To Kill the Duke

by Sam Moffie

  “When you come out, they are watching you,” Mickey said.

  The famous “they” that Americans are always referring too, he thought as he continued to keep a watchful eye out on his investment, on Ivan, and on finding Johnny for setting up the next hit on Wayne. Amazing that even a powerful man like this believes in conspiracies, Alexei mused.

  “The fucking Feds and the IRS won’t leave me alone!” Cohen shouted to Alexei.

  And Alexei now knew that Cohen wasn’t a conspiracy buff. He was literally being watched by the government at every turn, because the government wanted every penny that was owed to them by any man like Mickey Cohen.

  “I need to make some money,” Cohen said with a shrug. “Legit money,” he added.

  “That’s the only way it would be with us, Mr. Cohen,” Alexei said.

  “Call me Mickey,” said Mickey. “Can we walk down the street and find a nice, quiet bar that has a nice, quiet booth where we can have a nice, quiet talk?”

  “Lead the way, Mickey,” Alexei said, obviously knowing that Cohen had thought this out and had a place in mind.

  “Johnny has learned his lessons well,” Mickey said as they arrived at a bar and he gestured to the booth he wanted Alexei sitting in.

  “I’m sure he had a lot of lessons to learn and a great teacher,” Alexei said, making sure to butter up to Cohen.

  “You’re a very bright boy. But one of Johnny’s teachers is his girlfriend, the actress. She’s the one who pushed him into the movie business,” Cohen said.

  “A smart move by a smart lady,” Alexei said.

  “I wanted to go into the same business a long time ago, but got sidetracked by setting up the race wire in Las Vegas for some friends back East,” Cohen said.

  “What type of movies?” asked Alexei.

  “Not the kind you’re making with Johnny. The kind that will bring us big money and all of it legit,” Cohen said with a grin as wide as his waist.

  A waitress came over and Cohen did all the ordering. Alexei kept quiet and let him do all the talking.

  “Skin movies… naked women having sex with naked men, naked women having sex with each other. It’s the future, and the overhead is very low,” Cohen noted.

  “Yes, no budget for costumes,” Alexei said.

  Cohen laughed so hard at Alexei’s remark that he started to choke on the bread he had just eaten. Alexei came to his rescue and hit Cohen’s back in the middle to dislodge the food. Cohen thanked him… thought about Alexei’s remark, and broke out laughing again.

  “Don’t forget Mickey, the set would be pretty cheap, too. Just a bedroom,” Alexei said.

  And Mickey choked again, because he started laughing at Alexei’s comment. Alexei motioned for Cohen to raise his hands high in the air so the water that was causing the choking would properly drain down Mickey’s throat.

  “Are you a doctor? I hear they have so much money, that they invest in the movies,” Mickey said.

  “No. Just picked things up being observant,” Alexei said.

  “Well, you will love observing these movies being made, and love observing our bank balance grow even more,” Cohen said.

  “I enjoy women. Not so sure I want to make a movie where I have to watch naked men, though,” Alexei said.

  “After lunch we will grab your partner and go for a demonstration. Stompanato will meet us,” Cohen said.

  “Great,” Alexei said. “I have some things I need to discuss with him.

  They finished their lunch and walked back to the set, where Alexei found Ivan and Barney in a deep conversation over their gangster movie.

  “Let’s go,” Alexei said to Ivan.

  “Where are we going?” Ivan asked.

  “I’ll explain in the car.”

  “Is this something we should be doing?” Ivan asked Alexei, after Alexei told him about what Mickey Cohen wanted.

  “It’s worth a look, if nothing more, to keep a man like Mickey Cohen off our backs. Besides, we still need Stompanato to help us and Johnny Stomp works for Cohen,” Alexei said.

  “This town is all about connections,” Ivan said sarcastically.

  “Life is all about connections,” corrected Alexei. “On to the Mickey Cohen show.”

  Alexei knew where the movie house was located. He had driven by it many times when he had to send or receive cables. He smiled as he drove by the grocery store and saw those three boys out front working very hard at their new jobs.

  “Where are we going?” Ivan asked Alexei.

  “A place called ‘The Foster,’” Alexei answered.

  “Never heard of it,” Ivan said very sarcastically.

  “Toughski shitski,” Alexei said.

  He pulled their car into the parking lot of what had once been a magnificent movie house. Now, it looked like any old building in the neighborhood.

  “Amazing how everything seems to go down the toilet at the same time in parts of America’s cities,” Ivan said as he exited the car and stretched his body by the car.

  “So, you’re now a sociologist along with being a movie maker and spy?” Alexei said in the same sarcastic tone that Ivan had just used.

  “No. I have become quite an observer,” Ivan said.

  And what they were observing at The Foster Theater was nothing new to large metropolitan areas in America. People were making better money and moving away from their roots in the big city. The highway and the automobile made it that much easier. Developers were fast at work creating smaller cities and townships with everything that their old cities had — but the new places were safer, fun and brand, spanking new.

  No one was going to The Foster for ‘B’ movies let alone ‘A’ movies anymore. Mickey Cohen knew that and so did the people who owned the theatre. That is why they were showing skin films. That is why the theatre’s parking lot was pretty full on a weekday mid-afternoon. That is why Mickey Cohen had asked to meet Alexei and Ivan at The Foster.

  “What a dump!” Ivan said as they entered the lobby.

  “I don’t know; some curtains, a few flowers and it might show better,” Mickey Cohen said as he stepped from the shadows of the lobby.

  “Why is it so dark in here?” Ivan asked Cohen.

  “I don’t answer questions of people I haven’t been introduced to,” Cohen snarled.

  “This is my partner,” Alexei said as he gingerly pushed Ivan toward Mickey.

  “Why didn’t you say so?” Mickey said, as he pumped Ivan’s outstretched hand. “I’m Mickey Cohen.”

  Ivan nodded.

  “It’s dark in here, because no one wants to be seen in here,” Mickey said as he gestured for the two partners to follow him.

  Alexei and Ivan walked behind Mickey Cohen, who trotted up the stairs that were connected to the front lobby.

  “Going to the projector room — Mr. Projectionist,” Alexei said sarcastically to Ivan.

  “Toughski shitski,” Ivan said back.

  “Right here, boys,” Mickey said as he pointed to a rather large balcony. “First row. Sit down and tell me what you think.”

  “Be honest,” said another voice from the shadows, which both Alexei and Ivan recognized as the voice belonging to their partner Johnny Stompanato.

  “It smells in here,” Ivan noticed.

  “It’s a lot bigger in here than I thought,” Alexei said.

  “Schmucks!” Cohen yelled at them. “How did you guys make so much money?”

  “Focus on the obvious,” Johnny Stomp suggested to Alexei and Ivan.

  “I am,” said Ivan. “It smells really bad in here.”

  “I have to agree with my partner. It really does stink in here,” Alexei said.

  Cohen motioned to Stompanato to come closer to him. Johnny did and they engaged in a conversation by whispering in each other’s ears for a few seconds.

  Alexei rolled his eyes.

  Ivan shrugged his shoulders.

  Mickey and Johnny returned to their seats. “Look how many fucking men are
in here in the middle of the day,” Mickey said to them as he pointed down to the main theatre.

  Both Alexei and Ivan looked down to where Mickey had pointed.

  Now they knew why Cohen had called them ‘schmucks.’

  Now they knew why Mickey had brought them here.

  Now they knew why so many men were in a very dark movie theatre in the middle of the day watching what appeared to be very bad movies with naked men and women groping and falling all over each other.

  But now they both really wondered why did it stink so badly in the theatre?

  “Because sex smells,” Cohen said. This made both Ivan and Alexei recoil. They were both hoping that this guy couldn’t read minds.

  “Smells like money,” Johnny Stomp added, which made Ivan and Alexei relax. Mickey Cohen didn’t read their minds; he answered their question on what stunk in the theatre.

  “There’s a lot of money to be made in this skin business. The problems are that the movies are terrible and distribution is even worse,” Mickey said. “That is why I’m coming to you guys with a suggestion.”

  “What is your suggestion, Mickey?” Alexei asked.

  “That you guys throw the gangster movie into the garbage and go into the skin movie business. I have already cleared this with Johnny. He understands,” Cohen said.

  Alexei and Ivan looked at Stompanato, who nodded that he ‘understood.’

  “Well, when do we get started?” Ivan and Alexei asked in unison.

  After they arrived back at Seven Zeros, they gathered up all the film that had been shot for their lousy gangster movie and threw the rolls into the dumpster.

  “We should burn it,” Alexei said.

  “I agree,” said Barney.

  “Seems to be something I can’t get away from,” Ivan said with a shrug of his shoulders.

  Initially, only Barney Rumberg was happy with the switch from low-budget Seven Zeros movies to skin films. Of course both Mickey and Johnny were happy, because they made very easy money. After a while, Ivan became the happiest. Alexei didn’t get that involved. He was too busy leaning on Stompanato to lean on Lana for another shot at John Wayne.

  Barney liked the switch, because there were none of Johnny Stomps’ ‘friends’ around eating all the food, not showing up, stealing props and forgetting their lines. Rumberg also liked that the skin flicks were filmed in one room (a bedroom) and that he could reuse the same wardrobe over and over again.

  “That’s okay, Barney,” Alexei once told him. “But wash those sheets… hourly.”

  Ivan liked the switch, because for the first time in his life, he became sexually active. This wasn’t difficult, because it was Ivan who was in charge of hiring the actors and actresses for the roles in the skin flicks.

  Ivan’s first casting call for the male lead in Seven Zeros first skin film — titled I Slept with a Communist didn’t go over very well. The young man showed up to Ivan’s office for the interview and the script reading on time. Right away Ivan noticed that the man was too good looking for his own good and that was probably why he was struggling up the actors’ food chain of roles.

  “Really good-looking men in Hollywood take a lot longer to make it, if they make it all,” Ivan had been told by another producer.

  “Why? I thought looks sold tickets,” Ivan said.

  “Because the men with power in this town don’t like being threatened,” the producer said.

  “How does a good-looking male actor threaten people with power in Hollywood?” asked Ivan.

  “Because the men with the power fear that they will lose the better-looking actresses that they are sleeping with to the good-looking actors, which they do, but won’t admit. It’s another control thing,” the producer warned Ivan.

  “’Control thing?’” Ivan asked.

  “If there is a ‘thing,’ they will ‘control’ it. Trust me,” the producer said.

  And now Ivan knew that this extremely handsome young man in his office, who probably was only ten years younger than himself, was being ‘controlled’ by people he didn’t know, and that is why he was in the office of Seven Zeros for a role in a skin flick.

  “Even naked actors and actresses have to eat,” Alexei said to Barney and Ivan when they were going over the budget.

  “Not if you want to keep them thin, so people buy the tickets to see them naked,” Barney said.

  “I’m with Ivan,” said Barney. “You want to call your next film ‘Flesh, Flesh and More Flesh?”

  And they all laughed at the title Barney Rumberg had just come with up and agreed to a very thin food budget for the making of the film.

  Ivan started to read the resume of the actor when he heard what he thought were clothes hit the floor.

  “Well?” said the actor.

  “Well, what?” replied Ivan as he slowly looked up from what he was reading to see that he had thought right. Except for shoes and socks, the actor was naked. He also had a very large penis that Ivan noticed didn’t have a hammer and sickle tattooed on it. He also noticed that the man’s rather large penis was circumcised, which for Ivan was odd. For you see, Ivan Viznapu was uncircumcised and only knew the difference after being in a locker room with the former Trotsky Number Seven — Barney Rumberg — who was Jewish and thus circumcised.

  “Are you Jewish?” Ivan seriously asked the actor, who broke out into a loud laugh.

  “I’m going to like working for you, sir,” the young actor said. “Do you want to give or receive?”

  “Give or receive what?” Ivan asked.

  “My cock of course,” the young man said.

  “Neither. Put on your clothes. Do you seriously think I want to have sex with you?” Ivan asked. “By the way, can’t you afford underwear?”

  The actor laughed again as he put on his clothes. “Yes to both questions.”

  “I’m going to hire you for your looks, not sex,” Ivan said.

  “You mean I don’t have to suck or fuck to get the job?” the actor asked Ivan.

  “Why, is that how you have been finding work?” asked Ivan.

  “When I do find some work… yes,” the actor said quietly. “Most of the time it’s with a man, sometimes with a man and a woman.”

  “And if you don’t?”

  “I can’t afford underwear.”

  “We start next Monday. Go down the hall and see Mr. Rumberg,” Ivan said as he wondered what was going to happen when he started to cast the women for the movie. But he knew the answer to that one and it wasn’t toughski shitski.

  Being a very fast learner, Ivan quickly granted no more one-on-one interviews to the other male actors waiting to be cast for his movie. He called the other twelve men into his office, and made them read from the script in front of each other. He thanked them all and circled the names of the other five he needed for the various parts, and then he told his secretary to call the lucky ones to inform them that they were hired as well as what was expected of them once the shooting began. He went to search for Alexei and couldn’t find him. He went to look for Barney and couldn’t find him either. So, he went to lunch and eagerly awaited the interviews with the women who wanted to be in his skin flick, I Slept with a Communist.

  The first girl that Ivan interviewed was too young. He had been impressed by her resume and her photos. But, when she arrived in the office, he could tell she was in her teens and told her so. She broke down in tears, because she needed the part… and the money. Ivan gave her $50 and told her to come back when she was ‘of age.’

  Alexi had taught Ivan that $50 went a long way in Southern California when it came to giving someone a little help.

  The second girl that came in was way too old to be taking her clothes off for the movies, let alone for money. Ivan thanked her and gave her $50 because he felt sorry for her.

  I’m starting to think and act like Alexei with all his compassion he thought as he waited for the third girl to walk into his office. At this rate, I’ll be broke before the day is over, he mu
sed.

  This time, he wasn’t disappointed.

  She was beautiful and she was chocolate-skinned. Being Russian, Ivan didn’t meet many Negros. Being Russian, he wasn’t prejudiced against any skin color, and was shocked to see how Negro Americans lived in the home of capitalism.

  “As bad as the poorest of poor people in Russia,” Alexei once remarked to both Ivan and Barney when they’d first settled in Hollywood.

  “Worse than the survivors of Stalingrad,” chipped in Ivan.

  “Almost as bad as the Jews under Stalin,” Barney said.

  And that was what is known as a conversation stopper.

  Since that first time driving around southern California looking for a building to house Seven Zeros and of course a place to live, Ivan hadn’t come across any Negro Americans. He had seen plenty of Mexicans, but no Negroes. Even the lousy neighborhood where The Foster was located didn’t seem to have many Negroes. It was only in that one part of Los Angeles, where they had gotten lost driving way back when, that he had seen them.

  He couldn’t really remember what he saw back then, but he certainly liked what he saw in front of him right now and it was doing something to him physically that he had never experienced. He was being turned on.

  “Excuse Miss. Are you a Negro?” Ivan asked her.

  And he again heard the unmistakable sound of clothes hitting the floor.

  “Just my bush,” she said with a smile and before Ivan could wink she had pounced. She put her breasts in his face, started to unbuckle his belt and tugged at his pants to pull them off. Ivan couldn’t say… didn’t want to say anything, and he started kissing her breasts. He felt himself getting a hard-on and was grabbing her ass when she pushed off him — letting go of his penis.

  “What type of dick is that?!” she demanded to know.

  He knew he couldn’t say ‘a Russian dick,’ he thought so he answered the next best thing. “It’s an American dick.”

  “No it isn’t, honey. I have seen a lot of American dicks and I have never seen one like that,” she said.