by E. A. Copen
Finn blinked and looked to Nate, who shrugged.
“Oh, I know this one!” Hades raised a finger. “Evil Christmas cat!”
I groaned. “Don’t remind me.”
Nate picked up the broom from the corner and started sweeping. It was like polishing broken glass, but if it made him feel better, I wasn’t going to stop him. “Does this have anything to do with the Krampus thing?”
I nodded and clarified for the others. “It seems I may have a piece of Mask attached to me. I’m missing time and found a weird book in my closet. I also apparently developed a taste for the good stuff.” I waved one more pound of ground beef in the air before tossing it in the trash.
Finn cringed. “Raw meat?”
“Beef, specifically.” I looked down at my hands. Some of the packages had leaked, and now my fingers were covered in sticky red meat juice. It should’ve made me want to take a shower, but all I wanted the whole time was a raw steak. I thought at first a rare steak would do, but my stomach revolted at the idea of eating anything brown.
“And hot sauce,” Nate added. He opened another cabinet door, revealing shelves full of Louisiana hot sauce. “Did you even realize you put it in your drink at the bar earlier? I figured you were just mad and didn’t mean to, but you didn’t even notice.”
I sighed and went to the sink to wash my hands before I decided to lick them clean. “Anything else weird you guys have noticed me doing over the past month?”
One by one, the guys shrugged.
“You’ve been off lately, but I think we all just chalked it up to the stress of getting married and trying to sell your house,” Hades offered.
“You’re always weird,” said Finn.
“Takes one to know one,” I muttered.
“What’d you say?”
“Nothing.” I closed the fridge and stood, arching my back to crack it. “If there is a piece of Mask somewhere in my soul, do you think you could find it and remove it, Finn?”
He glanced at the others before stepping forward and crossing his arms with another shrug. “Maybe. I can almost definitely find it. The trouble comes with the removing part. Depends on how wound in there it is. I couldn’t have helped Foxglove. You needed Josiah for that.”
Nate looked up from where he was sweeping debris into a dustpan. “Any word from him?”
I shook my head. “Any call I make—even with magic—it just doesn’t go through. His number’s disconnected, and he’s gone off the grid magically speaking.”
They all looked at each other. No one would say it, but we were all thinking it. What if Josiah was dead? I told myself that I’d know if he was. There’d be some sort of disturbance in the Force. The truth was, I probably wouldn’t. Most folks with magic came and went from the world quietly, though Josiah had never been anything close to quiet or well-behaved. It was more likely that he’d gotten in over his head again and had to lay low, which meant he wasn’t able to help me.
I raised my hands. “We don’t need him. I’m not possessed, not like Foxglove was. Whatever’s going on, it’s not that serious. Guy outlined a plan for me to get back to normal. All I’ve got to do is follow it.”
I didn’t bother telling any of them that the plan included a return to the Nightlands. The place still haunted my nightmares. If Finn could find Mask first and pull him out, maybe I wouldn’t have to do all that. Guy thought he was dealing with a regular guy. He’d vastly underestimated my ability to stubbornly not follow a plan.
“Okay, then.” Finn gestured toward the living room. “You’d better lie down.”
Everyone crowded around while I stretched out on the worn-out sofa. It was more than a little unsettling the way they leaned over me with interest, like watching aliens prep to probe me.
Nate appeared, snapping on a pair of sterile gloves.
I sat up. “Wait a minute. I didn’t agree to anything other than to let Finn check me out.”
“Oh.” Nate blinked. “I just thought… Well, it’s not healthy for you to be eating raw meat, Lazarus. Your body is still very human. I thought I’d check you out after, just to be safe.”
“I’d rather not. After all, wouldn’t I have symptoms?”
“Not always,” Nate said. “E. Coli can develop days after ingesting contaminated food. Have you been having any bowel issues?”
I plopped back down and slapped my face while Finn and Hades snickered. “Just kill me now.”
“It’s nothing to be ashamed of,” Nate droned on. “It’s important to be able to talk about all aspects of your health, Lazarus.”
Hades patted his shoulders. “Save the speech, Doc. If he has any trouble, I’m sure he’ll tell you.”
“I think right now I’d rather just focus on letting Finn do his thing.”
“You got it.” Finn cracked his knuckles and closed his eyes, letting his hands hover over my body.
The room grew eerily quiet, the air stuffy. I felt like someone was sitting on my chest, preventing me from getting a good breath. To relax, I closed my eyes, but all I could think about was the trash can full of raw beef in the next room.
“I don’t see any…” Finn trailed off and tilted his head to the side. “Wait, there’s something here. It’s not like before.”
“Is it him?” I tried not to sound too eager for the answer, but that was impossible.
“I’m not sure.” Finn wrinkled his brow in concentration and moved his hands to hover over my chest.
A new wave of nausea rose. I broke out into a cold sweat, very aware of my pulse pounding in my neck. I tried to swallow the bile burning the back of my throat, but it felt like fingers had tightened over my windpipe.
Finn’s jaw flexed, and he moved his hands closer.
An invisible icepick stabbed me in the chest, icy pain radiating down my left shoulder. I sucked in a desperate gasp as my hands shot to my chest and I doubled over in pain.
“Stop!” Nate shouted and pushed Finn away. “Get him some water!”
I raised my eyes to Nate’s and wheezed hoarsely, “Can’t…breathe.”
Nate grabbed my wrist and shouted at Finn, “What did you do?”
“Nothing!” Finn ran back with a glass, water sloshing over the top.
The stranglehold on my heart finally released, and I finally managed to draw a shaky breath. I’d drawn two more before Nate announced I had an irregular heartbeat, but it was steadying out now. He let my wrist go and frowned at me with concern as I grabbed the water away from Finn and chugged it.
“There’s something there,” Finn said quietly. “But it’s not like with Foxglove or Emma before. This is different. Stronger and yet beyond my reach. It’s like a stain on your soul. The more I tried to rub it out, the worse off you got. I think...I think it’s attached to your life force, Lazarus.”
I lifted the cool glass to hold it against my forehead. “Meaning?”
Finn glanced at Nate and back to me. “Removing it will kill you.”
“Super.” I lowered the glass. “I guess I go with plan B then.”
Nate took the empty glass from me and passed it to Hades, who placed it on a shelf. “What’s plan B?”
I looked up at all their concerned faces. They hadn’t come all this way to listen to me talk about my problems. Here I was, about to shit all over a party that had taken a month to plan. I sighed. “Whatever it is, it can wait until tomorrow morning. You guys went through a lot of trouble to get this bachelor party figured out, and I don’t want to ruin it.”
Hades frowned. “Maybe the doctor is right. Maybe it would be best if we put it off for another time if you’re having health problems.”
“Health problems?” I stood and flexed my arms. “I’m as fit as I ever was! Look, I’ve been like this a month, right? And yeah, some weird stuff has happened, but it’s nothing I can’t handle. You guys barely noticed.”
“That was before Christmas creatures started attacking you,” Nate pointed out.
“True.” I walked to the k
itchen, where I pushed some splintered wood out of the way and turned on the faucet to rinse the sweat from my face. “But Guy told me if I had some holly, they’d leave me alone. All we’ve got to do is get some and keep it in our pockets, and we’ll be home free.”
They exchanged doubtful glances.
“Come on, guys.” I grabbed my staff from the corner and tapped it on the kitchen floor without backing the loud crack with any power. Nate still flinched. “I’m the Pale Horseman. You think I’m going to let evil Santa and an oversized house cat ruin my last few days as a free man? I need this. I’ve been under an insane amount of pressure. Blowing off steam is exactly what the doctor ordered.”
Nate cleared his throat. “To be clear, I never ordered any of this, and I don’t condone excessive consumption of alcohol.”
Hades and Finn tried to keep a straight face but burst out laughing.
Nate sighed. “Guess that means I’m the designated safe-drinking friend tonight. I’ll call us a car. Laz, go put on something else.”
I patted down my t-shirt and jeans. “What’s wrong with this?”
Hades put his arm around my shoulders and half-dragged me back toward my room. “Don’t worry, my friend! I’ll help you pick out something appropriate for the venue! I have something very special in mind.”
Chapter Six
Our first stop was Jean Lafitte’s Blacksmith bar. The oldest continually operating bar in the country was also Jean’s second home, and where he hung out whenever he wasn’t with any of us. I guess that meant all the rumors about a haunting there were true.
Hades got us all a round of beers while Jean jumped into the body of a young guy who’d already passed out at the bar. “So are you ready?” the god asked, sliding the brown bottle across the table to me.
I shook my head. “Far from it. Even if the house had gone on the market today—which it didn’t—I’ve still got to show up for alterations on the tux, pay for the rehearsal dinner, and pack for the honeymoon. I don’t know how I’m going to afford that now that I’ve got to gut the kitchen to sell.” I massaged my temples.
Finn picked up his bottle and popped the top. “Well, you don’t have to think about any of that, at least tonight. Tonight, our only job is to show you a good time.”
I glanced at the front door. At any minute, another Christmas monster could smash through the antique doorway and start smashing things in the bar. I didn’t want to be responsible for that kind of damage. Never mind what a creature like that would do to my friends. The memory of the Yule Cat’s claws flashed through my mind and I cringed.
“I think we’ll need more than a few cold beers to distract him,” Nate said. “Maybe you should eat something, Lazarus. Something cooked. You look awful.”
My stomach rebelled at the very idea of eating anything. “No, thanks. I’d rather not.”
“Never fear!” Hades boomed. “This is but the first stop on our extended tour of New Orleans!”
The sweaty blonde guy Jean had possessed wandered over to our table. Jean had gotten better at operating a human body over the last month, but anyone he possessed still moved stiffly. At least tonight, he could pass for a drunk partygoer and no one would give him a second glance.
Jean leaned on the table awkwardly. “Lazarus! Good to see you’ve survived another few days!” He put a hand beside his mouth as if to whisper an aside, but didn’t bother lowering his voice. “Hades brought me up to speed.”
Finn made a throat slicing gesture and shook his head. “We’re not talking about that.”
“Not talking about it?” Jean leaned to the side and almost fell over before he righted himself. “Pardon, but how can we not be talking about the elephant in the room? I’ll be the first to admit I love a good party, but if there are nefarious beasts about and the possibility that you-know-who will surface without warning, should we not be prepared?”
I lowered my hands to the tabletop. “And what kind of preparation can we do? We’ve kicked Mask’s ass more times than I can count, and he still keeps coming back. If Finn tries to pull what we think is responsible for my weird behavior out, it’ll probably kill me. But if we do nothing, monsters will keep attacking and ruining my life. That’ll go over well at the wedding.” I groaned and smacked my forehead on the table. “Why can’t anything go right?”
My friends exchanged uneasy glances, each one hoping the others had an answer to the problem. They didn’t. There wasn’t an easy solution. I needed to figure out how to remove him without dying, but I was out of options unless another answer fell into my lap. The likelihood of that happening was practically zero. I shouldn’t have been focused on that problem, especially since I couldn’t do anything to fix it, but Jean was right. Mask was the elephant in the room that no one could ignore.
Hades pushed his unopened beer to me. “Drink.”
“Because alcohol is the solution to every problem,” I muttered.
“It is tonight.”
I took the bottle, opened it, and chugged it. If they kept passing me booze at that rate, I’d forget all about Mask long before the end of the evening. I’d forget about everything, and I’d really hoped to remember at least a little of my bachelor party.
Hades clapped. “Another!”
I shook my head and pushed the bottles away. “I think I’m done with the booze. What’s next on the agenda?”
Hades glanced at his watch. “Well, it’s a little early, but what the hell? It’s your night. On to phase two! I’ll be right back.” He pushed away from the table and rushed out the front of the bar.
“Does anyone besides Hades actually know what he has planned?” I asked.
Finn took a long pull from his beer. “Nope.”
Great. Why did I have a feeling I was at the beginning of a bad frat boy comedy movie? I hoped I wasn’t going to wake up tomorrow with a lion in my bathtub or something equally as confusing.
As it turned out, Hades wasn’t fetching a lion or any other sort of exotic animal. He’d arranged a limo and a driver to take us around. The back held more booze than anyone could drink, but Hades and Finn were trying. They passed me another beer, but I didn’t even bother opening it. Meanwhile, Jean, Hades, and Finn were each two drinks deep in a drinking game I couldn’t pretend to understand.
Nate unbuckled from his seat and slid into the spot next to me at the back. “You look miserable.”
“I’m not,” I lied.
“You know, Hades won’t be offended if you say you’d rather just have a quiet night in.”
I sighed. “It’s not that. I know he went through a lot of trouble to set up whatever it is he’s got planned. My life is just a mess. It’s always been a mess. Maybe I’m fooling myself, thinking I can just slide into a quiet life after all this.”
Nate smiled. “Well, if it’s any consolation, I don’t think you’re capable of a quiet life.”
“Thanks,” I grumbled.
“But I do think you’ve paid your dues. You’ve earned a less stressful life, even if it isn’t particularly quiet.”
“I hope everyone sees it that way. I’ve pissed off plenty of people in my tenure as a Horseman, haven’t I?”
Nate shrugged. “Maybe. Then again, maybe that’s why it’s best you step away now. You’ve never been the diplomatic sort.”
He was right about that. Where I’d been inclined to blow holes in anything that got between the people I cared about and me, Nate would be far more likely to work out a compromise if possible. Still, he had the know-how and power to take down any monsters that threatened the city. I didn’t have any doubts about my choice of a successor at all. What I doubted was whether everyone else would leave me alone.
The limo slowed. Hades pushed aside the little curtains over the narrow windows, grinned, and declared, “We’re here! Finn, get the blindfold.”
“Blindfold?” I sat back and held my hands up. “Is that really necessary?”
Finn grinned and held up a black strip of cloth. “You wouldn’t
want to ruin the surprise, would you?” He tossed it to me. “Be a good sport.”
I wasn’t happy about the blindfold, but I put it on with a little help from Nate. My world went black. They didn’t even allow me a tiny peek, the jerks. I needed help to get out of the limo. My feet found a concrete curb just outside the door. I listened closely, turning my head from one side to the other. They might’ve taken my eyes, but maybe I could put together where I was with some other clues.
Let’s see… The smell of fried food, a faint whiff of old urine, the sound of a jazz band playing one, no, two blocks away… We had to be somewhere in the Quarter, though I couldn’t tell where. There were all kinds of places there Hades might think would make for an entertaining evening.
The guys snickered and half-dragged me forward through a narrow entrance. Concrete sidewalk shifted to thin carpet. Every footstep became muffled, but I thought there might be a large piece of furniture not far ahead judging by the way sound moved.
They pulled me forward.
“A little further,” Jean urged. “Just a little more. There. That’s perfect.”
Whoever was holding me up suddenly withdrew their hands. I almost fell over, suddenly unable to tell up from down without the support. My arms flailed wildly, reaching out to find something, anything to hold onto. “Come on, guys. This isn’t funny.”
Snickering off to my right.
I spun.
“No,” said someone to my left. Finn. “It’s hilarious.”
“Finn, I swear, when I find you, I’m going to strangle you.” I took a step to the left and almost stumbled.
Nate sighed next to me. “Okay, that’s enough, guys.”
The blindfold suddenly fell away, and I blinked as neon blue and pink lights flooded my vision. Booths lined the space, empty due to the early hour. There were three stages, each with a big metal pole in the middle. I recognized the venue as Karma and had to work not to cringe until Hades snapped his fingers. Doors on either side of the main room opened, and the strippers came in dressed as sexy versions of characters from some of my favorite fantasy and science fiction TV shows and movies. Normally, I would’ve said a bunch of strippers wouldn’t impress me. After all, I had Emma, and she was more than enough woman for me. But it was impossible not to gawk at the detail and hard work that must’ve gone into arranging all that.