by Geri Krotow
This was a woman who knew who she was and where she wanted to go. More important, she knew she was capable of getting there.
“Hi.” She gave him a half smile and he wished her eyes would stay connected with his. Instead, she turned aside and waved him in.
“I’m just getting some last-minute things done.”
“Hi, Max.” Robyn walked up from the sunken family room, grinning widely. “Where you taking my sister today?”
“Don’t mind her, Max. She’s nosy.”
Max smiled back at Robyn. “I’m going to make her work for her lunch. Lots of hiking.”
“Sounds like fun. At least the weather is cooperating.” Robyn winked. “Although if it gets cold I’m sure you know how to handle it, being a nature guy and all.”
Max chuckled.
“Really, Robyn? How old are you, twelve?” Winnie wasn’t amused as she grabbed her bag and called out, “Come give me a hug, girls!”
Maeve crawled up the steps from the family room and then toddled over to Winnie, but went right past her mom to Max.
“Hi, baby girl!” Max lifted her up and planted a kiss on her cheek. He’d never tire of her sweet scent, the chubby hands that patted his face.
Krista came up and watched the family scene.
“Hi, Krista.” Max balanced Maeve in one arm and held open the other in invitation.
“Hey, Uncle Max,” she said, readily accepted his hug.
This is what it can be like.
“Where’re my hugs?” Winnie stood with her small backpack and waited for her daughters to remember that she was part of their family, too.
“Sorry, Mom.” Krista grinned and shot Winnie a sheepish look before she hugged her.
“Be good for Aunt Robyn and—” Winnie pulled back “—help her with Maeve, okay?”
“Okay.”
Winnie held out her arms to Maeve. Reluctantly, Max let her go.
Sam sat by the front door, his gaze alert.
“Bye, baby.” Winnie bent down and kissed the top of Maeve’s head, then handed her to Robyn.
“You’re making the rounds today, sweetie.” Robyn smiled at Maeve and then looked at Max. “You’d better go now before the wailing starts.”
Max laughed. “I don’t believe it. These girls are the best behaved I’ve ever met.”
On cue, Maeve began to fuss.
“Let’s get out of here.” Winnie collected her hat and hurried toward the door.
“Have fun, you two.” Robyn had to shout the last two words as Maeve’s displeasure at her parents’ leaving turned into all-out sobs. “Sorry, Sam, you’re staying home today.”
Winnie closed the door behind them and paused on the front step. “Phew. That’s always tough.”
“I had no idea. Does Maeve usually get that upset when you leave?”
“Most times she does. And of course Krista’s not so thrilled, either. They sense we’re going to have fun, do something without them, and they don’t like it. They’re kids.”
“Will you be okay?” He didn’t want her worrying about the girls all through their afternoon together. This was an opportunity to forge their new friendship; Winnie’s anxiety wouldn’t help either of them.
“Are you kidding? This is my freedom! Race you to the truck!”
He followed a step behind and watched her hips sway in her hiking clothes. He shook his head. Winnie was unpredictable as hell.
* * *
“IF I’D KNOWN WE WERE going back up north I could have met you at your place.” She’d watched his profile as he drove through Oak Harbor and then past Dugualla Bay. He looked more relaxed than he had in five weeks—since she’d first gone to his house with Sam.
“Isn’t it time someone did something for you, Winnie?” He shot her a brief smile before returning his attention to the road, keeping an eye out for deer. Although smaller than the average North American deer, the Whidbey Island variety was big enough to cause a deadly accident.
“I don’t need anyone to do anything for me.” She heard her own words and cringed. “That sounded too harsh, didn’t it? What I mean is that I’m okay with meeting you halfway. I don’t expect you to cater to me. If anything, I should be doing more than my share after what I did—or rather, didn’t do.”
His eyes narrowed but he didn’t take his gaze off the road. “Today’s not about what either of us did or didn’t do. It’s about us working on a friendship that we’re going to need to get through raising a daughter—two daughters—together.”
“All right.” She exhaled. It wasn’t really all right, but she couldn’t argue with him. And the disappointment she felt at his declaration that this wasn’t going to be a “date” was something she didn’t want to examine at the moment.
Let it go.
“You really don’t know how to relax, do you, Winnie? You’re always ‘on,’ whether it’s for the girls or your work with Sam or your business. You didn’t really answer me earlier. When’s the last time anyone did anything for you?”
“My family does a lot for me.”
“Really?” His eyebrows arched. “I’ll concede the fact that Robyn is babysitting today, and your parents obviously help with the girls from time to time. But how often do they come to your home to do it? And how often does anyone drive you anywhere?”
“Why should they?”
“It’s not a matter of ‘should,’ Winnie. It’s about allowing someone else to do something nice for you.” He pressed on the brakes as the traffic slowed to a stop. His glance took in her expression.
“I’m not talking about the touchy-feely stuff I’ve learned in counseling—that we all have to take care of ourselves first. That’s a given.” His gaze dropped to the curve of her breast before he turned back to the traffic.
This was never going to work if he looked at her like that again.
“I’m talking about letting yourself be pampered, indulged a little bit. Getting a break. How many dates have you been on since Tom died?”
Her head jerked back. “Dates? How can I have time for dates when I’m taking care of so much, as you say? And this isn’t a date—you made that clear.” The air seemed to close in on her and sweat dripped down her back.
The line of vehicles started to move again and Max shifted into gear. “Exactly. So relax, Win. We’re going to have a nice afternoon together and do what friends do. Talk. Maybe even laugh.”
Relax. Everyone was telling her to relax.
“Okay, got it.”
As a younger woman she might have interpreted the cold, then hot, sensation in her gut as anxiety. Or fear. But she knew beyond a doubt what it was.
Sexual tension.
She looked at him as he drove. Max was steady as ever, driving and shifting gears. No beers at a pub this afternoon, no reminiscing about Tom today. They were here together, for the girls.
But the girls had nothing to do with how alive she felt as she sat next to him in his truck.
* * *
MAX TURNED INTO THE entrance to Deception Pass Park and pulled into an empty spot. He shut off the engine and turned toward her. “I thought we’d hike for a bit, work up an appetite, then eat on one of the trails on the other side of the bridge.”
“Fine with me.” She really just wanted out of the truck; it was too close and she needed fresh air to keep her head clear.
They locked her purse in the car and headed over to Deception Pass Bridge, which spanned the narrow river that divided Whidbey and Fidalgo Islands, and connected the Strait of Juan de Fuca to Skagit Bay, which lay to the east of Whidbey.
“You know why Captain Vancouver named this Deception Pass, don’t you?” Winnie stopped at midspan, taking in the sheer drop to the water below. Cliffs covered in rich green firs framed either side of their view all the way to the Cascades.
“Because it’s deceptively calm water?” Max’s reply made her smile.
“Are you joking or do you really not know?”
“I’m not kidding.” His
straight face convinced her.
“Because until then he, I mean Vancouver, thought that Whidbey was a peninsula.”
“I’m sure the natives could have set him straight.”
“They set a lot of settlers straight over the years,” she said, referring to the instances of conflict between Native Americans and settlers. Whidbey’s history wasn’t as idyllic as the current panorama implied.
“I never get tired of flying over this—it’s magnificent from the air. You’ve seen it, right?”
“From the air? No, never. I drive to Bellingham or Seattle to catch any flights. I’m not a small-aircraft kind of girl.”
“They’re safer than driving off-island to the mall.”
“Maybe so, but I feel better staying on the ground whenever possible.” She didn’t want to talk about her flying phobia with Max. It had affected too much of her life already.
There was a silence between them. Then, although she hadn’t planned to, Winnie asked, “Do you miss flying, Max?”
He gently grasped her elbow and started them walking forward again. They fell into a brisk but comfortable pace.
“Sure I do. But I’m still doing some flying. It’s only the Navy missions I’m done with. Even when I get a clean bill of health I’ll be too senior to fly for the Navy anymore.”
They continued to walk.
“I fly at least two or three times a week,” he said.
“You have your own aircraft?”
Max smiled. “Aircrafts. I have one Cessna I like to get up in to see the sights, and I have a seaplane that’ll eventually be part of my fleet of interisland aircraft.” He paused. “I’ve been on my own all these years, Winnie. I have money for my toys.”
Neither of which sounded like any fun to Winnie.
“Which direction should we take?” He switched the conversation back to their walk.
They’d reached the other side of the bridge and Winnie knew some trails but not many. She never brought the girls here; it was too dangerous, with steep drops just inches from the edge of some paths.
“What do you suggest, Max?”
“Let’s head down to the left, and wind our way back into the forest a bit. We can find a bluff to sit on and eat our lunch.”
“Do you hike a lot?”
“Not like I used to, but yeah, walking’s helped keep me limber and I think it’s helped me heal.”
Winnie held on to tree trunks as they followed a narrow dirt path that twisted through trees and underbrush. The woods grew dark and shadowed, and they both stayed silent as if taking in the serenity. After a half hour or so, she could imagine there was no water around them—until they climbed up a sharp incline and arrived at a substantial ledge.
“Careful as you come forward.” Max reached back for her hand and she grabbed it. Heights still scared her. She was generally okay if it was a familiar path but she’d never been this way before.
“Okay, just a few more feet.” Max’s voice steadied her enough to remain focused on the beauty around her rather than the threat of a sudden sheer drop.
They cleared a clump of trees and the ledge opened into a small meadowlike area. But as Winnie walked beside Max, she saw that it was an illusion—the meadow didn’t roll into the distance. Instead, after a few yards, it dropped off to the sparkling water below them. They faced the northern tip of Whidbey with the bridge to their right and the Cascades to their left.
“Here, sit down.” Max had shrugged off his backpack and removed his outer fleece layer, which he spread on the ground.
“Wait, let me take off my vest, too. We had quite a good workout and I’m hot!” She unzipped her vest and laid it down, then joined him on the ground.
“I’m afraid to look over the edge. Does it go straight down?”
“Not exactly, but close enough.”
“Okay, I’m going to look, but I’m crawling over. Don’t make fun of me.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it.” He opened his backpack and started to pull out their meal.
Winnie crawled forward on her hands and knees, and got herself into a push-up position on the edge of the grass. She lowered herself to the ground and peered over.
“Oh!”
Max hadn’t exaggerated. It wasn’t a straight drop down—there were other similar ledges under them, although smaller and narrower, like little steps down to the rocky beach below. At the moment, it was shrinking, being overtaken by the tide.
She saw that they’d descended almost three-quarters of the way down the edge of the Fidalgo Island southern cliffs. She could all too easily imagine falling down the cliff’s side. Winnie closed her eyes to shut out the feeling of vertigo.
Max’s hand rested between her shoulder blades. “You’re safe here, Winnie. Come back from the edge.” His voice and touch chased away her dark thoughts.
Winnie pushed herself up and, with Max’s arm around her waist, returned to their picnic site.
Max poured her some sparkling water. “I thought of bringing some wine but I think water is better for this kind of hike.”
“Thanks.” She accepted the paper cup and took a long gulp. “And you’re right about water versus wine.”
“Now, do you want brie or blue cheese with your baguette?” He smiled, and she knew she’d remember this moment forever. His eyes glinted with the brilliant sunshine, and the only tension between them seemed to come from her own attraction to him. She’d get over that, wouldn’t she?
They were friends. And friends they would remain.
* * *
THEIR LUNCH IN THE IDYLLIC setting was perfect. Winnie couldn’t recall a time she’d been so relaxed since Maeve was born, if not earlier.
They talked about the girls, of course, but also about each other. Winnie’s fiber business and Max’s dream of his own miniairline. Winnie tried to ignore the ache in her gut when he talked about the kick he got out of flying a small aircraft in challenging weather conditions.
“We’ve discussed just about everything, Winnie. But we haven’t touched on one of the most important.”
She swallowed. “Okay. You go first.”
“We still have this chemistry between us.”
“Maybe. But it’s nothing we can’t ignore until it goes away, is it?” She turned to face him. He looked up at a bald eagle that made lazy circles in the middle of the pass.
“I sure hope we can. We’re going to have to.”
She agreed with him but it didn’t stop the twinge of sadness she felt at his words.
“The night of the Air Show was a surprise to me on so many levels. I tried to rationalize it—I thought maybe it came out of our talking about Tom and bringing up the old hurts. But it’s still here, and I have to tell you I’m not comfortable with it. Tom was my buddy, my colleague, and Navy rules are clear—you don’t mess with your shipmate’s girl.”
“Your shipmate is dead and I’m not a girl.” Had she just said that? She heard his sharp intake of breath and held up her hand. “Hold it.”
She took a deep breath. “I didn’t mean that I disagree with you. It’s weird for me, too. You were Tom’s best friend, and I put you in the ‘brother’ category for many years. That night we made love, was equally…shocking for me.” She paused for a few seconds. “Even if we didn’t have the history and the Navy connection, I don’t ever want to bring another man into the girls’ life on a casual basis.”
“I’m not casual, Winnie.”
“You know what I mean, Max. I’m okay with you being around them as a father figure. As more, no.” Why were they even having this conversation when he’d never forgive her for her betrayal and she’d never be able to get over his choice of a career?
In his silence she read his anger at her, his resentment that she’d compared him to a mere acquaintance.
“Max, you know I’ll never be serious enough about anyone to make him part of the girls’ lives.”
“I believe you have the best intention for them, yes.” He spoke quietly, with pu
rpose. “Do I believe you’ll never meet anyone that you’ll want to spend your life with, make a commitment to? No. There’s no way you can predict that, Winnie. If we’ve learned anything from what we’ve been through, it’s the unpredictability of life.”
The easy peace they’d shared was gone and replaced by the friction caused by regret and hard cold facts.
“It’s a miracle we’re even out here together, that we’re working through this.” She whispered the words but he heard her. She knew from the way he grasped her shoulder.
“Yes, it is.”
She turned to face him, expecting to see a grim look of distrust.
Instead, she caught a brief glimpse of his mouth before he leaned in and kissed her.
* * *
HE’D SWORN HE WOULDN’T kiss her, wouldn’t touch her as more than a friend. But when he’d seen the look of complete remorse on her face, he moved to comfort her on instinct.
That instinct was going against every rule he’d set for himself with Winnie. But rules didn’t matter when he had her tongue in his mouth and her head cradled in his hand.
She whimpered under his kiss and he pulled back a fraction of an inch.
“I’m sorry, Max.” Her eyes gazed into his and he realized the salty taste of her lips was from her tears. He knew she regretted her uninhibited response to his kiss.
“So am I. I’m sorry I started this.” He bent back to her, needing her, needing to feel her against him.
“No, Max, we can’t.” She kept her hands on his chest with a light pressure.
“We are doing it, Winnie.”
“I know, but…it’s only going to make things too complicated, and it’s not good for the girls.”
The girls.
“Right.” He drew back and made sure she was firmly seated before he dropped his arms.
Without a word they packed up the remainder of the lunch and started their hike back to the car. He wanted to punch his fist against a tree trunk, or throw a large rock down into the water.