Love Lyrics

by Mary Haskell Curtis

  The first morning Ashley awoke in her parents’ home, it took her a few seconds to orient herself. At first she felt misplaced. Then, as she gazed around the familiar room, much as it had been when she’d moved out over a dozen years before, the feeling changed to one of comforting familiarity. Tempting smells of perking coffee and sizzling bacon offered major incentives to get up and start the day. She sat up and stretched, sliding her feet into the slippers on the floor. She was excited at the prospect of visiting with her family and seeing old friends.

  It didn’t take long for her to shower and dress in jeans and a shirt and sweater. She tied her sneakers, then headed downstairs.

  Her mother stood by the stove, her dark blue cotton dress covered by a white apron, turning the bacon, then lifting it out and placing it between two sheets of paper towel. Such a nostalgic sight. For a moment, Ashley felt as if she’d never left. Doris Grainger looked up from her chore as her daughter entered. “Good morning, dear. Did you sleep well?”

  “Umm-hmm. Very well. The only thing that bothered me was all the silence.”

  Her mother laughed. “I can well imagine. How on earth you sleep through all that New York racket is beyond me. Want some bacon and eggs?”

  “Sounds great. Can I help?”

  “No thanks, dear. I’m so used to having my kitchen to myself that someone else fussing about just confuses me.”

  “Where’s Dad?”

  “Out in the garage, trying to fix that old snowblower. Foolish thing never starts up when it’s needed. Honey, maybe you could pour the orange juice, then call him. These eggs will be done in a jiffy.”

  When the three of them were seated around the table, Mr. Grainger said, “Isn’t this nice, having our daughter at home with us? You should stay on for awhile, Ashley. Do you good to breathe some clean air and go to bed early. Could stand to put a little meat on your bones, too. You’re awfully skinny.”

  She smiled at him. “Daddy, I’m skinny on purpose. That’s the fashion.”

  “Fashion. Humph. Bunch of anemic-looking people running around in New York. Bunch of strange-looking ones, too. Doesn’t seem like a healthy atmosphere for a young woman.”

  “Now, Daddy, let’s not start that again. New York has some perfectly nice, normal inhabitants. And it’s where I happen to work. It’s been very good to me, and I like it just fine.”

  Doris broke off a piece of toast and spread it with some of her homemade strawberry jam. “Well, you’ve made quite a name for yourself. You have a lot to be proud of.” Ashley chewed a little faster so she could swallow and say thank-you. Praise for her career from her parents hadn’t been frequent. But before she could say anything, her mother changed the subject. “We were certainly disappointed to miss Zachary.”

  Ashley took a sip of her juice and replied, “He was sorry to miss you, too. He said to be sure to give you his best.”

  Ashley could almost smell the question that was coming. “Honey, your father and I, well, we sort of wondered what the situation is with you and Zachary. I mean, do you think he’s at all interested in marriage now, or was that chance lost?”

  That chance lost. Ashley stared down at her plate, taking her time chewing her bite of bacon. Her mother and father had only the best of intentions. They would have no idea how much it hurt her to realize that, to them, everything she’d accomplished — the acclaim, the wealth, the fame; having a hit show on Broadway; having people stop her outside the theater for her autograph; being recognized and, as Matt would put it, fawned over, in the restaurant she’d taken them to for dinner — paled beside the loss of the opportunity to marry someone like Zachary Jordan. There was more than the decor of her old bedroom that hadn’t changed. Why did it make her want to cry? After all, she didn’t feel so hot about losing that opportunity either. It was just, well, it would be awfully nice, just once, to hear one of them say: “Zachary’s a wonderful man. But how could you bear to abandon that marvelous career after you’ve worked so hard to get where you are?”

  “He’s still interested, Mother, but don’t start sending out invitations. We still have all the same problems we had before, so we’re taking it one day at a time, to see if there’s any solution.”

  Her father put two slices of bread in the toaster and pushed the lever. “Just seemed to us that, well, you’ve had a chance to do all you wanted to do. Might be a good time to move on. After all, nature does have a way of taking away options. You might regret not having a family.”

  She looked from one loving, concerned face to the other, overwhelmed by her inability to find a reply. Of course she’d regret that. She’d regret not marrying the man she loved. She’d regret missing the showers and the wedding and buying a house somewhere in suburbia. But why couldn’t they understand what it would do to her to give up her career? Why was it supposed to be so damned easy to discard something of that magnitude simply because she was born female instead of male? She had to swallow hard to halt the rise of bitterness. “We’ll just have to see how things work out, that’s all.”

  The dulling of both pairs of eyes bespoke their disappointment. Their only daughter was still driven by the fire in her belly. She could read the question on their faces. When in the world was she going to stop all that nonsense and settle down? She put down her fork. Her appetite was gone.

  Ashley forced a note of cheerfulness into her voice. “I thought I’d go over to Jim and Audrey’s house a little early. Audrey said I could come over and play with the baby before everyone shows up for lunch.”

  At the phrase, “play with the baby,” two sets of eyes lighted up, sparked by hope. She had a terrific urge to stamp her foot and shout “Get off my back!” — but she knew it would be less than useless. Their values were so set that nothing was going to change them. A woman’s main function was that of wife and mother, period. And, she knew, they were prompted only by their love for her and concern for her happiness. Those were hard motives to fault.

  Her mother smiled indulgently. “That’s a good idea. You haven’t seen little Kathy for a long time. You won’t believe how she’s grown.”

  “She must be adorable.”

  Her father nodded. “She is that. I’m afraid she’ll be spoiled rotten, with two sets of indulgent grandparents. Time for her to have a little competition for our attention.”

  She was not going to get back into that! “Well, I imagine Jim and Audrey will be thinking about a little sister or brother for Kathy pretty soon.” Ashley jumped up, cup in hand, and went to the stove. “Either of you want another cup of coffee?”

  “Yes, dear, thank you. Wasn’t it nice of Audrey to invite some of your old school friends over to see you? That should be quite a reunion.”

  Ashley nodded. “It sure will. Do you realize it’s been six or seven years since I last saw Edie, or Joanne, and longer than that with Helen.”

  “That’s right, she’s been living out in Wyoming, hasn’t she? Did her husband get a new job back here?”

  Ashley couldn’t resist. “Oh, no. They’re getting a divorce.” She lifted her eyebrows in a show of sympathy. “Not all marriages work out, you know.”

  It was fun to see her old friends. They oohed and aahed over Ashley’s fabulous success story, and Ashley relaxed into the role of visiting celebrity, enjoying the attention without chastising herself for doing so. Matt would say she was learning. But that subject was soon exhausted and Ashley was relieved to have it finished.

  During lunch, they roared over tales of shared high school high jinks. But before long, the conversation moved on to the things that were clearly foremost in their minds. Husbands, babies, new houses, a few tidbits of gossip. As the afternoon wore on, Ashley felt increasingly cut off. Their lives were so drastically different from hers. She glanced around the neat, comfortable house that her brother, the doctor — the one with an acceptable fire in his belly — had provided for his family. It was home
y, tasteful, inviting. She’d had a wonderful time playing with little Kathy; and there was no denying the maternal urges she awoke.

  Ashley couldn’t help projecting herself into this scenario. How would it feel to live like this, as one of the women, getting together to gossip and compare notes on being a wife and mother? She sat quietly, listening and observing and trying to imagine herself in the circle. It was appealing: no stress, no craziness, no all-night writing sessions, no terrifying first nights or mind-boggling hitches to iron out, no . . . excitement. The word was there, unbidden. Damn. In any case, she reminded herself, life as Zachary’s wife would be different from this. But would it really? In the ways that mattered? She was back at the beginning, with too many unanswered questions.

  The gathering broke up with lots of hugs and vows to get together again soon and lots of promises to come to New York and see Ashley’s play, which she knew wouldn’t really happen. Ashley was left with the old homily, “You can’t go home again.” She had changed, moved on. Her life wasn’t necessarily better or worse, but it was certainly different. And no matter how nostalgic she felt about this beguiling life-style, it wasn’t hers. She was far more at home in her madcap New York surroundings. God, growing up was hard sometimes.

  When she arrived back at her parents’ house, her mother’s eyes were shining with delight as she announced, “Zachary called you, just a half hour ago. We had a real nice chat. Such a nice man! Oh, he left a number. Said he’d be there for a couple of hours.” She bustled over to the telephone table to get a notepad. “Now you go right ahead and call him, don’t worry about the cost!”

  Ashley took the pad, smiling at her mother’s undisguised enthusiasm. “Thanks, Mom. I’ll put it on my charge.” Her mother’s lips pursed. Charging anything was suspect. But her face quickly relaxed into the pleased expression. Clearly, as long as her daughter returned the call, all else could be forgiven.

  The moment Zachary’s voice sounded on the other end, all of Ashley’s discomforts disappeared. “Hi, Zach. I’m glad you called.”

  The low rumble of his voice wound through her, an instant balm. “I needed to hear your voice. I’m lonely.”

  She blinked, amazed to feel the wetness of tears. “Me, too. Very lonely.”

  “With your whole family around?”

  “Yes.” It was fruitless to attempt an explanation. She’d discuss it with him later, when they were together, and when she’d had time to try to sort it out. “How are you doing? Can you come back soon?”

  “I’m flying out tomorrow.”

  “That’s wonderful!” Relief flooded through her. “Can you come to New York? If not, I’ll meet you in Boston.”

  She could hear the pleasure in his voice. “That’s a very nice offer, but I can stop in New York. Ashley, another business matter has come up.”

  “Oh?” Relief was suddenly clouded by dismay.

  “One of my clients has asked me to attend a special party celebrating the reopening of his hotel. I helped iron out a very messy problem between him and his former partner. He bought the partner out, did some massive remodeling and has just reopened. He wants to celebrate.”

  “That’s very nice.” Ashley tried to keep the disappointment out of her voice.

  “There’s one little addendum: This hotel’s in Cancun, Mexico, which has a delightfully sunny climate. I hear it’s a terrific place to unwind, lie on the beach, snorkel, swim, screw around. . . .”

  “Zachary! Are you saying what I hope you’re saying?”

  “I just might be. I see no reason why we can’t both go to this party, then stay for awhile. Say a week?”

  She could feel her face light up in an all-encompassing smile. “I’d love it! When can we go?”

  “The sooner the better. Would your parents be too upset if you left tomorrow? I need to get an Ashley-fix before I go home to pack.”

  “Believe me, my folks will be very understanding as long as I’m going somewhere with you.”

  “Very wise, those two. Here’s the plan. I’ve booked us through Miami to Cancun on Friday morning. I’ll get to New York on Tuesday afternoon, so I can go home Wednesday to pack and sort out business details while you do the same. Then I’ll fly back and stay with you Thursday night, and we’ll leave from La Guardia Airport at 9:00 a.m. Friday. Does that sound okay to you?”

  “Okay! It’s wonderful! Perfect! Marvelous!”

  “Does that mean yes?” He was chuckling.

  “Yes, yes and yes. I have nothing but yeses to say.”

  There was a very brief pause. “All right. I won’t take advantage of this opportunity to slip in a tougher question. In fact, why don’t we vow to leave all the toughies alone for awhile and just have a thoroughly relaxed, pleasurable vacation?”

  “Let’s do — I’d like dealing with nothing tougher than what to eat for breakfast, whether to go swimming or sailing. . . .”

  “So be it. See you tomorrow, love.”

  Ashley was right. Her parents didn’t object at all to her leaving them to join Zachary.

  The moment they entered the lobby of the Mendez Hotel, Ashley could feel herself begin to relax. The Spanish architecture, with its soothing combination of stucco and tile and large potted plants, created a wide-open feeling, enhanced by great stretches of glass visually connecting it, in every direction, with the outdoors. The colors were pastel, soft and cool. Everyone was very casually dressed and there was a noticeable lack of rushing. Looking straight through the lobby, Ashley could see a ribbon of white sand and the gleaming blue of the ocean beyond.

  They had scarcely stepped inside when a voice called, “Zachary!

 

  Mi amigo!” A tall man with brown skin further darkened by the sun and a brilliant smile that split his face and creased it with pleasure hurried forward to clasp Zach in a hearty bear hug.

  “Carlos, how good to see you.” Zachary returned the hug, then stepped back to take a good look at the man. “You look terrific — much better than the last time I saw you.”

  Carlos laughed, his eyes crinkling up with appealing humor. “Sí. I was one unhappy man then. Now, you can see, it is much different.”

  Zach turned to Ashley. “Carlos, meet Ashley Grainger. Ashley, this is my friend, Carlos Mendez.”

  Ashley’s hand was being pumped in a joyous burst of enthusiasm. “I am very happy to meet you. You are, Zachary tells me, very famous.”

  She grinned. “Maybe not all that famous, if he had to tell you. I’m delighted to meet you, Señor Mendez.”

  “Por favor, Carlos. What is it you say? A friend of Zachary’s is also a friend of mine?” Ashley had no time to reply before he went on. “He saved my hotel . . . and so he saved my life! I am most grateful!” He held up his hand and snapped his fingers, calling to a bellhop for assistance. “Come, we take you to your rooms. You must get into something cool.”

  Ashley followed the others, enjoying the obvious affection and esteem in which Carlos held Zachary. They got off the elevator at the tenth floor, the hotel’s top floor, and walked to the end of the corridor. Carlos unlocked the door and handed Zach the key. “Here you are, mi amigo. Stay as long as you are able, with my compliments.”

  Zachary, after a brief hesitation, smiled and clapped Carlos on the back. “Thank you, Carlos. It’s extremely generous of you. Ashley and I are both badly in need of a rest.”

  Carlos beamed his pleasure. “Ah, then our island is the right place. Sleep, swim, take in the sun, eat and sleep some more! You Americanos run too fast. You must learn to take time. What is the word?” He frowned in concentration, then his face creased again in the wonderful smile. “Stroll! That is it. Stroll instead of run. You last longer.” The bellhop had placed all the bags inside and, with Carlos’s nod of permission, left them. “Now, I go. I will see you tonight at the party?”

  “You w
ill see us.”

  With a deep bow to Ashley, Carlos headed back down the hall and turned the corner to the elevator.

  They watched until he disappeared from view, then entered the room or, as it turned out, rooms. Ashley gave a little gasp as they looked around. “I do believe, my love, that your friend has given us the penthouse suite.”

  “I do believe you’re right. I was wondering whether to protest the extravagant gift, then decided it would offend him if I did.” He indicated the rooms with an expansive gesture. “Like I told you — stick with me, kid.”

  Ashley wandered through the sumptuous living room, with sliding glass doors leading onto a wide balcony overlooking the ocean, into a large, elegant bedroom, which, in turn, led to an elaborate bath and dressing area, complete with whirlpool, sauna and a shower with more heads than a centipede had legs. “Gotta hand it to you, Mr. Jordan. You have the right kind of friends.”

  Zachary joined her, catching her up in a light embrace. “And there’s more. There’s another bedroom and bath on the other side of the living room, with the same layout, and there’s a refrigerator full of cold drinks and a telephone nearby for room service.”

  “Gadzooks, we could hole up for days.”

  “Exactly what I was thinking.” He turned her to him. “Do you believe that we’re actually here, away from all outside pressures, for eight whole days?” His eyes took on a wickedly sensual gleam. “I have a terrific idea; why don’t we unpack our suitcases, and then use the shower in this bathroom, the whirlpool in the other, toss for the sauna and try both beds to see which one we’ll sleep in?”