by Nina Levine
She gave him a confused look. “Ah, for my driving lesson. The one you promised to give me before school this morning.”
“Fuck,” he muttered. “I can’t do it this morning. I’m sorry, I forgot.”
“Shit,” I apologised, joining their conversation. “Sorry, Renee, it’s my fault. I need him to drive me home so I can get to work on time.”
She waved me off, but her disappointment with Nitro remained. “Can you do it after school, then?”
“I wish I could, but I’ve got club stuff on all day.” I could hear, clear as day, his regret, but Renee wasn’t taking it in.
“How am I supposed to clock up the hours you want me to if no one will take me driving? Mum can’t do it and she can’t afford to pay for lessons, so you’re pretty much it,” she said, staring at him with a hard expression.
“I can take you,” I offered. “I can finish work early today.”
Nitro moved so he could look at both of us. “No. I’ll figure something out.” His voice was firm, leaving no room for me to misunderstand that he didn’t want me driving with his niece.
His words were like a slap in the face. “You don’t trust me to take Renee driving?”
He grimaced. “Fuck, Tatum, it’s not that—”
“Well, what is it?”
“It’s—” he started, but Renee cut him off.
“He doesn’t trust anyone else on the road, Tatum. It’s not you. But I would like to say that at some point, you’re gonna have to let me out there, Nitro, so it may as well be with someone you do trust.”
Trust.
As we stood watching each other, my breathing slowed. If anyone understood how hard it was to give trust to someone, it was me. And yet, I desperately wanted Nitro to give me his. I wouldn’t hold it against him if he wasn’t ready yet, but I realised how much I wanted it.
He rubbed the back of his neck as time ticked on. It felt like minutes had passed when in reality it was only moments. Finally, he said, “Okay, you take her today.” His words came out haltingly, but he did give me his consent, and that meant everything.
* * *
“So, you and Nitro, where’s that heading?” Renee asked later that day as we sat in traffic. We’d been driving for almost half an hour and she’d avoided all talk of my relationship with her uncle in that time. I’d been waiting for it, though.
“I honestly don’t know,” I admitted.
She glanced at me quickly before turning her eyes back to the road. “Really? You don’t know what you want?”
I loved her bluntness. “If you’d asked me at first what I wanted, I would have told you I didn’t want a relationship. Now, I want that, but what I don’t know is what Nitro wants. So who knows where it will all end up.”
She grinned. “I can tell you that I’ve never seen him date a woman. You coming for dinner and meeting us all was huge.” She waved her hand in the air. “Well, I know we’d already met, but it was different at dinner. And he smiled a lot that night. He never smiles.”
“So what you’re telling me is that I’ve got half a shot.”
Her grin turned into a laugh and she looked at me again for a moment. “You really have no idea, do you? I think you’ve probably got less than half a shot of getting rid of him.”
Her words settled in deep. They felt good. This felt good. I liked Renee and I liked spending time with Nitro’s family. “What was it like growing up with him for an uncle?” I imagined Nitro to have been completely overprotective and overbearing, but I wondered what it felt like for her.
She was silent for a beat, thinking. “Nitro was the best dad I ever had,” she said simply, but those words told me everything.
I smiled. “Have you ever met your biological father?”
“No. Mum was so young when she fell pregnant. They were both kids. Nitro took on that role from the beginning. I mean, he practically raised Mum, too.”
I frowned. “I thought they lived with their uncle?”
“They did until Nitro got them out. Mum was only thirteen then. Nitro was almost eighteen. He got them a place to live and put food on the table. He also made sure Mum and Dustin finished school.”
I fell silent, lost in my thoughts. Nitro was the kind of man you thought you knew when you met him. He gave the impression of being unemotional and very cold. But truth be told, he wasn’t that person at all. Underneath the layers of moody and bossy and distant, was a man who cared very much.
“You know, Mum would be dead by now if it weren’t for Nitro. And I wouldn’t care about living as much as I do unless he’d taught me that. He always said that it didn’t matter how much I wanted to give up, I couldn’t. That even if I felt like no one cared whether I existed, there was always someone out there who needed me. He made me believe I was born for a reason.” She paused for a beat, and took a deep breath before adding, “I had a lot of shitty thoughts about my birth, that I was a mistake and probably not even wanted, but Nitro took the time to help me see otherwise.” Her voice cracked a little, and I saw a vulnerable side to her I hadn’t seen before.
I touched her arm gently. It felt weird to do it, because the only person I was touchy feely with was Monroe, but at the same time, I couldn’t deny the urge. “He’s right.”
She smiled and nodded. However, the moment was broken when the car behind rear-ended us.
“Oh my, God, Nitro is going to kill me!” Renee yelled in a panic. She was driving his ute and although he hadn’t said anything to either of us, I knew she was focused on returning it to him with no scratches. She wanted to prove to him that she could be trusted on the roads and with his car.
“Pull over to the kerb and I’ll get out and speak to them,” I said, craning my neck to see who had hit us. The car behind, however, had heavily tinted windows so I couldn’t get a look at them.
After she pulled over, I exited the car and made my way to the back to inspect the damage. Before I had the chance, though, a deep voice called out my name. Looking towards the car behind us, I saw Nitro’s uncle leave it and head my way.
What the fuck?
I stared in confusion.
Why is he here?
All the things Nitro had told me about this man rushed at me. And when he stood in front of me, I felt the evil rolling off him. He oozed it. In the way he watched me, in the twisted smile he gave and in the way he held himself, towering over me as if he could crush me. But I stood straight and didn’t show my feelings. Something I was good at.
“Joseph,” I greeted him.
“I see that Rhys has told you about me.”
I ignored what he said and cut straight to the chase. “What do you want? Because I’m taking it that you hitting us was no accident.”
He pulled a business card from his shirt pocket. Handing it to me, he said, “Give that to Nitro. I’ll have his car fixed.”
The last thing I wanted was to take that card, but I figured this would go a lot faster and smoother if I did. “Was there a particular reason you wanted us to pull over and talk to you?” No way was I pretending this was anything but what it clearly was.
His face darkened. “Just pass that card along to Nitro.” He turned to leave me but glanced back for a moment. “I see what he sees in you and I have to say that you’d make an excellent addition to my organisation, too. Tell him that also.”
I stared after him for a long while, and it wasn’t until I could no longer see his car that I realised I was shaking. I had no doubt that Joseph really was pure evil. It bled from him like blood. And it scared the absolute fuck out of me.
37
Nitro
“My Own Prison” by Creed
Rage burned in my gut and blinded my vision. Joseph approaching Tatum and Renee pushed me over the edge, to the point where I could no longer control my impulse to lash out. I wanted to kill him. However, he’d trained me so well that I could control that urge. Killing took careful preparation and planning, but I’d settle for hurting him. His death would come lat
er.
I banged on his hotel room door and waited for him to answer it. I’d called ahead, so he knew I was coming. The bastard never saw my fist coming, though. He thought he’d indoctrinated me enough that I would never turn on him. He should have been smarter.
My punch knocked him onto his ass. I stepped inside the room, the door closing behind me, and reached down to grab hold of his shirt. Pulling him up, I punched him hard again. He didn’t fall, just stumbled back a few feet.
We stared at each other. My breaths came hard and fast. His were calm. As if he’d expected the confrontation. Fuck, had he planned my reaction and I hadn’t seen that coming?
“This is the Rhys I’ve been waiting for,” he said, fucking with my mind again.
Jesus.
I needed to figure out his game or else he was going to win.
“Leave Tatum out of this!” I roared. “If you go near her again, I will fucking kill you.” When he didn’t say anything, but just stood there with a smile on his face, I added, “I will fucking rip your heart out of your chest if you fuck with her.”
He looked down and straightened his shirt, smoothing it as if that was all he cared about. Lifting his face back up slowly, he met my gaze. The smile had been replaced with the cold glare I knew so well. “Now I know for sure where your loyalties lie. I clearly taught you nothing,” he spat harshly.
I knew going to him would reveal as much, but I couldn’t stop myself. And I would deal with the consequences of that. I’d make sure Tatum and my family were safe at all times. I would never allow him to get close to them again.
“You taught me more than I care to understand, Joseph. But I’m a good soldier thanks to you, and I will have your blood on my hands one day.”
He lifted a brow casually, as if he didn’t believe a word I said. “Is that a threat, son?”
I took three determined strides in his direction and punched him again. “No, it’s a fucking promise.”
He stumbled backwards, raising his hand to cover his face where I’d punched him. The motherfucker still didn’t retaliate.
As I was trying to process the fact he was taking everything I gave him, the door opened and clicked shut as someone entered. Joseph’s eyes sparked with pleasure as he looked beyond me. Turning, I was confronted with a face I knew well. A face that caused a strong physical reaction in me. The kind of reaction that years of conditioning produced.
Terror sliced through my gut and bile forced its way up. Doubling over, I struggled for breath.
“Rhys, it’s been a long time.”
His voice was like acid washing over me.
It burnt.
The heat was too much.
I squeezed my eyes shut.
Panting.
He can’t touch me again.
They can’t hurt us anymore.
I pushed some short, sharp breaths out, trying desperately to get my shit under control.
My skin was on fucking fire.
I covered my ears, trying to dull the roar there and dropped to my knees, unable to hold myself up any longer.
And then the first kick came.
My uncle’s right-hand man, William, kicked me repeatedly, like he had done so many times. My whole body blazed with pain as his boot connected with my gut, my legs, my arms and my head.
When he decided I’d had enough of his boot, he yanked me up and punched me. The force of his punch landed me on my ass, and I took a blow to my head when the back of it hit the edge of the coffee table. Something in that punch woke my fighter side, though. I’d never stood up to William when I was younger, but fuck if I wouldn’t now.
Shutting down my conditioned response to him, I pushed my way up off the floor. Raising my fists and roaring out my anger, I lunged at him. He blocked my punch, but I didn’t give up. I would never give up again.
I fought like the soldier they’d trained me to be. I landed punch after punch on him, but he also got some in. My body didn’t feel the pain, though. I was running on pure adrenalin and rage. There was no time for feeling anything.
I didn’t stop until he lay sprawled on the carpet in front of me. Unconscious. Staring up at Joseph, I fought for my breaths, but I managed to spit out, “Fuck you.”
He stepped over William and came to me, our faces close. “That will be the last time you speak to me that way.”
His declaration was like an ominous message. One that meant nothing to me because I’d already made the decision to kill him. However, as I raised my hands to choke the life out of him, a loud knock on the door sounded.
“Ah, that will be my guests,” he said and moved around me to let them in.
My mind failed in its efforts to keep up, and I missed my chance to end his life when five men entered the room. I could take on Joseph, but I couldn’t take on that many at once.
I met Joseph’s gaze. “This isn’t done,” I said and then exited the room before he could reply.
I managed to make it out of the hotel. My bloody appearance drew a lot of attention, but no one bothered me. The only thing that bothered me were my memories of William and Joseph and what they’d put me through all those years ago.
William may have hurt my body and drew blood, but those fucking memories hacked at me, ripping open old wounds I thought had healed. Wounds I was beginning to think may never heal.
38
Tatum
“Dust to Dust” by The Civil Wars
I’d just put silverside on to cook when Nitro turned up at my place, bloody and beaten. I’d seen him like that before, but I flinched as he stood on my doorstep looking at me through eyes full of pain. It wasn’t the wounds or the blood that caused my reaction; it was the torment radiating from him.
Pulling the door wide open, I let him in and watched as he walked to the kitchen. While he held himself like the warrior I knew him to be, there was something completely off about him.
Facing me, he said, “Are you good?”
It was such a simple question, but those three words were all Nitro ever wanted to know. He always wanted to make sure I was okay. They may have been plain words, but they held depth. And I knew they were words he reserved only for those he cared about.
I nodded, cupping his face. He was asking if Joseph had shaken me up. When I’d called to tell him what had happened, he’d been furious. But he’d also been concerned about Joseph scaring Renee and me. “Yeah, but you’re not. Let me clean you up.” Memories of the last time I cleaned him up surfaced. It wasn’t that long ago, but everything had changed since then.
After I’d gathered what I needed, I sat him down at my kitchen table and stood in between his legs while I gently began the task of carefully cleaning blood from his face. Darkness had fallen outside and the only sound I could hear in the quiet of the night was Nitro’s laboured breathing. I didn’t initiate conversation, figuring he’d talk if he wanted. But I also figured he probably wouldn’t.
He surprised me when he did speak. His words came out so quietly that I almost didn’t hear them. “Ever had anyone in your life who scared the absolute fuck out of you, Vegas?” His hand gripped the back of my thigh. I not only heard his agony, but I also felt it in the way his hand clung to me.
“Yes.” It was almost a whisper. I didn’t want to remember this. But I knew that for Nitro, I would if he needed me to.
His fingers dug in to my leg harder. “Who?”
My eyes closed for a moment and I swallowed hard as my heart threatened to crash through my chest. “We used to have these neighbours when I was thirteen who had a son a couple of years older than me. He liked me, but I wasn’t interested in him. For two years, he tried to get me to go out with him. At first he was harmless, but then he turned nasty. He started stalking me, always turning up where I was and letting me know he was watching. My parents were too distracted with their marriage that they didn’t notice what was going on. And I didn’t want to burden them by telling them.”
“Even back then you didn’t like asking fo
r help,” he murmured.
I held his chin and tipped his face up to me so I could wash the blood off his neck. “Yes, even back then,” I said as our eyes locked. “So when I had just turned fifteen, he upped his game. He started confronting me more and touching me when he did. He’d whisper shit in my ear and tell me the things he wanted to do to me. The guy was seventeen then, and I’m pretty sure he already had psychopathic tendencies. The shit he wanted to do to me was violent. I told my parents who spoke to his parents. Of course, they didn’t believe it. Dad took it to the police, but there wasn’t anything they could do without proof.”
“What happened?” Nitro asked through gritted teeth.
I stared at him, not wanting to go on. He moved his hands to my waist and held me there, his touch reassuring. Protective. It said, “I’ve got you.”
Taking a deep breath, I shared one of my greatest regrets. “The threats went on for weeks, until the point where I was scared out of my wits. I wasn’t eating, hardly slept, and spent my days too frightened to leave the house. This was during the school holidays and Chris was away during those weeks. When he came home and found out what had been happening, he beat the guy up and tried to protect me. A few weeks passed and I didn’t see him anywhere. We thought he’d backed off. And then there was a party at the end of the summer holidays. I went with my friends and told Chris I’d be fine because it was a party and the guy usually only approached me when I was alone. We all drank a fair bit that night and my friends all got trashed. And that’s when the guy took his shot.”
“He attacked you?” It was like Nitro was holding his breath while he waited for my reply.
I shook my head as a single tear slid down my face. “No. I was walking down the road to go home when he pulled up in his car. He trailed me for ages, not saying much, just staring at me like a crazy guy. I called Chris to come and get me, and in that time, the guy tried to actually run me down with his car. I ran into the bush to get away from him and he came after me. But that was when Christ arrived, so he didn’t get to me before Chris started punching him. They fought for ages, until Chris had beaten him so badly that he didn’t walk for over a week.”