A Menu For Loving

by Olivia Gaines

  Peace, be still...

  It was a quiet Sunday morning as everyone filed into First Baptist Church. The first family took their seats in the second row as the Rev. Waldo Jones began his sermon. Normally, the sermons were dry and without any real heft and feel, but this Sunday, it was as if the pastor had been given a message to deliver. He started to speak on the importance of peace. The words resonated with Tony as he understood the meaning of the verses since he had met Jennifer. His sleep was peaceful, his workday was serene, and life had taken on a new meaning. His arm went around his mother’s shoulders and she leaned into his strength. In the pastor’s words was the formation of a power that Tony held up his left hand in the air to capture. He balled up his fist to hold onto the spirit in his hand because before he could become a great husband, he had to be a great son. It was time for his mother to find some amity, as well. It was his duty to weed the walk path so she could begin her journey.

  After church, Cleo and her husband joined them at his mother’s home for lunch. Waldo seldom came over unless it was a holiday or a special occasion. Today was. Today was going to be a day of healing. If there was ever a time when Tony was proud of his little sister, today was one of those days.

  Over chicken salad sandwiches with green salad, she looked at her mother. “Momma, it’s time for you to find some peace,” she started the conversation. This was of course after Waldo had blessed the food and looked at the sparse spread with disdain. He had been expecting more, but their mother was not a big eater, neither were her children. To them, the meal was a bounty.

  Jacqueline’s eyes were clear as she looked at her daughter. “You know nothing about my pain! You have no idea what I have been through, so don’t sit at my table and tell me how I should feel about my life!”

  Cleo, normally, at this point would back down. Whenever their mother raised her voice, his sister would crumble and cave. But not today. With her back rigid and determination shrouding her face, she marched forward. “You’re right. We don’t, and we don’t need to know the details. What we want and need you to know is that, as your children, we will love you and respect you as our mother, no matter what the circumstance.”

  The gaze was unflinching as Jacqueline’s eyes went to Sasha. Tony saw no reason for her not to be at the table or to be a part of the process. If Jacqueline was to heal, it was going to take all of them to bring her back to a healthy place.

  “You want to speak of this in front of him and her?” she asked as she looked at Waldo and then at Sasha.

  “We are your family. Each of us stands beside you and behind you, Momma. We are here to help bear your load,” Cleo said with firmness.

  “You have no idea what cross I bear and what burdens I carry,” their mother said through gritted teeth.

  Cleo was still standing firm. “You are correct, Momma, and I don’t. But this I do know. We could care less about how Tino was conceived, but you gave him life. You nurtured him and gestated a healthy newborn. He was given to and raised by relatives who loved him and from what I hear, raised him to be a very successful man.”

  Tears started to run down Jacqueline’s cheeks and well-worn fingers swatted away the streams of salty memories. “I did check on him.”

  Tony spoke up. “Yes, you did. I went with you to his high school graduation and his graduation from college.”

  Cleo’s eyes got wide. She never knew any of this. “Momma,” she said as she watched her mother’s face. “It’s time to get to know him. He is not responsible for how he came into this world or for the actions that created him. He has thrived and prospered as a testament that God still favors you and He looked out for your son.”

  The tears were pouring down Jacqueline’s face as her thin body wracked with tears. Sasha jumped up and held her grandmother tight. “It’s okay, Nana. I met him and he is so nice. He is strong and handsome and he gave me this for my birthday.” She showed her grandmother the necklace.

  Cleo didn’t know that part either. “Momma, Tino has found it in his heart to still want to love you and us as well. Turning him away again would be to tell God you don’t want His blessing.”

  “I don’t know if God will forgive me for what I have done,” she said with her head held low as Sasha still held her tight.

  Sasha spoke again. “He is a forgiving God, Nana. He will not forsake you if you do not forsake Him. He has probably been waiting for you to talk to Him about Uncle Tino for a long time.”

  Tony was outdone. His daughter was right. It took him years to regain his courage to ask for anything because he had fallen short and conceived a child out of wedlock. He had also forsaken divinity school out of fear of his own sins. He had not prayed for many years for himself until three months ago.

  “Mom, are you ready to talk to Tino?” Tony asked.

  Jacqueline nodded her head as Tony punched in the number and handed the phone to his mother. Tino answered on the third ring. “Tino Boehner.” His voice cracked through the breath she had been holding.

  She knew exactly what to say because she had been practicing the words for many years. “Valentino, this is Jacqueline, your mother.”

  It was the phone call Tino Boehner had been longing to receive for the majority of his life. This was his chance to be complete and fill the hole that rendered him empty. It may only be a spoonful of dirt, but it was a start.

  Ebony was trying hard to make the spaghetti come out right, but she was a lousy cook. No matter how hard she tried, and even if she followed the directions to the letter, nothing ever came out right. Her mother banned her from the kitchen at her house and she sincerely was thinking of banning herself from her own kitchen. Tino looked at the plate of gooey pasta and shook his head no.

  “I think we should go out,” he said as he picked up the plate and took it to the kitchen. He scraped the pile of potential diarrhea in the sink and dumped the pot as well.

  “That is just rude!” Ebony told him. “I worked so hard on that, trying to make you dinner, you big brute.”

  He started the garbage disposal and dumped the rest, grinding and rinsing away any attempts to potentially kill him. “I know, sweetie, but it looked scary. Instead, let me take you out, or we order some Chinese or something.” Ebony was pouting. As he reached for her, his phone rang. He held up a finger for her to wait a second while he took the call.

  “Tino Boehner,” he said in the phone as his finger ran over Ebony’s bottom lip. He was not ready for what he was about to hear.

  “Valentino, this is Jacqueline, your mother,” she said with a voice that sounded like it was filled with emotion.

  The look on his face concerned Ebony as she visibly saw Tino’s legs go weak and he grabbed for the couch. “Hello, Jacqueline,” he responded.

  “I don’t travel much anymore, but I would love to see you. If you are ready, I would like to meet your fiancée as well. Anthony tells me you are about to get married,” she said into the line.

  “Yes, Ma’am, I am.” He was quiet for a second. “Jacqueline, I don’t have any questions. I am not looking for any reasons why. I just want to get to know you and my family.” He felt that portion was important.

  “I understand,” she told him. “And thank you.”

  “No, thank you for agreeing to see me,” he said as he rubbed his hand across his chest. His heart felt as if it were about to burst.

  “Valentino,” she whispered into the phone. “I loved you enough to do right by you. Giving you to Tom and Mary was the right thing for you.”

  “They raised me well, Jacqueline,” he paused for a second, putting together the words. The line was quiet. “Thank you for loving me enough to give me life.”

  Say Cheese...

  “What do you think he is like, Daddy?” Sasha asked as she fidgeted in the seat while he followed the navigation on his phone to the address she had given. It was a very swanky neighborhood and both he and Sasha’s mouth dropped when the GPS lead them to the drive of the house Jennifer called home. It
was a mini mansion.

  “Wow! Daddy, $500 an hour gets you this much house? I know I want to be a chef!” Sasha said.

  Tony was a bit off put by what he was seeing. He had mentioned money over the cost of dinner last night, but he had no idea that she even had this sort of background. By the looks of things, Jennifer grew up in wealth. He had known the general area that she grew up in based on the school she had attended, but he had not expected any of this.

  He rang the doorbell to be greeted by a middle aged Hispanic woman in a maid’s dress. “I’ll get the door, Vella,” Jennifer said as she bounded down the stairs.

  “Hey, guys, come on in,” she said as casually as if asking if they wanted extra fries with their meal. He didn’t know why it made him uncomfortable, but he was. In the back of his head, he was tamping down the resentment of feeling as if she had not been honest with him.

  Sasha was not put off at all. “This is a great house, Chef Jennifer.”

  “Thanks, I grew up here. Come on in guys and meet my dad,” she said as she led them past the formal living room with white furniture, the formal dining room with plush white furniture and into a gigantic great room with a walk in fireplace that fed into a dream kitchen. Sasha’s mouth was wide open.

  Johnny Taylor looked up from the counter where he was cutting up chicken breasts to take a look at his daughter’s new guy. Never one to hold his tongue, he said what was on his mind. “You are white!”

  Tony smiled at him. “Yes, sir. I have been all of my life.”

  He watched Jennifer’s father wash his hands before he walked over to greet them both. Tony held his ground. “Mr. Taylor, this is my daughter, Sasha.”

  She extended her hand to shake his, and Johnny Taylor’s tight lips peeled back to reveal a set of oversized teeth. Jennifer was right, Gloria looked just like their father. “Nice to meet you, Sasha. You can call me G-Pop,” he said.

  Jennifer’s eyes rolled up in her head. “Good grief, Daddy, you just met them. How can you have her call you G-Pop?”

  “She is the closest thing I have right now to a grandchild. A man has to start somewhere, especially since my daughters will not grace me with the beauty of having my own flesh and blood grandbabies. Sasha here will have to fulfill that need,” he said with sadness in his eyes.

  “Tony, can I get you something to drink? A soda or something?”

  “No thank you, sir. I’m fine. Can I help with anything?”

  Johnny turned to face his daughter’s new man, “You any good on the grill?”

  “Yes, sir, what do you need me to do?”

  “Head out on the patio and get it fired up so I can get this chicken on. Sasha, you come with G-Pop and help get the salad started, then Jennifer can show you the house,” he told the child, who was happy to lend a hand.

  “Yes, sir, G-Pop!” Sasha said with enthusiasm. Great, she is fueling his fire.

  Tony stepped out onto the patio and he didn’t know why he was shocked, but it wasn’t a standard grill – it was an outdoor kitchen. He also could not take his eyes off the very large covered in ground pool. It was difficult to keep his focus when he really wanted to strip down and jump in the pool and swim a few laps. A private pool is so nice. When he was growing up, the only thing they had were summer camps the church sent them to where he would get to swim in the lake.

  He worked diligently and soon the gas grill was nice and hot and he stood on the patio, hands in his pockets, taking in the peacefulness of the back yard and the meticulous landscaping. Johnny walked up silently and stood beside Tony, asking, “Nice, isn’t it? I always imagined this yard filled with tons of kids and friends and family. I mean when they were growing up, there were plenty. As they grew into adult women, I hoped by now this yard would be full again with my grandkids.”

  “It is still early, Mr. Taylor,” Tony told him as he gazed longingly at the pool. Before anything more could be said between them, Gloria arrived with Katie Mae and two hellions that made a beeline for the pool. The two boys stopped only long enough to remove their shoes before they dove into the water.

  Johnny looked about like he was being invaded by the Japanese at Pearl Harbor. Sasha heard the kids and the splashing in the water and ran outside. “Whoa! G-Pop, you have a pool? Can I swim, Daddy? Can I get in?”

  “You don’t have a suit, sweetie,” Tony told her as the two boys climbed out, ran around the pool and did a cannon ball into the water.

  “There are some suits in the pool house,” Johnny told him. “Just make sure that door is closed when you are in there changing, young lady.”

  “Yes, sir, G-Pop,” Sasha said as she took off to the mid-sized building that was more like a small two-bedroom house and located a one-piece suit. Tony was watching his daughter and Johnny’s eyes were focused on Katie Mae. Tony didn’t need to turn around to know what his future father-in-law was staring at. The woman was wearing a low cut blouse over a bikini top.

  “Daddy, this is Katie Mae. In the pool are her boys, Raja and Domini,” Gloria said.

  Poor Johnny had tried to keep his eyes upward. He even tried to focus on his daughter, but the pull of the eye to all of those boobies was too much for the old man. “Good Lawd, girl, you can feed an African Village with those things!”

  Tony nearly choked. Gloria’s mouth was wide but Katie Mae took it as a compliment and flung herself at Johnny, hitting him chest first with all those tatas. “Oh, Daddy, you are funny just like Gloria said. She told me you were a straight shooter.”

  “Why in the hell is she calling me Daddy, Gloria?” Johnny asked and Tony turned his back to stifle his laughter. “And who are these people?”

  “Daddy this is my friend, Katie Mae,” she arched her brows at him when she said friend.

  Johnny was not looking at Tony, whose cheeks were flaming red as he tried to hold in the gut-busting laugh that was threatening to overtake him. He excused himself to go and get the chicken to place on the grill, but Johnny followed him inside.

  “All I ask is to be put on the granddaddy playing field before I close my eyes and meet your dear mama in Heaven. Is that too much to ask?” Johnny said out loud to anyone who was listening although he was looking at Tony.

  Jennifer was prepping the corn for the grill when she looked up at Tony. “Careful, he wants something.”

  Tony lowered his voice. “What makes you say that?”

  “If you knew my mama, you’d know that woman was not in Heaven,” Gloria whispered. She had come inside, as well, as Katie Mae dove into the pool with her sons.

  “Tony,” Johnny said as he picked up a football. Where it had come from was an entirely different question that Jennifer was not going to ask. Knowing her father as she did, he had purchased it especially for this moment. It was a prop. A visual speaking aid that was going to sell some point he was about to make. “I just want to get in the game. I want to be a granddad. Can you help an old man out, son?”

  Tony inhaled deeply and expanded his chest, flexing his arms and doing deep knee bends. “If I’m put in the game, coach, I will give it the old college try.” He pulled his knee up to his chest in a stretch.

  “That’s what I’m talking about, Tony! Commitment,” he placed the football in his grip holding it out for a rallying cry. “On three, Tony, give me a go, fight, win, son,” Johnny said as Tony gripped the football and in unison, the two counted to three and yelled out, “Go, Fight, Win!”

  Jennifer was beyond done. “Can this day get any crazier?”

  He heard a familiar sound from the pool and Johnny ran to the back door and began to yell at Domini and Raja. “You two get your hands off my grandbaby!” The boys were ganging up on Sasha in the pool and trying to hold her under water. Vella had gone out back to carry towels to the pool for the kids as she too was trying to stop the boys. Sasha was holding her own.

  The doorbell rang as Gloria headed to the front door and Tony headed out the back to check on his daughter and the chicken on the grill. Katie Mae was floating
on her back or her boobs were floating her, he was uncertain, but Tony tried not to stare, but he felt Gloria was a better man than him to tackle all that woman.

  “Who’s at the door, Gloria?” Jennifer yelled. Gloria rounded the corner with her cell phone camera ready pointing it at Jennifer.

  “Well, who is it?” she asked again.

  “Your husband. Say cheese,” Gloria said as she snapped the expression on her little sister’s face. At first, Jennifer thought she was kidding until she looked up and saw Michael standing in their kitchen.

  His deep baritone filled the air. “Hello, Jennifer.”

  Love does not hurt...

  It was a surreal moment as she stared at the man she had been married to for two years. He looked the same as he had when she handed him the divorce papers and moved into the guest room – blank. That was the thing about Michael. He was an actor, an empty slate waiting to be affixed with a purpose, or someone to yell at him, “action.” It seemed the only way the man knew what to do or how to do anything was when he was taking on a role.

  Still no words were formed as she stood behind the counter and eyed him with a curious stare. Now that she had something substantial to compare him with, Michael as a husband was coming up short. She had only known Tony for almost two months and felt closer to him than to this man that she had invested two and a half years of her life into. She didn’t hate him. Instead, she felt a deep-seeded pity. He would never know what love was, because in his world, love hurts.

  He had hurt her, sometimes intentionally, other times by acts of omission or attrition. His actions ate away at her self-confidence and her perception of herself as a woman. At one point, she actually believed it was her fault that he cheated because she was always too tired to fully give all of herself to him in bed. As she stared at him, a smile crept across her face along with the realization that truly, “It was not me, it was you.” They were not a good match. He didn’t see her and he could not feel her spirit. If you can’t feel it, then you can’t feed it. Tony fed her. She could feel him and it was grand.