you not to look.”

  “Maybe he was cruising you. What’s up Charlie?” I took in his green-eyed smile, appreciated him in the tank top he was wearing. Like me he couldn’t get enough of Hippie Hollow once he’d finally had the courage to take off his clothes; and now his tan was deeper than mine. I thought he looked better, more healthy in the few weeks he’d been a regular at the lake.

  “You think he’s cruising me?” Charlie asked, his voice rising with a hopeful tone. “I think his name’s Renato or something like that. I think he’s been to GPA a couple of times.”

  I looked again. I thought so too, but I hadn’t been going to all the meetings. I was having difficulty in the newest section of math and needed to keep my solid B. The guy was either Spanish or Portuguese. He wasn’t bad looking, either, but not really my type.

  “So, what’s up?” I asked again.

  Charlie turned in his chair, because he had continued to l
ook in Renato’s direction. He was smiling. “I think I’ll introduce myself. He’s kind of cute.”

  It seemed like Charlie had one thing on the brain these days, and maybe what he’d told Uncle Sean was right. He just couldn’t concentrate on anything else but losing his virginity. I chuckled to myself and waited for him to come back to earth.

  Then he laid the student paper open for me to see. I looked, and all I saw was a screaming headline: “Nixon Resigns!”

  “I knew the bastard resigned, Charlie. You can’t miss it. It’s been on the radio.”

  “Not that,” Charlie said. “ZZ Top’s coming in September, Will. See?” He slid his finger to the bottom of the page and there was a picture of these guys with long beards holding guitars. “It’ll be a big concert. Let’s go.”

  “What’s a ‘ZZ Top’?”

  “You are a hick, aren’t you?”

  “I guess it shows.”

  “If you don’t know that group.” Charlie pursed his lips disapprovingly.

  “What do we do at this concert?” I asked, immune to his expression.

  Charlie laughed. “Just groove out.”

  “It’s not a dance?”

  Charlie laughed again. “I’ll get us tickets. You don’t think Sean would want to go, do you?”

  I shook my head. “I doubt it. But okay, I’ll go. Just remind me when it’s time.”

  So Charlie got up then and drifted toward the other side of the room. The last I saw of him, he was talking to Renato and Tim and a couple of other guys from the GPA. Then I caught Renato staring at me again, and this time he waved and smiled, so I nodded and went back to my homework. He was good looking all right.

  * * *

  When I got home, I stripped bare, threw back the covers on my bed, and settled down for a nap. It was only three o’clock, but I felt like I had sand in my eyes, and I wondered how Uncle Sean could go to work and stay until 4:30, then commute all that way. He was the one who had stayed up until around three the previous morning, then had to get dressed to take Trevor home. As I drifted off, I couldn’t decide if I was still angry or just sad. I slid my hand under the pillow and encircled ‘Lance’ with my fingers.

  Which is how Uncle Sean found me. He was shaking my shoulder when I finally came back to consciousness. Sometime during the nap I had pulled a sheet up over my body, for which I was relieved since I had an erection. The light inside my bedroom had the look of dusk, and I peered at the clock on the night stand.

  “Geez, it’s after seven,” I said. “Have you been home long?”

  Uncle Sean smiled down at me. He was dressed in his tie and shirt and dark slacks as he dressed at the company.

  “Dinner’s ready,” he said. “I’ve been home since six, as always. I thought you’d wake up, but since you didn’t, I just let you sleep.”

  So when he left, I pulled on a pair of sweat pants and wrestled my way into a T-shirt. Not the greatest dinner attire, but it would be just me and Uncle Sean.

  I was wrong, and as soon as I saw Trevor at the dining room table, I almost turned on my heel and walked out. A jolt of vague resentment flooded through me that Uncle Sean hadn’t said anything about Trevor being there.

  He was dressed in white bell-bottom pants and another pink shirt. He was wearing a whole head shop full of beads around his neck, which rattled as he turned and grinned at me.

  “Oh, girl! You’re a knockout even dressed like a jock!”

  “Thanks,” I said and thought, and you’re still a slut, though I turned up the corners of my mouth, attempting a smile as I passed by the table. I think it came off as more of a sneer, which was how I felt anyway.

  I caught Uncle Sean’s eyes. He was in the kitchen tossing a salad in a large bowl, and from the look he gave me, I could tell he was apologetic for something, which I hoped I would have a chance to discover.

  “Anything you want me to do?” I asked, coming up to him.

  “No, I’ve got it under control.”

  He had cooked Salisbury steaks and steamed some vegetables. Which was a bit more than we might normally do on a Monday night. We usually ate leftovers, something we brought home from Mama’s house. He had also opened the bottle of wine that Carlos and Bryce had brought the night before. It was uncorked and setting on the counter.

  “Are you bartending tonight, Trevor?” I asked, returning to the dining room. I took my usual seat, which was along the side of the table and not at the head, as I had sat last night.

  “I am, as a matter of fact,” he said, and I smiled at him trying to show interest. “But on Mondays it’s dead until around nine, so I figured I could afford the time for a real home-cooked meal.”

  “And what about you, Uncle Sean?” I called into the kitchen. “Are you going out to the bar?”

  He came in from the kitchen with the salad and set it on the table. “Do you mind giving me a hand, Will?”

  So I went into the kitchen and got our everyday plates from the cabinet. He reached over my shoulder for the glasses and kissed the back of my head, then very softly, he said, “just for a little while. Just long enough to put in an appearance.”

  “But you have to work,” I said, just as softly. “You can’t afford to lose so much sleep.”

  “We’ll talk later, okay?”

  He patted my shoulder, so I knew he was being apologetic, and maybe asking me not to be angry with him. So during our little three-way dinner, I watched the interaction between Trevor and Uncle Sean, looking for any signs that they were still interested in each other in that way. I didn’t think I could stand it if they were, because as far as I was concerned, Trevor was a slut—if he really had been interested in me the night before, and especially if he had been interested in both me and Uncle Sean, as Lance had suggested.

  I mumbled about how good the food was, then busied myself in the kitchen, raking the scraps into the disposal and rinsing the dishes. Over the kitchen sink I could see the lights of Austin toward downtown and see the traffic on other streets, kind of below us, as we were in a hilly section of town and had a great view of the city from where we were. I could hear subdued talk from Uncle Sean and Trevor as they both drank coffee. Every once in a while I glanced their way and saw that the conversation was just talk, nothing like the night before, which had been punctuated with outbursts of laughter and a frenetic pace as the evening progressed. I also figured Uncle Sean just had to be dog tired. I sure hoped he was just going to put in an appearance at the bar and not get sucked into knocking back several beers or something.

  When the kitchen was clean I went back into the dining room. “I’ve got homework,” I said to Uncle Sean. “Don’t stay out too late, okay?”

  He looked up and smiled, and Trevor looked up as well. I saw a kind of smirk cross his face, like maybe he didn’t like me suggesting that Uncle Sean get home at a decent hour. I’m sure Trevor was used to late nights as a bartender, so I hoped he wouldn’t encourage Uncle Sean to stay out too late. I was glad that he had to work because I figured he couldn’t get in Uncle Sean’s pants again that way.

  * * *

  So I did my quadratic equations, studied for my psychology exam, talked to Mama and Trinket, still biting my tongue to avoid telling them Lance might be coming out Christmas. Then I called Lance. Even though it was early for him and just about right for me, we worked each other up and ‘made love’ over the phone, which can sometimes be pretty hot. Then I wrote in this journal until Uncle Sean came home. And here’s what happened.

  He was angry and quiet, and I immediately got a lump in my stomach because I wanted to talk, but he didn’t appear to want to be bothered. It was around ten. We both needed to get to bed, but I kind of hovered around him as he was getting out of his clothes and I even followed him into his room, sitting on the edge of his bed while he stripped and pulled on his robe.

  “Tell me why you’re angry, Uncle Sean.”

  He kind of mussed his hair and looked at me from his dresser mirror. He looked odd in reverse, th
e way he saw himself in the mirror, but I could tell he was smiling a little sadly. Then he walked out of the room and I followed. We settled in our usual places. He sat on the couch and I sat in the stuffed chair next to it. I was still in my sweat pants, but had removed my T-shirt.

  “It’s a long story,” he said. “Well, maybe not. Maybe it’s just the same damn thing with those queens at the bar.”

  “That made you angry?”

  He just nodded.

  “What happened?”

  “The same nothing that always happens, Will. I’m glad you don’t have to go to the bars to meet people and that you don’t have to because you’ve got Lance.”

  I just nodded. Our eyes met, but he looked away, then back at me. “I had my hopes up pretty high last night, I guess. Your intentions were good to set me up with a blind date.”

  “I’m sorry about that, Uncle Sean. But geez, couldn’t Carlos and Bryce come up with someone better?”

  He smiled, turning up his pretty pink lips. “I would have thought so, too. Maybe it was too short notice. Or maybe since they’ve known Trevor longer than they have me, they see something in him worth…” he trailed off.

  “What?”

  He shrugged kind of like he was defeated and deflated. “It’s tough, I guess.”

  “What?” I sounded like a broken record.

  “Dating. This whole gay scene. And I messed up, doing precisely what I’m always telling you I don’t want.”

  “You didn’t want to sleep with Trevor?”

  “Hell no,” he said. “Well, yeah, I guess, but it wasn’t worth it. It was completely the wrong thing to do.”

  He talked about the same thing he usually did, how the men were just out for sex. “And Trevor pissed me off tonight because all he could talk about to every queen in the joint was you and me and how we should just get it on.”

  I felt my ears burn. Then I told him what Trevor did in the kitchen the night before and confessed to being angry myself. “Which is why I felt sorry that you and him, you know…” I trailed off, too.