Merch Girl

by Rebecca Lewis

  I opened my eyes and nodded, speechless.

  “If we go any further we’ll get arrested,” he joked.

  He grabbed my hand and helped me back up on my feet. “We’re going to Miami in the morning to do some radio thing, do you want to come?”

  “Actually, I was hoping to spend some time on the beach tomorrow before the concert.”

  “No problem, get your tan on, I see,” he said, smirking.

  We returned to the hotel and went our separate ways. I promised Devin I’d spend the night with her again.

  “Call me tomorrow,” I said.

  He leaned down and kissed me goodnight. “Of course.”

  I whipped out my phone as soon as he left and called Trina. I knew she might not want to hear about love right now, but I had to tell someone!

  Her phone rang, but she didn’t pick up. She didn’t return my text from last night either. I hoped she was okay.

  Devin and I woke up late the next morning, but we still had a few hours to spend on the beach before the show. We sat next to each other on the hotel’s comfortable beach chairs and soaked up the hot, Florida sun while reading tabloid magazines from the gift store.

  “I’m worried about Trina,” I told her. “She’s not answering my phone calls or texts.”

  “What happened? You never really told me…”

  “Oh, yeah,” I said, not sure if I should tell her about Trina and Griffin’s ordeal. “Well…”

  “I already know everything about you and Logan.”

  “Yeah, but, Trina’s very private,” I explained.

  “I won’t tell anyone, I promise,” she said.

  “Well, the gist of it is, she and Griffin really liked each other and then he broke her heart and she left the tour in Atlanta and I haven’t heard from her since.”

  “Wow,” she said, shocked.

  “I know; it sucks.”

  “I had no idea they were even together, they were a lot better than you and Logan are at being secretive.”

  “Oh, thanks!”

  “Well, now your fight with Logan makes more sense…”

  “Yeah, I was mad that Griffin had moved on so fast, especially to some groupie whore,” I explained.

  “I didn’t like that about Ryan either, I’m not even sure I like him anymore, now that I know that about him.”

  “I really don’t think they’re like that. I think they’re just heart broken right now and saw those girls as a way to forget about their relationship issues.”

  “Oh my God!” Devin yelled, shoving one of her magazines in my face.

  “What?” I shot up from my chair.

  “It’s you!” she screamed.

  I grabbed the page from her. The headline read, New Pop-Rockers Lansdowne Aren’t the Clean Teens They Appear to Be, and included the photos of Logan and me from Jenna’s camera.

  “Their publicist is gonna flip out,” I said. “Oh my God, my mom can’t find out about this! She’ll make me come home right away.”

  “Okay, relax; breathe,” Devin said. “Your mom probably doesn’t read this magazine, and who knows, this might help them gain fans.”

  “I’m gonna be known as Logan’s drunk girlfriend.”

  “No one will think that,” Devin said.

  My hands shook and my heart thumped rapidly. I took out my phone and called Logan.

  “Hey, it’s me. Oh my God, There’s a magazine, and they printed Jenna’s photos of us in New York, and they’re saying you guys are trashy and I don’t know what to do,” I rambled into the phone, frantically.

  “What? Slow down, repeat.”

  “A magazine printed incriminating photos of us,” I explained. “What do we do?”

  “I’ll call Holly, okay? But, this sort of stuff comes with the territory; you just gotta roll with it.”

  “Okay, I’ll try,” I responded, forcing myself not to hyperventilate. I hung up the phone and stared at the magazine. I’d always been known as the good girl. I’d never done anything bad in my entire life. If this was my mark on the world, it just didn’t seem like a fair representation.

  “People will think you’re cool, partying with Lansdowne, don’t sweat it,” Devin said.

  My peaceful day at the beach was turning into the most stressful day of my life. I tried to relax, but I couldn’t get my mind off my tinged reputation. I didn’t regret that night in New York; it was an amazing experience, but I didn’t want the whole world to see what I thought was a private moment.

  We left the beach and readied ourselves for the concert. It was easy for Logan to shake the whole thing off; he didn’t have to go to college and get a real job in the future like I did.

  The bus took us to the venue downtown. It was hot and sticky out, but there were still a lot of fans waiting outside. When I stepped off the bus, all the girls turned and stared at me. I bet they all thought I was a skank now.

  We unpacked the merchandise and saw the guys come in for their soundcheck. I brought the magazine with me and showed the page to Logan.

  “Wow, we look pretty bad,” he said, laughing.

  “This isn’t funny!”

  “Oh, come on. Who cares what other people think, you and I both know we had a great time that night.”

  He just didn’t get it, and I wasn’t even the slightest bit amused at the situation.

  “Sorry, I’ll figure something out, okay?” he said.

  I nodded and he left to join Ryan and Griffin on stage.

  I could swear I heard most of the fans whispering about me, at least that’s what it felt like. I was relieved when the concert finally started. I tried to keep my mind off of all the drama and just listen to the music. Devin and I danced together in our booth. We were inside the stage area instead of in the lobby and we had a perfect view.

  Seeing Logan up there, with the lights shining over his head and his hands caressing the microphone stand ever so slightly made me want him even more. I imagined myself in the place of his mic stand, with his hands sliding down the sides of my body. I’m sure that the rest of the audience was envisioning the same thing. Each time he combed his fingers through his hair, a few strands would fall down over his eyes, making him look even sexier. He ran around the stage and played to the crowd. The girls screamed and swooned over his every move. I could see the beads of sweat glisten from his neck; his tight t-shirt clung to his body like it was glued on. It just wasn’t normal for someone to look so incredibly good while perspiring!

  “I’m going to miss this,” Devin said.

  “Miss what?”

  “I’m going home tomorrow. I only planned to tour the East Coast, and now that it’s over, I’m heading back up to Boston.”

  “What?” I screamed. “You’re leaving me all alone?”

  “You’re not alone,” she said, nodding over to the stage.

  “You know what I mean,” I told her. “I’m going to miss you! Even though we haven’t known each other long, I feel like I’ve known you forever.”

  “I know,” she agreed. “We’ll definitely get together when you get back home.”

  “Of course!” I said, hugging her tight.

  The rest of the concert went by too fast, and I was dreading selling merchandise to the fans after the show. Devin helped me get through it, and the line moved pretty quickly so I didn’t have time to notice if I was getting many dirty looks. Maybe it was a good thing Trina wasn’t with me right now; she might have yelled at everyone for talking shit about me, which would have only made the situation worse.

  “Is it almost over?” I asked.

  “Only a few more,” Devin said. “Why don’t you start packing up and I’ll get the rest and meet you on the bus.”

  “Are you sure?”

  She nodded.

  I walked through the crowd of fans outside, keeping my eyes on the pavement, and knocked on the bus door. The driver opened up, and I quickly climbed up the steps. I just wanted to crawl into my bunk, close my eyes, and pretend this magazine i
ncident never happened.

  I heard a knock on the door and saw it was Devin. I let her in and sat down in the front lounge with her.

  “Don’t be sad,” she said. “You’re the luckiest girl on earth right now.”

  “Then why do I feel so crappy?”

  “Because you’re letting other people get to you, and you shouldn’t,” she advised. “All those girls are just jealous; they all want to be you! You should take it as a compliment.”

  “Yeah, I guess so.”

  “It’s true,” she said. “I don’t want to leave you alone, all depressed, so pretend you’re happy for my sake, okay?”

  I smiled. “I am happy; I just hate to be hated.”

  “No one hates you, they’re just wicked envious.”

  “Maybe.” I looked over at Devin and threw my arms around her. “I really am gonna miss you!”

  “You too!” she exclaimed. “You can call me whenever you need to, and you better keep me updated on everything, I am a blogger after all.”

  She walked off the bus and I hid away in my bunk again. I could hear the girls screaming outside and the sound made me sick. I popped in my earbuds, hoping my music would drown out the fans, and tried to fall asleep, but my racing thoughts kept me awake. I scrolled to a Lansdowne song and listened to Logan’s voice flow through my ears; it helped calm me down.

  “Great show,” I heard someone say.

  I poked my head out of my bunk and saw Robyn walk down the hall, followed by Logan.

  “Thanks,” Logan said.

  I hopped out and leaned against the row of bunks.

  “Hey, where’s your friend?” Robyn asked me.

  “She had to leave, she’s driving back up to Mass,” I explained.

  “That’s too bad; I wanted to congratulate you guys on selling a record amount of merch tonight!”

  “Kick ass,” Logan said and gave me a congratulatory hug.

  “Wow, I’ll let her know, for sure.”

  “Keep up the good work,” Robyn said, and moved past us to the back of the bus.

  Logan immediately threw his arms around me again and pushed me back against my bunk, pressing his lips into mine. I didn’t try to resist him, but after a few minutes I was a little uncomfortable.

  “Wait,” I said, pulling my face away from his. “You’re kind of crushing my back.”

  “Sorry!” he said. “Let’s see if Robyn will trade places with us.”

  “I can hear you guys,” Robyn yelled from the back.

  She got up and met us in the hall. “Just remember, this bus is small, and I don’t want to hear things I shouldn’t be hearing if you know what I mean.”

  “No worries,” Logan said.

  I raised an eyebrow at him.

  “I’m good at being quiet,” he whispered.

  “Actually, I was hoping we could talk,” I told him as he pulled me onto the couch.

  He held me tightly in his arms, and at that moment, I felt like I could say anything and he would understand.

  “I’m all ears,” he said.

  I was nervous to tell him my thoughts, but I had to get it all out in the open. “I feel like all your fans think I’m some sort of skank that hooked up with you after I was drinking, and I hate that they don’t know the other side of the story. They don’t know that we really have feelings for each other, and I’m not just some sort of groupie.”

  His blue eyes looked straight into mine as he responded softly. “I told you not to worry about what other people think, all that matters is what you and I both know.”

  “What other people think does matter, to me at least.”

  “It shouldn’t.”

  “I’m going to college soon, and I don’t want to be known as the band slut. I want to be able to make friends without people judging me.”

  “If someone is going to judge you, then they’re not worth it anyway,” he explained. “A real friend would take the time to get to know you as a person, not just something they read in a magazine.”

  What Logan said made sense, but it still didn’t satisfy me, and I wished he understood where I was coming from. He shook his head and looked away from me.

  “I’m sorry, I can’t help the way I feel.”

  “Don’t be sorry,” he said. “I’m just trying to make you understand that you’re an amazing person, and…”

  I knew what he was trying to say, but I didn’t want to hear anymore.

  “Thanks,” I said, cutting him off. “I understand, I guess my mind just gets in the way.”

  “I know a way to turn your mind off.” He sent a shiver down my spine as he kissed my neck and breathed heavily into my ear.

  “We can’t disturb Robyn,” I whispered.

  He held his finger up to his lips, and pulled my shirt off. I tore his off just as fast. I looked up from beneath him, and saw the definition of perfection looking down at me. My fingernails traced down his toned arms. He grinned, and closed his eyes. I wanted to tell him that I loved him; it took every ounce of strength in me to hold the words back. The phrase ran through my mind over and over, and when I looked at his face, so full of pleasure, I was afraid the words would run up my throat and spill off my tongue. I was waiting for him to tell me he loved me first. If I told him, and he didn’t feel the same way about me, I’d be devastated.

  He was right, I did think too much. I tried to shut my mind off, and concentrate on this god of a man that was caressing my body like the microphone stand I wished I was only hours before. Devin said it best; I was the luckiest girl on the planet, and I was just beginning to believe it.

  Chapter 14 – New Orleans

  By the time we arrived in New Orleans it was time for the band to do soundcheck. Logan ran off the bus and I was all alone. No Trina, no Devin. I was friendless. I shouldn’t complain; there were thousands of girls who would gladly trade places with me. I tried calling Trina, but she still wasn’t answering her phone. I was really concerned, but didn’t want to call my parents and have to explain everything that was going on. I was afraid they’d make me come home if Trina wasn’t with me.

  But, what if the cab she took to the airport drove off the highway, into a lake, and she drowned? Or maybe she was kidnapped and she was out there somewhere in trouble. My mind always went to the worst case scenario. I had to calm myself down and try to think rationally. Maybe she was just shutting herself off from the world so she didn’t have to hear a word about Lansdowne.

  I left the bus and unloaded the boxes of merchandise. Robyn found me inside the venue and helped me set up the merch display. I tried not to look her in the eyes; I wasn’t sure if she heard Logan and me fooling around last night. I prayed that we were quiet enough.

  She looked up at me after a while and laughed. “Don’t worry, I slept just fine.”

  “Oh, good,” I said, nervously.

  Soundcheck ended, and Logan ran up through the venue to visit me in the back. “Hey, merch girl!”

  “Wanna buy a t-shirt?” I joked.

  “Hmm, I’m pretty broke. How about you take off the one you’re wearing and we’ll call it even?”

  “You’re horrible.”

  “But you still like me,” he said.

  “Maybe,” I replied, coyly.

  “See you after the show,” he said, and gave me a quick kiss before running back to his band mates.

  It’s official, he’s the best boyfriend. Ever.

  The doors opened and I tried my best to ignore the fans’ whispers and evil glares. I hoped they would just buy merch and leave me alone. I was thankful when the show started and all eyes turned to the stage. The concert was amazing as usual, and just like all the other nights it went by way too fast. Robyn came over to help me sell merch at the end of the show, and before I knew it, it was time to pack up and leave.

  “You okay?” Robyn asked as we walked back to our bus.

  “Been better.”

  Robyn opened the cash box to count up the sales for the night. “Talk to me
.”

  I took a seat across from her and opened up. “This was supposed to be fun; the tour and being with the guys, and...” I paused, thinking of how to vocalize my thoughts coherently. “It is fun, but it’s not what I envisioned, and it’s majorly sucking not having Trina here with me. I miss her, and I haven’t heard from her since she left. I’m worried.”

  “Mmmhmm…What else? I’ll be your Oprah, you can tell me anything.”

  “Okay, well, I try to ignore the fans, and their obvious hatred towards me, but it’s really hard, and I feel like Logan doesn’t do anything to help the situation.”

  “What can he do?”

  “I don’t know,” I answered. “But it would be nice if he stuck up for me and told the fans to respect his girlfriend.”

  Robyn raised an eyebrow at me. “Unlikely.”

  “Yeah, I know.”

  “You have to try your best to remember that Logan’s with you, and he’s not going anywhere; be confident in yourself,” she said.

  “I try, I really do.”

  “And, concerning Trina, trust me, don’t worry about her.”

  “How can you be so sure?”

  “I talked to her the other day.”

  “What? Why would she talk to you, and not me?” I asked, furious.

  She laughed. “Calm down. I was helping her plan something…but I’m not going into any further details, so don’t even try it!”

  How could she ignore me and talk to Robyn instead? What the hell was going on? She better have a damned good explanation for this.

  “I’m sorry, I made you more upset than you were before,” she said. “So much for being Oprah.”

  “It’s okay,” I replied. “It helped just to have someone to vent to.”

  We heard a knock on the door and the driver pulled it open. Logan practically ran up the steps to greet us.

  “Hey guys,” he said, sliding into the booth next to me.

  “We made bank tonight,” Robyn said.

  “Nice,” he replied, grabbing for the cash. “I could use a new leather jacket, maybe some Ray-Bans…”

  Robyn slapped his hand away. “Yeah, right.”

  Logan pouted. He was too cute.

  “Come watch a movie with me,” he said, grabbing my hand and pulling me to the back.