by Katy Kaylee
What if I got with him and I lost everything that I had been trying to build for myself? I knew it wasn’t exactly logical, that fear, but it was still there in the back of my mind, and I couldn’t seem to shut it up no matter how hard I tried.
Ted seemed to sit with what I said for a moment, and then said quietly, “Being with me doesn’t mean that you’re distracted. Our goals can shift and change. And you know - or, well, I hope that you know - I’m not like your ex. I would never lie, cheat, or treat you badly. I didn’t in high school and I won’t now. I know I’ve changed, but I know I’ve changed for the better. You wouldn’t ever have to be afraid around me.
“We’ve been through a lot, both of us, and I know that most of it for you was shit. But you’re not some… broken creature who needs to hide away in order to get better. You don’t have to close yourself off and deny yourself real chances at happiness. I know you’re still the same sweet girl I knew in high school. The one who would lay her head on my shoulder and tell me her hopes and dreams. The one who would take care of stray kittens and who read books to the elderly at the nursing home every weekend.”
Maybe Ted remembered good things about me in high school, but I didn’t. My throat felt raw and choked as I spoke. “Ted, I… I don’t… I treated you horribly. I took you for granted. I let my parents convince me to dump you in the most thoughtless way possible. I really hurt you, and I knew that I was doing that, even as I did it, I knew it in the moment and I know it now, remembering it. Why would you even want to try dating me again?
What - I don’t see what was so special about me that you would be ready to risk yourself with me again.”
Ted looked at me, his eyes soft and warm, and then held out his hands. “C’mere.”
I took his hands and let him pull me into his lap, his arms coming around me, securing me. I could easily have felt trapped, but instead I felt like I finally had an anchor. A safe harbor. I settled my head on his shoulder and breathed him in, his warmth like a protective cocoon around me.
“We were kids,” he said softly. “No, it doesn’t make it okay, but we were so young. You’re sorry for it and that’s all that matters. And you’re not that same person. I look at you now and I see the good qualities you had back then. Those stayed the same. And I also see that you’ve shed the things that were negative. You’ve grown, just as I have.
“You wouldn’t want me if I was the same now as I was in high school. Because as thoughtless as it might’ve been to do it the way that you did… you were right. I didn’t take anything seriously back then. I was just coasting through life, seeing how many people I could piss off because I had a problem with authority. The only thing I cared about was you and that’s not healthy. Nobody should only care ever about one thing in life, even if that thing is another person.
“What you did - it snapped me into reality. It gave me the fire I needed to actually do something with myself. I decided to become a fertility doctor to help people who deserved to become parents achieve their dream. I know it wasn’t the best way you could’ve done it but you lit the spark, you made me into the man I am today. All of my success is because of you. You started that.”
I hadn’t… I hadn’t thought of it that way or even realized that I should take any credit for Ted’s current success. “I had no idea.”
Ted shrugged, looking a little self-conscious. “I considered finding you, sometimes, reaching out to you and thanking you. But I figured that you wouldn’t want to hear from me.”
“I lied,” I told him. “I didn’t care about your ambitions or lack of them, I just cared about how you made me feel. I felt like I could be myself around you, I felt safe and cared for, I felt… like you really saw me, and that you loved me for what you saw. My parents, everyone else, they only saw what they wanted me to be, what they told me to be. Chad only saw me - men in general just, only saw me for what I could do for them, not just who I was. I never wanted to break up with you.”
“Hey, it was… it was for the better, for me at least, that you did it. I hate…” A growl entered Ted’s voice, a dangerous one, but not directed at me. Directed at Chad, at whoever was responsible for letting me get into that situation. “I hate what happened to you. For me, though - in the end, I’m grateful that you broke up with me.”
He gave a small laugh, then turned and brushed my tears away with the back of his hand. I hadn’t even realized I’d been crying. “It’s okay, Roni, I promise. You can stop, don’t beat yourself up about me.”
I was still nervous. Scared. I didn’t think that Ted would hurt me. I trusted that he wouldn’t. But I also couldn’t shake the fear of being in a relationship again.
What was I supposed to do? How was I supposed to feel? It was all jumbled up inside of me.
The only thing that I knew for certain was how much I wanted him. How safe I felt with him. He called me Roni, that old nickname, and it felt like my heart was going to jump right out of my chest. I would’ve smacked anyone else who called me that, but not Ted. Anyone else… would’ve made it sound like something smug in their mouths. This little way of teasing me, oh, give fancy Veronica DeMarcus the geeky sounding nickname. It was a way to claim a superiority and an intimacy with me that most people didn’t have or deserve.
But with Ted, he’d always made it sound playful. Loving. A little secret, just the two of us.
To hear him calling me that again the other day had terrified me in how much I had enjoyed it. It had signaled to me how close we were becoming again and that had scared me.
But now I wanted to hear it all the time. It was like a lifeline. Another sign that I truly was forgiven for how I’d treated him, and that he really was still there for me.
Maybe I should… stop thinking for two seconds. Stop worrying about what was right and what was wrong. Maybe I should just give in to how I felt about him the way I hadn’t all those years ago.
Slowly, giving him time to back away, I leaned in and pressed my lips to his.
Ted sagged a little, like he had been waiting for this, and then he brought his arms around me. He didn’t deepen the kiss, the way that I expected. Instead he kissed sensually all over my face, along my neck, over and over, as I slowly melted.
“Ted… you…”
“Shh,” he replied. “Let me worship you, hmm?” His hands slid up my body, underneath my shirt, then back down to take handfuls of my ass and slowly grind me against him. I could feel him getting hard, and I whimpered. “That’s it. Relax, darling, I’m going to take care of you.”
I believed him. It was Ted, and he had always taken care of me. And oh, each kiss was slow and deep, sucking at my skin, until I felt like an entire puddle of goo. I could feel heat spreading through me and I opened my legs, grinding against Ted, feeling the bulge where his cock was getting hard in his pants. I slid my hand down, flicking open his jeans and sliding inside, palming his cock.
Ted groaned, lightly biting at my neck. He was so hard and thick, and I shivered, knowing what that felt like inside of me, wanting more of it.
Ted suddenly got his hands on his hips and whirled me around, pressing my back to his chest. I moaned in surprise and he chuckled. His hands were sliding up underneath my skirt, rubbing at my underwear, and his mouth was pressing a slow path down my neck. “Bend over the couch, baby.”
Fresh heat shot through me and I could feel myself getting almost unbearably wet. Ted growled, pleased, and I knew that he could feel it happening to me, feel how he was turning me on.
His finger rubbed up and down, teasing, as he bent over me, his chest still pressed against me, a warm weight on top of me.
“I can’t wait to get you into a proper bed,” he whispered. “And put my mouth on every inch of your body.”
It was tempting to take his hand and lead him upstairs to the bedroom, to do as he said, but I was also enjoying this, the feeling of his body over me, on top of me, pressed against me. It helped me feel safe and cared for, protected.
And it wa
s the perfect position for his hand to keep working between my legs. I felt so wet, it was starting to slide down between my legs, and my body was clenching, wanting to be filled, stretched, fucked. Not to mention… like this, he could fuck me from behind and get that much deeper inside of me.
Ted was completely in control like this. I could only brace myself as he worked his fingers into me, as he kept kissing me everywhere he could reach while I heard him undoing his pants. I couldn’t reach behind him to stroke his cock, I couldn’t do anything he didn’t want me to. With anyone else - with Chad - that might have made me panic but with Ted, it was just, well, Ted. I trusted him. And he was making me feel so damn good.
“You ready?” He asked, his fingers sliding out of me.
“Yes,” I promised.
As he slid into me, deep and steady, his cock throbbing and getting so far into me it felt like it was hitting the back of my throat, I couldn’t help but feel like I’d said yes to more than just the sex.
At least, in my heart.
19
Ted
Sliding into Roni was like… it was like coming home. I knew that felt ridiculous and overly romantic but that was how it felt. Like I should always be with her, should always have been with her. I had to take a few shaky breaths as I tried to adjust to being inside of her. She was so tight and hot, especially in this position with my hips completely flush against her.
I was deep in her like this, and I could fuck her hard and rough like we had in the examination room, but after all that she had told me, I didn’t want that. I wanted something slower. More intimate. Not that our sex before hadn’t been intimate but… this was… more. Different.
Roni whimpered as I slid out of her, almost completely, just the head of my cock still inside of her, and then slid back in all the way to the hilt. She moaned, long and loud. “That’s right,” I encouraged. “I want to hear you. Tell me if you want me to do something, baby, tell me what’s good for you.” I never wanted her to be left wanting. I wanted her to feel good no matter what.
“You’re… this is good, this is… just like this, hold me, hold me please, this is… perfect,” she gasped out, her voice rough with pleasure.
She wanted to be held? I could do that. Hell, I was more than happy to do that. I kept my arm firmly around her, my fingers rubbing at her clit as I fucked into her, slow and steady, keeping myself in her, not pulling out all the way, not once. I wanted to stay inside of her. Feel us together, joined, as one.
Even if Roni wasn’t always ready to jump in with both feet when it came to… us… that was okay. In this, at least, we were in sync.
I kissed along her neck, the top of her spine, over and over, working myself into her in these slow thrusts. It was good, so good, I could… I had to…
“Babe - Roni, I’m not… ”
“It’s okay,” she gasped, “I’m, I’m close, and I… come for me, please, please…”
I shoved myself into her, the tight, slick heat of her, orgasm sliding through me like alcohol, burning, sweet fire, and I felt Roni coming around me, her orgasm triggered by mine, and that was so goddamn hot I could barely stand it. I was filling her up with my come, marking her, and that was making her orgasm. I couldn’t think of anything sexier, and I lost myself in the heat of it until we collapsed onto the couch together.
“Congratulations on the comfy couch,” I told her, holding her close. Like I’d held her as we’d fucked.
Roni chuckled, and for a moment, silence fell. I couldn’t see her face, didn’t know what she was thinking. I was just glad that her couch was big enough to for the two of us to lie on it together, me holding her, still back to chest.
I kissed her temple. “Penny for your thoughts,” I whispered. Because maybe I was crazy but… the way that we’d fucked, the way that Roni had asked for me to hold her, the way that she’d wanted us connected, the way that she’d come because I had, inside her… that… meant something, didn’t it?
Or was I just being too hopeful?
Roni rolled over, her eyes sharp and piercing. “I’m willing to give this a chance,” she whispered. “Between us.”
I could feel my heart soaring, but I could also hear a ‘but’ coming from her - a caveat.
“But I want us to take things slow.” Roni looked nervous, like I might somehow object to this. As if I could possibly object to that after all that I knew she’d gone through. “I… I know it’s stupid of me to be scared. I trust you, it’s not that I don’t, and so I don’t know why it is that I’m still so afraid to rush into things. But I was a part of a couple for so long, and I want to… I want to still preserve myself.”
“It’s not stupid,” I promised her. I tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear and then gently pulled her in, kissing her softly. Veronica practically melted against me. “It’s not stupid at all. And we can go as fast or as slow as you want. I don’t have a timer on this. I… you remember the first time that we had sex?”
Veronica blushed. “How could I forget?”
“You were always apologizing to me about wanting to take things slow. I never pushed you then, and when we did have sex, it was worth the wait. Because you were completely comfortable and you wanted it. It wouldn’t have been good if you’d been holding back, or resentful, or feeling pressured. This might be a bit… reversed, you might want to take things slow emotionally and not physically this time, sure, but it’s the same principle. I don’t want you to be rushed into anything, because that’ll just hurt us both. I’ll never rush you. I promise.”
Veronica looked so beyond grateful that my heart fucking broke for her. Had she really been subjected to such shit that she thought something as simple as this common decency, this basic respect for her emotional needs, was such a huge deal?
I wanted to strangle Chad so much more now, and Veronica’s parents on top of it for pressuring her into being with Chad, into being that perfect society wife who did as she was expected and never actually did anything for herself.
Veronica seemed to sense my frustration, because she pulled away a bit, frowning. “I…”
I shook my head. “You’re perfect.”
I didn’t quite mean - it just slipped out, and Veronica flushed, a small, bashful smile appearing.
She used to laugh and smile so easily, to accept my compliments with pleasure but without question. I wanted her to get back to that level of confidence. I wanted her to hear me say something like you’re perfect and laugh and accept that to me, she was. This bashful look, this lurking fear in her eyes that it wasn’t really true… that hurt me, like a stab to the chest. She deserved so much more than that. She deserved to think better of herself.
“What I mean,” I said, “is that I’m not upset at you. Not at all.” I paused, feeling that rage still roiling within me. “That one asshole—I’m going to sound dramatic here, I know. But I hate him. I’m going to punish him for what he did to you. I promise.”
Veronica curled into me, kissing my neck. “I don’t need you to get revenge for me. As much as the idea… it’s a fun one. And I’m not going to say no if you want to find a way to teach him a lesson that won’t end up with you getting thrown into jail. I kind of like you out here with me.”
“Oh, you sure? I think I’d look good in orange.”
She laughed. That was the Roni I knew. She was still in there, she just had to be coaxed out and encouraged. “Well, I will say this. I already know that you’re a better man than Chad. You were a better man when you were in high school, even.”
“Okay, hey, let’s not give me too much credit, you remember the time I graffitied the basketball court.”
Veronica laughed again. “Well if nothing else, you’re far better looking.” She winked at me and then kissed my jaw.
“Mmm, yes, I get by in life on my good looks, like any good potential trophy husband.”
“Oh my God.” Veronica’s eyes twinkled with amusement. “That actually reminds me, did you know - Chad’s been using pres
cription pills to manage his hair loss for years.”
“He’s losing his hair!?”
“Oh yeah, since he was about twenty-eight. It drives him nuts, he’s so sensitive about it.”
I patted my hair. “Shh, don’t talk about it too much, you’ll scare them!”
Veronica playfully smacked me on the chest. “You are so ridiculous.” She was grinning widely, though, all of her frustrations apparently forgotten.
“Speak for yourself.” I slid my fingers over her ribs to test if she was still ticklish there.
Veronica shrieked in surprise, giggling and shoving my hands away. “Oh my God, you’re the worst.”
I wiggled my eyebrows at her.
Veronica kept giggling. “You want to know something awful?”
“I don’t think there’s anything you could tell me that would really be that awful.”
“Chad was always so paranoid about how he looked, and his hair, and so whenever I was angry with him, I would imagine him bald.”
Veronica descended into laughter. It warmed my heart to see her so carefree, able to laugh about something and someone who had given her such pain.
And a little idea was beginning to form in my mind.
“Well, you won’t ever have to worry about that. I might lack a few things but a fabulous head of hair is not one of them.”
Veronica grinned at me. “You definitely have that,” she said. “And a lot of other things, too,” she added, her voice taking on a purr at the edges.
I pulled her into me and kissed her, and I was glad to say that neither of us thought any more about Chad for quite some time after that.
20
Veronica
It had been two weeks, and I was… well, I was getting that giddy feeling that you were supposed to feel when you were with someone. I had forgotten that it could feel like this, that it was supposed to feel like this, the excitement and appreciation and just, the joy of being with that person. At times I was wondering why I had been so afraid.