Endless December (Sleepless November Saga Book 2)

by Kelsey Clayton

  “Thank you, Emily.” He says, trying to be soft but his anger is apparent. “I’ve got it from here.” She nods and gives me one last sympathetic look before going into her room with Brandon.

  Holden and I step inside and he all but slams the door behind us. He goes into our suitcase and pulls out a pair of my shorts, underwear, and a tank top – tossing them onto the bed.

  “Get changed and then go to bed.” He demands, stripping out of his own clothes to put on dry ones of his own.

  I hesitantly untie my bathing suit, not entirely sure what to make of his cold tone. “So, we’re not going to talk tonight?”

  Taking his phone from his wet pants pocket and trying to turn it on, he scoffs and throws it into the garbage. “No, not when you’re drunk.”

  The two of us finish changing into dry clothes and climb into bed. Every inch of me screams for him to hold me, so that I know we’ll be alright, but I don’t say anything. While I love him and I understand his anger, I’m still hurt that he left me there. So instead of either of us trying to make anything better, he clicks off the light and we fall asleep with our backs to each other, for the first time in months.

  THE LACK OF WARMTH in the bed causes me to wake, noticing Holden isn’t on the other side of it. I glance at the clock, seeing it’s 6:15 in the morning. His phone still lies in the garbage can, but I don’t need to call him to know where he is.

  I throw on one of his sweatshirts and leave the room, getting into the elevator and pressing the button for the lobby. As soon as I get onto the beach, it only takes one look before I spot him – sitting alone and waiting for the sun to peak above the waterline.

  “Hi.” I greet him shyly as soon as I get close.

  He looks up at me only to look back down. “Hey.”

  Sitting next to him, I find myself completely clueless on what to say. “Couldn’t sleep?” I mentally smack myself for deciding on that.

  “Yeah, didn’t mean to wake you.”

  “You didn’t. The absence of you did.” He looks at me with fondness in his eyes and I know that all hope isn’t lost. “I’m sorry I yelled at you last night, and for flirting with that guy.”

  “Were you really going to leave with him?”

  “God, no.” I balk. “I would never do that to you.” He sighs in relief. “But, I meant what I said. You can’t keep going around punching people. You have to trust me.”

  He grabs my hand in his and holds it tenderly. “I do trust you. I trust you with my life.”

  “Then you need to trust that no matter who hits on me or looks at me in any way, that nothing is going to happen.”

  “Okay, I’ll stop. I promise.” He leans in to kiss me but I pull away. “What? What’s wrong?”

  “You left me alone, in a bar.”

  “I know. I’m sorry. I was mad. I needed to get away from there.”

  “Holden, there were drugs everywhere. We got into an argument and you just ditched!”

  He exhales loudly and drops his head down. “I’m really sorry. You weren’t alone though, I made sure of that.”

  “Made sure of it?” I repeat, confused. He nods, taking Emily’s phone out of his pocket and handing it to me.

  “Mine’s broken from jumping into the pool, but you can see the messages in hers.”

  Opening Em’s phone, I find a plethora of messages between her and Holden from last night. Every few minutes, he was asking for an update on where I was or what I was doing. He even made sure she knew to call him immediately if I went anywhere near a controlled substance.

  “When she told me about the bartender, I left immediately to come get you.” He explains. “I would never put you in danger like that.”

  As sweet as that may be, I’m still not okay with it. “Holden, leaving my female best friend with me alone in a bar hardly classifies as not being in danger.” He looks at me brokenly, and all my feelings of resentment dissipate – at least for now. Oh, the effect he has on me.

  I place my hands on his face and press my forehead against his. “Just, promise me it won’t happen again.”

  Relief washes over him. “Cross my heart, hope to die.”

  Chapter 30

  “Idon’t understand what’s going on with him. Since right after we got back from Cabo, he just hasn’t been himself at all.”

  I sit on the counter, swinging my feet and venting to Dawson while he switches out the coffee grinds. Sighing frustratedly, I run my fingers through my hair. Dawson gives me a sympathetic look, not really knowing what to say.

  “Have you tried asking him?” He wonders.

  “Of course, I have. He says it’s nothing but I know him better than that. He’s drinking almost every night, sometimes even by himself.”

  Dawson narrows his eyes slightly. “Well, that’s not good. Do you think it could have anything to do with the fight you had over spring break?”

  I shake my head. “Not that I know of. We talked through that.”

  “You’re just going to have to wait for him to tell you then, I guess.” He replies sadly. “I hope it’s soon though, for your sake.”

  “Thanks. Me too.” I sigh, returning to doing my job and racking my brain on what could possibly be going on with my boyfriend.

  THE NEXT DAY, I arrive at Holden’s after my two o’clock class lets out. As soon as I walk in the door, I see Caleb sitting on the couch. He gives me a look as I walk up the stairs, but I don’t think too much about it. Walking down the hallway, I can hear music blaring from Holden’s room.

  I open the door and cover my ears from the deafening sound. Holden lies on his bed, drinking Captain Morgan straight from the bottle. Looking at him in disbelief, I smack the stereo to turn off the music and rip the bottle from his hands. I’m shocked to see it’s almost gone.

  “Give me that back.” He slurs, reaching for the bottle.

  I pull it away and hold it just out of reach. “No. What the hell is wrong with you? It’s 3:30 in the afternoon!”

  He rolls his eyes and gets up from his bed, walking into the closet and coming out with a full bottle of Jack Daniels.

  “Fine, you can have it. I’ll drink this one.”

  Trying to grab the new bottle from him, it spills all over the front of me. “Holden!”

  “What?!” He scoffs. “Stop trying to take it. Now you smell like a cheap hooker.”

  “Wow.” I breathe. “What a wonderful thing to say to your girlfriend.”

  He doesn’t answer, instead taking a large gulp of straight alcohol. I can already tell he’s hammered, judging by the way he’s slurring his words and can’t stand still without swaying. Also, a sober Holden would never speak to me the way that he is. I sit down on the bed and place my bag next to me.

  “Can you please talk to me? Tell me what’s going on with you.”

  He shakes his head. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “Ever?”

  “I don’t know!”

  Tears build in my eyes as I look at the emotionless expression of the man who means the most to me. Just when I’m about to take my things and leave, his phone vibrates on the nightstand. Noticing the way his eyes widen, I quickly reach forward and grab his phone.

  New Message: Bianca Vanderlin

  I swipe it open and see that it’s not one of her unanswered messages like it was back in December – they’ve been having a conversation. I can only make out the words ‘It just really sucks…’ before Holden rips the phone out of my hand. My jaw drops and I stare at him blankly as I realize what’s going on.

  “Don’t touch my phone.” He snaps.

  I blink a couple of times, trying to find the right words. “So, you won’t talk to me, but you’ll talk to Bianca about it?” He doesn’t respond, instead deciding to click his phone off and put it in his back pocket. I stand up and push him backwards. “The same Bianca who tried to destroy our relationship?! Are you fucking kidding me?!”

  He looks down at the ground, but still shows zero emotion. “Y
ou don’t understand.”

  “I don’t understand because you won’t talk to me!” I shout. “How the fuck do you expect me to be there for you if you won’t tell me what I have to be there for?!” Taking a deep breath, I try to tell myself that he’s clearly going through something. I calm myself down and place my hands on his face. “Baby, talk to me. Please.”

  Holden grabs my wrists and forcibly removes them, putting them back at my sides. “Why don’t you just go snort something and leave me alone?”

  His words come out monotone, and I have to repeatedly convince myself that the man I’m talking to is the same man who has told me time and time again that he loves me. The pain that shoots through my body is unimaginable, and if I didn’t want to avoid looking pathetic, I’d crumble to the floor.

  “I’m done.” I whisper as he goes to walk away.

  He stops and turns around to face me again. “What?”

  I look him dead in the eyes as I repeat the words I never thought I’d say, but have never meant more. “I said, I’m done.” I enunciate every word. “You and I are over. Enjoy Bianca, I’m sure you’ll be very happy together. You two deserve each other.”

  Without giving him a chance to stop me, I run out of the bedroom and quickly make my way to the exit. As soon as I reach the door, I stop to see if he’s following me like he usually does – but he’s not. Caleb grows concerned and gets up to ask if I’m alright.

  I shake my head, letting the tears spill out. “Can you just take me home?”

  He frowns and nods, putting his hand on my back and leading me out to his car. As we pull away from the house, I let my emotions win and sob with my head against the passenger seat window.

  IT TAKES A FEW days before I force myself to stop crying and start moving on with my life. However, before I can do that, I need to go and get my things from the Kappa house. I’ve tried to have Caleb or Jason get them for me, but apparently, Holden has kept his room locked constantly – giving me no choice but to go there myself to retrieve them.

  “Do you want me to come in with you?” Dawson asks as we pull into the driveway.

  “No, that’s okay. Just wait here. I’ll only be a minute.”

  He nods and I climb out of the car – taking a deep breath to steady myself before I need to come face to face with the man I still love. I give Dawson one more sad smile before walking up the stairs and knocking on the door. Jason answers and sighs.

  “Kay, just because you and Holden broke up, doesn’t mean you have to knock.”

  I shrug. “It seemed like the right thing to do.”

  He frowns, opening the door to let me inside. “He’s upstairs waiting for you.”

  Trying to hold myself together, I let my feet carry me up the stairs and down the hallway. Once I approach his door, I find that it’s already open. My body instantly wants to turn around and run the other way, but I force myself to do this. I take a couple steps forward and into the room.

  “Hi.” He greets as soon as he sees me, standing up.

  Looking around the room, there are bottles everywhere. He looks like hell, but I can’t allow myself to care about that. He isn’t my concern anymore.

  “Where’s my stuff?”

  His smile falls and he gestures toward the two boxes near the window. I nod and go over to grab one, walking out of the room and bringing it down to Dawson's car. After putting it in the trunk, I go back in for the second. When I get back up to Holden, he’s sitting on his bed with his head in his hands. I walk over to the box and see my favorite t-shirt of his inside.

  “This isn’t mine.” I say, pulling it out and handing it to him.

  He takes it from me carefully. “I thought you’d want to have it.”

  “To be honest, I’d rather not have anything of yours.” I don’t mean to be rude, but I can’t help it – I’m hurt.

  Holden looks like he’s about to break as he reaches out and grabs my wrist. “Kayleigh, please don’t do this.”

  “I have to.” I reply.

  “You don’t though. I can explain everything. Just let me, please.”

  “No.” I yank my wrist from his hand. “I don’t want to hear it. You had your chance to explain, and you chose to talk to Bianca instead of me. We’re done Holden, for good this time.”

  Ignoring the tears streaming down his face, I grab the box and walk toward the door. Just before I leave, I stop and glance back at him.

  “We were supposed to be forever.” I whisper brokenly, feeling the pain as I see him begin to sob.

  With those last words, I leave - absolutely refusing to be broken any longer. Tomorrow’s a new day. Tomorrow, I take my life back. Tomorrow, I become me again.

  ONE WEEK GOES BY and let’s just say my pledge didn’t exactly go as planned. It’s been seven days without talking to Holden. He hasn’t tried to call or text. The only thing that tells me he still cares, is the way he texts Dawson to make sure I’m alright. I’m not even supposed to know about it, but it’s hard not to notice when his name appears on Dawson’s phone.

  I dry the mug and frustratedly put it down on the counter, groaning as it cracks. Dawson looks at me intently and grabs the dish towel from my hands.

  “That’s the third mug you’ve broken today. How about you just let me do it, okay?”

  I roll my eyes. “Whatever.”

  “You know…” Skylar starts. “If you’re regretting your decision so much, you could just go talk to him.”

  “No.” I reply abruptly. “He hurt me for the last time. I’m not going to let that happen again.”

  Sky and Dawson share a look but the sound of the door pulls my attention away. Jason comes in, smiling when he sees me. I walk around the counter and give him a hug; glad I didn’t lose him and Caleb in the break up.

  “How’ve you been?” He asks.

  I tilt my head from one side to the other. “Meh, been better, been worse. How about you?”

  “Can’t complain. Did you hear about the party tonight?”

  “At Kappa? Yeah, Dawson and Skylar are going. I think Bree might be there too.”

  He frowns sadly. “Not you?”

  “No.” I shake my head. “I don’t belong there.”

  “Oh, come on. You know you do.”

  I sigh. “I really can’t, Jase.”

  “Please?” He begs. “It’s my birthday. Just ignore Holden. If you want, I can even make sure he doesn’t say anything to you.” He puffs out his lower lip, blinking his eyes like a sad puppy.

  “Fine.” I cave. “But if he comes anywhere near me, I’m gone.”

  Jason cheers and wraps his arms around me. “Not a single word from him, I promise.”

  Once he lets me go, he takes out his phone and heads toward the door, shouting that he will see us all tonight. I lean against the counter and throw my head back.

  “So much for not seeing Holden.” Dawson remarks, yelping when Sky smacks him in the arm.

  WE PULL UP TO the house, everyone in the car looking at me to make sure I don’t crumble into a million pieces. If it wasn’t Jason’s birthday, I’d make Dawson turn around and drive me home right now. Instead, I give myself a second to breathe and get out of the car.

  “Just stay by my side. You’ll be okay.” Dawson tells me.

  I give him a knowing look. “I can’t cling to you, you’re engaged.”

  “Uh, hello.” Sky sasses. “It’s not like I’d think anything is going on between you two. If that’s what helps you feel better, hang all over him.”

  I give her thankful smile and we head inside. As soon as we get in the door, people start looking at me and whispering to each other. Apparently, word travels fast when it comes to the most wanted guy on campus.

  Looking in the kitchen, I can see Holden standing there talking to Jo and some other girl next to him. As the whispers make their way through the house, him and I make eye contact. I half expect him to try to talk to me, but instead he just frowns and goes back to talking to his sister. I guess J
ason kept his promise.

  Speak of the devil, the birthday boy comes up and wraps his arms around me – picking me up and spinning me around. “You came!” He shouts excitedly.

  “I told you I would.”

  Caleb comes up behind him and kisses my cheek. “How’re you doing?” He questions.

  Nodding, I play it cool. “Good.”

  If he knows I’m lying, he doesn’t call me out on it. “Glad to hear it.”

  In the middle of a conversation with Jason about them preparing for the NCAA Hockey Championship, I glance over his shoulder to see Holden with his arm around the girl he was with when I walked in. My stomach drops at the sight, and without a second though, I step closer to Dawson. He hesitates for a second but when he sees Holden, it clicks and he wraps his arm around my waist to pull me close. Jason gives us a strange look but when he glances back, it all clicks.

  “You two are exhausting.” He jokes, referring to Holden and me.

  The night goes on and it honestly starts to feel like a pissing war. However, I don’t think there is a single part of him that honestly believes Dawson and I are anything but friends. He knows he’s engaged, so despite the amount of physical contact between us, it’s obviously platonic. If he had left Skylar for me, she wouldn’t be here with us tonight. It isn’t until Dawson wraps his arms around me from behind, the same way Holden used to, that my ex looks like he got stabbed in the chest. I smirk victoriously and try to go on with my night.

  “What the fuck are you doing?” Josephine snaps, grabbing my arm and yanking me from Dawson’s hold.

  “What?” I ask, caught off guard by her anger. “I’m not doing anything he’s not doing.”

  She crosses her arms in front of her defensively. “Oh please, I think if anything he gets a free pass. I mean you broke up with him when he needed you the most.”

  “Needed me most? What the hell are you talking about?” I grow angry at her words. “Is that what he told you?! He wouldn’t talk to me! I asked him a million times to tell me what was wrong, and he wouldn’t tell me! Instead, he confided in Bianca about it.”