Forever His Baby

by Airicka Phoenix

  “Cole?” Lily’s voice broke him.

  He shoved back from the table with such force that the table rocked. Glasses of water toppled and something struck the ground and shattered.

  “Cole!” Beth scolded him.

  But Cole was staring at his brother through slitted eyes. “We need to talk.”

  Sloan looked as taken aback as the others, but he rose and followed Cole into the next room, away from the girls, who watched them with baffled expressions.

  Cole paced the length of the living room, trying to gather his thoughts before he started screaming.

  “What’s going on?” Sloan asked.

  And that did it.

  “You son of a bitch!”

  Sloan blinked. “Whoa, what the hell is—?”

  Cole closed the distance between them and sneered into his brother’s face. “That’s my baby!” He had to give Sloan props; he never so much as blinked. “Tell me it’s not. Tell me I’m wrong.”

  “Cole—”

  “Jesus!” He staggered back, afraid he might do something he might not regret later, like hit his brother. “Jesus!” he said again, dropping down onto the coffee table with his face in his hands. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  Sloan hesitated. “We were going to.”

  His hands were shaking when he rubbed his face. “So it’s mine.” It wasn’t a question.

  Sloan nodded.

  “Shit! Fuck!” He shot to his feet and paced, faster and harder than before. “Is that why you’re marrying her?”

  Sloan shook his head. “I really love her, Cole. Her and that baby.”

  “That baby?” He stopped to glare at his brother. “You mean my baby? The one you were never going to tell me about? Did you think I was stupid? Did you think I couldn’t do the math? Christ, Sloan, I had a right to know I was going to be a dad.”

  “I know.” His agreement did nothing to appease the roaring storm raging inside Cole.

  “I don’t even know…” He shook his head so hard his brain hurt. “I can’t even look at you. I can’t believe you would do this to me.”

  “It wasn’t to hurt you,” Sloan said. “We were trying to protect you.”

  “By keeping my kid away from me?”

  Sloan closed his mouth. His guilt and self-loathing only slightly making Cole happy.

  “That wasn’t what we were doing.” Lily stood in the doorway, eyes a luminescent brown shimmering with unshed tears. “You were finally free of this place, Cole. You had a whole life away from the close-minded people you hate so much. We … I didn’t want to take that away from you.”

  Cole could only stare at her, at the life growing inside her and his world gave another rocky jolt. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to cry or scream.

  “You should have told me.” He whirled around on Sloan. “You’re my brother! How could you keep this from me?”

  “It’s not his fault,” Lily cut in. “I told him not to tell. This is me. Please. Be angry with me. This is my fault—”

  “No!” Sloan took a step towards her. “It wasn’t Lily. I asked her not to tell you.”

  “But why?” Cole screamed finally, letting it roll off him in hot splinters.

  It was Lily who answered. “Because you had your entire life ahead of you and we couldn’t take that away from you.”

  Battling back his own tears, Cole turned to her. “But you’d take my baby.”

  Her bottom lip trembled. Tears rained down her cheeks. “I’m sorry.”

  “Enough.” Sloan moved, planting himself between Cole and Lily. “You’re pissed. I don’t blame you. I’d be fucking furious if it were me. So go ahead and take your frustrations out, but on me.”

  It was tempting. Beating the shit out of something, or someone, was exactly what he wanted to do. His fists actually clenched with the bloodlust.

  It was the low whimper that stilled him, the low gasping whine of someone barely able to breathe around excruciating pain. Sloan whipped around before Cole could pinpoint the source.

  “Lily!” His arms were around her, supporting her when she began to sink to the ground.

  She was a terrifying white as she caught at her stomach with trembling hands. Her brown eyes were wide with terror and pain.

  “Sloan…!”

  The sound of trickling water filled the silence. A thick, clear puddle formed around Lily’s feet. For a full second, Cole wondered if she’d wet herself. Then Sloan swore and Lily voiced the problem.

  “The baby’s coming.”

  Cole had absolutely no idea what he was supposed to do, except maybe soil himself. Sloan was no help at all. He’d gone rigid and a scary shade of white that surpassed even Lily. He was staring at the puddle at their feet with the look of a man about to be sick.

  If he faints, Cole thought bitterly. I’m letting him hit the ground.

  It didn’t come to that. Beth seemed to appear out of nowhere, hooked her arms around Lily’s shoulders and took instant charge.

  “You!” She pointed at Sloan. “Get the bags. You.” She looked to Cole. “Start the car, then call the hospital and let them know we’re coming.”

  “Wait!” Sloan blurted. “It’s too early. There’s still—”

  “It’s not!” Beth said sharply, giving Sloan a warning glower Cole prayed he never got. “The baby is ready. Now get moving.”

  Not waiting to see if anyone was actually going to do as she said, she propelled Lily out of the room.

  “I—I…” Sloan muttered, his voice slightly slurring like he was drunk.

  “Snap out of it!” Cole said as he pulled himself together. “Get the bags.”

  “Bags?” Sloan looked so confused that Cole felt momentarily bad for him. “Bags. Okay.”

  Beth had helped Lily into fresh clothes when they returned. They all trudged to the car where Sloan shoved a small duffle into the trunk. Lily was eased into the back seat. Sloan followed her without a word, leaving Beth to take the wheel, which was so shocking, that Cole couldn’t even think to be offended; Sloan never let anyone touch his Mustang.

  “Time her contractions,” Beth instructed as Lily screamed through her teeth.

  There was no need. Even Cole could tell they were fucking close.

  They got to the hospital in under fifteen minutes. A nurse was waiting for them with a wheelchair. She smiled at Sloan as Lily was helped into it.

  “I’ll come get you once we have her prepped,” the nurse told him, probably to get him to release the death grip he had on Lily’s hand.

  “Sloan…” Her voice was hoarse, tearful and encased with fear.

  Sloan kissed her fingers. “It’s okay, baby. It’s going to be okay.”

  Their fingers slipped apart as the nurse propelled Lily down the hall. The moment she was out of sight, Sloan fell apart.

  He slumped against the wall, hands on his knees, breathing like there wasn’t enough oxygen in the world. Sweat trickled from his brow and he was shivering uncontrollably. Cole had never seen this side of his brother before. Sloan had always been this unwavering force in his life. He honestly hadn’t thought there was anything that could shake him. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do.

  “She’s going to be okay,” Beth said for him. “Women have babies all the time.”

  Sloan shook his head rapidly. “She’s not ready. It’s too soon.” He pushed off the wall and began unsteadily pacing the width of the hall. “What if something’s wrong? What if—”

  “Nothing’s wrong,” Beth soothed. “Babies come at eight months. It’s normal. I was born at seven.”

  Cole looked at her. “I didn’t know that.”

  Beth grinned. “I am a woman of mystery.”

  Cole was about to comment when Sloan came to a skidding halt.

  “The crib!” He looked wildly at Cole. “I didn’t put the crib up. The room’s not painted.”

  Beth chuckled. “It can wait. Right now, you need to pull yourself together. You need to be strong for her.”


  Sloan rubbed a hand over his mouth, looked at Beth and gave a nod. “You’re right.” But he still looked like he was about to throw up.

  When the nurse came to get him, Sloan took a deep breath and followed at an almost drunken stagger. Cole waited for a second before hurrying after them; it was his kid being born. Shouldn’t he be present?

  The room was white with a bed, a couple of nightstands and a bunch of things he didn’t recognize taking up most of it. Lily was on the bed, clad in a white hospital gown. Sheets were draped over her knees. Her tear stained face lit up when she saw Sloan. Her hands reached for him and were captured instantly. And just like that, the shaken Sloan was gone. His calm confidence seemed to spill over the room.

  “Hey,” he murmured. “How are you?”

  “The baby’s coming,” she told him breathlessly.

  Sloan nodded. “It’s going to be okay.”

  Lily shook her head. “We’re not ready.”

  Sloan shushed her gently. “We’re ready.”

  “The crib—”

  He kissed her. “We’ll set the bassinet up in our room until his is ready. Now don’t worry about that, okay? Just concentrate on delivering that baby.”

  “It hurts,” she gasped as another twang of pain bent her in two.

  “It’ll be over soon.” Sloan promised, smoothing back her hair. He peered into her pain glazed eyes. “I love you, Lily.”

  Cole didn’t get to see the rest as a nurse told him to wait in the waiting area and shut the door in his face.

  He stayed outside the door, pacing and wondering why it was taking so long. Every once in a while, he’d hear Lily screaming and crying, but the door remained firmly shut. He wondered how long it would take and if Lily and the baby would be okay, because in that moment, he didn’t care that it had been kept a secret from him. He didn’t care about anything but seeing Lily. It was after all his fault she was in there now. He would be responsible if anything happened.

  He made his way to the waiting room. It was empty except for one person.

  Guilt shot through him.

  Beth.

  She looked up when he approached at an almost hesitant shuffle. Her eyes were dry, but there was something in them that made Cole’s insides writhe.

  “I guess you know,” he murmured.

  She looked down at her hands clasped tightly in her lap. “You guys weren’t exactly quiet.”

  “Beth…”

  She shook her head. “It’s okay.”

  “No, please, let me explain?”

  Her eyes were bright with tears when she lifted her face to his. The sight of them punched him square in the gut.

  “You told me there was nothing between you guys,” she whispered.

  “There isn’t!” he insisted, the urgency white hot in his voice. “There has never been—”

  “She’s pregnant, Cole,” Beth interrupted. “With your baby. Clearly at some point—”

  “Yes,” he admitted, taking the seat next to her. “We slept together once, but not because we love each other like that. It was a stupid pact that I regret so much right now.”

  If he had at any point thought that would make her feel better, he was sorely mistaken. Her expression turned disgusted.

  “That’s your baby!” she snapped at him. “No matter how it was conceived, you should never regret—”

  “I don’t mean because of that!” He stopped to suck in a breath. The whole conversation had taken a horrible turn and if he didn’t keep his calm, he might lose her forever. “Everything I told you was the truth. Lily and I have been friends since diapers. I love her and I will always love her, but I don’t want her. I don’t feel lost and empty when she’s not around. I don’t wake up at night reaching for her. I don’t love her the way I love you.”

  Beth’s eyes widened. Her soft, pink mouth parted, and even he was momentarily stunned by his confession. This was not how he had wanted to tell her. But he plowed on.

  “I have always known Lily loved Sloan and that never bothered me. It still doesn’t. When we made that pact to lose our virginities together, it was a onetime thing that was so awkward that I still cringe at the memory of it. I went to school two months later and never thought about it again.”

  “Then why did you never tell me?”

  Cole shook his head. “Because it didn’t matter? Because you were already so worried about me having a best friend who was a girl? I don’t know. I just … I’m sorry.”

  For several long minutes, neither of them spoke. They sat watching nurses in white scrubs rush to and fro, but no one gave them a second glance.

  Beth broke the silence.

  “What are you going to do now?”

  He barked a laugh. “I have no fucking idea.”

  Cole stayed, even when Beth left to get her things from the house and stay at a motel. He gave her both sets of keys, the ones to his car and the ones to the Mustang to save her from getting a cab. He knew him not asking her to stay hurt her. It wasn’t intentional, but how could he give her answers to things even he no longer understood? He couldn’t ask her to stay when his entire world had been flipped in the matter of ten minutes. That morning, driving down with Beth in the car, laughing and talking about all the things they were going to do in the future, a future that had seemed so incredibly bright … felt like a lifetime ago. It felt like it had never really happened.

  He stared down at the hands hanging down between his knees and wondered how everything could have just slipped straight through them.

  It was three in the morning when a nurse poked her head into the waiting area and announced that the baby was born and he could go on in if he wanted. Cole had hesitated, because he still wasn’t sure he did. He sure as hell wasn’t sure he was ready to look upon that baby knowing what he now knew.

  He had a baby.

  Unable to stay put any longer, Cole rose and shuffled after the nurse to Lily’s room.

  It was dark except for the light on the end table falling in pale splinters over a breathtaking spray of roses, a dozen if he wasn’t mistaken, maybe more, all stuffed into a gleaming crystal vase with swirling vines blown into the glass. Lily was in bed, fast asleep. Sloan sat in a rocking chair by the window, a tiny bundle held gently in his arms. He was peering down at it with an adoration that was written about in poems and love songs. It was a deep, intense love that left no room for anything else. But beneath all that, there was a sort of peace, a calm Cole had never seen on Sloan’s face. He was happy.

  Feeling like an intruder, Cole turned to leave.

  “Hey.” Sloan had spotted him.

  Cole turned back reluctantly. “Hey.”

  Sloan rose from the chair. “Want to come in? She’s out cold,” he said when Cole shot Lily a glance. “She’s exhausted.”

  Not sure what to say, Cole edged into the room. His gaze went to the bundle still in his brother’s arms.

  “It’s a girl,” Sloan said. “She’s beautiful.”

  Cole’s insides knotted.

  “Want to hold her?”

  Not expecting that, Cole looked at him.

  Sloan chuckled. “She doesn’t bite.”

  That wasn’t why he’d been surprised. It was stupid, but he hadn’t thought he would be allowed to hold the baby. In his mind, he had this image of not belonging in this child’s life anymore and the thought had been excruciating.

  Carefully, Sloan slipped the baby into Cole’s arms and Cole’s throat closed. The round, pink face blurred behind tears. Despite his attempts not to show it, one slipped and landed on a delicately pink cheek. Sloan didn’t say anything as Cole stroked it away, smoothed his finger over a cheek that felt like rose petals. His entire hand was bigger than her whole face. Her nose was no bigger than his thumb—Lily’s nose. She had Lily’s nose. But it was his mouth set in a perfect little O. His chin.

  A sob escaped him. His arms tightened around her and he lifted her up to bury his face into her newly born scent just as the tears
started.

  It was Sloan’s hands guiding him to the chair he had vacated. Cole sat, still nuzzling his face into all that softness. He couldn’t believe anything could be so soft and Sloan had been right, she was beautiful.

  “What’s her name?” he asked, not giving a shit that his voice was hoarse.

  Sloan took the chair opposite him. “We haven’t given her one. Lily wanted you to pick.”

  Cole looked into his brother’s face. “Me?”

  Sloan nodded.

  It was on the tip of his tongue to ask if that would still hold true if he hadn’t found out. Would he still be allowed to pick her name then? But all that anger and bitterness seemed to take a backseat in that moment.

  “Calla.” His voice broke around their mother’s name. He heard Sloan suck in a breath sharply. Cole didn’t glance up. He bent his head and brushed a kiss to one rosy cheek. “Calla McClain.”

  Annoyed by all the talking, Calla let out a tiny, almost kitten-like mewl that was followed by an even more demanding screech. Cole almost jumped when the angry little fists flared, nearly knocking him in the face.

  Sloan laughed, the sound thick. “Should have warned you, she’s bossy like her mother.”

  Grinning, Cole drew her closer as she settled down once more.

  “I want to be in her life, Sloan,” he said after several minutes had passed.

  “Okay.”

  Cole looked at his brother. “I mean it. I need for her to know me.”

  Sloan narrowed his eyes. “Of course she will know you, Cole. We were never going to cut you from her life.”

  Yet that was exactly how it had felt.

  “I don’t know how to do this. I don’t…” He exhaled. “I don’t want to leave her, but … school and the junior position…” He looked at the other man, guilt twisting his insides. “Does that make me selfish? That I want to be her father, but I want to…” He shook his head. “This is more important, isn’t it? I need to be closer to home, so I can be with her and take care of her.”

  “And how do you expect to do that?”

  “What do you mean?”

  Sloan shrugged. “Dropping out of school when you only have two more years to graduate, does that sound like a smart move? Are you going to get a job at Ma’s and flip burgers for the rest of your life?”